A dive into the feedback request pool

[RichardWark]

Ok, I have to ask - I have received generally good feedback here, which is thrilling; I am elated to have received positive responses and ratings. This is a lot of fun (and I think I have a really good one showing up in a couple of days). I'm having fun writing this in my twilight years.

But one of my stories seems to have a more lackluster response than I had thought it might and it's a little disappointing to me because I put more heart and soul into this than most of my other stories, published here or elsewhere:

https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/aphrodite-a-hucks-place-story

Aside from some of the imperfections of my own writing, of which I am certainly aware, what was wrong with this story (well, "wrong" is maybe too strong; 3.96 is perfectly good, but I can't help feeling it's a little underrated)? Is it too downbeat? Unlikable characters? Wrong setting? Sucky writing style? Or was it just badly placed - maybe more fitting for "non erotic" since actual sex is at a minimum? Or was it a victim of not being prominently placed because of the categories popularity? Or did it just "blow past" people and not get read enough?

I will be more than happy to take criticism, either publicly or privately, on this or any of my other stories.

Thanks

Richard Wark
Wark2002

 

[SisterJezabel]

I read your story just now. My first thought was Romance was not the category for it, but then I wondered what category would work? If anything it has a distinct LW feel about it- cheating partners getting caught up in each other's lives.

You write well and use grammar and punctuation well, but there was no one I could actually root for in the story. The lack of communication between the protagonist and his girlfriend showed there was little if no love there. The focus on the friend who was meant to be getting married but is still sleeping around showed utter disrespect for his fiancée. There was a real lack of emotion- he is having his cock stroked through his jeans, but there is no description as to what this does to him.

I think people reading in the romance category want a happily ever after or at least some form of resolution and there was none of this. I will admit I haven't read any of your other work, but I suspect you forgot you are telling a story. The story I read was man comes home, girlfriend duymps him because she received a call from someone and thought he was screwing around, Turns out he has been screwing around, but not with her, so he goes to the bar with friends, meets some girls, one feels him up, but they leave, so the men go to a strip joining where he gets propositioned for sex, but decides not to pay and that was it.

 

[RichardWark]

Wow! I am really appreciative of your feedback. I absolutely get your comments. It is true that it is a bit less plot-heavy than my other stories - I was going more for atmosphere, state of mind, aimlessness - more, let's say "8 1/2"-ish. I do think the point of the final scene might have been missed - watching the girl next door through the window and regretting the "simpler times" have passed and that his life is, for the moment, at least, "fucked up." (It is, as I say in the intro, part of a cycle.) But if that wasn't apparent in the story, that is my own fault, and I appreciate it being pointed out.