ungenderless
Slave to my muse
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2006
- Posts
- 1,236
Ok, I'm continuing my "Words Made Flesh" story, but with a new story arc and new characters (in addition to the old ones). What I'm looking for are two things: 1 - is it interesting? Do you want to know more? and 2 - do you understand it? Are you lost? Cos I want someone to be able to jump in and be able to read it without knowing anything about these characters.
It's not submitted at this point, so here is the rough draft:
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CHAPTER 23
The delicate rays of light washed over Ambers face as she lie sleeping in her bed. It's presence was at first a faint crimson, but slowly morphed into a radiant yellow. Finally, the sun's heat caused her to stir. Her eyelids opened slowly to reveal glossy hazel eyes that clearly held a sadness within. She absent-mindedly moved her dirty blonde hair from her cheek and turned on her side to put the sun behind her.
Last night's painting of a little girl in a white dress stared back at her. She didn't remember making the girl look so sad. The faded colors prevented any single feature from standing out, as though it was meant to disappear. Perhaps she had painted it to help cheer her up, but now it looked as though the painting was the one needing cheering up.
"Good morning," Amber said to the little girl, trying unsuccessfully to make her voice sound happy.
After taking a moment to stretch, Amber decided that her approach to this new day was all wrong. This day marked the first page in a new chapter in her life. She was in a new town, making new friends, looking for a new job. Amber could feel the memories of her recent past pushing their way to the front of her mind. She new that if she dwelled on the past, she'd want to go back to her old life, where her ex-girlfriend was waiting. No matter how much she missed Haley, no matter how painful it was -.
"Nope, not going to think about it," Amber interrupted herself. She walked into the very cramped bathroom and threw herself a look of confidence in the mirror. "Today's going to be a good day."
Amber smiled encouragingly and her reflection returned the gesture. She grabbed her undershirt around her waist and pulled it over her head to take it off while wondering if she dared to look at her breasts. Others had always found their perky shape to be very desirable, and if her sex life was any testimonial, also quite delicious. She smirked to herself at this thought, then tossed the camisole into a hamper. When her eyes arose to the mirror again, she instantly regretted it. The violent marks of her ex-girlfriend's possessiveness were in several spots on her chest. Amber quickly turned her head to avert her gaze.
"Today is going to be a good day," she re-iterated.
- - - - - - - - - -
The quiet sound of the radio entered into Amelia's dream, barely noticeable. Background music was not uncommon in her dreams, so she took no notice to it. However, its volume began to steadily increase as is the song itself was trying to get her attention. Despite her best efforts to remain in the state of fragmented awareness, Amelia's consciousness slipped through the ether and pushed against her eyelids.
"Uhh..." Amelia protested with a unintelligable throaty noise as she turned over and threw her arm in the general direction of the alarm clock. After a couple of tries, she managed to hit the correct button. As harsh as the unwanted sound from the radio was, the sudden silence was equally jarring.
"God I hate business trips," Amelia spoke to herself as she sat up. A movement beside her caused her to become aware of a second body in the bed. Her mood instantly uplifted as memories of the previous night flooded into her mind. "Well hello there," she said to a gorgeous blonde who was half-covered by the sheet.
"Good morning," the blonde replied with a weak smile. After pausing and evaluating her situation, she voiced a decision, "well, I suppose I'd better get dressed and get going."
"Nonsense my dear," Amelia responded, "first you must join me in the shower for an encore presentation of last night's feature."
The blonde tilted her head to look at Amelia while considering that offer. "Hmm...well, I suppose I could go in a little late today. I am on salary, afterall."
"Good girl," Amelia said as she leaned down to kiss her new lover, "now come with me."
Amelia grabbed the sheet that had somehow wrapped itself around her lover's body in the night, and used it to pull the blonde to her feet. The blonde followed obediently, smiling sheepishly in anticipation of the events to follow. She stopped at the entrance of the bathroom when Amelia let go of the sheet and tended to the shower water. While waiting, her thoughts turned to how commanding this beautiful redhead could be in bed, and yet how tender. She couldn't call it dominating because there was no forcefulness behind her actions, which was actually refreshing. She knew that her shy personality generally attracted those in search of sexual power. This Amelia person was quite different in that respect.
