A Message from Bonobos Against Defamation (BAD)

[shereads]

Bonobos do not condone sex outside of loving, consentual relationships. They just happen to be extremely loving and amenable to suggestion.

Go back to your discussion of sex and theology, without slandering other primates. There is an old bonobo saying, "Until you've walked in my libido, don't call it 'fun.'"

 

[rgraham666]

Aren't bonobos the ones that let you know you're infringing on their territory by pissing on you?

Oh wait! Narf! That's howlers.

Never mind.

 

[shereads]

Aren't bonobos the ones that let you know you're infringing on their territory by pissing on you?

Oh wait! Narf! That's howlers.

Howlers are randy, irresponsible monkeys who think of nothing but tail. They litter the planet with offspring incapable of even rudimentary tool use, and expect society to pick up the tab. Howlers have the sexual morals of Anna Nicole Smith and their language skills aren't much better. Howlers. Don't make me laugh.

~ Bonobo spokesape

 

[rgraham666]

Howlers are randy, irresponsible monkeys who think of nothing but tail. They litter the planet with offspring incapable of even rudimentary tool use, and expect society to pick up the tab. Howlers have the sexual morals of Anna Nicole Smith and their language skills aren't much better. Howlers. Don't make me laugh.

~ Bonobo spokesape

Hey! I'm a howler.

You'll be hearing from my attorneys. Defame my lifestyle will you?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Hey! I'm a howler. . . .

My tribe is the Bandar-Log.

"We are great. We are free. We are wonderful. We are the most wonderful people in all the jungle!

"We all say so, and so it must be true!"

"Once we choose a leader, we will come and beat you until you confess that the Bandar-Log are the greatest People in the Jungle.

"Just as soon as we choose a lead . . . look! Ripe Papaya!”

 

[Subo97]

surely a closely related species

Growling Bangalots, known for their primal grunts during mating season which lasts 13 months a year, are a fairly joyous and cacaphanous bunch. They tend to grab their mate's earlobes with their teeth and playfully snarl when fully aroused.

Bangalots often pair off in grooming rituals, particularly when the moon is full or rain falls. Although generally peaceful they've been seen urinating out of the tree onto Blathering Huffies when said Huffies disturb the serenity of the forest canopy.

Although mainly attracted to cleavage, they also love perrier and derriere, not to mention the occassional lemur femur.

 

[Guest]

Sex-Crazed Bonobos May Be More Like Humans Than Thought
By: Steven Hunt, Discovery, May 15, 1998

Everyone is familiar with the comparisons between humans and our "closest cousins" – chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans. But has anyone ever heard of bonobos? If not, don't feel left out. Even one of the top bonobo researchers in the world says that in the minds of most people, bonobos don't really exist. But the wilds of the Congo region of Africa suggest otherwise. Estimates suggest between 5,000 and 25,000 of the peaceful primates live there.

But in the last five years, the knowledge about bonobos is not only raising a few eyebrows – as you'll find out later – it's starting to throw a curve ball at the commonly-held notions that humans evolved from an ancestor that has more in common with the chimpanzee than anything else.

Dr. Frans de Waal, director of the Living Links program at the Yerkes Primate Center in Atlanta and author of "Bonobo: The Forgotten Ape", is one researcher who is looking into the human-like behaviour of the little-known primates. "I would say that it's a species as close to us as the chimpanzee that's been very much ignored," he states. The reason why no one knows much about them is somewhat convoluted.

"Studies on bonobos started much later than on the other ape species and fewer people were involved in them," de Waal points out. "So as a result, we knew less about them. The chimpanzee has been known for centuries, but the bonobo has been set apart from the chimpanzee only since the 1930s." Add to that the fact that their remote habitat in a politically unstable part of Africa makes it doubly difficult to study them in the field. But there's no denying that a number of things have surfaced recently that makes them much more than a passing curiosity.

While they may appear chimpanzee-like to the untrained eye, binobos are different. "In terms of body mass, they are very similar to chimpanzees," de Waal explains. "But they're much more gracile. They have longer legs, they're slender, they don't have the huge shoulders and thick neck [of chimps], and they have a smaller head. They're also more elegantly built and move more elegantly than chimps. And when the bonobos stand upright, they look very human-like because they have these different body proportions." It's their social behaviour, however, that's the real pièce de résistance.

