A good lesson to learn from an All India guy who knows

[Guest]

This is a thread from yesterday which I am re-posting cuz it caused difficulty namely cuz of my name ok

Hi,
This is my story.Its a lesson to every nice guy around.This is the story of a guy betrayed after he was faithful.
I'd like to share this with you all.
Hope you all have the paitence to read it, the pain & hurt I feel cannot be explained.Never let a nice guy down ever.
Anyone feel like writing to me pls do.

Struggling after doing a part-time job and working for 4 ½ years, I joined BDA in June 1999. Somewhere in September 1999, I got an anonymous phone call from someone under the named doris. The caller spoke of how her friend liked me. This continued for a few days, meanwhile with the help of my friends I managed to trace the call to BDE, and realised it was hz that made the call. I told hz I was not interested in her friend. There after hz used to call up often from her work place talking to me about her problems with her boyfriend valey, she used to suspect him a lot. We also used to talk about casual things around every day. Soon we started communicating on the company E-mail.

Hz and valey had a lot of differences between them, they used to constantly argue and raise hands on each other. Hz used to meet valey after work and spend the time out or at his place in Mahim. She used to tell her folks that she was working late as they did not like valey and he did not like them, this problems continued for a few months until they split. Hz had a habit of suicidal tendencies, often talking of taking sleeping tablets /drugs/cutting hands, getting ultra emotional etc. This she used to convey to me on phone that she would do if valey left her. I used to try and make her understand and not get suspicious. Hz way of reading people was very suspicious and one could not understand why.

Hz worked in HR department of BDE, and had access to all confidential information of all employees, including their personal particulars and salary.

During her affair with valey, her parents and relatives collected one day at her place and confronted her about him and asked her to stay away from him, there was a huge scene at her place, verbally and physically, they even slapped her and told her to die. Hz used to tell me that even her own mother and brother never supported her, this sentence she repeats even today when depressed. To escape this she got a transfer to Ahmedabad and left home. I still communicated with her through the company E-mail frequently. According to her I was the only link she had there. Although I was doing night shifts, I used to visit the office in the day just to communicate to her on E-mail. She was very happy that there was someone to talk to and used to be very thankful to me.

Soon her relationship with Valey broke off. She kept saying no one would marry her, She started behaving very depressed, mentioning that her own folks did not care etc .I tried my best to communicate with her on E-mail and phone hoping at least I could be there in her time of need.

I tried to be there always, After a year on May 1st 2000,I asked her if we could go out, feeling that the person was a homily person and likes kids, someone that would respect my mom and all elder persons too, someone I could trust to respect my mother and build a big family. I told hz if things worked we could go ahead with marriage in due time else we could still be good friends, which she agreed. Hz returned to Bombay and got a job.

Thereafter I used to be with her every day talking on phone or meeting her, trying to get her out of her depression. I used to wait for her for 2 hours, drop her at her place, after she has a bath she would come out for a drive to Joggers park/ Carter road, then I would talk to her for hours, leave her home and go back to my place and then return to work, as I work at nights. Although I wanted to leave her home at 9pm, she refused and wanted to stay out till 1030pm to talk, saying that at her place no one bothered, as long as she was working and no one cared about her etc. she also said she trusted and felt safe with me. In case I used to force her to go home early, she would behave stubbornly and walk away from her house and because I felt responsible for her I used to tolerate it and thought I’d get her to improve one day .

Even if one day I could not meet her, she would act very stubborn like a small child and frantically call up at my place on phone insisting on going out to talk. At times she used to shout, raise her hands on me, slap and scratch me and pull my hair when annoyed at something and then apologise for it as if nothing happened, stating reasons like it was because she was depressed because of her previous relationship and that she needed time. .I decided to believe her although something told me that this was a built in habit of hers, even her friends and relatives have mentioned it before. I never once raised my hand on her although I could.


Such was her possessiveness that she used to hardly spend time with her Mom and brother at home, her dad was in the Gulf at that time. She used to say things that were wrong with her and no one liked her etc. she mentioned that her mother and brother used to not care for her and all they needed was her money and when she could not provide them the money they needed, they used to ill-treat her and not feed her and used to criticise her She also used to say that she had no one to talk to and if I left her for someone else she’d do drastic things to herself. I thought probably this person loves me a lot that’s why she spoke this way.

Everytime I wanted to leave her at her home on time she insisted on wanting to stay longer. In case I did not listen she would refuse to go home and walk in the other direction. Initially I used to think that it was her love for me that was doing all this. In case I refused to listen she would walk away and not talk for days, threaten to do all things to herself and try for sympathy from me. Hz was a very possessive person who could not tolerate me talking to anyone else, even a movie could cause her to suspect me, blame me and then later after many hours/days, she would say that she realised her stupidity at suspecting me and apoligize, & call up to talk franatically. I was faithful and there was no fault that could be found, still she always felt I’d leave her for someone else. Which I never understood why. Even if I spoke to her of some friend of mine, her reaction was of extreme jealously. Which initially I mistook for love. When I used to introduce her to my friends, later she used to behave depressed.


I used to buy her small presents not expensive, like table pieces, write letters, cards. I used to get a lot of letters and cards too. I have a very big collection of the same at home. I believed these small surprises at odd times would generate a lot of love from her. My innocent ways of presenting something, although kiddish would make her realise what true love is. I wanted money never to be an issue. I’ve been through hard days, studying and working part time, without a father all alone to reach where I’m today. I wanted that true love in my family to overcome all difficulties. I believed that if there was love, faith and sincerity, then there would always be happiness.

Every letter of hers spoke of how much she loved me and how her own people never cared and how only I was understanding, How much I was there for her, and how much value I had.

Every month on the 1st we celebrate our monthly anniversary by cutting a small piece of cake and blowing a candle, this is since we started together on 1st of May 2000. Till date we have never missed an occasion apart from 2 times once when she was working late and once when she was behaving stubborn and wanted to go home late which I refused the previous day.

I took very good care of her all that time, spoke to her, exchanged stories, planned for the future. I explained to her that I was not well off, I had my Dad’s loans to be repaid and I was struggling. She supported me and said that she understands and used words that she does not want anything but my support and my mom was like hers and my family was like hers too etc. I felt like a king. I felt that at last I could prove that true love exists and money is not an issue.

In November 2000 my father expired, the entire responsibility of the house was on my shoulders more so. I used to feel very sad about losing my father, but before dying He promised me not to cry over him and instead look after the people he left behind. He said he’ll be around always, which till today I believe he is.

Hz used to say that she always wanted to study more but could not concentrate, and there was no one at her place that could understand, she wanted to finish her MCom for her dad’s happiness, so I encouraged Hz to do correspondence MCom, and supported her daily until she succeeded. She used to tell me that it was thanks to me that she’s back on track, I felt happy I could do something for someone. But soon as time past, I found hz ambitions changed fast and hz got disinterested very quickly with small things. .

My sister had yet to get married, but she was not interested, as she spend her entire life working to get food in the house until I could finish my education, as my Father retired in 1983, my sister gave her entire youth to give me the minimum time required for me to succeed. This I’ll will remember forever. After my Father died, my mom & sas were very depressed. I used to try to make everyone happy, hiding my tears and I got them out of it in a year. I thought In case I brought home a homily wife that respected my mom, then my mom would be happy too and my dream of a small home with me, my wife, my kids and mom would all be eating together, talking together and there would be a lot of love and affection. On discussing this dream of mine with Hz, she agreed, promising a lot of things, which I really believed at that time. I started bringing hz to see my folks, and she used to visit home often.

Hz’s father returned home in Sept 2001 after he lost his job and he decided he was too old to work, Initially he refused to allow hz to see me, except on weekends which I did not mind, but hz had an argument at home and convinced him otherwise. I noticed hz was behaving very stubborn at times in her place like a small child would, and not a woman of her age.

My mother was admitted in the hospital in December , but thank God, miraculously she recovered, thereafter I felt the need of bringing a homily , faithful and trusty wife home that would respect others.
We decided to get married in 2002. Initially she wanted me to sponsor everything, meaning pay for everything like all the expenses for the wedding, to which I said I could not. That’s when the trouble actually all started.. Then her folks came over to talk. They insisted that hz continues to work as they need all her earnings, as her 20 year old brother does not want to work. He’s always with his gang on the road eve teasing and playing childish games or attending dance parties. If anyone tell her son to work her mom would flare up and create a scene. The same happened that day too. They also at times hinted that I should buy my own accommodation , which I said I cannot afford in a place like Bombay and I have to stay in my Dad’s house to look after my old mother. Then they wanted me to purchase her wedding gown of over Rs 20,000/-, which I could not afford, Finally we decided that both parties spend on their own sides as required and a joint sharing of 50% each which was the most fair decision. In addition, I agreed to buy the 2 wedding rings and an engagement ring for her. They agreed, but I noticed the tone of voice of the mother started changing. She even commented sarcastically at our place that day, that their expenses was going to be more than ours. I realised as long as I could do things I was nice, and in case I could not their true colours would be exposed. Thinking I had to live with Hz and not her mother, I ignored it. Little did I know until later that things were discussed between them regularly.

I told them I started working part time when I was 16 years old and all boys have to manage. They said her brother would soon, saying if he was pressurised, he threatened to do drastic things to himself. At that point I wondered if it was in the family that each one threatens to do drastic things to themselves just to get their way. But they insisted on us agreeing that she should be allowed to give her entire salary to them until he starts working or else they’ll starve, so we said OK, although I was aware that her father had been working in the gulf for all these many years and they have not spend any money to buy a flat as my father did for his children. Earlier during our conversations, Hz mentioned that her father owed around a lakh to relatives and friends and hence it was difficult for them to contribute to the expenditure. To this, I suggested that we should go in for a small wedding in church and no reception, since that would be ideal. Amazingly, the next day Hz tells me that her father told her that all loans had been paid and he had told them about it, and he could spend a bit. This made me realise how easily she and her family could tell lies just for their own conveniences.

On the wedding day comments were passed by their guests to us as “we pity you for marrying her” and “you have got yourself into a trap by this family”, etc. and that the reactions of hz and her folks were of extreme tension. A few days later after the wedding, we were informed that there was a scene at her place on the wedding day because the wedding car arrived a little late. Initially we thought the guests may be jealous of them. But time was to prove us wrong.


On the day of the wedding reception hz mom ridiculed my sister by pointing to an old man and telling my sister sarcastically that here is an eligible bachelor for my sister and she laughed in front of many guests, who came up and consoled my sister telling her why did she say that. My unmarried sister felt very bad and kept a smile on just for the sake of my wedding. What right had a person to ridicule someone about marriage teasing a person on the day her daughter just got married. Its like rubbing salt in someone else’s wounds.

I sponsored the marriage holiday of 3 days in a hotel, where we enjoyed ourselves. I spent on buying gifts for few friends and relatives too. Although hz said she did not like excessive expenditure, it was practically evident that she was a spend thrift especially when it came to spending someone else’s money other than her own or her family’s. It seemed later that hz used to agree just to convince a person that she did not like extravagant spending, but experience showed otherwise.

After marriage within 4 days hz began missing her mom, that’s when I realised something was wrong. Her mother wanted her to call up at her place at a particular time and tell her the entire day’s story of what happened the full day. I never objected. Every 5th day she wanted to spend a night at her folks place I never objected. Sometimes suddenly her mom would call her home at late evening, pretending she was very sick and was going to have a heart attack, or had hemoglobin problems or quoting illness, which used to disappear after she went home.

I realised that hz was a very pampered child. Her mother used to give her everything in bed including her toothbrush and washbasin. Food was provided, clothes were washed, even her hair was combed and her feet were pressed too by her mother everyday. It was very comfortable there.

In our place, although we never asked her to do any house work, she would cook a meal on Sundays the rest of the time my mom used to work along with my sister in washing clothes, sweeping and swabbing the floor and cleaning things, cooking, etc, thinking that since she was new to our place would get used to it in due course.

My mother treated her more like a daughter than a daughter-in- law. Every morning she would take my mothers blessings before going to work , my mom would stay at the window waving bye till she went and be there to see her when she came back in the evening.

Contrary to this, her mom never used to talk to me nicely, it was as if I was an enemy that took her daughter away. This attitude started after I told them about my principle and lifestyle, which denounced extravagant expenses. After all, I was earning my money very great difficulty, working double shifts and doing overtime to save a bit.

Whenever hz was not around, I use to get insulted by her folks. At that time although hz and I had decided whatever happens between us we would discuss between ourselves as solve our own problems, so I never mentioned the numerous insults I faced with her family, and even when I did I was never believed.

Apart from a small argument at our place ,weeks ago, common everywhere, there was no occasion of trouble. That too, a couple of hours later things were normal, I really felt I had the worlds happiest home. I used to show of to my friends about what a wonderful family I have. But the frequency of visits overnight at her place and the duration of phone calls increased, soon hz stopped calling from home and called from her office and outside to her mom. I never suspected the topic of conversation because I trusted her and never thought she would be talking personal husband-wife matters and what is happening everyday in our family and other personal and intimate things pertaining to our family, to her mom.

