Ravenloft
Sweet Rogue
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2000
- Posts
- 18,844
As told by Loki, to a demon friend of his.
Loki: I was up to my neck in shit once. They made a saga about it.
Demon: What?
Loki: Set down and I'll tell you about it. TRUE story. Many years ago I convinced Thor of the Aesir that the reason for his impotence was that he was pregnant.
Demon: PREGNANT?
Loki: Mmm. He's not very bright. And I told him to lie face down and naked on his sleeping furs until I came and delivered him of child.
Demon: He listened to you?
Loki: I was disguised as a wandering physicia, and, as I said, he's...
Demon: Not very bright?
Loki: ExACTly. So I fed him a gallon of castor oil, painted his arse blue and shoved a cork up his ass-hole.
Demon: WHY?
Loki: Because it amused me to do so. I told him it was the cure for his condition. Then I went off to sleep with his wife.
Demon: HoHOH!
Loki: She WASN'T much of a lay. But it amused me to know that if would destroy him if ever he found out. So Thor is lying face down with a cork up his fundament for a week and a day, while his insides continue to rumble their course. And NOW he's got a pain in his gut like you wouldn't believe, as the pressure continues to build... I'd told him he might experience some pain. That it was common in pregnancy. SUDDENLY, into the room, through an open window, bounds Ratatosk, the squirrel who lives in the branches of the world tree. Ratatosk is curious as any little squirrel. And he climbs on top of Thor's straining, squirming buttocks, and he... Pulls OUT the cork. *Thbbbbbbbbt!!!* Its and explosion... Eight days' worth of oiled shit thunders forth from the fundament of the lord of storms. And the mighty Thor sits up, and looks round, and sees Ratatosk on the ground, stunned, gassed, befouled. And slowly, with hands as big as ham hocks, he picks up the little animal, and stares at it. And then, with one ponderous motion, he CLASPS it to his bosom. "You're ugly" He says, "You're hairy, and your covered in shit. But you're MINE, and I LOVE you!" *Loki stares at the demon, his story obviously at a conclusion as the demon gives him a look in return as the full effect of the story sinks in. The demon falls to the floor in a mad fit of laughter.*
Demon: Ehehehhehahahhahahha!!!!! Ohhhhh, that's RICH, that is... "You're mine and I love you." HEEEEE! Ooh...
Loki: I was up to my neck in shit once. They made a saga about it.
Demon: What?
Loki: Set down and I'll tell you about it. TRUE story. Many years ago I convinced Thor of the Aesir that the reason for his impotence was that he was pregnant.
Demon: PREGNANT?
Loki: Mmm. He's not very bright. And I told him to lie face down and naked on his sleeping furs until I came and delivered him of child.
Demon: He listened to you?
Loki: I was disguised as a wandering physicia, and, as I said, he's...
Demon: Not very bright?
Loki: ExACTly. So I fed him a gallon of castor oil, painted his arse blue and shoved a cork up his ass-hole.
Demon: WHY?
Loki: Because it amused me to do so. I told him it was the cure for his condition. Then I went off to sleep with his wife.
Demon: HoHOH!
Loki: She WASN'T much of a lay. But it amused me to know that if would destroy him if ever he found out. So Thor is lying face down with a cork up his fundament for a week and a day, while his insides continue to rumble their course. And NOW he's got a pain in his gut like you wouldn't believe, as the pressure continues to build... I'd told him he might experience some pain. That it was common in pregnancy. SUDDENLY, into the room, through an open window, bounds Ratatosk, the squirrel who lives in the branches of the world tree. Ratatosk is curious as any little squirrel. And he climbs on top of Thor's straining, squirming buttocks, and he... Pulls OUT the cork. *Thbbbbbbbbt!!!* Its and explosion... Eight days' worth of oiled shit thunders forth from the fundament of the lord of storms. And the mighty Thor sits up, and looks round, and sees Ratatosk on the ground, stunned, gassed, befouled. And slowly, with hands as big as ham hocks, he picks up the little animal, and stares at it. And then, with one ponderous motion, he CLASPS it to his bosom. "You're ugly" He says, "You're hairy, and your covered in shit. But you're MINE, and I LOVE you!" *Loki stares at the demon, his story obviously at a conclusion as the demon gives him a look in return as the full effect of the story sinks in. The demon falls to the floor in a mad fit of laughter.*
Demon: Ehehehhehahahhahahha!!!!! Ohhhhh, that's RICH, that is... "You're mine and I love you." HEEEEE! Ooh...
