'A Heavy Lifting" poem by KatPurrs

[Unmasked Poet]

A Heavy Duty Chore
by KatPurrs©

 

[Ded Poet]

And who am I to say this is wrong?
So he likes to dress like a woman.

sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.lol

thanks for the read, KP

 

[KatPurrs]

Thanks Ded Poet

And who am I to say this is wrong?
So he likes to dress like a woman.

sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.lol

thanks for the read, KP

LOL...exactly DP. This poem was an experiment
and one that probably failed but that's ok. It's all a learning process.

This was an attempt to convey the loss of excitement in a dying relationship. The drudgery of doing something you don't want to do to keep someone else happy. "Begged into his room of torment"...

To get the reader into the rhythm of the boredom that the whipping girl was going through, I made it drone with 9 syllables for each line, hoping the reader would wish it would hurry up and end as the girl did. Did I succeed? Huh? Did I? Huh?
Every time I read it, I wish it would hurry up and end! In fact, I've read the damn thing for the LAST TIME! LOL....

Thanks for the comment DP!

 

[SA Storm]

.

 

[Vailyn]

KP

<grins> okay, all Im gonna say is that I REALLY REALLY did feel the "god is it over yet?" -- so in that aspect, you suceeded tremendously well! <claps> laffs, is this one of those instances where you don't like doing what you went out for in the first place? LOL!!!

Well done.

 

[KatPurrs]

Re: Ouch and the heels are too tight

Katpurrs,

Loved your poem, yet without your comment I did not see quite how it connected to the theme. I didn’t get the feeling of departure or boredom. Quite the contrary it seemed the torment/pleasure was a gift.

If you ever invite me over for tea, you can put away the whip.

SA

SA,

Thanks for your comments. So glad you liked it!
And if you didn't get it, that's my fault, not yours. Damn it aint easy! LOL

The torment/pleasure was a begrudged gift to the man. She had to be "begged", she was looking for signs for him to be near an orgasm, and had to clench her teeth to not express her gut reacion to apologize for inflicting pain.

I guess I was hoping to convey these things so it would be realized that this was a relationship gone by, lost, to her anyway. Pushing it a bit, wasn't I? haha....

Anyway, Earl Grey, chamomile, lemon zinger?

Kat~

 

[KatPurrs]

OOPS

SA, I'm sorry, I meant to say that I'm looking forward to your next poem and will be happy to comment on it. I love what you've painted so far!

Kat~

 

[KatPurrs]

Re: KP

<grins> okay, all Im gonna say is that I REALLY REALLY did feel the "god is it over yet?" -- so in that aspect, you suceeded tremendously well! <claps> laffs, is this one of those instances where you don't like doing what you went out for in the first place? LOL!!!

Well done.

Vailyn...LOL!! Bored to tears, eh? GOOD! Take that! I am a glutton for punishment. I think I was on the wrong end of the whip!

Thanks for your comment.

Kat~

 

[Whispersecret]

A Heavy Duty Chore by Katpurrs

Begged into the room of his torment,
Ropes looped into a sling hold his ass.
He sways to and fro above the ground.
Stockinged feet in Stilettoes of gold.

Here I get a clear and wonderful picture of him. The word "begged" tells me she's reluctant. Not sure why stilettoes is capitalized, even though I love the line.

And who am I to say this is wrong?
So he likes to dress like a woman.
I wear jeans and an LL Bean shirt.
A match made in heaven you might say.

See, here is where I sort of departed from identifying with the whipping girl. I would say, she is the perfect person to say that his desire to dress like a woman is wrong, because she's his girlfriend! In my opinion, you cannot sustain a relationship with someone whose sexual identity is SO distasteful to you that you have to force yourself to do what he likes. But I also acknowledge that I am a judgmental person. Really, my personal feelings about life have nothing to do with whether this is a good poem or whether you communicated what you wanted to, but I thought I would explain why it didn't work for me.

Back to the poem and off the soapbox.

Not sure if the "match made in heaven" referred to her jeans and shirt, or her and him (sarcastically.)

I tie his wrists tightly behind him,
And place the blindfold over his eyes.
I take the whip and ready myself.
Unweildingly, the first lash strikes home.

Should be unwieldingly (i before e), and I'm not quite sure that's an actual word.

Lash after lash, I hear him moan out.
With each strike he gets a bit harder.
Sweet precum has seeped through his nylons.
And I know it won't be much longer.

Not sure if "moan out" works for me. In my opinion (and this is just opinion) people can "moan" but they can't "moan out."

