DannyBoyUK
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Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
It's called, Sosumi.
A huge list of (generally) short lawyer jokes
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DannyBoyUK
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Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
DannyBoyUK
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Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
DannyBoyUK
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Q: What is the difference between a dead lawyer in the road, and a dead skunk in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
DannyBoyUK
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
They both look good hanging from a tree.
DannyBoyUK
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
DannyBoyUK
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What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Their personalities.
DannyBoyUK
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What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
A tick falls off of you when you die.
DannyBoyUK
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
DannyBoyUK
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What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A shortage of sand.
A shortage of sand.
DannyBoyUK
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What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
A doberman.
DannyBoyUK
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
DannyBoyUK
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
DannyBoyUK
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Lawyer's Creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
DannyBoyUK
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
Lipstick.
DannyBoyUK
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What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
Skeet.
Skeet.
DannyBoyUK
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What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea.
Chelsea.
DannyBoyUK
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
It might be your bicycle
It might be your bicycle
DannyBoyUK
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill.Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures
DannyBoyUK
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It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
DannyBoyUK
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A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
DannyBoyUK
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You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
DannyBoyUK
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Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller.
He gets taller.
DannyBoyUK
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
His lips are moving.
DannyBoyUK
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How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