"Now I want what's between those sheets," Amelia said, bringing the blonde out of her thoughts. Amelia wasted no time in unwrapping her gift to herself and taking her by the hand to lead her into the shower. "Is this warm enough for you, sweetie?"
The blonde nodded silently as she indulged her senses with the heated water spilling over her naked body. The steady stream of liquid was disrupted as Amelia put her arms around the blonde's neck. She felt her red-haired lover's hand on the back of her head pushing her towards those soft, luscious lips. Amelia's tongue probed her mouth aggresively, making the blonde wet with lust. She found her lover's enthusiasm to be contagious and forced her tongue into her mouth.
Amelia seemed pleasantly surprised at this sudden surge of assertiveness. She reached up and pulled the showerhead from its base so that she could direct the stream of hot water. She painted her lover's body with heavy strokes, alternating between her back and her front. A pool of quickly cooling water was begining to form between the two lovers' breasts as they pressed their bodies tightly against each other. When Amelia pulled backed, the water fell and made a loud splash against the tiled floor.
Without warning, the redhead knelt before her blonde lover and brought the shower head down with her. She pushed on the inner thighs before her, silently asking that they be spread further apart. As expected, they complied with her wishes. She looked up into her lover's eyes while directing the stream of water to hit her throbbing sex. The blonde's legs quivered as she gave herself over to the concentration of pleasure between her legs.
Amelia decided that it was time to take her technique to the next level. She took her free hand and began circling her finger on the blonde's clit. This earned her vocal gratitude in the form of a long moan. After circling a few more times, she took two of her fingers and spreads her lover's lips apart so that the spray from the shower head could hit directly onto the fleshy bulb. The blonde responded by slowly grinding her hips in the air, wanting to feel more.
"You want me to fuck you?" Amelia asked knowingly. The blonde nodded and looked down at her. Amelia saw the aching need in her eyes and complied by thrusting two fingers into her lover's sex. The blonde gasped and pushed against the walls of the shower to prevent her knees from giving out. Amelia let the blonde choose the speed with her hip movements and let her ride her fingers. Between the pressure of the water stream and the rythm of Amelia's fingers, it wasn't long until the blonde began to feel the eruption of pleasure within.
Amelia watched her lover's facial expressions as she came, thoroughly enjoying the effects of her work. She savored the rush of being in control of someone else's pleasure. Thoughts of all other loved ones were pushed far from her mind during these much cherished moments. All that mattered was that she was in control.
- - - - - - - - - -
Sophia awoke to the jarring, distorted shudder of a single piano note that rang through the entire house. The sound left as suddenly as it had come, causing her head to bolt upright just as quickly. He emerald eyes were wide and attempting to peer sharply into the darkness, but they had not yet adjusted. It took her a moment to realize what had awoken her, a dawning that could be seen on her face through a series of expressions that began with shock and ended with annoyance. She was just about to call out the name of the culprit when the bedroom door opened, flooding the room with artificial light. Sophia used her hand to shield her eyes from the intruding light, able to guess who was at the door.
"Sorry baby," Estelle said sheepishly, "we're experiencing technical difficulties. Namely a cat's wandering paws on my keyboard. I promise it won't happen ag-"
Her words were interrupted by another piercing note; this time in the highest octave still able to heard by human ears. Both Estelle and Sophia cringed.
"Don't worry about it," Sophia tried not very hard to sound forgiving, "just please don't let it happen again. I'm very tired."
Estelle nodded vigorously and overcompensated when shutting the door, causing it to slam unintentionally. Sophia could hear her clumsy-but-well-meaning lover cursing to herself on the other side of the door. She wasn't in the mood to be reassuring at the moment, so she just let it go. Instead, she succumbed to the weight of her eyelids and fell back to sleep. It did not occur to her that the liveliness of Estelle's keyboard was a tell-tale sign as to what time it was, so it came as quite a surprise when her alarm sounded a mere three minutes later. Sophia sighed heavily with defeat before opening her eyes again.
