bimmerman330
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2008
- Posts
- 299
hi everyone,
im not sure if this is the right place to put this but i was wondering if i could get some feedback on this thing...
a literotica buddy of mine was having a bad day so i made this up on the spot to at least give her something to laugh about. the mission was a success
. i copied all my im's of the story and cleaned the grammar and punctuation up and here is the result. let me know what you think please 
Me, I’m the perfect mix of naughty and nice. Santa is always looking at his list marking me as, "if there's time I'll stop by his house." hahaha. I send him a letter every year and he sends it back with a big loogie in it the fucking bastard. Yeah, he wants to cross me off his list completely, but then I do things that are so freaking nice he can't just cross me off. Like when I took Mrs. Clause to her parents house so he wouldn't have to deal with his in laws hahaha. Oh and when the cops pulled us over while cruising in his sleigh, I took the blame for his pot.
Rudolph was drunk off his ass because Santa gave him a bunch of tequila. He was so drunk his nose was glowing blue. That's why the cops pulled us over. We were swerving, sleighing on the side walk, and driving with blue lights. We had three violations there. Santa panicked because of his two prior convictions for possession and asked me to hold his weed, said he'd make it worth my while, so I did. The cops came up to us and were like, “do you know why we pulled you over?” Santa said “cause you could smell the donuts in the back of my sleigh.” The cops had us get out of the sleigh and Santa pooped himself while he was being frisked hahaha. He then asked the cop “did that help warm your hands, you looked cold hahaha.” Rudolph got free and sneaked into the squad car and took off with it, haha the drunk bastard. He damn near hit me with the car as he drove off. Santa and I were laughing our asses off and the cops just got pissed and started beating us with their batons. Santa laughed because he was so high and so fat he didn't feel a thing. I was on the floor crying. Santa laughed and called me a bitch. Dancer was with us this whole time still attached to the sleigh. He was scared shitless. The cops hand cuffed us and threw us in the back of the sleigh and went to try and find Rudolph. The whole time we’re airborne dancer is peeing hahaha I shit you not, straight up golden showers under him hahaha. I swear I heard a girl crying when it got in her hair.
Anyways, so we did finally find Rudolph and he was all over the place. He had about twelve cop cars behind him and he was flipping the bird to them all, well, as best he could seeing as how he's got hoofs. So Santa and I are busting up in the back because Rudolph keeps dodging all the attempts at knocking him off the road. Rudolph climbs out onto the top of the car while it's going 85mph and starts dancing on the roof. Dancer is pissed now because Rudolph is going into his territory. So dancer nose dives and whips the sleigh right at Rudolph knocking him off the car. Finally, car chase is over. But Rudolph now takes off running with a limp forgetting he can fly because he's so damn drunk. The cops box him in with their cars and try to wrestle him to the ground. He's poking bitches with his antler pummeling and owning every officer that tries to bring him down.
Santa is finally coming down from his high a little bit and ask me , "did I shit myself cause this chair is warm and squishy as hell." I look at him with a frown and say, ”yeah man you did.” He's starts crying saying Mrs. Clause is going to kick his ass. She told him if he comes home with poop stains one more time she's taking a baseball bat to his knees. I motion for him to cry on my shoulder and he does. While he does I call him a bitch and laugh. All the while Dancer is breaking free of the sleigh. He gets loose, points at Rudolph and says, “were having a dance off right now.” He leans over and bumps the stereo on the sleigh, then starts busting all kinds of crazy break dancing moves. I don't know if you've ever seen a reindeer bust a move but it's freaking crazy. Rudolph does a Bruce Lee “oooooooo” and stares Dancer In the eyes and says "bitch, it's on now." Rudolph does a head spin on grass with antlers. I have no idea how he pulled it off but I stood up cheering. Dancer mule kicks me in the gut since I was behind him. Santa laughs now "damn son you just got served." After seeing this all going down on the news, Blitzen, flies down with an elf and tries to calm things. The elf gets the cuffs off me and Santa, then Santa chucks the elf and yells, “woooooooooooooooooo 20ft, come on Blitzen beat that.” Well elf tossing is Blitzen’s favorite game, so Blitzen runs over picks up the elf and chucks his ass 35 ft hahaha. The elf completely enraged now ties up all the reindeer with tinsel. He kicks Blitzen in the nuts for good measure. Santa gets down and kisses Blitzen’s boo boos, then realizes what he just did and starts throwing up. I laugh my ass off and high five the elf for making the night complete.