"In terms of social behaviour, bonobos are almost the opposite of the chimpanzee in that they're relatively peaceful," de Waal remarks. "As far as we know, they don't have inter-group warfare going on, they eat a little bit of meat but much less than chimpanzees, and they're not great hunters." But here's where it gets interesting: "Male dominance is not there. It's rather the opposite where females dominate the show." And it doesn't stop there!

"They seem to resolve a lot of their conflicts with sexual behaviour," he says. "If two bonobos have a fight, they may make up with a sexual reconciliation, which is typical for their species. So there's a lot of sexual activity that goes on that has more social meaning than reproductive meaning." Their sexuality also mirrors humans in a couple of other ways, too.

"Bonobos have a greater variety of sexual postures," he reveals. "The bonobos can do it any way they want – and they can do it face to face also. So positionally – so to speak – they have a richer repertoire. And their sexual behaviour is not just male to female. It's also female-to-female and male-to-male and male-to-juvenile." In fact, they make the human sexual revolution of the sixties and seventies look tame.

But what does this all mean for theories of human evolution? "The bonobo is almost a complete contrast to the chimpanzee, even though the two species are so closely related," de Waal explains. "So there's no reason, from the biological perspective, to suggest that the chimps are a more important model than the bonobo, because they're equidistant to us."

As de Waal suggests, "it's possible that the common ancestor was not exactly like the chimpanzee, but it may have been something in between a chimp and a bonobo. That means maybe there was aggression and male dominance [as some theories suggest], but it's very well possible there were maybe lots of other tendencies that have not been emphasised so much in models of human evolution." …like the propensity for pleasureful sexual activity, for instance!

***




Fucking: It's a good thing.

 

[rgraham666]

There are politically stable areas in Africa?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I guess that means the Bedtime for Bonobo could not be broadcast on any regular channel television broadcast, without significant editing.

 

[shereads]

Sex-Crazed Bonobos May Be More Like Humans Than Thought

"In terms of social behaviour, bonobos are almost the opposite of the chimpanzee in that they're relatively peaceful," <snip> "They seem to resolve a lot of their conflicts with sexual behaviour,"

My family tree tilts chimpward, then. I'm happy to be swaying in the high branches with one or two other bonobo-like mutants.

 

[shereads]

There are politically stable areas in Africa?

Someplace named Greenville. There's always a Greenville.

 

[Guest]

My family tree tilts chimpward, then. I'm happy to be swaying in the high branches with one or two other bonobo-like mutants.

___

I think it's a little too late to try and change those spots.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

There are politically stable areas in Africa?

Pleasantville, Zanzibar

 

[TheEarl]

There are politically stable areas in Africa?

Well, I would've put up South Africa as a starter. Thabo Mbeki may be a fuckwit, but he's a democratically elected fuckwit.

The Earl

 

[Subo97]

Is a Zanzibar more like a snickers bar or a gay bar?

 

[BlackShanglan]

At least now I know what I want to be reincarnated as.

 

[minsue]

At least now I know what I want to be reincarnated as.

It's the lure of opposable thumbs, isn't it?

 

[shereads]

Pleasantville, Zanzibar

BUSTTTBAL!

(Big unattractive snort that tried to be a laugh.)

 

[shereads]

Is a Zanzibar more like a snickers bar or a gay bar?

Uh-oh. I sense a disturbance in the pun field. Goodnight, pornsters.

 

[shereads]

Well, I would've put up South Africa as a starter. Thabo Mbeki may be a fuckwit, but he's a democratically elected fuckwit.

The Earl

Was that his campaign slogan? It rocks.

 

[BlackShanglan]

It's the lure of opposable thumbs, isn't it?

I admit a slight case of thumb envy.

 

[minsue]

I admit a slight case of thumb envy.

I understand.

 

[BlackShanglan]

It's all right though. For some reason, some humans are from time to time envious of equine anatomy

 

[cantdog]

Thumbs are a little bit incidental. But if our species is the wrong one, the ladies remain clothed. I recommend having thumbs, Shang. More human pussy, for sure.

It takes a LOT of money to offset being the wrong species.

 

[minsue]

It's all right though. For some reason, some humans are from time to time envious of equine anatomy

*snicker*