a new (short) one up for review by all

[belgianmare]

RELEASED

Stimulation, sense alive
a touch, a word, a glance
Need, desire or sheer greed
guaranteed enhance
Elevation high beyond
free-fall fast delight
Linger long, time travels fast
extasy in sight
Tension and anxiety
the journey petrified
Longing satisfaction
completion is denied
Required preserverance
inhibition lost
Fulfillment is necessity
no matter what the cost


(the original title was Orgasm, but I didn't like it. I would love any feedback as this is only my second post since joining. I love to read so have signed up as a vol. editor. Thank you all very much. I see now that I have a lot more reading to do besides just stories! See you all soon.

 

[WickedEve]

I read this earlier and it's a nice enough poem, but there are so many poems with nice words strung together. I'd rather read about, for example, a man or woman's orgasm. What she was thinking, looking at, feeling, smelling, etc. Something, as a reader, that I can experience. When I read your poem (as nice as it is) I don't get any images for my mind to play with.

 

[belgianmare]

Thanks for your comments wickedEve...
I hear your point loud and clear

 

[geishaGirl]

I tend to agree with wickedEve's comments about the images not really coming across through your words belgianmare

Otherwise, your words are definitely creative

 

[belgianmare]

Thank you too, geishaGirl, I'll be posting another right quick to see if it does any better