Once there was a scene at Hz place prior to marriage when hz mother was distributing the wedding cards in the neighborhood. When her mom had an argument with a neighbor, she came up and created a noisy tantrum and started to roll and scream and bang her hands and head on the wall, and only after hz swore on the Bible that she would not leave her mother, after marriage and would not forget them ,did it end. It was as if they wanted everything for themselves, hz, the money she earned and was worried I would take her away. It was so crazy to think like that. We even suggested to them that we’d wait for a couple of years but they insisted that hz gets married immediately, inspite of knowing that her brother was not working and hz would have to work to feed them, although her father had worked in the gulf all these years.

One day after 2 months she went out with my mother to Carter road and they ate at a snack joint, in the confusion that day hz forgot to call her mother at 5 pm and it was 8 pm when she called. The response she got was that she was now forgetting her mother, just because she called up 3 hrs late and went out with another person who was her own mother-in-law. That night hz cried and told me that she does not know what to do -- If she goes home we’ll be disappointed, if she does not, her mom will blame her.
I told her, “we’ll understand, you go there” and in fact I personally dropped her at her moms place. The next day she thanked me a lot for helping her decide and being understanding. I told her it was not required but just reduce the frequency of overnight visits as we were married.

After that day things got worse. When she returned she used to demand outside food, ice creams, visits to expensive restaurants which I could not afford all the time. In case I could not afford to spend the kind of money she wanted me to spend on her, I was taunted by her. She started eating outside and refused or ate very little at home with us or ate outside and said she was not eating because she had no appetite or was feeling ill. She used to leave the table before others finish their food. On asking hz why the change hz used to just deny it. Hz was hiding something.

Since I used to go for night duties she used to sleep with the rest of the family. Thereafter she started to sleep alone, but then she started to complain that she saw ghosts and heard footsteps and sounds, something I and my Mom and sister and the whole of the building people have never heard in the last 28 years. She used to talk of seeing ghosts in the night, hearing sounds at night and having haunted dreams, she used to talk about blackmagic and ghosts she seen at her place, but no one else had seen these things. When we tried to convince her that it was only her imagination, she used to start her tantrums.
And if she was asked to sleep with the rest of the family the excuse was that she could not sleep. Soon she started taking sleeping tablets quietly. This we realised when my folks told me that she used to close and lock the door for 30 minutes and longer soon after I left for work, and even after asking her to unlock the door, she would pretend not to hear. Even when I used to return from duty in the morning, hz had this drugged and dazed look. She had this habit of taking medicines a lot earlier, reasons of some allergy or sickness was always given , I believed her at the time, but she promised me that she’d not and would read a book instead, I believed her.

One day she goes to her house and has an overdose of drugs and is admitted in the hospital. Inspite of not having done anything to her and she doing the wrong in her house we were blamed, Her mom starts blaming us that we harassed her, and that we treated her badly, But why blame us when they don’t realise how well we took care of her, we were surprised when we never did any harm why were we being blamed, hands were raised on me inspite of me trying to help out, I was being blamed for what I could not understand.

That’s when her mother told me hz tells everything that happens at our place home from the day she got married to me and even when she was friendly with me, every thing that happened between me and her was always discussed with her mother. . I asked hz later if what her mother said was true, but she denied that she told her mother everything and yet her mother insisted that she told her everything. Every time I ask hz she says she did not say these things, then what is the reason that the mother keeps telling lies for,or is hz telling lies for sympathy, this is what has to be investigated into. Hz even tells us about things her father and mother did wrong to her, she used to talk of her fathers drunken state and him fallen on the road drunk and her mothers attempts of suicide and their anger towards her when she was going around with valey. I began to realise that hz was playing a dirty game where she was criticising A to B and criticising B to A, which we have now come to believe is her way of getting sympathy. What is she gaining by doing this? I began to suspect something weird in her behavior. Her behavior and way of thinking mainly times did not seem normal.

Hz has a habit of telling small white lies just to get a little sympathy, This she used to do not realising
one day she’ll be called a liar .Her friends had mentioned her character to me but I thought they were jealous or just wanted to make trouble between us. I had often told her not to tell things outside the house, because gossip leads to problems, she agreed and promised that was never done, which I believed until I later realised it was one of her many lies When I casually chatted with people. Hz always seemed to be victimised by people around, she never seemed to be happy with anyone, and next moment it was a contrast. She seemed to have a change of moods every few minutes and one would not know what mood she would be in at whatever moment, for no fault of mine.

After recovering and going home her folks demanded that I hand over her clothes, as her father wanted to take her to Goa for a month’s holiday. I asked her if that was true and she said yes. I took all her clothes and bags back home like a coolie. Then they demanded all the jewelry, she agreed that she wanted her jewellery, too. That shocked me What was money, love was supposed to be more valuable. I carried her heavy bags up the staircases to avoid her old father from lifting this heavy weight at his age. Inspite of doing that, hz mother began to yell and shout at me, accusing me of the most unbelievable things which I could never understand. Why?. What shocked me was my own mother never behaved like her at any time in my life. At that time I never realised it was hz that was telling them lies to gain sympathy and talking nicely to me and my mom and sister on our face. This was hypocrisy and deception I could not understand. Why would a wife do such things? Especially when her full salary cheque was given to her home and her every expenses was borne gracefully by me and my family . Why did hz not tell them about all the happiness and respect and importance she was always given by the three of us in our place. Why were these lies told instead? What was she gaining behaving like this with us?

Feeling very sad, I returned the gold too, including the mangalsutra I had brought for her. According to her mother Hz started telling people at her place that we harassed her and that she never got any privacy. When the fact was that every time I went out I took only hz with me, and not my mother and sister. And when she and I were together, we were alone in our room, that according me me is maximum privacy. But closing the bedroom door and taking drugs when she was alone is wrong according to me. We gave her own brand new cupboard and later I discovered empty packets of tablets was lying in it. If I did not allow this privacy this would have been discovered earlier. That’s when we realised something was wrong with hz mentally, which even her own parents knew about but kept from us, this was not right.

We took so much care of her, yet we were blamed. God above is watching this and he must be crying.


The biggest disappointment to me was one day hz told me she was pregnant on the 10th of May, I was so happy, I smiled and shouted out loud in happiness. After all I was going to be a father, a dad, I knew I’d be a great dad because I love kids. . She was happy too. She wanted to inform her folks. I told her tell them later, But she insisted .After she spoke to them, she was disappointed at their responses. Her brother snubbed her while her mom ridiculed her quoting that it may be something she ate, Hz was very disappointed with their responses and told me even if others are not happy, as long as we are who cares. I was very happy hearing this from her and the support she was giving me, thinking that after all what matters is her and my happiness regarding her pregnancy.

 

[Mischka]

*scoot*

 

[Guest]

let me continue ok

But again when she came home the next day, things were different. She adamantly said she did not want the child and that she should get rid of it. I think probably hz had spoken on the phone to someone at her home, most probably her mother who had convinced her to change her decision. I pleaded, I begged her not to abort the child because after all it was a life too. But she had her way and did as her mother told her to and without any feeling of guilt she killed my child, Gods gift to the world and to us. A sin. I told her, couples beg to have children and here you don’t want your own flesh and blood. How sad I felt I know. Although Hz showed no remorse for loosing the baby, I knew it was under someone else’s instructions. Why should a third person interfere in our family life. Imaging a person that loved kids, destroying one, I could not believe, the excuse was that she feared childbirth and wanted to spend time with me, but the real reason was that she had to work for her family, therefore could not start her own. If they thought wisely, her brother could have helped out instead of loitering about jobless on the roads every day and a child is never a hindrance to a couples hopes and dreams. How bad I felt because I was to be a father, that child was my own flesh and blood, which was eliminated with no mercy and with no conscience and regret.

In my house, no one interferes in our talk then why can’t the same be expected from hz family. I realised Hz was a homily person that I wanted but I never knew that she would be mama’s little daughter too, listening to whatever momma said and do whatever momma wanted her to do. Momma wanted a report on what happened in our four walls everyday. Soon I realised that everytime I talk to hz, even the most private moment between husband and wife would be known to her mother. She wanted the comforts and pampering of her home where everything was taken care off and people could serve her always


One never can know that a homely girl and also be a spoilt selfish child who only wants but can give nothing in return. I came to this conclusion just 4 days after our marriage, through her behavior.

It was only after marriage that I realised that hz was not behaving like a normal adult. The way she used to suspect, assume, start her tantrums, misbehave and want to go home to see her folks every time was odd. Her behavior was that of a mentally retarded person or a small stubborn child, that had no guilt feeling about lying to a person to get sympathy and affection and not worried about the harm her lies were inflicting on other people. It was as if the person had 3 track mind of thinking, one of happiness and laughter, one of sadness , sorrow and depression and the third of anger, abuse and tantrums, of rolling on the floor, screaming, yelling, shouting, scratching, hitting one’s head against the wall, pulling her own hair, scratching herself, as a mentally retarded person or a stubborn child would do. This I realised only after marriage and after staying with her. The tracks used to shift so fast that in minutes hz calms down and does not know what happened or what she did or said earlier. On asking her she used to say she does not know why it occurred and she used to apologise and promise never to repeat it, but it used to occur again as if nothing was mentioned earlier. She confessed that this problem was with her from the time she was a child and this behaviour happens at least 2 or 3 times a month or more. It was difficult to understand because in my fathers and my mothers family, there has never been any case of mental instability. When I used to suggest a pyschatrist to hz, she used to start a tantrum again.

Soon she preferred that comfortable lifestyle of her house and decided to go, saying bye to everyone like a normal day promising to get back to our home on time, but in the evening the promise made in the morning was never kept. It was like she would make us live in hope and die a little everyday in despair.


5 days later she called me up nearly 12 times frantically at work and home to talk to me, As she used to do before, when I got a chance to talk she told me she was missing her folks I told her she needs to grow up and be an adult. Hz started apologising a lot on behalf of her mom and family for treating me badly and asked me not to go and leave her. I agreed that this was not needed. Only she should not tell stories about the house outside and stop constantly lying and making us into fools. She agreed to this and said she’ll come home soon.

The next two days she called up as normal. Thereafter things changed, and suddenly she stopped calling up, when I called she was either sleeping or busy, and if I spoke to her she said she was busy and said she’d call back but the call never arrived.

I felt like a fool, if love was so strong where was it All those vows in church, in front of God, faithfulness to the husband who lives like a bachelor , And my mother today still cannot understand why hz told these lies.

Even her own parents need to tell her. Her father is understanding. Her brother needs to work and help their house. Her mother should allow her to live her family life the way her mother herself is living. After all, her mother is not running to her grandmother’s house every few days, as Hz is.

Its not fair I was with her through all the ups and downs of 3 years supporting her always, there was so much love or was it just a pretence and an act on Hz’s part. Today you leave me for the comforts of home and spoil our name. Why?

This is a problem of immaturity but when the person will mature God knows, but every day this marriage in front of God is made to look like a sham. The vows she said in church with me, she has broken every one of them. The promises she made to me, she has broken repeatedly. And when she knows if she does a certain act with will bring immense pain to me and my family, she will purposely do it time and again. Its as if she derives a lot of pleasure in seeing me and my family in pain and disappointment. I use to be proud of myself and my family and wife, show off to the world that if I am a good person then surely only good things will happen to me. Today with what face do I tell people that bad things also happen to good people who lead good decent lives, like it did to me.

Hz wants to remain in her house and does not want anything to do with me, until I tow their line of buying separate accommodation, spend extravagantly on her and her family, etc. I realised I had been made a fool. I’m not a rich man but I have got good habits and God knows. I can’t offer her the gold and royalties of the world, but I could offer everlasting trust, faith, and companionship forever. But I guess Hz was too materialistic and greedy to want simple things like trust, faith and companionship.

She started to avoid me, refusing to talk, don’t know if her parents will tell her, Hz has to stop taking drugs and become mature, learn to be responsible and think sensibly. What I feel bad about is, when you have the happiness of the world why run after materialistic things. And if you are a materialistic person to began with, why put on a pretence of wanting a simple life before marriage.

I feel if she’s happy staying away then I think it would be right for both to divorce permanently.


I cannot see the disappointment on my mothers face. She keeps asking me why did hz tell lies, and I don’t have an answer. I got married thinking I’ll bring happiness to everyone after my Dad died, but I only brought sadness. I feel like a person that has tried everything and still not succeeded, though no fault of my own and now I cannot do any more when it comes to Hz and her tantrums and demands..

I have lost what little trust and faith I had in her, tomorrow I cannot trust that the person . she may harm my mother, or even use the drugs on her.


The situation is so bad, and they feel its a joke, a joke was made of the vows in church. I was made a fool for 3 years when I want around with her before marriage..

The next Sunday I tried calling up at her place, her dad lifted the phone I asked for Hz, he was going to hand over the phone to her to talk ,I could hear some mumbling sound at the background and her dad came back on the phone saying that hz has gone out to church, which I knew was a lie.
So I decided to say hello to her mother believing Hz story that they were sorry. On asking her how she was, I got an insulting reply and the phone was hung up. I felt very bad once again. The tone did not seem like an apology. what hz earlier told me her mom felt.I don’t know how to believe her. Seems like Hz gave me one of her numerous lies once again.

