ThornDaddy
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 18, 2006
- Posts
- 132
muh
(Story redacted and sold elsewhere.)
(Story redacted and sold elsewhere.)
Last edited:
"A New Girl For The Cult"
- Thread starter ThornDaddy
- Start date
I think you have a good story idea.
I think you should rewrite it, fill in the details, put some feeling into the story, show me the Leader, don't just have him appear and "be leader" show me leadership.
I don't feel anything as I read this - either dominated or dominating. Unless you bring the reader into it with emotions and feelings - the tale misses.
I think you should rewrite it, fill in the details, put some feeling into the story, show me the Leader, don't just have him appear and "be leader" show me leadership.
I don't feel anything as I read this - either dominated or dominating. Unless you bring the reader into it with emotions and feelings - the tale misses.
