A little help

[Brookell]

Hi,
I actually had a story rejected. The reason is sex with a minor; however, the sex with a minor is only a plot device. OK, maybe I should explain better. My main caracter is a businessman who meets a young lady who appears to be a college student. They have sex and get busted by a group o soroity sisters who tell him the girl is 15. In reality the girl is also one of the sisters and they use this to take advantage of the guy and his wallet. So the sex with a minor didn't actually happen.
My dilemma is that I don't want to reveal that she isn't a minor until much later in the story. I want it as part of a lead-in to a second story where he gets a little revenge. But how can I keep my 'secret' and still have Lit post it? Any ideas other than spoiling the surprise too soon?

Brooke (Brookell on Lit)

 

[impressive]

Write it backwards? Flashback, etc.

BTW, welcome to the AH.

 

[Tom Collins]

Just popping in to welcome you to the AH.
I don't have a better idea than imp's, sorry.

 

[R. Richard]

Hi,
I actually had a story rejected. The reason is sex with a minor; however, the sex with a minor is only a plot device. OK, maybe I should explain better. My main caracter is a businessman who meets a young lady who appears to be a college student. They have sex and get busted by a group o soroity sisters who tell him the girl is 15. In reality the girl is also one of the sisters and they use this to take advantage of the guy and his wallet. So the sex with a minor didn't actually happen.
My dilemma is that I don't want to reveal that she isn't a minor until much later in the story. I want it as part of a lead-in to a second story where he gets a little revenge. But how can I keep my 'secret' and still have Lit post it? Any ideas other than spoiling the surprise too soon?

Brooke (Brookell on Lit)

You night try explaining the situation in the comments box when you resubmit. The stuff in the comments box does not go into the published story. However, be aware that underage sex is a major concern for Literotica.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hi,
I actually had a story rejected. The reason is sex with a minor; however, the sex with a minor is only a plot device. OK, maybe I should explain better. My main caracter is a businessman who meets a young lady who appears to be a college student. They have sex and get busted by a group o soroity sisters who tell him the girl is 15. In reality the girl is also one of the sisters and they use this to take advantage of the guy and his wallet. So the sex with a minor didn't actually happen.
My dilemma is that I don't want to reveal that she isn't a minor until much later in the story. I want it as part of a lead-in to a second story where he gets a little revenge. But how can I keep my 'secret' and still have Lit post it? Any ideas other than spoiling the surprise too soon?

Brooke (Brookell on Lit)

Well, I don't see a way around it with the age. Lit's rules are pretty strong and if the readers think the subject is underage, then it's appealing to the purient interest, so to speak.

Have you considered changeing the nature of the scam? Perhaps instead of underage, they convince him the girl was Carmine "The bat" Gigoloni's only daughter? Or was enganged to marry Judge hawthorn's son?

there a rea coule of ways I can see playing it that leave his life.freedom.kneecaps vlunerable without using the tactic of her being a minor.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Well, I don't see a way around it with the age. Lit's rules are pretty strong and if the readers think the subject is underage, then it's appealing to the purient interest, so to speak.

Have you considered changeing the nature of the scam? Perhaps instead of underage, they convince him the girl was Carmine "The bat" Gigoloni's only daughter? Or was enganged to marry Judge hawthorn's son?

there a rea coule of ways I can see playing it that leave his life.freedom.kneecaps vlunerable without using the tactic of her being a minor.

And I was going to suggest PMing Laurel.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

And I was going to suggest PMing Laurel.

that is almost always the best option

 

[ABSTRUSE]

that is almost always the best option

When in doubt...

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Hi,
I actually had a story rejected. The reason is sex with a minor; however, the sex with a minor is only a plot device. OK, maybe I should explain better. My main caracter is a businessman who meets a young lady who appears to be a college student. They have sex and get busted by a group o soroity sisters who tell him the girl is 15. In reality the girl is also one of the sisters and they use this to take advantage of the guy and his wallet. So the sex with a minor didn't actually happen.
My dilemma is that I don't want to reveal that she isn't a minor until much later in the story. I want it as part of a lead-in to a second story where he gets a little revenge. But how can I keep my 'secret' and still have Lit post it? Any ideas other than spoiling the surprise too soon?

Brooke (Brookell on Lit)

Perhaps, sort of like Imp suggested, you can write the story in a sort of flashback mode, the two stories blended into one. you can begin with him planning his revenge, then in the process of which, continuously flashback to why he wants revenge, all after having prestated that the woman in question was not who she claimed to be. It may not sound all that appealing to you, but it may be an option. making them one story, where the reader has reason to be suspicious of the woman's honesty, may work in your favor.

Another thought: perhaps, if there's no way that Lit will accept the story with the age being noted later (meaning where some readers may have already gotten their kiddy-thrill from the story before you've had the chance to ruin it for them) it might be beneficial to begin the story from another angle? A thought, and if I go too far in my suggestions, feel free to stop reading whenever you like. I won't be offended, and don't want to attempt to rewrite the story. Perhaps, you can write the story from the viewpoint of the girl in question. Given a conscience, it might be a good study of her character to have her divulge to the reader, and not to the male character, that she is indeed older than eighteen and lieing to the man. Fits of conscience are good for that sort of thing. Perhaps, she is pressured by the sisters to do this, feeling guilty, but going along, then the man, having found out (possibly from her) uses her as well, to get even. The story might end well with her finally standing up for herself against both and pitting them against one another, getting even with both.

Just thinking... I do too much of that.

Q_C

 

[Norajane]

The only thing I can suggest is write it as one story, so you get the conclusion in there where it's revealed that she really isn't really 15. Or make sure it's revealed at the end of the first chapter, and then you can get into the specifics of his revenge in the second chapter.

I don't know if that would work for Laurel, but you can always ask.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The only thing I can suggest is write it as one story, so you get the conclusion in there where it's revealed that she really isn't really 15. Or make sure it's revealed at the end of the first chapter, and then you can get into the specifics of his revenge in the second chapter.

I don't know if that would work for Laurel, but you can always ask.

Good idea! Like, have the sorority sisters sit and laugh at him afterwards, "can you believe he really fell for her being 15?" "Yeah right, on a good day, perhaps!"