A Moral Dilemma: What Would You Do?
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KillerMuffin
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It wouldn't. He's not like that. He might say go out and have sex with other men or women but he wouldn't mean it. He would, deep inside, expect me to stay with him celibately. I would be in the position of choosing between my marriage and sex.
What's the choice to make? I'm a highly sexual being, I don't like being without it. Could I? I don't know. I hope I never have to make that choice but I probably will.
Anyway, if I knew he was perfectly okay with me going out and having sex with other people, I most likely would. Sex just doesn't mean that much to me on an emotional level, not like it does to a lot of people.
What's the choice to make? I'm a highly sexual being, I don't like being without it. Could I? I don't know. I hope I never have to make that choice but I probably will.
Anyway, if I knew he was perfectly okay with me going out and having sex with other people, I most likely would. Sex just doesn't mean that much to me on an emotional level, not like it does to a lot of people.
The answer would depend on the strength of the relationship. In a rock solid relationship the partner is likely to turn round and say no, if they can't have you, they don't want anyone else.
In less strong relationships it's entirely possible that the partner with the release to go and find another lover will eventually drift away and a divorce may follow.
In very few relationships is the release going to work and even there the strain will be tremendous on both partners.
Its not a dilemna, its a nightmare.
In less strong relationships it's entirely possible that the partner with the release to go and find another lover will eventually drift away and a divorce may follow.
In very few relationships is the release going to work and even there the strain will be tremendous on both partners.
Its not a dilemna, its a nightmare.
well
IF that were to happen, clearly my partner would want
me to continue my sex life, and in fact we leave each other free
to be with others even now. we just choose not to. we have such a rock solid understanding, respect, trust, and appreciation
of each other that i know i would never NEVER leave him, and
that he would want me to be satisfied. but i think the question
really is, what could possibly disable a person to the point that you couldn't find some source of sexual enjoyment with each other, even if it was a radically different form of sexual contact.
anyway, don't know if that was all clear or not, but my partner would want me to be happy, and i would want to be happy so that i could give him all the love he needed.
IF that were to happen, clearly my partner would want
me to continue my sex life, and in fact we leave each other free
to be with others even now. we just choose not to. we have such a rock solid understanding, respect, trust, and appreciation
of each other that i know i would never NEVER leave him, and
that he would want me to be satisfied. but i think the question
really is, what could possibly disable a person to the point that you couldn't find some source of sexual enjoyment with each other, even if it was a radically different form of sexual contact.
anyway, don't know if that was all clear or not, but my partner would want me to be happy, and i would want to be happy so that i could give him all the love he needed.
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Cherry
~spankable~
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Uh huh
Yes but, you also know that someone with a brain stem injury is not likely able to speak, nor have long to live without assistance to breathe. In this example, it was posed as the partner could speak and would live through this arrangement.
In your example ... I think I would find a way to give pleasure, regardless.
(hoping to see him blink real fast)
bluespoke said:
Yes but, you also know that someone with a brain stem injury is not likely able to speak, nor have long to live without assistance to breathe. In this example, it was posed as the partner could speak and would live through this arrangement.
In your example ... I think I would find a way to give pleasure, regardless.
(hoping to see him blink real fast)
Cherry
I know such a person, have done for nearly fifteen years. He is married and she has not left his side. I'm afraid your ministrations would not work on such a paralysed body. But strangely they are happy together and I believe he is writing a book of his experience.
I know such a person, have done for nearly fifteen years. He is married and she has not left his side. I'm afraid your ministrations would not work on such a paralysed body. But strangely they are happy together and I believe he is writing a book of his experience.
Cherry
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Thank goodness for small favors.
There is a local journalist where I live who suffers from MS ... he has continued to write his column by way of similar wizardry supplied by the newspaper, as his bodily functions degenerated to the point where he only had control of eye movement.
Sounds to me that your friend was poor in luck ... yet, rich in love.
There is a local journalist where I live who suffers from MS ... he has continued to write his column by way of similar wizardry supplied by the newspaper, as his bodily functions degenerated to the point where he only had control of eye movement.
Sounds to me that your friend was poor in luck ... yet, rich in love.
Laurel
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There;s a great book out on that called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. It's written by a man who was the editor of the French version of Elle magazine until a car accident totally immobilized his entire body except for his eye. He wrote this book, with the help of a secretary, by creating a code which substituted combinations of blinks for letters, spaces, paragraph breaks, etc. Basically, he had to form entire passages in his head, then communicate them in this incredibly time- and effort-consuming way, but he did it. It's a really excellent book - a quick read, but very moving.
