A new friend with a disability

[Cirrus]

There's someone I just met last week who's sweet, intelligent, funny, handsome and has a great outlook on life...he has a small problem though, he's in a wheelchair because of a spinal cord injury when he was 13.

He has a great attitude about it, and I realize he's no different because he's had an injury. The fact he's in a wheelchair doesn't bother me at all, what bothers me is talking about it with him.

I admit I haven't been around people with disabilities too much in my life (does it show? LOL) so maybe some of you that have can help me out a little. For example, he asked me a question about an assignment for class and I didn't really know what to tell him since I don't know the exact extent of his disability...I do know he's totally paralyzed from the waist down and has limited use of his upper body, I just don't know HOW limited. The assignment was a lab journal type thing and my answer would have depended on how well he can write, or if he can. I just didn't want to say "I don't know how well you can write, or if you can use a computer"....would I have offended him?

I just don't want to make him feel that he's somehow a different "type" of person because he has a disability, but the fact of the matter is it's going to figure into some conversations. I'm sure he knows that, it's not like he's going to say "SHIT!!! I'm in a wheelchair? Why the hell didn't somebody TELL me?" but should should I let him bring up any limitations he has or would it be OK for me to ask?

 

[ShyGuy68]

He has a great attitude about it.


The fact he's in a wheelchair doesn't bother me at all, what bothers me is talking about it with him.

Slutmouth after having read through your post, those two statements are the ones that I think are the important ones.

My opinion is that since he's very comfortable about his disability, you should overwin yourself, and talk to him about it. I have the feeling he's used to doing it.

 

[Logic]

your right

Your right slut mouth when you are not use to being around people with disabiliyies it ia hard to talk to them about it. But talking from experience, when a person has been confined to a wheel chair at such a young age they for the most part don't think of them selves as disabled just with different cercumstances. Talk with him about it, you will gain a whole new perspective and he will probably appreciate it.

 

[cactiphile]

Ive got a partially blind friend whose slowly lost
his slight over the last 10 years, hes now pretty much reliant
on a guide dog etc.

Ive been in this position, because it is hard to talk about
it.... but from my experience with my friend, take the kid
gloves off, and ask the questions in an honest way.

Avoiding talking about the disability can highlight it in a more
awkward way than if you ask straight out.

Cactiphile

 

[KillerMuffin]

I have epilepsy. Disabled here. Anyway. I'm comfortable with it, it's as much a part of me as hands and hair is a part of you. Other than that it makes me think I'm in Pennsylvania, forget who I am, or flop on the floor, I don't really actually notice it. My disability isn't noticeable, but it is one that I have to constantly bring up so the people around me won't freak out and try to do things that they think will help me, but actually won't, should I seize up.

I'd talk with him. Just start out by telling him that you'd like to talk about his disability and what you can do to help, but you're very uncomfortable because you don't want to say something that will hurt him or make him angry. He'll take it from there and he'll appreciate the candor. He'll probably say, "ask my anything, it won't bother me."

 

[nasty]

I think I can help you

Well...since I've been confined to a wheelchair my whole life, I can safely say, it will be ok to talk about it. As it was already said, he probably gets it all the time. I KNOW I DO! If your real close friends, then you can probably feel safe talking about anything without much of a problem.