A new story about Star Wars (yeah, I'm a geek, so what? ;) )

[bungakawa2000]

Hello!

I've put off starting a new story for a while because I wanted to work more on my other ones and contribute to a few other stories.. But hey, got tired of waiting.

I was surprised to find around 10 Star Trek stories on Chyoo, but maybe 2 or 3 Star Wars ones. Unfortunately, none of the existing stories fit my needs, so I decided to start another one: Princess Leia: Used and Abused

Basically, this is presented as a collection of short stories, all of them backed up by historical evidences that shed a new light on the role of Princess Leia's charms in the forging of the New Republic. Do not be fooled by the book's title: if she has been "used and abused" by some of her enemies, it appears like sometimes, she were not reluctant to use her charms to further her cause...

Bunga

 

[jakelyon]

Great Idea

I love Star Wars stuff. I will never forget the first time I saw it and how sexy she looked. I have to put some of those pent up ideas to use in your story.

Thanks.

 

[deathofcards]

The original trilogy are three of my favourite films, although the Empire being defeated by a load of teddy bears seems a little unlikely. Can't say i'm a fan of Episode 1 but 2 was ok but had a few dodgy elements.

I'm guessing you're setting it after Jedi Bunga?

 

[bungakawa2000]

Well, the story was rejected because it has "non-consentual violence or abuse of character". This, despite one of the stories approved today has the following "warning" at its very beginning:

Warning, this site contains a plethora, of violent, and explicit situations. Do not read if you are strongly offended by strong sexuality, fetishes including non-consent, or gratuitous violence.

*grumbles*

Oh well, I'll change a word or two here and there and try again...

Bunga

 

[bungakawa2000]

Uh... help?

How do I resubmit? Is it done automatically when I change something? Or do I have to delete the old story and resubmit a "brand new" one?

Bunga

 

[jakelyon]

Delete

As far as I can tell you have to delete it and then resumit. I could not find a way to edit and send it through again.

Post the one they rejected. I would like to read it for future reference so I don't get hung up. I think there must be several people involved in the approval process as there does not seem to be any consistancy in what gets approved and rejected. I am all for standards, but I would like them to be consistent.

 

[bungakawa2000]

Thanks Jakelyon.

Unfortunately, I don't have a copy of what was rejected...

Here's the "new" version:

***

To our readers,

What is History? As most would define it, History is the re-telling of what has been. We must agree that this definition is a good one, although not encompassing all the subtleties of this science.

But in this very definition is embedded a 'flaw'. By the time you read this sentence, so many events with potential historic signification happen all across the New Republic that they could not all be recorded, even if we devoted each and every of our computers to that task. Therefore, as we 're'-tell History, choices must be made. Some events must be discarded as not significant enough; others must be emphasized in order to be thoroughly understood.

This time, we have strived to provide our readers with a different, original, perhaps shocking but certainly enriching point of view. We could have 're'-told the Wars of the Black Star in a conventional, politically-centred way. Instead, we have decided to walk in the steps of one of the predominant political figure of our times: Leia Organa Solo.

But why pick such a controversial subject as her most intimate misadventures, the numerous occasions where she found her charms to be an asset... and sometimes a handicap? Partly because in time of war, information is a powerful weapon; so powerful in fact that, years after such a terrible struggle as the one that opposed the Rebels and the Empire, it is still hard even for the most skilled team of historians to tell apart History, Rebel propaganda and Imperial propaganda. Even today, it is impossible despite extenuous researches to ascertain the historical exactitude of all the events related here. When the details concerning a specific event were unclear, we went on with the most believable alternative and never let any other interest guide our choices. This must not be seen as a sign of disrespect towards one of the greatest heroine of our world but as a sign of respect towards History.

Because of the incomplete nature of historic data, its anecdotic state, unconventional subject and audacious 're'-telling of History, we felt no shame to present this book, "Uses and abuses: Princess Leia", as a collection of short stories rather than a raw and sometimes intimidating collection of pure historical facts. We wish that our passionate work and the skill of our writers will help bring alive the darker side of what is now known at the Star Wars. We hope our readers will be as surprised and fascinated as us to discover how the respectable Leia Organa Solo's charms influenced the making of the New Republic as we know it.

