A joke, for real.

[FlamingoBlue]

The scene. A man is in a coma for 10 days, after experiencing a stroke. His loving wife is there at his bedside waiting for him to awake. He does and he says:

"Sweeetheart, I am so glad you are here. You have always been with me when times were tough. When I flunked out of college, you were there. When I came home wounded from Viet Nam you were there. When I started the business and it failed, you were there. When I was robbed, you were there. When I was fired from my last job you were there. When I was shot and almost died, you were there. When the house burned down, you were there.
You know something??? I think you're bad luck."

So, funny or not???


blue

 

[Guest]

http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif OMFG!!!!!!! http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif ROFLMFAO!!!!!! http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif Hee hee hee... http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif Aw hell. Okay, it wasn't that funny!

~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif

 

[R Nitelight]

Joke

The laughing smilies were funnier.

 

[Guest]

<blush>

Thank you. Hee hee hee


~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif

 

[KillerMuffin]

A joke for you blue.

I didn't think it was funny, neither did the supreme court justice, but you probably will.

A trial lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He tells Saint Peter, "I'm a trial lawyer, I'd like to try some cases."

"Fine." Says Saint Peter, checking through a log. "The soonest you can go to court is in 13 months."

"13 months!" The trial lawyer doesn't like that so he goes down to hell and tells the devil, "I'm a trial lawyer, I'd like to try some cases."

"Great." Says the devil. "You go to trial at 8 tomorrow morning."

"That's in 12 hours! St. Peter wanted me to wait 13 months!"

"The only have one Judge up there. We have the rest."

 

[Guest]

A joke for you blue.

I didn't think it was funny, neither did the supreme court justice, but you probably will.

http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif OMFG!!!!!!! http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif ROFLMFAO!!!!!! http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif Hee hee hee... Aw hell. Okay, it wasn't that funny!

~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/128.gif

 

[forgetunome]

lawyer jokes

I don't wish to offend anyone this is just for the humor...BTW I got these from my brother-in-law who's a lawyer

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at
least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied,
"First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United way rep mumbled, "Um...no."
The lawyer continued"--or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "--or that my sister's husband died in
traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising now in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said
simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again:"---so if I
don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"

______________________________________________________
another lawyer joke...


The preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As
they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and
motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly,
smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that
the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final
moments.

They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them
any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons
about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to
come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said
weakly,

"Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to
go."

______________________________________________________
cross-examining

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer
during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-
called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do
you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow
officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to
walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt
recess was called. The officer on the stand has been
nominated for this year's "Best come-back" line and we think he'll win.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Another Lawyerly groaner....

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order,He didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted Three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, But he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was lick....Damn! I miss him!!!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"

"Duh! You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

[coaster]

thanks! good stuff!!!!!

 

[Rosebud]

Have you heard about the lawyer with a conscience?
Neither has anyone else

sorry but everyone alse was doing it...LOL here is another that I liked


"Boy for St. Louis"

Johnny and Kip were playing hockey at Forest Park skating rink.
Suddenly a vicious pit bull came up and attacked Kip. Instead of
panicking, Johnny sneaked up behind the dog, stuck his hockey stick
in the dog's collar, and broke the dog's neck.

A reporter from St. Louis heard about what had happened with the boy
and he went to the Johnny's house to him. He asked Johnny how all of
this happened, and Johnny told him. Then he asked Johnny if he could
write about him, and Johnny said sure. So the reporter pulled out his
notepad and started writing, "Blues fan from St. Louis saves friend
from vicious dog."

Johnny said, "I'm not a Blues fan."

So the reporter started writing again. "Cardinals fan from St. Louis
saves friend from dog."

Johnny said, "I'm not a Cardinals fan either."

The reporter finally asked, "What the hell are you a fan of?"

Johnny said, "I'm a Detroit Redwings fan."

The reporter frowned and stared writing again: "Little bastard from
Michigan kills family pet."

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Rosie, are you trying

to tell me something? Funny story.

blue

 

[Jeff726]

Blue, you stupid son of a bitch!

My dad died from a stroke. You don't make fun of that shit!

 

[Expertise]

I am certain he didn't intend any insult Jeff.

 

[SimplySouthern]

Jeff....now now now Baby Boy. This is one of those times when your emotions over ride your common sense. Blue did not mean to offend. He wasn't making fun of people who died from a stroke...that is only the way the joke goes.

No harm...no foul.

 

[Jeff726]

Oh gosh just be glad none of you Lit girls were anywhere near me at my angry moment. You'd have been fucked silly! Ya know, since I heard angry = great sex.