I waited for a reply call which never came, the next day I got a call from Hz it was after 7 days. When I asked her why she did not call, she said she was very busy in the last week, So busy that even a minute was not spared for me was my thought, a person that could not remain a day without talking had changed so much. Was money and comfort everything. While Hz was talking I could hear taunts from behind telling her to put the phone down and ask me to call up and why should they waste money on long phone calls. I felt very hurt because the last 3 years I’ve been calling up too, what money, was money everything and I was talking to my wife. Why were they interfering in my family life, all they did was treat my wife like a small child, telling her what to do and what not, I noticed that hz just could not refuse them or tell them not to interfere. It was as if she had no thinking power of her own but just obeyed them as if she was a robot.

What was this control they had over her?. She promised she’d call the next day too. The next day in the morning her brother came to our place with the wedding ring , the mangalsutra,the engagement ring and a pendant I had brought, and a note from Hz. I was surprised yet again, so unpredictable was this person. Imagine returning the blessed wedding ring which was a sacred symbol, but to Hz was just a materialistic symbol. It is as if, if any action or words could hurt me, she would use it.

The next day was the 1st of July and I went to the Basilica as I normally do and found Hz waiting there, I questioned Hz why she returned the wedding ring and the reply was since I told her I had gone out with my friends and to see my cousins in the past few days so she thought I did not require her that’s why she returned the ring. Such a stupid reason I could not believe was from an married adult. Another example of jumping to conclusion before considering anything. I asked her if she regretted returning the ring She said No. I asked her if she would do it again. She said No. All her statements were contradictory. It was as if the person was disoriented and did not have a proper way of thinking rationally and practically. Like a small child that is having a fun time, when I spoke to her it was as if things were normal and whatever happened never existed. Not even our marriage, in her mind.

I realised that this person needs a lot of professional help, even her doctor and friends have suggest it, the counseling should include her mother, who needs to be told the ways of adult life. Her brother needs to learn to behave like a responsible son of the house and relieve the load from his old father’s shoulders.
Earlier I used to talk to Hz with a lot of trust and love. Today every time I talk to her, I think now when am I going to be betrayed next. Every thing I talk to her will be conveyed to her mother in 24 hours or less. . How do I get back the faith I once had in her. I feel like a fool, a person that was betrayed for no fault of his own, except because he was trusting. I always tried to do things for her and her family, but they never once did anything to please me.

Hz and her family’s policy is that as long as I do whatever they want, get a separate accomodation for me and their daughter, give her and her family a lot of comforts on my expense, lots of servants, lots of materialistic things for them and their house, only then they will speak to me with respect and love. Otherwise Hz will continue to stay in the comforts of her house, while I live like a bachelor inspite of being married to her. To them only my money is important and not my true love. The biggest disappointment was Hz’s betrayal of my old mother. Why harrass a person who is so old and frail for no fault of hers. Today I feel by getting married and trying to give her a good daughter-in-law, I instead have failed and ended up making her sad.



There is a saying “Nice things happen to nice people”. Two months ago I would have believed it, today I don’t. I used to discuss with my friends how being faithful and truthful ensures a happy married life, today I walk with my head low, my own wife proved me wrong. Every thing was fine just that a person needed to grow up, realise what is right and wrong and stop lying. If only her parents had to be responsible parents to tell her what is right and wrong, and to correct her when she goes wrong, instead of encouraging her to do more wrong, things would have been so happy and good for us all. Any sensible mother would allow her daughter to live her family life after marriage with her husband and in-laws peacefully. What kind of a mother would interfere every day in her daughter’s married life and use emotional blackmail to control her daughter at the cost of her daughter’s, her daughter’s husband’s and her in-laws happiness and peace of mind.

It seems hz does whatever her mother did when she was Hz’s age. Her mother had suicidal habits according to Hz herself, pouring kerosene over herself during an argument with anybody. Her mother had hz father working abroad and sending home cash, Her mother made her father buy a separate house and threw out his own brother and unmarried sister while he stayed with his wife. All these examples are being brought forward. The difference is I’m not Hz father, I think practically. Its a crime to throw away your own people for your comforts. I believe a home is a place where the entire family is together in good and bad times and hz even agreed with me that I was never to leave my old mother helpless just to keep everyone happy long before we decided to get married. . I rather be sad for the next many years knowing well that I’ve done my duty. I promised my dying dad that I will do my duty and I will. Every Christian family is encouraged to live together, pray together, not separate. If this was not the way it is suppose to be, then family will fail to exist. And hz had even agreed to live with my mother and sister and me, so now why is she backtracking and demanding for a separate accommodation. She should have made this clear in the beginning that she wanted her own accommodation, and I would not have married her in the first place.

Hz has a habit of forging her parent’s signatures, which I seen being done on a Mediclaim form in front of my family.. What if someday she decides to forge my, our my mother’s or my sister’s signature, too. Forging of signature other than one’s own is considered a crime in our country. So hasn’t she commited a crime, here too.

Hz has to tell her mother the truth that she is being looked after very decently by me and my family and she should caution her mother to also not interfere in our marriage. Till today they dominate her. I cannot tolerate the constant insults from her mom, the misbehaviour, the crude like behaviour she exhibits. Everytime I think of her I see a horrible sight, I’m tired of being blamed for anything that happens to hz. Its as if they just want someone to put the blame on.
I don’t know how I can get myself to trust hz again. How I’ll be able to believe that my most important and very personal talks are kept to herself and not discussed at home as if it should be public knowledge. How am I supposed to leave my old and helpless mother under the care of a person who takes drugs and can’t control her violent temper and unpredictable rage, when I go to work, knowing that my mother will not be harmed by her drug habits and her unpredictable nature. And my mother too frail to even protect herself.

I need to really have a lot of time before I can get back to trusting the person again, The lies I’ve heard, sometimes I feel I’ll never trust her anymore. The amount of tension and pressure I face today is something I pray never happens to any man. I cannot cry as my mom will fall sicker if she sees tears in my eyes, and yet I cannot smile cause my heart feels betrayed. Why when a person is good and responsible, his luck is so bad that he get someone selfish and greedy and evil. I pray that GOD above gives people the knowledge of right and wrong as soon as possible before other homes are destroyed as mine is by people like Hz.

Hz has a habit of demanding things, initially playing mind games with me, stating that she does not love me and I should go away, when I agree to move away, Hz would apologize and say that it was a joke , these games continued for the 1st and 2nd year we went around, at times I felt very sad, but constant apologies and pleading from Hz to forgive her and not leave her, I used to forgive her thinking if I could contribute to a happy time in her life by putting one step forward, I should. Tomorrow I should not feel maybe my small effort could solve the problem and hence I forgave Hz often. Thinking also that maybe when she sees me being kind and compromising, she will learn to be so too.

 

[Mischka]

Re: let me continue ok

No, ok.

*scoot*

 

[lilminx]

Ok- I thought you were leaving, ok ok.

 

[Guest]

 

[LadyG]

Wow, the Indian culture obviously just sucks at marriage, considering the tales of woe I've read.

Damn.

 

[Guest]

Later on one day during the 1st year, the stubbornness of Hz became more visible, Hz would call up frantically at my place on phone from local booth, wanting me to take her out , and she wanted someone to talk, pleading that she was depressed and no one at home understood, and that they were selfish people who just l wanted her to earn for them and that no one cared for her, etc. The calls used to come one after another. Hz never hesitated to cry and shout on the road. But just wanted to talk with me. I thought if I could be there for Hz in her time of need, one day Hz would remember this and be faithful to me, so I used to do whatever I could to keep Hz happy.

One day casually joking with Hz, while she was in a bad mood after an argument at her place, I tried to make her happy by taking her out and joking innocently with her, but suddenly her response was a slap on my face. I was surprised. I tried to do so much for this person but in return I just got insults, abuses and now she was even raising her hands at me, just because she was going into her instable moods. Something told me that this person is not what I had in mind for a wife. But later on Hz cried, pleaded, begged, apologized and hugged me, blaming it on her family pressure and her depression from her past relationship, which I initially believed. Hz said that she needed time to recover and I should give her time, so I agreed to be a lot more patient than I already was. Hz promised to behave well from then on. But it was another one of her empty promises, which was very soon to be broken as a number of them she would make in future and break soon enough.

Thinking I’d help someone in need, I continued to take hz out. Although hz’s friends and relatives of Hz cautioned me about how cunning her family was and hz’s unreasonable thinking, strange attitude and selfish behaviour, and about them having a lot of quarrels and shouting and tantrums and that their house is like a fish market daily, I thought they were probably just jealous. As Hz used to criticise them, too. They spoke of Hz sturborness and temper tantrums and her constantly demanding nature but I think today, that it would have been in the best of my interest to have believed them. Unfortunately, the true picture was visible only after our marriage took place, and I saw her day and night and lived with her.

There were many times when Hz was not given her way by me and so the cards and small presents I gifted hz earlier would be returned and phone calls would stop for two days and on the third day there would be frantic phone calls to meet her and hz would cry and howl on the phone pleading forgiveness, which I used to forgive every time, thinking one day the person will realise why I did that and try to be a better person. There was a time when Hz threw a packet of my old gifts from the autorickshaw onto the road while I ran behind it, ,scattering them on the road, while onlookers laughed, and Hz drove away. All because Hz wanted to go places where I could not take her as I had to go to work early in the evening. Then as usual in 2 days the apologies came out. There were many times I felt that this is the wrong person, but because I kept all this to myself and no one else knew about Hz’s bad behavior I hoped that one day this person would realise what I am doing for her and understand. I used to present her with various small gifts, cards and surprises to keep her happy.

I noticed that there were a lot of lies and contradictions in hz talk, I always suspected things were discussed at hz place, although I did not realise that it was discussed in detail, because the replies of hz used to differ within 24 hrs it was as if Hz has been talking to someone. At times when I suddenly dropped by at Hz place to surprise Hz, I have seen conversations suddenly stopped and guilty looks visible as if something was being discussed, at times I used to creep up slowly and sometimes come back and I could hear conversations about me.


I explained my simple dream of a homily wife, 2 kids and a united small family sitting and eating together. At numerous occasions, I explained that I was not a spendthrift, and hz showed that she just wanted a simple life with my simple family. She at that time gave me words of support, I was told that nothing was important but me, etc. I often asked hz that in bad times will she support me and be by my side and the answer was always a reassuring yes, but my observations of three years made me always wonder if I would get that support and love when the bad times truly came.

Within 2 months of marriage, the tantrums, spoilt behaviour, strange attitude continued. The overnight visits at hz mother’s place 80% of the time and phone calls daily to her place from outside continued. This kept me alert, although I never stopped hz from going or phoning, but I decently and very politely told her that she has to make efforts to be more mature now that she was married and that it did not look right for her to run home overnight at very ood hours any time her mother wanted her or when she never got her way with me and my family. Maybe if I had to be a bit more firm instead of being so lenient, things would have been more different for us all. Hz took undue advantage of me and my family’s kindness, trust and understanding.

I used small tests to check the faithfulness of hz and hz family, by projecting I have a money problem suddenly or I could not do something or buy something they desired. The reply and moods of them at that time, the tone of voice used, told me clearly that in times of need I could never rely on them , they had an attitude of take, but never offered to help one bit if required. If I could not bring gifts and do favors for them, then in their eyes I was bad or useless. But then I thought hz folks never knew me that well, but hz did and hz knows how I supported her in bad days for three years faithfully and one day hz would tell them and maybe they would speak to me in a dignified and polite manner. But I noticed soon enough, I brought a wife to build a home, but I noticed that the person I chose only wanted things for herself, her folks and she and they looked out for their comforts not on their cost but on our cost. It was as if it was their birthright to demand that we sweat so that they can enjoy as much as they can without making any efforts on their part & when we could not criticise us. Everyone was supposed to do things for hz and her family, otherwise Hz would walk out and tell people a bunch of lies and lie through her teeth to get sympathy.

When two months of our marriage had passed, even in those two months, hz created scenes like shouting, slapping, scratching, tearing my t-shirt, locking doors, in the house, creating tantrums on the road, but no responsible work was done. I used to hide all these faults of hz from my folks to prevent them getting shocked. Such scenes with such intensity I witnessed only after I lived with this person. Her behaviour was totally erratic, shocking and embarrassing to any decent human being.

After not doing anything wrong and forgiving fault after fault of hz, one fine day Hz walks out, saying bye to everyone at home as if it was a normal day, saying she will be home in the evening, taking my Mom’s blessing as usual. But when evening came, she just refused to return home.

The sacred wedding rings were returned, demands for separate accommodation and more comforts were made. After all the good I did, she seem to have no guilty conscience about having aborted our child on the instructions of her folks. I was told that her family and she had already discussed when she should have her first child and that I had no say in the matter. It was my flesh and blood, on what grounds had her parents given the right to decide whether the child could have a life or not.