The Tatooine Historical Association

***

Here are the changes I remember:

-The story's name, from "Princess Leia: Used and abused" to "Uses and abuses: Princess Leia"
-"the numerous occasions where she found her charms to be an asset... and sometimes a handicap?" from something along the lines of "the numerous occasions where her charms helped us further her cause, or enticed her enemies to take advantage of her gracious body" (I think that's the part they didn't like)
-Added "This must not be seen as a sign of disrespect towards one of the greatest heroine of our world but as a sign of respect towards History. "
-Added "its anecdotic state," to reinforce the fact this story is not meant as "one big story" but more as a collection of short stories
-Picked "Tatooine Historical Association" instead of "Tatooine Historians Association"... I don't know which one sounds better, but waddyawant.

I will resubmit it now...

EDIT: Oh, and I changed a few things about the story guidelines too... Nothing drastic, mostly re-wording...

Bunga

 

[bungakawa2000]

Well, it was rejected again, for the same reason. I think they automatically reject it if it has the word "abuse" in the title or something. It's the only way I can fathom my story being rejected but not the one quoted a few posts above.

Oh well, I'll take out that word and see how it turns out. *grumbles*

EDIT: I've changed the title to: "Tame or Wild? Princess Leia, Female Rebel".

Bunga

 

[bungakawa2000]

Finally! It was approved.

Bunga

 

[deathofcards]

Congratulations, I look forward to reading your Star Wars story Bunga.

 

[jakelyon]

Direction

So give me some direction on how you see this story going. Obviously it is set up to have strong NC, or Mind Control possibilities... The question is how far can this be taken without violating the general rules and feel of Chyoo. I have a number of ideas, but I am concerned that I may go too far towards NC.

Did you have any ideas or direction in that area? I am also concerned that in order to be original I will deviate from the Movie plot pretty far, is that OK? You seem to indicate in the guidelines that you want to stay true to the story. I for one have seen the original movie fifty or so times and would like to maybe move an entirely different direction.

Hopefully this makes some sense. I decided to put it on the board so everyone who might want to add to it can benefit from your answer.

Thanks.

 

[bungakawa2000]

So give me some direction on how you see this story going.

About the only "real" criteria is that it has to be anecdotic. I.e. I don't expect stories to last much more than a few threads each (the one I'm working on will be over after two threads, which is about as short as it gets ). If you keep in mind the different stories are not meant to build "one big storyline", spanning the whole or a large part of the war, but be about short episodes of Leia's life instead, you should be fine.

Obviously it is set up to have strong NC, or Mind Control possibilities...

Yes, but it doesn't have to. Obviously, Leia's interrogatory isn't exactly about placing Leia in a position of authority, but there can be a story about how Leia... "convinced" a given character to perform a given action.

The question is how far can this be taken without violating the general rules and feel of Chyoo. I have a number of ideas, but I am concerned that I may go too far towards NC.

Eh, I've the same problem... I think I'll post my next thread here first as I really don't know if it should be on Chyoo... (besides, I've seen far, far worse stuff in some stories. Violent rape coupled with life threaths and mutilation, etc...)

I am also concerned that in order to be original I will deviate from the Movie plot pretty far, is that OK? You seem to indicate in the guidelines that you want to stay true to the story. I for one have seen the original movie fifty or so times and would like to maybe move an entirely different direction.

I guess it depends how far "pretty far" is. You can always start from the movie and twist it a little, like I did (obviously, Vader didn't rip Leia's dress open in the movies...). Or you can talk about a scene that was not in the movies, but that would fit nicely between two that were. Or you can delve a little in the "in the meantime" genre, explaining what Leia was doing while the focus of the movie was on other characters/plotlines. Remember it's all about correcting the idealistic story of the War as told by the Rebels after their victory.

So, that's about it... Anecdotic rather than lenghty-novel-like stories, in the right time, not exagerately disruptive...

Anyway, if there is a problem with a submitted thread, I always put comments explaining why I can't accept it.

Bunga

 

[jakelyon]

Thanks for the excellent feedback. I will give it a go and submit it to you.

Thanks.

 

[deathofcards]

I've just read the intro and it's very well written and interesting Star Wars story. I'm aboyut half way through the second thread but one question comes to mind. Just wondering if you could answer this Bunga.

Why is the Death Star called the Black Star in the second thread?

 

[bungakawa2000]

Why is the Death Star called the Black Star in the second thread?

Doh!

My mistake... I wasn't 100% sure of the name in English, so I wrote "Black Star" in the meantime, the direct translation of the French name (Étoile Noire). I figured I'd double-check the name once I'd be done with the thread but of course, I forgot.

Thanks for pointing that out, I'll correct it asap.

Bunga

 

[deathofcards]

I guessed it was something to do with the translation. Glad to be of help anyway.