We pack up the reindeer and Santa as the other reindeer show up to tow us home. What a crazy night I tell Santa laughing. He laughs with me and then I ask, “how them reindeer balls taste?” He says “not bad but I like them better fried not raw” hahaha. So I ask him if were grilling when we get back to the pole and he says, “hell yeah. I'll call the misses and have her get it started.” He adds, “that'll give ,me time to dispose of these poop pants.” We laugh together and tell the elf to speed up. We finally get back to the pole and get the reindeer in their stables. Santa drops his pants and throws them in the incinerator. The elf smacks Santa’s bare ass and I laugh as he looks at his hand and it's covered in poop. The elf shrugs and wipes it on Rudolph as we leave the stables.” That was one hell of a night” I tell Santa and he agrees then says "same thing next week?"
im not sure if this is the right place to put this but i was wondering if i could get some feedback on this thing...
a literotica buddy of mine was having a bad day so i made this up on the spot to at least give her something to laugh about. the mission was a success
. i copied all my im's of the story and cleaned the grammar and punctuation up and here is the result. let me know what you think please Me, I’m the perfect mix of naughty and nice. Santa is always looking at his list marking me as, "if there's time I'll stop by his house." hahaha. I send him a letter every year and he sends it back with a big loogie in it the fucking bastard. Yeah, he wants to cross me off his list completely, but then I do things that are so freaking nice he can't just cross me off. Like when I took Mrs. Clause to her parents house so he wouldn't have to deal with his in laws hahaha. Oh and when the cops pulled us over while cruising in his sleigh, I took the blame for his pot.
Rudolph was drunk off his ass because Santa gave him a bunch of tequila. He was so drunk his nose was glowing blue. That's why the cops pulled us over. We were swerving, sleighing on the side walk, and driving with blue lights. We had three violations there. Santa panicked because of his two prior convictions for possession and asked me to hold his weed, said he'd make it worth my while, so I did. The cops came up to us and were like, “do you know why we pulled you over?” Santa said “cause you could smell the donuts in the back of my sleigh.” The cops had us get out of the sleigh and Santa pooped himself while he was being frisked hahaha. He then asked the cop “did that help warm your hands, you looked cold hahaha.” Rudolph got free and sneaked into the squad car and took off with it, haha the drunk bastard. He damn near hit me with the car as he drove off. Santa and I were laughing our asses off and the cops just got pissed and started beating us with their batons. Santa laughed because he was so high and so fat he didn't feel a thing. I was on the floor crying. Santa laughed and called me a bitch. Dancer was with us this whole time still attached to the sleigh. He was scared shitless. The cops hand cuffed us and threw us in the back of the sleigh and went to try and find Rudolph. The whole time we’re airborne dancer is peeing hahaha I shit you not, straight up golden showers under him hahaha. I swear I heard a girl crying when it got in her hair.
Anyways, so we did finally find Rudolph and he was all over the place. He had about twelve cop cars behind him and he was flipping the bird to them all, well, as best he could seeing as how he's got hoofs. So Santa and I are busting up in the back because Rudolph keeps dodging all the attempts at knocking him off the road. Rudolph climbs out onto the top of the car while it's going 85mph and starts dancing on the roof. Dancer is pissed now because Rudolph is going into his territory. So dancer nose dives and whips the sleigh right at Rudolph knocking him off the car. Finally, car chase is over. But Rudolph now takes off running with a limp forgetting he can fly because he's so damn drunk. The cops box him in with their cars and try to wrestle him to the ground. He's poking bitches with his antler pummeling and owning every officer that tries to bring him down.
Santa is finally coming down from his high a little bit and ask me , "did I shit myself cause this chair is warm and squishy as hell." I look at him with a frown and say, ”yeah man you did.” He's starts crying saying Mrs. Clause is going to kick his ass. She told him if he comes home with poop stains one more time she's taking a baseball bat to his knees. I motion for him to cry on my shoulder and he does. While he does I call him a bitch and laugh. All the while Dancer is breaking free of the sleigh. He gets loose, points at Rudolph and says, “were having a dance off right now.” He leans over and bumps the stereo on the sleigh, then starts busting all kinds of crazy break dancing moves. I don't know if you've ever seen a reindeer bust a move but it's freaking crazy. Rudolph does a Bruce Lee “oooooooo” and stares Dancer In the eyes and says "bitch, it's on now." Rudolph does a head spin on grass with antlers. I have no idea how he pulled it off but I stood up cheering. Dancer mule kicks me in the gut since I was behind him. Santa laughs now "damn son you just got served." After seeing this all going down on the news, Blitzen, flies down with an elf and tries to calm things. The elf gets the cuffs off me and Santa, then Santa chucks the elf and yells, “woooooooooooooooooo 20ft, come on Blitzen beat that.” Well elf tossing is Blitzen’s favorite game, so Blitzen runs over picks up the elf and chucks his ass 35 ft hahaha. The elf completely enraged now ties up all the reindeer with tinsel. He kicks Blitzen in the nuts for good measure. Santa gets down and kisses Blitzen’s boo boos, then realizes what he just did and starts throwing up. I laugh my ass off and high five the elf for making the night complete.
We pack up the reindeer and Santa as the other reindeer show up to tow us home. What a crazy night I tell Santa laughing. He laughs with me and then I ask, “how them reindeer balls taste?” He says “not bad but I like them better fried not raw” hahaha. So I ask him if were grilling when we get back to the pole and he says, “hell yeah. I'll call the misses and have her get it started.” He adds, “that'll give ,me time to dispose of these poop pants.” We laugh together and tell the elf to speed up. We finally get back to the pole and get the reindeer in their stables. Santa drops his pants and throws them in the incinerator. The elf smacks Santa’s bare ass and I laugh as he looks at his hand and it's covered in poop. The elf shrugs and wipes it on Rudolph as we leave the stables.” That was one hell of a night” I tell Santa and he agrees then says "same thing next week?"