Everything that happened in our house was converted into topics of discussion and was talked about in detail at Hz place with her family. They never loved or wanted someone as a part of the family, such that I was never invited in their kitchen in the last 3 years. It was what I could do for them and what they could extract from me, that was important to them. I remember the occasion when two silver rings were gifted to Hz parents by me on the insistence of Hz, and on that day they spoke well. But whenever I stuck to my principles of not being a spendthrift, it seems to annoyed them. It was plain to see, that whenever hz and her family could get something, they were happy, and whenever they failed to get anything free from me, it made them sullen towards me and my family. If I give in to their demands, I was good in their eyes.

I have come to the conclusion that it is time for Hz and me to part ways so she can find someone who will give in to all her material desires and extravagant comforts and demands for a high lifestyle which they don’t want to enjoy on their own cost but on someone else’s cost. And hopefully, I will be given a chance to find that simple, faithful and homily wife who loves to start a family and will be there for me in our good times and in our bad times, in sickness and in health, as she would promise when she gives me her vows in church, unlike Hz who says one thing and means something else always..

It hurts terribly to be betrayed by the very person you are so faithful to. Today, when I look back and think of all the sympathy stories hz told me about people harming her in numerous and different ways, I come to the conclusion that it was hz way to manipulate a person emotionally and gain sympathy from people by telling sorry tales about herself going to the extend of lying completely to get her way always.

Is God listening to her lies and false stories about valey, her ex-boyfriend and about the lies that he ill-treated her. The stories she made up people harming her in whichever way they can that at one time I believed her which now I have realised were just lies by her to gain my sympathy and to fool my family so she can get all what she can from us. These were just her emotional tactics. I slowly came to know how cunning hz was and how calculating her mind is every time I conversed with her family, her stories and their stories completely contradicted each other and their cheap and low way of thinking was clearly visible to me and I realised that these people were very disgusting and only wanted materialistic things and only spoke nicely if they knew they were getting something in return. I then became more alert. I became more smarter when it came to talking anything confidential with hz because I was sure without a doubt that whatever I told hz would be conveyed to her people within twenty-four hours. Try to think how I must be feeling to be betrayed by someone who I supported for three years before marriage and what a shock it is to me that a person who pledged faithfulness and loyalty, had not an ounce of it for me in reality Tomorrow if I should go through bad times, and have no job or no money or injured; hz would not hesitate to leave me the very next moment. There are friends in this world who are there only when you have good times and disappear when the bad times come to you; what do you say when its not a friend but your own wife and her family and that to a wife who got married in a church in front of a priest and made her sacred vows to me. Its good God has shown me with his wisdom, the true colors of hz and her family and I trust in God always and I know God will never let me down.

Soon hz’s family started to abuse my Dad who died a year ago and insults were made about my family members too. I realised that what she put on as a show of support and love, was only a big act on her part and theirs to get as much as they could from me. I would much rather remain sad for 20 years than be under the false illusion that I am happy pleasing people that are greedy and disgusting, and have no guilt feelings in making a mockery of marriage the sacred vows. God I am sure will one day give justice and punish these people who have done me and my family so much of wrong, for no fault of our own. In place of our trust, we got insults and curses. In the place of my faithfulness, I got deception from hz and her family. In the place of opening our home and our hearts to her and them, we got a kick in our stomach and complete ungratefulness. God’s eyes must be full of pain, his throat must be full of sorrow and he will one day punish these people for the sins they have committed on us.

All I wanted was a simple, homily wife that would offer trust, faith and love, it was so small a dream that anyone would have achieved it and be happy. I thought so too, especially after how I supported hz for three years, through her depression and her broken relationship earlier with valey, with the hope only to be loved in return. Instead I was made a fool by them but I thank God for showing me the light as usual.

I feel sad at being betrayed. But I think it is wise for us to separate and let hz find someone to give her and her family the lifestyle and comforts they demand and let me find a homily and faithful wife, which hz is not.

Inspite of not telling Hz to do any work at home in the last two months because my mother and sister did all the work, even washing her dirty clothes and cooking for her, then if this is the result, I have no regrets about ending a marriage which is a sham in the first place, because if there was a wrong I could improve on it, but if there is no wrong on our part but only on theirs, and still this happened, I can’t try any more.

Maybe someday, these cruel people will realise what stupidity they do, gossiping and telling lies and false stories at home, betraying marriage vows, insulting marriage rings , killing their own flesh and blood on the advise of their mother and demanding from people to do things for the comforts without doing anything in return, then maybe their selfishness will stop, and the world will be a bit better then, but by then it will be too late for them too.

I feel dejected with the treatment I faced from hz and her folks, especially after what I did for her for three years. I was not an easy task to get a depressed person back on track, a person who claimed to be the result of a broken relationship. How I supported hz, even in her studies and in her daily life, I know. Today I see how the world is through her deception and hypocrisy. I don’t drink, smoke or fool around. I was as faithful as I could be. I used to debate with my friends about being faithful and then you will be happy. But today I walk with my head down in shame, and people tell me that they just took advantage of my goodness and I have to be silent and I cry when there is no one around.

Earlier I would tell people to be nice, for there are rewards in being good and nice. Today people like hz and her family members have shown me what is the result of being a nice person to anyone. They have clouded my judgement and I feel sometimes that to many people it is not love, faith and trust that keeps this world moving, but money and greed and deception. Before I met hz and her family, I always looked at people positively. After meeting these cruel and cunning people, I seem to not have the trust I once had in the world.

I used to buy small inexpensive gifts like tablepieces which I felt would bring on a small smile and give happy memories to a person that was depressed. Why, where was the need for me to waste my time on a broken and depressed person, when even her own family never cared for her but according to her were only tolerating her because she was giving them her paychecks every month.

I was there for hz, but today this same person has taken advantage of my love and care for her. Now when I look back, it is as good as if to hz this marriage never existed, but was only used by them to get their demands and comforts on someone else’s expense. I never ever objected to hz giving 100% of her earnings to her folks nor did I stop her from visiting her folks every time even if it was at odd hours and with overnight stays a number of times a week. Which husband and in-laws would tolerate whatever we did.

Hz does not seem to have an ounce of responsibility in her, to her marriage and our home is like one big picnic of wanting to go out for drives, movies, dinners, or presents for her and her folks. Not once when she was at my house, has she even picked up a duster to clean even the desk in our room. Most often she sat on the bed, and my poor mother and sister did all the housework. She never ever volunteered to help in any way. My old mom who is not well and very week and my sister who left her job and did not get married to take care of our mother used to do everything. All hz did was only demand things for her and her family, and if it was not given, she threaten us and walk off to her mother’s place.

Money , pleasures and comforts are important to her and her family, every day to them is just a picnic. None of them want to have any responsibility and hz never took herself to be a wife married to me. When they found they could not get their demands, Hz tried to achieve it by walking out, staying away, not talking, returning the wedding ring and insulting the marriage vows in church. Step by step they broke me and my family and didn’t seem to feel any guilt.

False tales were told to me by Hz how she could not sleep unless she spoke to me on the phone daily and said a prayer with me, I used to believe it and feel happy, but soon the truth was exposed, today we see that same person remaining normal and not calling up and talking for days, it makes me so sad.
I believe Hz is behaving like a stubborn kid, not wanting to be a responsible wife and only wants to have a good time, no responsibility and throw tantrums when she does not get her demands and has no embarrassment to make a scene in public.

What mother will such a person be, that discusses every detail of the conversation I have with my wife to her folks as soon as possible. Its disgusting how hz folks feel proud to tell me that hz tells them everything that is happening in our home right from day one. They killed my child, and who are they to intrude in my family affairs. What kind of wife listens to her mother and gives in to her demands, at the cost of her husband’s happiness. My mother and sister never interfere with her and her family, nor do they ask any personal questions, then why does she and her family do so. They seem to have no guilt feelings in talking away a life what is growing in her stomach.

After slowly realising the truth, I began checking on hz and her folks through friends, relatives and neighbors, something I should have done three years ago, but I was a fool to trust her and her family blindly. The truth is getting clearer every time I talk to people.

Today I have come to the conclusion that hz and her folks are only interested in their comforts, hz’s 20 years old brother does not work, only eve teases the ladies on the road, attends parties, and plays games. They looked on me and my family as a source that will give them the lifestyle that they wanted but did not want to spend on, and that we would be sitting ducks for their every demands. They need people to do things for them always. Their neighbours have complained that they have a very selfish attitude, every time I used to spend time listening to hz talk of their bad neighbours and relatives, I suspected the stories told to me where not true.

I know Hz did not look at marriage in sincerity. After realising they’ll never get what they desired, the true colours came out. I’m happy God showed us the light as soon as possible. I know what I have done till today and that is why I feel so sad. But people with their kind of selfish attitude will never be happy because very soon everyone in contact with them will learn their evil intentions and move away from them soon. They don’t seem to be in talking terms with most of their neighbors and even their relatives don’t mix with them.Not surprisingly.

The most amazing thing for us to digest it that they put on a show of saying the rosary and going to church daily and yet they do things that God would not like. I’m glad I have learned what she and her family are and the truth is exposed now than after a year or many years of this marriage which is only a sham to them. God has been with me. Why should we reward such people by allowing them to continue to do as they please and make a joke of Christian values and family responsibilities. Such people only want easy victims to live on their cost and after getting what they want, do not hesitate to hurt emotionally and betray. To these kind of people, life has no value, except their lives and they make money into a God. Aborting a life that is growing inside you on your mother’s instructions after agreeing not to and then refusing to listen to the husband, creating tantrums until you get your demand. How can a mother kill a child, a gift of god. A person I thought that loved children, kills her own. Such a fool I was made to be.

We cannot reward such people, today they did this, tomorrow it may do something worse to someone else. Their idea of marriage was money and benefits, only take from others but don’t give. And if they never get they demands, then they treat the person badly. A lesson should be taught to such people that use marriage as a business of getting financial assistance and looking for comforts on other people’s cost. A lesson should be taught to such people that they never again would break the trust of a person who wanted nothing other than a faithful, homily and trusty wife. Never again should such people be encouraged to get away or else there will be many more unfortunate people to face their greed as we did.


Today, I’m a broken person, because of what I did and what happens, but then I say God showed me the light. I want god to help me one day find one sincere person in the whole world, who I can give trust, faith and love, the person that will be faithful to me and willing to build a big family in the house of god. A family full of happiness, love and honesty. Maybe hz will find someone that can give them the comforts of life financially and they too can be happy but with their attitude, I doubt it.

We cannot reward such people that use marriage as a means of collecting money and benefiting for their needs, while they hurt others and the word of God. There is a God above and the wrong will be punished.

All this that happened could have be avoided, if


1. Hz had not to gossip on every personal detail of our marriage and everyday report to her folks. If she had keep the sanctity of marriage and confidentiality of it. If she had told her family members not to intrude in her married life. If she told them that what happens in her personal life was not their business.
2. If hz had stop these frequent overnight visits to her folks home and not listen to their advise and told them not to intrude.
3. If she told them the truth always and not lied to gain sympathy and the cost of spoiling our reputation and our image in society.
4. If she had acted matured and not be selfish, but responsible and thought of other people’s feelings and difficulties and realised who was there for her during her bad times. If her family did not believe the lies she told them, without checking with me and my family first.
5. If she had stopped her tantrums and misbehavior of an insane person, and behaved like a mature and marrried woman.

All these years I kept all the faults of Hz and her bad behaviour between us, while Hz gossiped to her folks eveyday. Now my folks know the entire story too and have realised the patience I had with her. Today the person is out of her depression and sorrow, but has spat on the face of the person that was there at that time. I should have realised that the family of Hz needed counseling in advance. Everytime I used to mention counseling to Hz because of her bad behaviour Hz would get angry and start her tantrums again
I always wanted a person that would value love, trust and faith more than anything. But although Hz agreed to this, the truth was so different, it was money and comforts she always craved for. They would never do for anyone what they wanted people to do for them and if they never achieved their demands, they would look down on that person. She and her family look at this world in a very evil and materialistic way. To them human beings and their feelings don’t count at all.

Earlier I used to be treated badly by hz but kept it all to myself, hoping that the apologies and her begging was true and that in time my patience and understanding would make her a better person. But soon I realise that the attitude of her and her folks were similar whenever I communicated with them. If their demands were not fulfilled, I was bad, still I kept it to myself thinking I have to spend time with Hz and not her folks and maybe one day they’ll realise the truth or Hz would tell them about how well I looked after her. Then the tantrums of hz was visible to my folks after marriage, soon it went to the extent of hz folks initially behind the back abusing my people , which I overheard many times when I surprisingly dropped by to see hz, to later openly abusing them including my dad who is dead over a year ago. So low did they stoop.

This was too much. After I told my folks the secret I kept for three years , they were shocked. Everyone I told this to said It was a bad choice, but I tried to give 100% affection hoping that the person would be so happy with me and would stay with me forever. I felt if I was sincere and true, I would get faith in return. But I never realised that it was all an act of support to fulfill their greedy desires. The real motive was money and comforts.


In the two months hz stayed with me, not once was any responsible house work done, the excuse was that in her place she never did any work. Hz brother cannot take the responsibilities of the house, but instead of working he’s abusing my dead dad and talking about money etc. Again he seems to know everything between me and my wife. Its so disgusting to know that my entire marriage life is discussed in her place, with everyone there.