This whole stanza could be left out, if you ask me. It doesn't really say anything about what I think is the theme of the poem. It only illustrates that he's excited by the whipping, which I already understand, so the devotion of an entire stanza to this idea seems unnecessary. The next stanza tells me he's incredibly turned on by it anyway.

With each blow I whisper "I'm sorry"
"Don't say that" he begs "Or you'll spoil it."
And the welts on his ass cheeks turn red.
My teeth clench at this onerous task.

Here, at the very end is the part I liked best. Here is where I see the gritty conflict between them, which is the most interesting part. You already said in the earlier part of the poem that she had to be begged, that she readies herself, but here in this stanza one single line says it perfectly, "With each blow I whisper "I'm sorry[.]"

In fact, I just realized why this part sings to me so much. This one line succinctly says everything about her inner conflict, which is, I think, what the poem is about. Her desire to please her boyfriend in opposition with what she feels comfortable doing.

I think that the second stanza, the flippant attitude I get from her contradicts this inner "torment." I think that her unease with the dichotomy inside her would be stronger and more consistent with her personality if you showed that she clearly doesn't like his dressing habits.

Then the next line illustrates the depth of HIS need. Very powerful.

What I would like to have seen was the completion of her task and the aftermath between the two. Does she continue to be apologetic? Does she feel guilty about hurting someone she (I assume) loves? How do they relate to one another when they're not having sex? I think that the aftermath is where you could take the opportunity to highlight the conflict between them, to further show us her possible disgust, relief that it's over, or perhaps even her decision to break up with him, which would have brought this poem back into line with the "Olympic rules."

This was an attempt to convey the loss of excitement in a dying relationship. The drudgery of doing something you don't want to do to keep someone else happy. "Begged into his room of torment"...

I didn't get a loss of excitement, only because I have to doubt it was ever there between these two. I can only speak for myself really, but from my standpoint, you're into S&M or you're not. If I was out there single and my boyfriend told me he wanted me to whip him while he was in drag, I'd be out of there, no question. So, I guess my problem with this is that the example (whipping a man in drag) is so extreme to me that I see no area of indecision for the girl. And again, this is me. It is just too difficult for me to feel empathy for someone who is so alien to me, because I just can't put myself in her place.

What follows is a proofread version of the last stanza, with correct punctuation. Have to keep up my reputation as the Punctuation Nazi.

With each blow I whisper, "I'm sorry."
"Don't say that," he begs, "or you'll spoil it."
And the welts on his ass cheeks turn red.
My teeth clench at this onerous task.

So, all in all, while it might seem that I didn't like this poem, I truly did. I enjoyed being invited into this strange and unfamiliar world. The two lines where they spoke to each other were so strong that it carried the rest of it for me and made me wish it wasn't ending.

 

[KatPurrs]

Clicking my heels at ya Whispersecret....

And giving you the old Nazi sign! Thanks. I needed that! LOL But, seriously, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your input here. It was wonderful!

I know better than to make the stupid mistakes you pointed out...the punctuation, i before e, (I am normally the Spelling Police!) and capitalization rules. The latter was an editing boo-boo, caused from switching lines around. I can only blame fatigue and pressure to get the damn thing in before midnight on those things...now let's move on to the others.

You couldn't relate to the 2nd stanza. I understand that completely. But you ARE being, and I'm sorry here, judgmental and a bit narrow-minded but then kink is not for everyone and you can't help but feel the way you do. It's ok! I was wondering how this subject matter would be received. It was just another part of my experiment in writing this poem.

It wasn't the cross-dressing that was distasteful to her. She made a joke that he was dressed as a woman and she was dressed as a man. It was inflicting pain that she found distasteful. Just because she was his girlfriend, does not make it right for her to dictate to him how he should dress. Perhaps it would help if you understood that most tv's are hets. Their sexual identity is not in question at all. They just like the way it feels and it turns them on. I don't really understand it myself, but...hey, different strokes....

I should have spelled "unweildingly"
"unwieldily"... Sheesh! (where's that whip?)

The next stanza: I still don't have a problem with "moan out" but that's just my opinion.
The purpose of the stanza, was to stimulate the reader's visual and auditory senses. AND to show how she was anxious for any sign that her "chore" might be coming to an end.

I'm glad the last stanza struck home for you.
I would have liked to have given you more insight into their relationship; their interaction after the dirty deed was done, but it was midnight and my time had run out. Maybe I'll pick up where I left off and see where it takes us. Oh God. I don't know. Explaining this one has me tuckered right out

Can't thank you enough, Whisper.....

Kat~

 

[Whispersecret]

My pleasure.

Send me the rewrite. Heh heh.