A man walked into a bar.
- Thread starter *bratcat*
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enjoyingitall
~Smiling~
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*bratcat* said:
LOL Hiya brat..a little bored this evening, are ya?
G
Guest
Guest
An Irishman, an Enlishman, and a Scotsman...
walk into a bar and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scottsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to his glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
walk into a bar and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scottsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to his glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Lancecastor
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Celine Dion walks into a bar.
Bartender says: Hey Celine Dion...why the long face?
Bartender says: Hey Celine Dion...why the long face?
Cerberus666
The Ghost of a Good Thing
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Lancecastor said:
Oh I like that!
Cerberus666
The Ghost of a Good Thing
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He's comparing celine dion to a horse.
Horse has a long face. Celine well now thats an insult to the horse.
Horse has a long face. Celine well now thats an insult to the horse.
Cerberus666
The Ghost of a Good Thing
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no problem Bratcat.
Lance why you hatin on the horses like that. what they do to you?
Lance why you hatin on the horses like that. what they do to you?
Lancecastor
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Celine Dion has a long face. It's a pun.
The horse joke preceeding it is a red herring.
A red herring walks into a bar.
Bartender says: Solomon Gundy!
I got a million more, just like'em.
Helps if you're pickled.
The horse joke preceeding it is a red herring.
A red herring walks into a bar.
Bartender says: Solomon Gundy!
I got a million more, just like'em.
Helps if you're pickled.
S
ShamelessFlirt
Guest
A piece of string walks into a bar. He hops up onto a stool and yells to the bartender, "Hey! Gimme a drink!" The bartender picks up the string and throws it into the street. The string thinks "I'll show 'im. I'll go back in disguise, he won't know it's me, and at the last minute I'll humiliate him. So the string contorts its body into a whole different shape, and frizzes its hair ala a 'fro. It goes back in, hops onto the stool and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You're that piece of string I threw out 5 minutes ago." The string answers "No. I'm a frayed knot."
****
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "We have a drink here named after you." The grasshopper says "Bob?"
****
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "I can't serve you." The mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun-guy."
****
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender figures that a kangaroo probably isn't very economically aware, and charges him $50. The marsupial orders a beer next time, and is charged $60. Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the better of him. He casually remarks "You know, we don't get too many kangaroos in here." The kangaroo replies "At these prices, no wonder."
****
Guy walks into a bar and says "Drinks for everyone, and barkeep, pour one for yourself too." Everyone thanks him and, a few minutes later, he buys another round for everyone including the bartender. He orders a third round and the barkeep says "Sure, but please pay for the first two rounds before I pour the third." The generous guy says "Money? I don't have any money." The bartender kicks the crap out of him and throws him into the street. A few minutes later he comes back in and says "Barkeep, drinks for everyone. But not for you. You get nasty when you're drunk."
****
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "We have a drink here named after you." The grasshopper says "Bob?"
****
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "I can't serve you." The mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun-guy."
****
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender figures that a kangaroo probably isn't very economically aware, and charges him $50. The marsupial orders a beer next time, and is charged $60. Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the better of him. He casually remarks "You know, we don't get too many kangaroos in here." The kangaroo replies "At these prices, no wonder."
****
Guy walks into a bar and says "Drinks for everyone, and barkeep, pour one for yourself too." Everyone thanks him and, a few minutes later, he buys another round for everyone including the bartender. He orders a third round and the barkeep says "Sure, but please pay for the first two rounds before I pour the third." The generous guy says "Money? I don't have any money." The bartender kicks the crap out of him and throws him into the street. A few minutes later he comes back in and says "Barkeep, drinks for everyone. But not for you. You get nasty when you're drunk."
Star of Penumbra
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Two guys are sitting at a bar at the top of a skyscraper. One says to the other "You know, when you get drunk, you can fly."
The other guy, not believeing him, says "Prove it."
The first guy jumps out a window, flies around the building twice, then zooms back in the window. "See?"
The second drunk says "That's incredible!", jumps out the window, and falls forty stories to his death.
The bartender turns to the first drunk and says, "You know Superman, you're a real asshole when you get drunk."
The other guy, not believeing him, says "Prove it."
The first guy jumps out a window, flies around the building twice, then zooms back in the window. "See?"
The second drunk says "That's incredible!", jumps out the window, and falls forty stories to his death.
The bartender turns to the first drunk and says, "You know Superman, you're a real asshole when you get drunk."
S.Daedalus
Affliction of the damned
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Lancecastor said:
That is pretty funny..
Lost Cause
It's a wrap!
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A man walked into a bar...
And tells the bartender, "give me the most expensive drink in the house."
The bartender says, "What gives? You usually only drink the cheapest beer we have."
The guy says, "I know, but last night I drank a case of that cheap stuff and ended up blowing chunks."
The bartender then said, "Well of course you will drinking a case of that cheap stuff!"
"But, you don't understand!" The guy replied, "chunks is my dog!"
Can I get a "Ewwwwww"?
And tells the bartender, "give me the most expensive drink in the house."
The bartender says, "What gives? You usually only drink the cheapest beer we have."
The guy says, "I know, but last night I drank a case of that cheap stuff and ended up blowing chunks."
The bartender then said, "Well of course you will drinking a case of that cheap stuff!"
"But, you don't understand!" The guy replied, "chunks is my dog!"
Can I get a "Ewwwwww"?
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