The sleepy woman oozed out of bed reluctantly and stumbled over to the bathroom, where she managed to scald her arm on the searing hot shower water, as well as get shampoo in her eyes. After quickly drying off, she grabbed the brush and ran it through her hair hurriedly. It may have been Sophia's imagination, but her jet black hair seemed to be particularly uncooperative this morning as she tried to brush it. She took a little longer than usual because she knew that her girlfriend would be over-enthusiastic about what a good morning it was. As well as she knew her intention was, it was just too damn early for excessive happiness.
Trying her best to hide her sour mood, Sophia stepped out into the living room and braced for socialization.
"Moin moin!" Estelle belted out the second she saw her lover.
Sophia winced before answering, "...morning...what time is it?
Estelle looked at the clock and answered "almost nine thirty; just about time to go!"
"Yeah, I guess so," Sophia responded not nearly as excited as Estelle. "Where's Amelia?"
Estelle gave a sympathetic frown and answered, "Our baby won't be back until tonight. She called about an hour ago, forgetting about the time difference like the cute-but-absent-minded vixen that she is. I'm surprised the phone didn't wake you."
"I guess it wasn't as ear-piercing as the keyboard. Where's Angelo?"
"In the shower."
"I didn't see her when I was getting ready," Sophia frowned, puzzled. "Oh, you mean in the spare bedroom shower?"
"Yeah, she, uh...didn't want to wake you," Estelle was unable to repress a smile as she said this. Sophia simply rolled her eyes.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Well hello there," Tara said to the unfamiliar red-haired woman who she found digging through the bottom section of her refrigerator, "you must be..." she cued the lady as she held out her hand in a friendly gesture.
The woman, a petite hottie dressed in a purple bra and matching thong, gave a tiny yelp and shot her head up to see who had suddenly addressed her. The lady she saw in front of her was shorter than her semi-deep voice had made her sound. She was sporting a black, fluffy bathrobe and, from the look of the wet, short blonde hair that clung to her face, had just stepped out of the shower.
After recovering, the woman received Tara's small, bony hand and responded "I'm, uh...I'm Kristy. And you are..."
"I'm the roommate," Tara offered, seeing little point in telling her name. She repressed a smirk when she saw a look of relief on Kristy's face, because she knew that her sense of security was false. "So," she continued, "have fun night last night?"
Kristy became flustered, suddenly very self-conscious of her current attire. 'Oh, um...yeah, I was just..." she stumbled over her words. "Jean's really great."
"Yes, she is," Tara agreed. She felt a twinge of guilt at having so much fun at the expense of Jean's latest conquest, but she knew that it wasn't her place to step in with a reality check. "So whatcha doing?"
"I just wanted to surprise Jean with a little breakfast in bed," Kristy replied innocently.
Tara was unable to prevent a chuckle from escaping her.
"Is something wrong?" Kristy asked, beginning to sound a little skeptical.
"No, nothing," Tara said while backing away slowly. "I have to just...go take care of a...thing," she half-heartedly offered before leaving the kitchen. 'This was going to be priceless,' she thought to herself while grinning from ear to ear. She couldn't wait to watch this morning's events unfold.
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Ok, the other main thing that I'm concerned about is that I want it to be clear that Amelia, Estelle and Sophia are in a three-way relationship together, but Amelia is cheating on them. Did you get that from this chapter? If not, what could I do to it to make it more obvious?
It's not submitted at this point, so here is the rough draft:
- - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - -
CHAPTER 23
The delicate rays of light washed over Ambers face as she lie sleeping in her bed. It's presence was at first a faint crimson, but slowly morphed into a radiant yellow. Finally, the sun's heat caused her to stir. Her eyelids opened slowly to reveal glossy hazel eyes that clearly held a sadness within. She absent-mindedly moved her dirty blonde hair from her cheek and turned on her side to put the sun behind her.
