A Matter of Respect

[AngelCherysse]

I was reviewing the postings of darkeyeddragon, most notably his newest: "My Own Personal Brand Of Kink". It details a simple, refreshing, and most unexpected concept: a Domination/Submission relationship based on mutual respect. It seems so obvious, and yet is so obviously overlooked in D/s and other stories on the various erotica web sites.

I responded in my comments on the story that it "offered a lesson for ALL relationships, regardless of genre. Any pairing that does not openly an honestly embrace the wants, needs, and desires of both individuals is destined to self-destruct, period. That is also true - perhaps especially true - in relationships involving a transfer of power from one individual to another. People are neither chattel nor doormats, whatever 'game' is in play.

I am not a submissive, owing to issues of trust. If I were to meet a Master/Mistress of the type depicted in this story, I would seriously reconsider my views."

In reviewing various stories (most notably in the BDSM, TG/TS and Loving Wives sections) which relate tales of relationships torn asunder, it seemed every single one violated this basic tenet. I freely admit that includes some of my own works. Lately, I have done that with intent. Bad things happen to people who treat others badly, or, if you prefer, what goes around, comes around.

Granted, everything we read here should be taken with a grain of salt. It is, after all, supposed to be fiction. Readers are supposed to regard these stories as erotic entertainment, not how-to manuals. I would hope, in real life, we live it better than we portray it in Cyberspace. It all seems so simple....

 

[bloodsimple]

I agree, and it's an interesting point. I have to say that really, as it's the subject of my latest novel-writing attempt, but I believe it.

I have no desire for a BDSM relationship, but I am fascinated by the dynamics of it. Who really holds the power - the dom because they control certain aspects of the relationship, or the sub, because they have chosen to relinquish? Is it really dominance if the sub has CHOSEN to relinquish power, or is it a mutual consideration and therefore a sharing? Is it control if the dom has to physically subdue or contain the sub? And so on.

I would love someone who knows about this stuff to explain and expand. But, without wishing to hijack the thread, I agree with the central point that a BDSM relationship needn't be a sign of a lack of mutual respect, and that respect within it can strengthen the passion that it engenders.