A Dominant Crossdresser????

[michellestein25]

I am soo confused by my husband. He is a crossdresser. I found out 3 years ago by accident. I don't think he ever planned on telling me. Prior to finding out I knew he liked to look at bondage porn. He claims he wants to tie me up and he has a couple of times. It is really hard for me because I panic if I cannot move. Anyway, now I notice he looks at sites entitled" TV's Bound to Serve" and "Transgendered Restraint".. So, I tied him up one night. I thought he enjoyed it...but when I ask him or tell him I am going to tie him up he claims that he wants to tie ME up? Everything that I have read about crossdressers states that they want to be submissive....He won't talk to me about this...so, here I am asking for any input any of you may have....

Are there "Dominant Crossdressers"?????

 

[bicuriouscd]

....He won't talk to me about this...

This is in my mind the heart of the problem , if he's not willing to be honest and willing to talk about his dressing with you he probably won't open up about what his real desires about bondage are all about .
Have you talked about seeing a couples councilor to try to work through theses issues ?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Two possible reasons that he wants to tie YOU up because he is convinced that he cant get tied up in exactly the way he wants. Or, that he's afraid of letting himself fall so deeply into "subspace" that h won't get out. So he's going to play out his submission fantasy with you as his proxy.

My suggestion, since this is about the psychology of bottoming/subbing; flag this thread of yours, and ask the moderator to move it to the BDSM talk forum.

 

[Netzach]

I'd be like "sorry honey, you can tie my ass up AFTER you start talking to me about it."

And yes, there are dominant CD's, just like there are dominant women. I wouldn't assume there's some pop psychology reason that he's really submissive, I'd assume "I want to tie you up" means "I want to tie you up."

The reason all his porn involves CD's getting force feminized and tied up by women is because the people who make that kind of porn are convinced no one else exists. It's the same reason I have to go look at gay porns if I want to see attractive men struggling in rope as the main feature versus an excuse to look at a dominatrix in better shape than I'm in.

The bottom line is that it's very hard to do this stuff, especially do it well together, without some real and honest communication. Sounds like you guys have a lot of that to do. He needs to know you're really OK with his dressing, and for your natural curiosity about it not to be a threat. You deserve to be able to know what the hell's going on. Time to put on the big girl panties and talk about it.

If the two of you reach a total impasse about who's going to do the tying maybe you can find some sweet thing who wants BOTH of you to just tie her up and then have hot sex with each other when she or he leaves - but that outcome isn't happening unless and until all y'all are able to talk to each other and ultimately someone else.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I wouldn't assume there's some pop psychology reason that he's really submissive

I don't think pop psychology has gotten that far yet. I suggested them because those were MY reasons for topping at first.