I've seen Breaking the Waves a couple times, and it always hits me hard. For me, I wouldn't cheat. I would find other ways to be satisfied. I'd rather live with sexless love than endure loveless sex. Of course, sex-filled love is always best.
I've seen Breaking the Waves a couple times, and it always hits me hard. For me, I wouldn't cheat. I would find other ways to be satisfied. I'd rather live with sexless love than endure loveless sex. Of course, sex-filled love is always best.
Shy Tall Guy
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I rarely say this - but what she said.Cherry said:
daughter
Dreamer
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I have read posts by partners of disabled lovers
they're relationships are intact. One woman married her husband with a disability. She went in knowing they would never have conventional sex and they agreed to be monogamous. He suffered some disorder that deformed his joints and muscles and he suffered soreness and injuried easily.
I know another couple. The husband was paralyzed waist down before marriage. They have conceived two children after being married. He's a house husband. Yes, the children are his.
I know another woman who married a man paralyzed waist down. They both were young. She is very sexual. They eventually divorced and my understanding is the strain was more than just his inability to have sex. I did not ask for details. What I knew in the first place was offered voluntarily.
I have dated a few men with different disabilities. One was paralyzed waist down. I was attracted to him, and I knew sex would be limited. We didn't see each other long. He was interested in someone else.
If my lover became disabled, I'd stay with him. I don't have romantic notions that everything would be grand, but I believe love can survive the most daunting circumstances. I love my mate in such a way that I could not enjoy sex outside our relationship. Monogamy is my preference.
I can believe that someone can love her mate and get sexual gratification elsewhere. I'm just not a woman who could.
Good discussion.
Peace,
daughter
they're relationships are intact. One woman married her husband with a disability. She went in knowing they would never have conventional sex and they agreed to be monogamous. He suffered some disorder that deformed his joints and muscles and he suffered soreness and injuried easily.
I know another couple. The husband was paralyzed waist down before marriage. They have conceived two children after being married. He's a house husband. Yes, the children are his.
I know another woman who married a man paralyzed waist down. They both were young. She is very sexual. They eventually divorced and my understanding is the strain was more than just his inability to have sex. I did not ask for details. What I knew in the first place was offered voluntarily.
I have dated a few men with different disabilities. One was paralyzed waist down. I was attracted to him, and I knew sex would be limited. We didn't see each other long. He was interested in someone else.
If my lover became disabled, I'd stay with him. I don't have romantic notions that everything would be grand, but I believe love can survive the most daunting circumstances. I love my mate in such a way that I could not enjoy sex outside our relationship. Monogamy is my preference.
I can believe that someone can love her mate and get sexual gratification elsewhere. I'm just not a woman who could.
Good discussion.
Peace,
daughter
patient1
Mr. Cheyenne
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Laurel said:I would find other ways to be satisfied. I'd rather live with sexless love than endure loveless sex. Of course, sex-filled love is always best.
Probably just hold their hand in one of mine & do myself with my other...
That doesn't make me better than K.M. in any way.
I'm sure I'd ennvy her sometimes, even though I wouldn't immitate her.
PHANTOM5875
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There was a time when I would have probably said yes to this question. Now? No. My marriage has had it's ups and downs and I have been fortunate to experience the love and affection of several good (and sexy) women in my 50 years. Maybe it's just because I'm becoming an older fart but I have come to truly appreciate the unconditional love of a woman who is the mother of my two children and I just couldn't do it now. Self love will take care of the need for gratification and as long as the companionship and affection remains, I just wouldn't be inclined to stray from my partner these days.
I probably would have a totally different answer here if I was still 25 years old.
This is really a good discussion!
I probably would have a totally different answer here if I was still 25 years old.
This is really a good discussion!
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G
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If it were to happen to me, I would not seek sex outside our marriage. I know he would not be okay with it. I would just have improvise.
This happened to my parents. My father discovered he had MS when I was about 4-5 yrs. old. My mother stayed with him until the day he died.
This happened to my parents. My father discovered he had MS when I was about 4-5 yrs. old. My mother stayed with him until the day he died.