I’m happy God showed me light, the extent that Hz can act and pretend is unbelievable, pretending to be sick or ill, or breathless and fainting just to get sympathy is astonishing. Many times I have suddenly looked back and caught her in the act of being normal.

Many times on the phone too, she would pretence to be sick and insisting that I leave everything and just come to see her but when I came, I found her completely okay. This happened a number of times. Once after marriage, a call was made from hz’s Oberoi hotel office to my home, talking to me in a very low voice and then suddenly breathing hard and saying that she was suffocating and feeling breathless and that I should come immediately and the phone was hung up. I had come back after a night shift and had not slept the day. Since it would take about an hour for me to reach the hotel, I called the hotel manager and security and informed them of the problem, I told my folks about the case and left for the hotel by bike. Meanwhile the security staff checked the room and found hz normal. A few minutes later hz called my place and asked about me , my folks told her I had left for the hotel as she was sick, to this she immediately denied it saying that she did not call me. Such was the games that would inconvenience others just for a little sympathy.


On reaching the hotel Hz opened the door smiling, and then saying she was feeling ill, I knew it was another of her many acts. I have seen how this person would go to the extend of worrying another person, just to take advantage of that person’s love and concern for her, just to get sympathy, even though the other person has to be inconvenienced in the process. And Hz did not regret it one bit, it was just another example of stubbornness and selfishness on her part.

But hz never knew that every lie and every game she played with me was only backfiring against her for her lies only succeeded in slowly pushing me away from her, my love for her was reducing, I was seeing the true picture better.

The entire family of Hz and their relationship with the neighbours is the same, they don’t feel guilty or embarrassed to create a scene in public or to pretend to be ill and act out in public.

The immaturity shown by them has ruined my family life, a dream I had after struggling for so long to look after my folks, fighting hurdles on the way, I decided to achieve my small dream of a united happy family, that valued love more than any thing and in bad times, we would fight together united.

Today every dream, or thought I discussed with hz, was broken, it was as if she purposely wanted to destroy my dreams to make me feel bad, although and yet pretend to profess love and support, whether it was a child, love, united family or faith.

Talks of me being the most important person and only I was important was told every day. This is seen today. The marriage vows, the holy rings were treated like a joke, it was as if it was a game, to me its unbelievable that such is the way people think.

They know that I am not a spendthrift and to me money is the last thing I look at. Knowing well they could not achieve their demands and comforts by talking nicely, hz then tried to stay away hoping I’ll come begging after her to come back and do whatever she wanted. But these demands never worked. Then the rings were returned, something that would break me and after nothing worked the insults and abuses came out in the open. But they never realised that I was alert all the time, I always doubted her folks, because of the way they communicated, and I was always worried tht they may spread lies about me to her, so I told hz never believe anything without checking with me, which was agreed to, but hz would be involved in such detail with her folks, I never knew till later.

They were looking only for benefits and can use people for their own needs, but how long can this attitude continue, soon the world is becoming aware of their cunning ideas. How many lies can they go on telling to get sympathy. Soon the truth will be out. You cannot fool all the people all the time. And once people learn their true colors, people will avoid them, as they already do. They don’t seem to have any decent friends or relatives with them, even their neighbours are not on speaking terms with them.

I’m happy the truth came out fast, although I feel sad for my trust was betrayed after me being so faithful. I knew I would be a wonderful father to the child that she aborted, for I love children. I don’t drink, smoke or fool around, I am sincere and faithful to my family, then I ask myself why did she betray and hurt me, why does her family want to only exploit me.

I felt sorry for her thinking she was a victim of a broken relationship, and that if I comfort such a person and gave her lots of love, happiness and respect, then she would respond in the same way. Whenever she was insulting and cruel, I put it down to her being depressed, as she would constantly put the blame on her being depressed. When she got boisterous and moved her hands aggressively on me, scratching and slapping me for no fault of my own, I had patience, for I come from a family where we don’t hurt anyone physically, mentally or emotionally. I forgived her because she always begged for forgiveness thinking that after marriage, she will not feel so insecure. But I later realised that this behaviour of harming and then asking for forgiveness was a daily occurance in her life.

I made that person my wife, planned to have a big united family with a homily wife and 2 kids. My folks accepted her, but I was till date never spoken to with affection by her family. Such was the case that till today I have never been invited inside their home except in the hall, and it is as if they just wait for me to get out again.

I wanted a wife that loved kids, a homily person and a person that would be faithful in my bad days too. A person that would respect others. Hz agreed verbally but practically it was too difficult for her for my dreams were different from her desires. Hz needed money to spend, comforts, it was a picnic to them, every time it was go out for dinner, roam on the road in car or bike, watch movies, eat ice creams. No responsibilities were shown of a married wife, no care about keeping security for the future and for our going to be children.

 

[Guest]

Earlier I thought probably it was just two months and soon things would improve. But the daily telephone conversations at a particular time from outside and the frequent overnight stays at her folks place, excluding the stop by visits regularly, made me suspect everything was discussed because Hz attitude used to change on returning from her parent’s home and it was as if someone has told her what to do next and things where planned between them.. She used to come home from her parents house in a very sullen mood and sulk and throw her tantrums and act rude to me and my family for no reason at all.

Hz and her folks did not realise instead of improving things their involvement and intrusion in my family life was creating hurdles. A happy home is destroyed because of their selfish attitude.

I’m happy I realised this well in advance, although the entire truth would be known only after marriage because you never know a person until you live with that person. I have come to realise that there are people who play games with emotions of others but I know God will punish them for their dirty habits on day.

People who only run after money will never be happy and that unhappiness is their only punishment. Today I have realised that many people use marriage as a means to get their demands met and extract money from other innocent people. God above must be crying. I feel bad because hz has forgotten the three long years of patience and tolerance I had for her when no one was around. Today that same person has destroyed my dream. I only wanted a faithful person that would be trusted, nothing more. Surely she could have given me that.
18

People that destroy simple dreams of other people will never be happy. One day they will realise what is the sanctity of marriage vows, the value of the blessed rings and the value of secrecy between husband and wife. Today I walk with my head low, thinking I tried to be faithful and honest to a broken person and today that same person has betrayed me for the very parents and brother that were never there for her when she was broken. But if the world is this way I’ve learnt a lesson. Lies may be told to get sympathy. People may picture me as bad. But conscience and god will one day tell them. Never break a sincere persons trust.

Today this is a lesson to me that never be good and sincere if you need to be happy. Don’t have 100% trust on anyone in this world.

As normal hz continued to write E-mails to me through the internet. Each E-mail speaks a different emotion, its as if each E-mail is written by two or three different people and not just one person. I think she feels she is like an actress just acting out different roles. Her every second letter will speak of how she is going to go far away and this is the last letter and no more will follow, but the next letter/E-mail within three hours is as if the previous letter never existed. I find it very confusing that an adult can behave and think so erratically. It’s the same behave as in the last three years before our marriage. This irrational behaviour and thinking on her part, does not amuse me but instead contributes to a lot of mental pressure, and strain. I live with a tension that sooner or later whenever her demands and needs are not met and satisfied, even if it does not involve me, I’ll have to face the brunt of it. Why? And so will my people for no fault of theirs. Why cannot I have a normal person with me, then things would be so different and explaining to hz,she agrees that what she says and does is wrong, but then she goes back to doing the same mistakes again and again.

Promises and swearing on God has no real meaning. But everything that’s spoken to her is discussed at home. Why? I would not be surprised that the counseling talk which has been told to be confidential is also discussed at hz place with the entire family. How can this mess be solved? Why can’t a person understand and grow up. Why regret it later? Why? When I spoke to Hz on the 1st of August, 1999, she admits that she has done wrong and that she treated me and my folks badly, and apologised and asked to be forgiven by all of us. She admitted through E-mails and on phone of the mistakes she and her family made. But I have been seeing these apologies for the last three years, and I have forgiven this person so many times, but it always ends up the same way and it only encourages her to do more knowing that as usual we will forgive her and her family for their crimes.

When I asked Hz does your folks know the truth now. The reply is in due course she’ll tell them. Why is this delay. What is being told and what is being hidden. I feel like if the person is begging to be forgiven and promises to repent, as soon as a chance is available for her, she will attack the same person that forgave her earlier.

Today I just cannot trust the person, I just cannot get that same affection back, No man would go through this hell again and again. In spite of the pressures I faced these last three years, thinking and believing all what was said. Trusting the person and her sad tales, which I know today were overreactions of Hz , Today I’ve heard same stories being told to common friends about me, only last time I was the savoir listening to her tales of exploitation from her people and ex-boyfriend and her past and current bosses and colleagues. Today I am made to be the oppressor and someone else is the savior, tomorrow that person will be the oppressor and someone next will be the savoir.

These is not signs of a mature and sensible person. Even if her parents were matured enough to understand things would be different, but they are encouraging her and her stories. Which mother would ask for phone calls daily, overnight visits every once and twice a week.



I approached Fr Bosco, hoping if he could tell the person what is right and wrong, what are the signs of a mature person, what is the meaning of marriage, what is faithfulness and trust. I requested him to also talk to the family members of hz, and explain to them what is right and wrong. I knew when he’d talk to them he will understand what I said, they will say things what they heard, not what they experienced, and sometimes hearing their lies and the way they speak, I sometimes wish I had a lie detector.

Don’t they fear God, they pray so much everyday, much more than I do, then why do they lie. Don’t they feel guilty that they are hurting innocent people and especially a person that did so much for their own daughter. I cannot believe such people existed. I used to think small children lie to fool others, but today I’ve seen adults lie just to achieve some sympathy.

I’m going through a lot of suffering because of her behaviour and the insults I face every time from her folks. Even her brother knows every personal moment with me and my wife. Its disgusting when its thrown at my face. This person is not stable, there is something very very wrong with her mentally. Anyone in the right frame of mind will not do such things.

I cannot get that trust back, I cannot feel relaxed with hz around, I think before talking to her, I am always on my guard knowing there would be three others to hear whatever I tell her within 24 hours or less. Today she feels that what ever she did, all the acting and tantrums would be forgiven as soon as she says sorry. I find it surprising how a person misbehaves like this. She does one wrong thing after another and when she decides to smile everyone should forgive her. Does she even think for a moment, about the harm she is making others go through because of these acts of flinging her hands about, scratching, abusing, yelling, cursing like a crazy person.

My folks have never experienced such behavior before and are shocked. They are all the more shocked to come to know that I took this crazy behavior for the last three years and they ask me why did I keep this to myself and not tell them. But the day hz brother phoned me and just started abusing my Dad who is no more, when I have never done any abusing to her family or any elder in my life, I could not take this behaviour any more.

After marriage the intensity of the tantrums became much more serious, I realised one had to stay with hz to know her true nature. Before marriage, I mainly seen only the picture of her she wanted me to see.

If people can decide on whether my child has a right to live or die, and that unless I spend on them I am bad and that they are not even willing to spend 50-50 or even my 90 to their 10%. If according to her mother, if she doesn’t give them her full salary, they will all starve to death then why are they not sending their 20 year old adult son to work. They expect her full salary and all her expenses to be borne by us knowing how extravagant their daughter is. I feel there is something very fishy going on in their minds. And in spite of them all living luxuriously, still they find faults, blame me, accuse and insult me and my mom and sister and lie all the time. What kind of Christians are they.

Why should I smile at them and get insulted everytime. After doing so much still people criticise me and find fault in everything I do. Hz has a track record of this tantrums and so does her mother and according to her father she has been giving him her demanding behaviour for years. I realised this was so only after I started talking to her neighbors, relatives and friends. A person needed all the comforts of home and demands which is not like an adult, threatening to do drastic things to herself if her demands are not met or if people told her that she was wrong. I realise this is done only to stop anyone from correcting her so she can do as she pleases and get what she wants. This trend continued for years, and now I have to face it only unfortunately because I am her husband. Its not right.


No man would tolerate and forgive as much as I did, the tension and harassment I faced when Hz did her frequent tantrums was unbearable. To add to this, her family’s horrible behaviour. In the months since our marriage took place I have lost 8 kgs, its affecting me mentally and physically and I could lose my job with all the tension I am put through. and my family members are constantly falling sick due to the tension they are not used to. I cannot concentrate on my job and feel tired very often and tensed up wondering just when will the next tantrum start, the reason can be anything but all she needs is any stupid excuse to go into a foul mood or because her demands are not met. How can I live with such a person, that’s not responsible at all, Tomorrow how will such a person manage kids. And how can I expect to put my poor ailing mother through all this.

What guarantee is there that one day after our children are born she’ll not walk out like this time and refuse to come back. She may demand to keep the children with her and knowing that she does not have a stable mind, how can I be sure she will not harm them too the way she harms me and my people.

I requested Fr Bosco to use his vast experience and bring a solution. Talk to hz and her folks, explain to them what they are doing. They are not realising what harm they are doing to everyone including themselves. And when they do it’ll be too late.

