Kev H
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2006
- Posts
- 749
This is a thread dedicated to the goofy, to the witty and satirical. If you want to share, post a Halloween-related scene or brief tale here. For example, this sassy short just came out while I was taking a break from my Halloween reads; hope it gives you a chuckle or three (if you have a grammar nazi inside of you, hide it until you are done or just don't bother; this is unedited, of course).
Vanity
“Wait,” she exclaimed, holding up her hand, “I’m not ready, yet. Just look at my hair―it’s like a mop!” He sighed, but kept his patience.
“Quickly then―we don’t have all night.”
She hurried into the bathroom to fuss with her hair, and he watched from the doorframe that supported his weight. She mumbled to herself, critically, and occasionally asked for his approval as she finished with her hair, making every strand perfect.
“Make-up,” she told herself, “don’t forget the make-up.” He sighed, tapping his imaginary watch. He never wore one, lest it not survive some of his more interesting ways of travel. But she was no dummy; she knew what he meant. “Okay, okay, don’t rush perfection. This is really important.” She chuckled as she applied her eyeliner. “I always like to make a good impression.”
His amusement at her antics began to fade over the next 30 minutes as she worked on her masterpiece. “Nails,” she reminded herself. “I really cannot stand my nails too long or my cuticles too rough. I suppose I don’t really have time for a manicure and pedicure?”
Surely that was a rhetorical question, but he shook his head, outwardly showing patience. She sat on the toilet seat, one leg bent so she could “do justice” to her toenails. Her flimsy nightgown was certainly not doing its job, and her beautiful skin made him twitch with impatience.
“Please,” he nearly begged, “you are really cramping my style here. You are perfection, the embodiment of beauty―now let’s go.”
“It’s funny to think about you having such a lack of patience,” she quipped with a giggle. He gave her a dark look.
“I am not used to being made to wait, but don’t let it go to your head that I make an exception for you.” He sighed again. “Look, you are a special woman and this is a special night for you, but come on already.” He would have said more, but she was in his face with her dream-like breasts exposed.
“Do you think these sag too much? What if I tape them up?” She showed him the position she wanted, by lifting them with her hands. He could not keep a finger from grazing over her nipples. They jumped to attention and she shivered with pleasure. Yet, still she persisted. “What about my wrinkles?”
“Those fade.”
“My muscle tone? I have not done the Stairmaster in nearly a week since I was PMSing.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, woman. Why do you have a complex when you are clearly more gorgeous than any other?”
“Now you are asking for a girl’s secrets, too?” She shook a finger at him, teasing. “Beauty does not come cheap or easy.”
“Wanna bet?” He smirked as he finally made her react without thought to her appearance. Or so he thought.
“Eternal beauty,” she mused in an enchanted tone. Then she cleared her throat and went through her mental checklist. “Hair just right, makeup could be better, but I know you’re in a hurry. Nails could use some professional attention―oh, how’s my teeth? Any food stuck in them? No? How about my breath?”
“Like toothpaste. Look, if you are nervous, I completely understand, but I swear you are ready now.”
“Nah,” she waved away the clumsy attempt at empathy. Men were all the same, and apparently they never changed. “But this is important that I get everything as good as possible with you rushing me.” She sighed in satisfaction. “Okay, I think I’m…Wait! Oh shit, I almost forgot to pluck my eyebrows! That would have really made me cross forever.” He’d have ground his teeth, except that would not be such a good idea, so he settled for an evil scowl as she hurried back to the vanity mirror to perfect her flawless eyebrows.
“Ta-da!” She presented herself to him with a flourish, as if he had not watched her dink around for the past hour. “Anticipation makes the heart grow fonder, right? Take me now, my impatient stud.” She swept into his arms with an exaggerated show of passion.
Even as her blood entered his mouth, he wondered if he was thinking with the wrong head again.
Vanity
“Wait,” she exclaimed, holding up her hand, “I’m not ready, yet. Just look at my hair―it’s like a mop!” He sighed, but kept his patience.
“Quickly then―we don’t have all night.”
She hurried into the bathroom to fuss with her hair, and he watched from the doorframe that supported his weight. She mumbled to herself, critically, and occasionally asked for his approval as she finished with her hair, making every strand perfect.
“Make-up,” she told herself, “don’t forget the make-up.” He sighed, tapping his imaginary watch. He never wore one, lest it not survive some of his more interesting ways of travel. But she was no dummy; she knew what he meant. “Okay, okay, don’t rush perfection. This is really important.” She chuckled as she applied her eyeliner. “I always like to make a good impression.”
His amusement at her antics began to fade over the next 30 minutes as she worked on her masterpiece. “Nails,” she reminded herself. “I really cannot stand my nails too long or my cuticles too rough. I suppose I don’t really have time for a manicure and pedicure?”
Surely that was a rhetorical question, but he shook his head, outwardly showing patience. She sat on the toilet seat, one leg bent so she could “do justice” to her toenails. Her flimsy nightgown was certainly not doing its job, and her beautiful skin made him twitch with impatience.
“Please,” he nearly begged, “you are really cramping my style here. You are perfection, the embodiment of beauty―now let’s go.”
“It’s funny to think about you having such a lack of patience,” she quipped with a giggle. He gave her a dark look.
“I am not used to being made to wait, but don’t let it go to your head that I make an exception for you.” He sighed again. “Look, you are a special woman and this is a special night for you, but come on already.” He would have said more, but she was in his face with her dream-like breasts exposed.
“Do you think these sag too much? What if I tape them up?” She showed him the position she wanted, by lifting them with her hands. He could not keep a finger from grazing over her nipples. They jumped to attention and she shivered with pleasure. Yet, still she persisted. “What about my wrinkles?”
“Those fade.”
“My muscle tone? I have not done the Stairmaster in nearly a week since I was PMSing.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, woman. Why do you have a complex when you are clearly more gorgeous than any other?”
“Now you are asking for a girl’s secrets, too?” She shook a finger at him, teasing. “Beauty does not come cheap or easy.”
“Wanna bet?” He smirked as he finally made her react without thought to her appearance. Or so he thought.
“Eternal beauty,” she mused in an enchanted tone. Then she cleared her throat and went through her mental checklist. “Hair just right, makeup could be better, but I know you’re in a hurry. Nails could use some professional attention―oh, how’s my teeth? Any food stuck in them? No? How about my breath?”
“Like toothpaste. Look, if you are nervous, I completely understand, but I swear you are ready now.”
“Nah,” she waved away the clumsy attempt at empathy. Men were all the same, and apparently they never changed. “But this is important that I get everything as good as possible with you rushing me.” She sighed in satisfaction. “Okay, I think I’m…Wait! Oh shit, I almost forgot to pluck my eyebrows! That would have really made me cross forever.” He’d have ground his teeth, except that would not be such a good idea, so he settled for an evil scowl as she hurried back to the vanity mirror to perfect her flawless eyebrows.
“Ta-da!” She presented herself to him with a flourish, as if he had not watched her dink around for the past hour. “Anticipation makes the heart grow fonder, right? Take me now, my impatient stud.” She swept into his arms with an exaggerated show of passion.
Even as her blood entered his mouth, he wondered if he was thinking with the wrong head again.
NY condoms. 