MidnightsBlue
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That was me up there by the way
TN_Vixen
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I don't think I could have sexless love
but no one really knows what you're capable of unless put into the situation. I believe I would find someway to include him, though... it would have to be a mutually agreed upon event rather than me running around behind his back.
but no one really knows what you're capable of unless put into the situation. I believe I would find someway to include him, though... it would have to be a mutually agreed upon event rather than me running around behind his back.
Sex and Disability
I am a disabled person and I am constantly amazed at the assumptions made by able-bodied people about disability and sex. Sex is more in the mind than most people realize I guess plus disabled people learn to make the most of what function they have. I am not a quadriplegic, which is apparently the disability Lavander refers to, but have friends who are. They are all still capable of having sex it may just be a little different than most think of sex as being. The sad thing, in my opinion, is that so many disabled people buy into the myth that they can no longer have or enjoy sex.
Here's a link to a disability message thread that may provide some insight into a quad's sex life.
http://newmobility.com/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=5&t=000021
I am a disabled person and I am constantly amazed at the assumptions made by able-bodied people about disability and sex. Sex is more in the mind than most people realize I guess plus disabled people learn to make the most of what function they have. I am not a quadriplegic, which is apparently the disability Lavander refers to, but have friends who are. They are all still capable of having sex it may just be a little different than most think of sex as being. The sad thing, in my opinion, is that so many disabled people buy into the myth that they can no longer have or enjoy sex.
Here's a link to a disability message thread that may provide some insight into a quad's sex life.
http://newmobility.com/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=5&t=000021
april-wine
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MsFigment, thank-you for sharing this link the imformation was very good....Information leads to understanding, I thank-you agian....
As for the question, I could not have sex outside the relationship even if my lover was suggesting I should....As Cherry said I would improvise.........
As for the question, I could not have sex outside the relationship even if my lover was suggesting I should....As Cherry said I would improvise.........
EvilBrat74
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This is an emotionaly rough subject for me since i have broken disk's in my lower back that could shift severing my nerves.
I haven't really thought about what would happen with life in my home if this happened(since i met my SO).Of course i would only be paralized from the waist down,but.....well you get the point.
Personally,i would stay by my woman's side as much as possable to insure her that i wasn't seeing no one else.I can satisfy myself.
I'm with my SO because i want her companionship.Sex is just an extra.We both have an extreme sexual hunger,but i know i would be fine with handeling thing's myself.
If she would ask me to find someone just to fuck,i would say no.
It might hurt her to know that i wasn't being sexually pleased by her.Even if she felt bad cause she couldn't do it and truely in her heart wanted me to go out and get laid,i wouldn't.
I know that she'll read my response to this thread,since being she pointed it out to me.But i would like to say that sex isn't everything.Love is!!!
I haven't really thought about what would happen with life in my home if this happened(since i met my SO).Of course i would only be paralized from the waist down,but.....well you get the point.
Personally,i would stay by my woman's side as much as possable to insure her that i wasn't seeing no one else.I can satisfy myself.
I'm with my SO because i want her companionship.Sex is just an extra.We both have an extreme sexual hunger,but i know i would be fine with handeling thing's myself.
If she would ask me to find someone just to fuck,i would say no.
It might hurt her to know that i wasn't being sexually pleased by her.Even if she felt bad cause she couldn't do it and truely in her heart wanted me to go out and get laid,i wouldn't.
I know that she'll read my response to this thread,since being she pointed it out to me.But i would like to say that sex isn't everything.Love is!!!
Calamity Jane
Reverend Blue Jeans
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KillerMuffin said:
Exactly what she said.
Calamity Jane
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Re: Sex and Disability
No specific disability was mentioned. We don't know if it's even a physical disability.
That's the question. It's interesting that everyone assumes it's because of paralization that the partner can no longer indulge.
I'm aware that people who are para/quadrapalegics can and do have healthy sex lives. This question is posed in such a way that we don't need to know the why, it's an accepted fact that sex is not an option. Of any form, at all. Very few people have actually answered that question. Is it because for us, it's difficult to grasp the concept of NO sex AT ALL with the one we love?
MsFigment said:
No specific disability was mentioned. We don't know if it's even a physical disability.
That's the question. It's interesting that everyone assumes it's because of paralization that the partner can no longer indulge.
I'm aware that people who are para/quadrapalegics can and do have healthy sex lives. This question is posed in such a way that we don't need to know the why, it's an accepted fact that sex is not an option. Of any form, at all. Very few people have actually answered that question. Is it because for us, it's difficult to grasp the concept of NO sex AT ALL with the one we love?
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