According to me hazee has to tell the truth. and stop lying.
Not tell lies home to get sympathy.
Not involve home and work affairs to people at home.
Not demand things when its difficult.
Stop tantrums like a kid.
Behave mature and responsible.
Realise what are the responsibilities of a married person.
Start thinking about others first and then herself.
Learn to be satisfied with what we have..
Be happy for the trust and love and faith you get, don’t expect more.
Give back trust and happiness without expecting anything in return.
Do not disclose confidential matter between spouses to 3rd party.
Learn never to judge a person by the amount he spends, be happy for that person instead.

I think of the 3 years I put in and feel very bad. I brought a homily wife, that loves kids and that respects my mom at home. I Remember telling Fr Bosco the same things when he asked me why I liked Hz.. Today see what has happened, the person was never that way it was all a projection, knowing well I liked that, could not the truth be told then.

The homily person I wanted , instead of building a family is telling lies home about me, Talking nicely to me on the face, and dividing the house. The person that loves kids, betrays me, discusses all details with her entire folks, keeps me unaware by lying and kills my child inspite of me begging her till the very end not to.

A person that shouts at my old mom because she used to eat slowly, when that person never spoke rudely to you ever. Just because Hz did not have a habit of looking after others but being looked after. I was made a fool for so many days, but I believed one day God will give me my reward.

Today I’m a broken man, I have no dreams left. I just want to do my duty which I promised my Dad on his death bed. Even if I have to remain sad forever, but I’ll never forget the betrayal of a person that I helped always. The treatment I faced from people whose own person I looked after for 3 years with care Inspite of what I faced I’ve learnt a lesson today that good people are taken advantage of and bad people don’t feel any guilt.


Today I’m a much smarter person, I’ll never try to do much for any person anymore. I can’t face another betrayal again. I realise to be happy a person should not try to be good., I sincerely hope people understand my plight. A man does not cry in the open, but no one can see the tears that flow when I am all alone.

I look at the Nuptial booklet I prepared by myself, the words, the efforts. I never knew people can be this way. But I guess I had to learn this lesson. People do crimes and beg forgiveness, how many times would those people talk nice about anyone else ever.

In due course the truth will be known. But today I know I’ll never ever be able to trust hz again. My love for that person is no more there. But I feel sorry for my unfinished dream. I just wanted one small dream, of having a big united family, with a homily wife and 2 kids, and believing in God. A dream any man would have achieved had his wife to be sensible and understanding.

I feel for I’ve been struggling all these years, trying to do things thinking that one day I’ll face happiness too. But even the last dream of mine was shattered. hz did just opposite to what Hz promised me she would be and what our dreams were. Today also hz refuses to tell the people at home the truth of three years and how I stayed by her.

Even the past before that and what hz did with her ex boyfriend too I kept a secret from everyone till today. Even once hz told me that when she was small her fathers friends came over to drink and during there drunken state had fondled her and misbehaved , this secret I kept till date too.

I accepted the person however the person was because of the dream I had, thinking if I did 100% for that person that person would be faithful one day to me more than anyone, but I realised it was all an act on her and her family’s part. . I don’t regret what has occurred since after doing 100% it did not make a difference, no more effort could have. So much paitence I had with hz. I pray that one day God teaches them the truth. Today I feel so sad, trying to make everyone happy. A lesson I’ve learnt, and I deserved, to try to do something good for people rather than minding my own business. I know I’ll never be the same person again ever.

In September 2002, after hz counseling with Fr Bosco, she admitted to all the wrong she did to Fr. Bosco and me and my family, and thereafter she came over and apologized to my folks and me, touched their feet and begged forgiveness stating the same things will never be repeated, my folks told her not to touch their feet but behave like a responsible person and forgave her hoping the counseling session with Fr bosco for 2 months have make a difference. Hz was very eager to get back home, although I was worried if hz was coming home in revenge, but decided to give hz one last chance. Hz projected a faithful wife for 2 weeks, in between we went for 3 movies and spend a lot of fun time, hz went home to visit her folks only once a week and said that she would always be with me and never ever leave & no overnight stays at her place unless an emergency arose. I began to believe things had improved. I planned many surprises for the future.

On September, 2002, after staying for 24 days , Hz last Sunday did not visit her house as usual in fact went with my sister out for a meal, then on Monday hz went to her moms place after taking a half day from work, it was after that when hz returned that her tantrum started. The last time too this had occurred, everytime hz mixes with my folks and spends more time with us, her mom tells her something and when she returns home things are very different.

Last Friday due to hz work schedule, we could not meet Fr. Bosco who was conselling her. I really could never believe things would be smooth for me ever. But the last 2 weeks I really began to believe that Hz had improved and grown up. But it was only for 2 weeks. Even when we met Fr. Bosco the last time around he seen it. However Monday night was the 3rd tantrum hz created at home in the last 7 days.


From the time hz started visiting her home,which again I never objected, as long as hz was happy, but I always feared what if her people twist her mind again but I thought probably the counseling will work and hz promised us all that..

 

[zach79]

Wow, the Indian culture obviously just sucks at marriage, considering the tales of woe I've read.

Damn.

Wow I can't believe someone actually read that.

 

[Guest]

Last Tuesday on September, 02, my mom, sister, hz and I went to a restaurant to celebrate my sister’s birthday. While we were clicking photos, hz suddenly became quiet, thinking it was her normal moods no one said anything, on asking hz she said it was nothing, so everyone believed her. While we left the restaurant, I drove back with hz on the bike and hz created a tantrum on the bike shouting and yelling at me on the road while I was driving her back , stating that no one in our house loved her and no one ever hugged her, etc. I was surprised and never thought that way, I told her that was her perception and no one ever thinks that way in our house. But I could not convince her. She started her usual tantrum of not walking home and going the opposite way. However a few minutes later returned with me home. In our privacy of our bedroom, again hz created the same tantrum saying no one liked her and that’s why no one hugged her, etc. Which I found odd, because my mom and sister used to spend hours chatting and joking with her. Fortunately for us, my sister noticed her crying and asked her what is wrong, when I told her Hz problem she immediately came and hugged her saying we never thought that way ever. Soon my mom came to the room and hearing the reason also came and hugged her. Seeing that hz was wrong, hz said she was sorry. As usual jumping to conclusion. and it took the concerned people to prove her wrong, after my 30 minutes of explaining went in vain. Feeling at least Hz can talk and mix with my folks, unlike Hz folks reaction towards me.I felt happy that atleast my family was together and behaving sensibly unlike her people.

Then on Thursday 23rd morning the tauntrum was repeated with me Hz started stating that I was not sharing money with her. I told Hz but you were earning your own money and did not need any, and earlier I used to do it,but since she walked out on me I needed time to start again, she demanded that she only wanted my few rupees to give me back before I attend work as it kept her happy, I agreed that from October, I’ll keep my monthly expense money with her and take a little by little from her when needed. That stopped the tantrum, this time it took me an hour to explain, by giving examples and situations. Still believing it was only a bad mood of hz, and soon I would be seeing Fr. Bosco the next day and we would discuss it. But a fear began to creep in. Hz stated it was her office tension that was the real cause. Which I believed but a fear was arriving.

I thought of the 1st of September when Hz did the same at the Basilica of walking out of church and creating tantrums over money etc and made me cry, later stating it was deliberately done so that I would bring out tears that I had kept hidden, At that time too I knew it was not the reason, however hz said this reason in front of Fr Bosco when we met him the week after. How can you make the person you love feel pain and hurt. The reason was money and comforts. I never stopped Hz from giving her entire salary to her folks, fed her well at home, bought her and her parents whatever they wanted, but somehow I got the feeling that hz wanted me to blow money on her outside, while she gave her salary home to her folks. I was waiting for a few months and would have spend more on her as I felt I needed time after what Hz had betrayed me earlier. I had even planned a few surprises too for the future. But I realised all what Hz said was not true, I feel that hz never loved me, for a person that loved me would not hurt me this way, harass me like this and give me tension. What in case I lost everything I have tomorrow, hz will walk out again. The vows in church mean nothing to her.

I really believed Hz would improve her 23 year old bad habits by 2 months counseling, but soon when Hz found that everyone had forgiven her and were treating her nicely inspite of what had happened, she started the frequent visits home, and soon the overnight visits too. Soon as time passed Hz forgot all the promises, and the begging at the feet of my folks for forgiveness and started creating tension for me on any small problem, suspecting me every time as before, inspite of being nice to her, soon started involving my folks in this tension, which we are not used to. My sick mother’s condition started to deteriorate, she started to feel the tension, too. It was so ironical that after being so nice to her, hz still finds some reason to start her usual tantrums, something which we have never seen in our house before. Not at all behaving like a sane person or like a normal adult.

On Friday evening 09/02, the day we had to meet Fr. Bosco, Hz called up stating she had some extra work at office and would need to go places and would return quite late hence suggested she’d stay at her place for the night as the next morning she would have to attend office early and did not want to wake up people at my place from their sleep.


I was worried at first but then believing that at least Hz would be happy agreed. Hz came home the next day and said that her folks were missing her etc and they were sad that she had to go home etc. and she felt sad seeing their faces. I listened and smiled. Telling her that she could see them anytime and as it is she spoke to them everyday on phone.But I was getting worried what if it starts again.

Then things were ok till Monday afternoon 09/02,when Hz called up at home stating that she wants to leave office half day and visit her folks, I asked if she’d be back, which Hz told me yes. I believed again. Hz spent the remaining many hours at her folks place went out to her relatives place and went shopping with her brother, and returned home at 8.30 pm. Then as usual was joking with my folks and I for a few hours.

When my mom thinking that maybe me and Hz needed a little time for ourself to talk as I had to attend work that night told my siste to let us talk. My sister felt a bit bad and went to her room, since she was playing music closed her room door to avoid the sound from reaching us. To this hz imagination started working again, she asked me why my sister felt bad I told her that probably she wanted to talk to us and felt sad since my mom asked her to come away. But Hz was not convinced. Then my sister called me and was asking me why my mom told her to come away, and was it okay with us. Seeing us talking hz suspicion started again. Believing we were discussing her, she banged shut our bedroom door and latched it up, fearing a repetition of last times incident about Hz locking the door and taking tablets, I pushed the door but it was latched from inside.

Till today in our house no one latches doors, doors are closed but not latched, and till today I never close the doors alone in the room. In fear I tried to open the door seeing my eagerness hz unlatched it. I told her not to do this again as it was not right, then she started yelling and screaming like a mad person rolling on the bed, flinging herself side to side like a stubborn child , she kept repeating things of the past, and spoke as if someone had told her things earlier, she started rolling on the bed , yelling , shouting, abusing people , hitting anyone in the way that tried to restrain her, banging herself on the wall, cupboard and bed, in the process broke the bed too, screaming that she was mad and then demanding that she wants to go home. The same tantrums as before.

My folks were shocked, never before have they seen an adult behaving as hz did, but I had seen this behavior many times in the last 3 years only it was more intense and magnified after marriage and I had heard about hz behavior too and that her mother used to behave somewhat similar to this too, but never thought it this way. I was convinced the counseling had worked, but it was not to be. Seeing this my mother who is suffering from a blood wound in the head, for which she is under medical treatment staggered and feel down. I was very worried for her. I had got married to reduce my tension but this person has come to our home only to increase our sorrow and pain.

hz spoke words which I believe has been worked into her by someone I suspect her folks. It was abuses with a lot of hate, and it was total contrast to what hz was doing 5 minutes prior to it, no one would have imagined after 5 minutes this would have occurred. During the tantrums hz kept shouting out loudly that she was mad and that many people said that too. Hz folks have not apoligised for their wrong to us till day, but we did not insist it as long as hz was behaving. But I believe again as before they are trying out some plans to gain some more things from us.

In our house when people feel sad they will sit alone and cry when depressed, but never ever has a person behaved as hz did that night rolling on the bed yelling, shouting and screaming, flinging her hands every way and shouting and abusing as if she was possessed. It was a surprise to my folks who were scared after what happened earlier. and it shattered my hopes of her improvement after the counselling. Hz thereafter calming down demanded to go home as usual. It was 12:30 in the night, we told her not to and tried to make her understand. Then hz said she was missing her mother. But I knew it was something to do with what someone in her family had said to wind her up.


I never ask Hz what she spoke at home and with Hz folks as I feel its her right. and when she talks to my mom or sister I don’t ask. But Hz was so suspicious that even if I talk to anyone in the house Hz wants to know what and why. and believes everyone is talking about her. Even if my mother and sister are talking about something innocent, hz gets suspicious and ask each of us the same thing at different times individually to see if all three of our stories match. It was as if hz was hiding something and felt we had discovered it. The tension is so much that not only I have to worry about my job, I also have to worry with what odd reason will Hz start her next tantrum. The fear of not knowing on what reason Hz will start trouble is affecting my peace of mind.

After a couple of hours Hz calmed down and realising her mistake apologised and said she was sorry as usual. She even went and rested on my moms lap apoligizing. Later that night she hugged them and spoke to them about why she herself never knew why she behaves this way and was sorry and promised never repeat this again. Later at night hz spoke to my mom who was crying and talking to my sister tried to explain that she did not know why she behaved the way she did, saying it was common in the past and in her house she does it at least once or twice a week and and promised never to repeat it.

