A Hanukkah Gift

[PrivateRickmers]

This is my entry in the Winter Holiday Story Contest. It is a Rated PG love story about a wounded German soldier and a Jewish girl hiding from the Gestapo, who save each others' lives.

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-hanukkah-gift

 

[YDB95]

Great job. (I left feedback there too, but it bears repeating!)

 

[Dream_Operator]

I liked the concept of the story, but I don't think it was well executed. It seemed like I was reading a rough draft rather than a finished story. Good luck in the contest.

 

[Darkniciad]

To me, there wasn't enough development of the relationship. If you'd spent more time with them, letting us see who they are and how they felt about each other, it would have lent a tremendous amount of weight to the ending as written.

 

[PrivateRickmers]

I liked the concept of the story, but I don't think it was well executed. It seemed like I was reading a rough draft rather than a finished story. Good luck in the contest.

To me, there wasn't enough development of the relationship. If you'd spent more time with them, letting us see who they are and how they felt about each other, it would have lent a tremendous amount of weight to the ending as written.

These are good criticisms. I can create characters, compose scenes, and write dialogue. I consider myself deficient in description. I will write, "He put on his coat and walked to the drug store." Another writer will spend a page and a half describing that.

Nevertheless, more elaborate description is only beneficial if it advances the story. Irrelevant description is tedious. In reading about the protagonist walking to the drug store I would not be interested in learning the make, model, and color of every car he passed. It would be interesting to know what kind of neighborhood he walked in, and why he walked rather than drove his own car.

Although Literotica has a Non-Erotic category, most of the readers here may prefer more robust material. A story about a beautiful young intern who for a Christmas present gives her boss her virginity at a company Christmas party might have broader appeal.

Anyway thank you UDB95, Dream_Operator, and Darkniciad for reading and commenting on "A Hanukkah Gift." I invite others to do so also.