inkyscandal
Distracted
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2009
- Posts
- 14
Hi all,
Glad to see my first two submissions (ever) have both so far received little red "H" symbols. The thing is, I want more feedback!
Here are two chapters of "A Doctor's Dream" which tells the story of a lucky doctor (male) who gets very intimate with his young female patient. It starts out pretty fetishistic, but by Chapter 2 he's the one being seduced...
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=403473
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=403474
Any guidance and feedback (positive or negative, really), will be carefully digested and absorbed. Here are some of my main questions:
1. Am I using too much detail (does it ruin the pacing or take the fun out of reading these)?
2. Are my two characters developed enough to keep you interested?
3. Is the action believable? If not, which parts are over-the-top?
4. The big one: Should I try to work on Chapter 3? Most of it is already in my head... but getting it written and polished would be a huge commitment of time (of which I have almost none). If what you have read in Ch1 & Ch2 seems run-of-the-mill ordinary fluff to you (my audience) then obviously I won't make it a priority.
Thanks in advance for reading my story. Don't be shy with the feedback.
Glad to see my first two submissions (ever) have both so far received little red "H" symbols. The thing is, I want more feedback!
Here are two chapters of "A Doctor's Dream" which tells the story of a lucky doctor (male) who gets very intimate with his young female patient. It starts out pretty fetishistic, but by Chapter 2 he's the one being seduced...
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=403473
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=403474
Any guidance and feedback (positive or negative, really), will be carefully digested and absorbed. Here are some of my main questions:
1. Am I using too much detail (does it ruin the pacing or take the fun out of reading these)?
2. Are my two characters developed enough to keep you interested?
3. Is the action believable? If not, which parts are over-the-top?
4. The big one: Should I try to work on Chapter 3? Most of it is already in my head... but getting it written and polished would be a huge commitment of time (of which I have almost none). If what you have read in Ch1 & Ch2 seems run-of-the-mill ordinary fluff to you (my audience) then obviously I won't make it a priority.
Thanks in advance for reading my story. Don't be shy with the feedback.
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