But this cannot go on, this unpredictable nature is affecting us all, especially me as I don’t know when Hz will do what and start a tantrum on what.

I attended work late that night, worked the night in tension and arrived in the morning and hz behaved as if nothing was wrong, but the danger was that the person was very unpredictable to the point of being a danger to herself and anyone around her. First hz said she missed her mom then said she needs time alone, then said she would not go away saying that she loved me a lot etc. I cannot understand it, hz behavior is making me mad, the tension is getting too much. I worry when will the trouble and tantrums start next and during those tantrums hz will injure herself and we’ll be blamed for it as last time we were because her folks only react to her story they never seem to try and find out the truth. hz creates a scene to demand her way and people in her place used to concede to her demands to maintain peace in her house, but now Hz was married and in another place, one cannot behave this way, tomorrow if Hz is a mother how will she look after our children, she will even be a danger to them, physically, mentally and emotionally, and a terrible role model. I cannot take this constant fear anymore. I cannot. Every time she behaves this way I get a very cold worry, I feel so tensed that I feel like crying. Why should I suffer, I tried to be a good husband, forgave her so many times and still I have to suffer. Even her own folks support her in every wrong she does and this has encouraged her all these years and even today.

Hz wants to dance and sing and everything should be happy happy, but real life is different, people are sad too, and one should not suspect. We have accepted Hz openly but she has always viewed us with suspicion as if we are talking about her and does not believe it till its late. Why is it because Hz is guilty of discussing us at her place. Or is someone telling her what to do. I don’t know. Because I believe Hz should know whats right. Has hz been admitted or under treatment for mental sickness in the past for which she is worried we will find out is that the reason for suspicion.

Hz said she’ll be with me as she did before leaving for work this morning, but the reputation of Hz unpredictable nature told me something else.rightly so. I fear some more tantrums as long as Hz is being worked up. I never stopped her from visiting her folks but noticed that they are telling her things that’s causing this behaviour in Hz. I requested Fr Bosco,to talk to them, if they are doing this its not right. I cannot face this tension every day not knowing what will be the reason for Hz tantrum which Hz also does not know why. Hz needs to see psychiatrist.


All I thought was be nice, faithful, trusty and accept a person and things would be ok, my folks and I forgot the hurt of the past and accepted her, But I always wondered if Hz came back with revenge. Forgiving her, and hoping Hz will be a responsible wife, everyone kept her well, spoke to her nicely, but Hz tantrums are ruining things, on that day the bible and rosary was thrown at me. I cannot believe how a person can be that unpredictable. Suspicion and doubt in spite of talking to us so many weeks. I fear that tomorrow this behavior can kill a small child too. I find that its as if we are being blackmailed into agreeing to her and her family having their way, to avoid these tantrums.

At times Hz has mentioned lies that people told her about how I was not there with her when she was in hospital, the funny part was that all those stories were so bad inspite of me being there everyday and throughout the night I was still lied about.

Sometimes Hz looks stone eyed at me when I talk and responds as if I’m not present, as a person who is not normal and at times it is with a lot of love as if nothing happened. Fr. Bosco, has seen us, heard us., and knows.

I believe in love, people talk nicely, but its always me that has to be polite and nice while Hz creates her usual tantrums.

If hz is happy with someone else and cannot be with me, or is it the lifestyle I cannot offer. But I had explained everything to hz before marriage and she agreed. Today I feel so betrayed, I know I’ll never trust anyone so much as I did with hz anymore.

I don’t know but I was always confident of succeeding in having a happy and faithful family, because I knew my folks and thought I knew hers Our house may be sad, but people are very responsible. Sometimes hz hears ghosts and sees things, one night she was crying and my mom and sister held her after she says she saw ghosts. Even in her house she says she seen ghosts. I believe there is a very serious mental or psychological problem. Fr Bosco would know.

She got so much affection but yet created tantrums. Our house is sad but no one yells and screams and shouts like this , if a person is sad they sit quietly and cry silently. But hz behavior was odd, even our neighbors were surprised at the noise. Hz has a habit of shouting at her folks place and yelling but this was a different place, one cannot behave like this .

I know in case I’m injured or in a bad position financially, Hz will walk away from my house back to her folks the next day as every day I have the fear she will. As recently as soon as things go her way she is happy otherwise she just walks away and returns as if nothing happened.

Please give me a solution. This stubbornness and lies have to stop. An adult does not behave this way. I cannot understand, why hz folks never warned us about this behavior. It is not fair to keep a person in the dark about their child’s misbehavior and mental sickness. They cannot ruin my peace and happiness, they cannot blackmail me to agreeing to all her demands just so that peace is maintained and she does not walk out as usual.

The threats of walking away as if it’s a picnic are not tolerable. Why doesn’t Hz parents tell Hz. Why should I suffer for someone’s bad behavior, why should I be in tension about what moment the trouble would start. Hz cannot understand the seriousness of marriage, nor do her folks, then who will correct her wrong and advise her. When the counseling began I felt very happy that someone was trying to improve, but I realised it was only a pretence. Or there is something severely wrong with her mentally and somewhere in her past something has happened that has caused her to be so mentally instable. Something that she and her family are hiding from us till today.


When I came to meet Fr. Bosco after that day coincidentally hz was waiting there although she told me that she was going to work and together we would visit Fr. Bosco in the evening.. Hz spoke to me rudely as if I was not known, just a few hours ago I was kissed and hugged before Hz left for work. On questioning Hz, the reply was that Hz wanted to go away soon. Why me. Just because I live a life that’s not extravagant, just because I don’t spend money a lot in a wasteful manner, just because she wanted me to help her family with their demands. In public I’m treated badly, as if I’m no one. If I loved Hz and talk well to Hz why is the same not there. Its only when Hz feels I should have said nice words I should.

After only 3 weeks and this rehappened. We all forgave Hz and believed that a person had improved, but soon the tantrums started due to some weird reason which I could not even comprehend, it was as if hz wanted to start a tantrum and go home and the reason was not important.

As I suspected after that morning Hz has not returned home, playing her usual lying game again. Inspite of telling people something else. The tension my family faces with Hz tantrums is too much. I have never seen anyone behave the way hz does. A wife comes in a house to spread love not hurt. A wife come to build a home but it looks like she came to ruin our home on the instructions of her family members.

There is a God watching all this, the vows in church, all mean nothing. At times I feel can a wife be that way, I always thought they were made of sweetness and love. Today my folks and me cry for giving her a second chance, and what did we get in return for our kindness.

I really tried my best, and still this has happened. Any reason is enough for a suspicion and then an apology follows. This cannot continue. I don’t know what lies Hz will tell the world, for she has a history of lying about everybody. . But I never ever thought my wife would be this way as I tried to be good.

On 09/02 Hz got her confirmation at the office, all these days I was comforting Hz about it and so was my sister. Hz used to give us so much tension about whether she would get her confirmation, and that her colleagues are harassing her and that her people at home don’t care for her but all they want is her salary and her brother has no conscience that he is making his married sister slog to feed all three of them at her mother’s home. But today after she got her confirmation I’m left out. Once again she has used me and my mom and my sister and has walked away. But more serious is what the person is doing to me. Hz is making me worry about when her next madness will start without any warning and for a flimsy excuse. How can a person avoid this painful misery. To them our peace of mind is not important, we are only looked upon as bank accounts to fulfill their demands, knowing I am the only working member in the house and my sister has left her job long ago to take care of her mother and I do not have job security yet. They do not know the meaning of the words trust, loyalty and faith.

Why yes one day and next minute a contradiction. I feel like a fool, the second time even forgetting and forgiving all Hz faults. Still her family is ready to pounce on us and blame us because somewhere someone affected their daughter’s mood.. My old mother cannot take the strain anymore. She was sick, and I thought I got a wife that will mix with the family since in the beginning hz showed that she was very eager to be a big part of this family, but instead of reducing the tension she is increasing it day by day.

I know Fr. Bosco tried his best to help us. I too enjoyed every moment he took time to help our marriage. But I believe hz can never improve, only people that have stayed with hz for a while see the true person she is, others see the false picture that is projected. I never want to think of my wife as a bad person, till today I feel that hz would realise what she promised. I wanted faith, trust and happiness, that’s all. She agreed earlier that she wanted the same things too. But success and money is really what she and her people want, and they don’t want to slog for it, they want to put their hands in someone else’s pocket and then enjoy their pleasures. This lead her to be rude, abusive and suspicious and she has s forgotten the hard times we spent together during her struggle and only I, not even her parents and brother supported her.

Today I’m a broken man, I want to rewind and erase my years with hz but I cannot. hz will one day realise what harm she has done and is still doing, but it by then it will be too late. False words and crocodile tears cannot fool everyone for long, as time passes people learn the real hz as I learnt.


I always tried to be a good person, but if this the reward for good people then who would want to be good. Today I feel since Hz is happier away and wants to be separate, it will be better for her and me and both our families.

Maybe one day Hz will find a person that will keep her happy and feed her and her families extravagant demands. My efforts were not adequate I guess. However, one day God will show justice, one day he will. Her family have once again interfered in our marriage, inspite of allowing hz to visit them, they and she have managed to destroy my happiness once again.

The biggest disappointment is that today my wife has forgotten me, as if what happened never existed. I too feel at least my tension will be less with her away and happy with someone else.

I thank Fr. Bosco for his valuable time he gave us, trying to help us. I wanted us to succeed very much. But I guess the world is a very bad place. Please reduce my pain and suffering and grant me an Annulment, I never would have dreamt in my wildest dreams that this would happen to me. But I was made a fool for being nice. I cannot face any more tension that a tantrum will start on any reason and any suspicion., help me reduce this tension , so I can look after my broken and sad family alone and concentrate on my very difficult job.

If this is what a reward for for being nice, then who would want to be good. One day the truth will be realised, But the hurt I felt will stay forever. Please grant me an Annulment and let me be happy to look after my broken family again. Never again will I feel sorry for a person that requires someone to be there. I did 100% for hz, but the person was not grown up for marriage and I doubt she will ever be. This I realised and everyone will know their mistakes one day. Hz wanted comforts and money, and used any excuse to find a fault, I know if I do what Hz wants peace will be maintained for a while, but soon again with any excuse trouble will commence.

I am a person with a lot of patience, but today I feel I’ve lost, I cannot explain the hurt I feel, and why did I make a wrong choice. Why did I feel sorry for hz, and why did I marry hz. I know these memories of betrayal and sadness will be with me for the next 60 years, But it was a lesson for me. I would like to cut off all relations with her so please grant me an Annulment and put me and my mom and sister out of this misery we are in.

I feel sorry for the time Fr. Bosco spent with us. I had hopes of us helping other couples come together one day. But everyone is an adult and everyone has their ways of living. Hopefully hz will find happiness in that.

I believe Hz was not grown up for marriage, hz also mentioned that she missed her mom a lot and cannot stay without her mom and dad. Nor do hz folks tell her what is right and wrong, Just because hz has a house to run back to, she feels its right to find any excuse to create a tantrum and walk out. If her parents had told her that what she is doing is wrong, probably she would not do these things. But they themselves seem to have very bad reputations in their neighbourhood.

The amount of patience we have had with her is a lot. In spite of that Hz begged forgiveness, promising and apologizing a lot, but as usual goes back on her word. Most of the time its lies, lies and lies. So many lies are told, that one can never believe Hz anytime. She makes people live in hope and die in despair. That is her policy. And the sad part is Hz does not realise that an adult does not behave this way, unfortunately no one is willing to correct her wrong doings at home, instead they support her nonsense and this leads to further bad behavior on her part..



The sad part is that hz does not realize what she is doing., or maybe there is something else to it, I began to suspect probably her folks have found someone else for her as per their requirements or maybe they needed something financially. Although I never wanted to think of hz that way, but I have began to look at things realistically.

Another reason I can think of practically is that hz wanted things her way in relation to money and comforts, house, separate accommodation and did not get that, inspite of treating her well ,and I never objected to her giving her earnings to her folks ever, realising comforts and demands are met everytime at her place, hz decides to walk out when things are not done according to her demands.

Hz has a history of walking out of school, college, office, even from her own house hz walked out and ran to Ahmedabad. With the 2 years with me hz walked out and apoligised 24 hrs later 50-60 times.

Another reason is the pampered attitude of the person , for years now hz and folks consider this behaviour normal, but to the outside world it is not rational behavior. An adult cannot behave like a stubborn and pampered child creating tantrums and demanding things. How can this person be a mother. Hz does not realise the importance and seriousness of marriage.

The third doubt is that hz is mentally instable, this I doubted her before on observing her reaction and comments towards things, even the suspicious nature and jumping to the weirdest of conclusions. There is definitely something wrong with hz mental state, its as if the person has 3 tracks not knowing one from the other. I suspect hz has had a very serious problem in the past for which she has been undergoing medical treatment, or has been advised medical attention but this has been hidden from us till date. During the counseling session too, one may have noticed something similar. Probably the fear that one day I will know of it is causing her to suspect that everyone is talking about her.

But if I’m the husband then I should have the right to know the truth. Is hz taking medicines for some kind of mental instability and when why these tantrums happen so often. . What is the real story behind this kind of unpredictable and unstable behavior?.

The last reason I have is unfortunately is that hz might me liking someone else, hence she used to come home late often and have some excuse to visit home, but I trusted hz so much that I never thought in that way ever, but realistically speaking it’s a possibility.

Irrespective of all the reasons, the main problem is hz is not behaving like a faithful and responsible wife as per the vows, hz can leave me yesterday and today, then tomorrow in case I’m injured, hz will walk out again without thinking about me. Words and promises mean nothing to hz.

Fr. Bosco must have realised through his observations and what information I gave him earlier that this is a case of selfishness, bad behavior, cunningness, immaturiaty and mental instability.

I requested Fr. Bosco to talk to hz parents and tell them about her mental state. The problem is they listen to her lies told according to her assumptions and beliefs, even though they may be very wrong and believe it, without even asking the other side.their story. This is saddening. But they don’t realise they are only harming hz future not helping hz.

Even if they just tell hz this is wrong things would be solved, but that does not occur. The way hz starts her tantrum on the weirdest of reasons, inspite of having in-laws that talk so nicely to her inspite of hz ways. Her assumptions has caused her to start her tantrums every odd occasion, but this is not hz home, its her married house, and hz is supposed to be a responsible adult and sensible wife.



The last time too hz folks reacted to the lies that hz told them without bothering to find out the truth, started accusing us of lies which we never knew why and insulting us and blaming us for things even they had not seen but heard from hz, later when hz admitted and apoligised for her lies, according to hz , her folks were sorry, but we never insisted on an apology, we believed hz, not knowing if it was true or not. But the same thing reoccurred.

Thinking practically, I cannot afford to spend my next 60 years in tension on such a foolish reason, always under tension when hz tantrum will start and when lies will be told to the world about us, and hz parents will never believe the truth.

I have a tension filled job is enough I cannot face this unwanted and unnecessary pressure of someone’s bad behavior. In our house we have been through difficult circumstances and hence we are all responsible people, to us this behaviour of hz is very very abnormal.

The hurt I feel I cannot explain, I did my best to be there for hz in her bad times, and today Hz walks out on any excuse, plays games with me, but this time we are married, how can a wife be so irresponsible and interested only in money and comforts. Many times Hz used to say all she wanted was true love and the rest was not important, hz agreed in case we had no money for food and we had to share a stale bread we would share it happily. Today those memories hurt me; I feel I’ve been made a fool. Today Hz walks out anytime, apologies again, begs to come back and walk out again. Behaves like a person that’s not sane, and tells lies to get sympathy.

If hz folks were matured enough all they had to do was pick up the phone and call up our place and inquire from my mom what happened, but unlike parents they believe all what Hz says and react to it. Without conforming what is the truth like the previous two occasions.

Which parents would allow their child to leave her husband every few days and run home. In spite of Hz parents troublesome behaviour and arguments, Hz mom still stayed with Hz dad. But I try to be an excellent husband and see what happens.

I know its difficult to believe that there are people that look at marriage as ways and means of benefiting financially by playing on emotions of people, I never wanted to look at hz that way after what I did for her, because I loved hz. But today I think practically and neutrally and I realize that it was all for money and comforts and since it was not there, hz walks away. What will this person be for me in bad times.

Its sad when I think of the nuptial booklet I made with the words better and for worse, good times and bad times, all times, sickness and health, the time I spent with hz trying to get her back emotionally after her past relationship, I was there every time. Thinking of that I feel very sad.

I’ve realized that being the good person I tried to be got me this reward, being simple and down to earth, worrying about others, forgetting myself, wearing ordinary clothes, being nice ….and one ends up like me.

Soon I’ll change this lifestyle, thanks to Hz that has shown me the way of the world.I know never again will I be able to be the nice person I tried to be, never again will I be able to trust a person again. These memories of hurt will stay with me forever I know.

For years hz created tantrums at home and at school and at office, but after marriage you cannot do this. She cannot behave stubbornly just to get her way. I cannot find words to express my feelings, all these months of tension, her weird way of thinking, her suspicion of people doing and saying things behind her back. Is she paranoid, or a split personality or is she a schizophrenic or just plain mentally instable. Any decent woman would have been happy getting a house where everyone talked to her and kept her happy, but every odd assumption or weird conclusion either by hz or someone else’ss instigation ruined everything.


Tomorrow I cannot live with such a person, or make this person the mother of my kids. A mother needs to be patient and responsible. After thinking it over a lot I have decided that its not wise to have Hz as my wife and I would like to apply for an Annulment.

This marriage was never a marriage in the first place and it was only a means to her to get her comforts and her family’s demands fulfilled. Love and faith cannot be one sided. To me happiness and trust is more valuable than money. When will people realise, within 3 days of marriage hz ran home, then within 2 months walked away then again within 24 days the 3rd time she ran away without telling us she is going Promising us things we’ll be doing together that evening. I believe it was planned. In the last 6 months hz has spent less that 40% time with me, what marriage is this. She has spent more time at her parents home after marriage than with me in my home.

Hopefully I will be able to get the trust and faith from a sincere person somewhere one day And Hz can go about getting a person that can give them comforts and money and tolerate such a mentally insane person until that poor person too breaks down like I did.

My request is someone responsible talk to hz parents and explain hz condition to them, I don’t think they will believe them, but if tomorrow hz can see a psychiatrist and recover and improve it will be better for them.

My dreams are destroyed, and I’ll never dream again, I must be the most unfortunate husband around. My child was killed, my peace of mind was destroyed and my happiness and trust was destroyed and yet no one corrected hz and told her this is wrong, why would they after all money and comforts are important and not us human beings who are only their in-laws. But they don’t realize that they are ruining many peoples lives. God willing I will start off fresh again but I pity the person that will marry hz.

Today I know getting an Annulment is the last hope left. I did maximum I could to save this marriage. .It’s a marriage that never was, hopefully after that I can concentrate on my job and look after my broken home and hope to recover from this tragedy fast.

Hz cannot ruin my peace of mind every time. I know and when I think of all the things that have happened I realize it was all for money and comfort and when Hz realizes that its not there, its very easy to walk away because Hz has a home to run to with people that never correct her faults..

But this time its too much, Its not me only but now even my people and neighbors have seen this occurring.
To hz it may be very normal, to lie, to assume, to misbehave, and get sympathy. But soon people will see the true hz as time passes as I and my mother and sister have. God above is watching these crimes being committed on us and he will give us justice someday.

This habit of shouting, yelling, abusing, rolling on the floor, flinging hands sideways, banging ones head, crying. Only stubborn children and mentally retarded people behave this way. Its shocking. This person will threaten to do things to herself to get her way and even hz own parents will not correct her for this fear. So invariably hz gets her way she always uses emotional blackmail.

How can I imagine living 60 years with such a person, how can I imagine this person to be a mother one day. Its unbelievable, one has to live with her to believe what I am saying. The difference in the facial expression normally and when she is having her tantrums.

Its not normal behavior. The entire family behaves this way and they find it quite normal. They don’t feel ashamed of the neighbors and friends, they don’t feel guilty that they are not behaving responsible and people are watching and hearing them make fools of themselves.

How can people be this way. I cannot understand. Earlier the tension was affecting me, now the tension has started to affect my folks, my sick mom has started crying a lot in sorrow. I try to console her, she cannot believe this thing can happen. We do not have any history of mental instability in my father’s family or my mother’s family. After being so nice to hz and forgiving her too many times, talking to her always in a kind way, but yet suddenly for some reason or suspicion she starts to do weird things and then threaten to walk out just because she wanted to go home overnight because according to her she was missing her parents. There is no maturity in this behaviour. A number of times I told her if she wants to go to tell us in simple english politely and then leave, there is no need to start a tantrum for all the neighbours to hear. The neighbourhood in her parents house are used to her and her people’s mad behaviour throughout these years, we are not.

After 3 chances which we all have given Hz, not including the 50 odd times that Hz did this tantrums before marriage with me of yelling, shouting, screaming, raising hands, scratching, and flinging herself and hitting her head etc. I’ve seen a lot, then walking out and a few days later apologizing. Its crazy. Not a sane person’s behaviour. This is common in hz house too. Her mother used to do it when she was hz age. Is there madness in that family and that it is going down from generation to generation.

I would never know the true hz until I stayed with her and that would be possible only after marriage, which I did. If there was any other way of finding out this insane behaviour I would have never got married.

During the counseling session Fr. Bosco must have realized how the person was with her way of thinking. He must be knowing my feelings today, and I need to be free from this tension by getting an Annulment. This person can never be responsible and sane ever. hz and her suspicion will never end, I feel sorry that hz may realize her fault when its too late and no one has the patience to listen. How can such a person have children when other people can tell her to get rid of her own flesh and blood and she has no regrets about itt to, how will such a person look after children. What mother will the children see, the lies will continue there too. I don’t want my kids to end up as nervous wrecks ever.

I feel a lot of tension with hz around especially with this weird behavior. Friends and neighbors have noticed it, but I never thought it would be like this, after all hz was an educated person. I never thought I would have this problem ever, I don’t smoke, drink, fool around. My family is one of the most understanding around. Yet hz suspects all of us. Before marriage it was me. Even Hz suspects her office friends on the weirdest reasons, and if I tell Hz that it not that way, hz will start her tantrums with me. Only if you agree to her madness then peace is maintained. hz does this with her folks but no one else will tolerate it her craziness. They tolerate it because they don’t seem to see anything wrong in their behavior.

I feel much more relaxed and peaceful with Hz away from me.I tried my level best to get things working, but I believe one hand cannot clap. It takes two to make a marriage work. Today I look at the past and wonder why I tried so much and gave the person so many chances. and I’ll end up next 66 years full of tension and giving hz chances and the bad behavior and suspicion will never end.

After doing the maximum I realize that as long as hz gets her way regarding the way she blows money on expensive things and the greed for gold, comforts on other people’s cost and demands her way, and everyone has to be there at her beck and call, then things will be fine for a while until we cannot fulfill another demand. How can Christians be this way?

Thinking of the amount of effort and patience I had, and after the last time how my people went all out to forgive hz and forget the past, inspite of Hz folks insulting us on the basis of hz lies to them. According to hz they apologized and were feeling bad although no one has conveyed the same to us and I believe is another of hz many many lies. Today I feel like a fool.



Today I’m a broken man. I’ve had a very hard life, if hz cannot keep me happy don’t make me cry and add to it. I cannot take this tension anymore. Being a nice simple person and this is the reward, then I will have to change my lifestyle, which I will soon.

All I wanted was a trusty, faithful and responsible wife. The same like was in the marriage vows. Promises that could be kept. It was so simple.

Tomorrow Hz will leave me if I’m injured or hurt, and if I don’t have money to spend and run home on any excuse after creating another untimely tantrum Because there is a place to go to where people do not correct her and side her even when she is completely wrong, hz has never taken the responsibility of being a wife at all. In fact she does not even consider that she is married to me. The same would be with the kids too. hz does not realize money does not bring happiness, trust does, but when will they all realize this.

I really hope hz can be happy with someone that can offer her and her folks money and comforts and all their demands. Because I cannot keep on doing things to maintain peace, because that’s what happens when I cannot. I spend nights staying awake if Hz is sick. In case she wakes at night crying my people are there to comfort her, but when I’m sick Hz seems disinterested and sleep is most important yet I’m used to taking care of myself and so don’t mind.

Maybe I’ll find a simple, homily, faithful and responsible wife one day. Its saddening that after what I did things are this way. So many lies are told to me and people around. Lies ruin happiness. But one day Hz will learn the hard way.

I was just needed as long as I could do things for her and her family. I never asked anyone to do things for me nor did she or her family members ever volunteer to help. When we agreed to a 50% share of expenses things changed, they wanted everything to be sponsored, how can people be that way, when I suggested a small ceremony they wanted a big one but we should sponsor it when we refused we were bad, what world is this. Everything leads to money and comfort and yet they knew we were not rich just managing daily.

Please grant me this Annulment as soon as possible so I can concentrate on my job and look after my unmarried sister and mother and bring back to our faces the smile that hz and her family wiped out completely. I do not wish to ruin my life trying to improve people that cannot be improved and risk mental and physical harm to us all and be blamed for no fault of ours.


I thank all that have had the paitence to read this.
I need some advice on your observations & views.
Thanks again
regds
VVS Lakshman

 

[Guest]

Since then its been 5 days now.No contact. No phone call. Nothing.

Its peaceful.

But the betrayal by Hazel [Hz] I will never forget.

Hazel was never faithful.

Hazel does not realise there is something apart from money calld faith,love & trust.
Never again will I trust anyone anymore.

A good lesson to learn from an India guy who knows ok.
regds.

 

[Freya]

Holy shit yoyo - how long does it take you to write this crap? I have to go along with Mischka - scoot.

 

[Siren]

 

[Guest]

no

i really am leaving

*blowing you a kiss*

 

[Freya]

How can we miss you if you won't go away?

 

[HeavyStick]

How can we miss you if you won't go away?

lol

 

[Siren]