Last night's painting of a little girl in a white dress stared back at her. She didn't remember making the girl look so sad. The faded colors prevented any single feature from standing out, as though it was meant to disappear. Perhaps she had painted it to help cheer her up, but now it looked as though the painting was the one needing cheering up.
"Good morning," Amber said to the little girl, trying unsuccessfully to make her voice sound happy.
After taking a moment to stretch, Amber decided that her approach to this new day was all wrong. This day marked the first page in a new chapter in her life. She was in a new town, making new friends, looking for a new job. Amber could feel the memories of her recent past pushing their way to the front of her mind. She new that if she dwelled on the past, she'd want to go back to her old life, where her ex-girlfriend was waiting. No matter how much she missed Haley, no matter how painful it was -.
"Nope, not going to think about it," Amber interrupted herself. She walked into the very cramped bathroom and threw herself a look of confidence in the mirror. "Today's going to be a good day."
Amber smiled encouragingly and her reflection returned the gesture. She grabbed her undershirt around her waist and pulled it over her head to take it off while wondering if she dared to look at her breasts. Others had always found their perky shape to be very desirable, and if her sex life was any testimonial, also quite delicious. She smirked to herself at this thought, then tossed the camisole into a hamper. When her eyes arose to the mirror again, she instantly regretted it. The violent marks of her ex-girlfriend's possessiveness were in several spots on her chest. Amber quickly turned her head to avert her gaze.
"Today is going to be a good day," she re-iterated.
- - - - - - - - - -
The quiet sound of the radio entered into Amelia's dream, barely noticeable. Background music was not uncommon in her dreams, so she took no notice to it. However, its volume began to steadily increase as is the song itself was trying to get her attention. Despite her best efforts to remain in the state of fragmented awareness, Amelia's consciousness slipped through the ether and pushed against her eyelids.
"Uhh..." Amelia protested with a unintelligable throaty noise as she turned over and threw her arm in the general direction of the alarm clock. After a couple of tries, she managed to hit the correct button. As harsh as the unwanted sound from the radio was, the sudden silence was equally jarring.
"God I hate business trips," Amelia spoke to herself as she sat up. A movement beside her caused her to become aware of a second body in the bed. Her mood instantly uplifted as memories of the previous night flooded into her mind. "Well hello there," she said to a gorgeous blonde who was half-covered by the sheet.
"Good morning," the blonde replied with a weak smile. After pausing and evaluating her situation, she voiced a decision, "well, I suppose I'd better get dressed and get going."
"Nonsense my dear," Amelia responded, "first you must join me in the shower for an encore presentation of last night's feature."
The blonde tilted her head to look at Amelia while considering that offer. "Hmm...well, I suppose I could go in a little late today. I am on salary, afterall."
"Good girl," Amelia said as she leaned down to kiss her new lover, "now come with me."
Amelia grabbed the sheet that had somehow wrapped itself around her lover's body in the night, and used it to pull the blonde to her feet. The blonde followed obediently, smiling sheepishly in anticipation of the events to follow. She stopped at the entrance of the bathroom when Amelia let go of the sheet and tended to the shower water. While waiting, her thoughts turned to how commanding this beautiful redhead could be in bed, and yet how tender. She couldn't call it dominating because there was no forcefulness behind her actions, which was actually refreshing. She knew that her shy personality generally attracted those in search of sexual power. This Amelia person was quite different in that respect.
"Now I want what's between those sheets," Amelia said, bringing the blonde out of her thoughts. Amelia wasted no time in unwrapping her gift to herself and taking her by the hand to lead her into the shower. "Is this warm enough for you, sweetie?"
The blonde nodded silently as she indulged her senses with the heated water spilling over her naked body. The steady stream of liquid was disrupted as Amelia put her arms around the blonde's neck. She felt her red-haired lover's hand on the back of her head pushing her towards those soft, luscious lips. Amelia's tongue probed her mouth aggresively, making the blonde wet with lust. She found her lover's enthusiasm to be contagious and forced her tongue into her mouth.
Amelia seemed pleasantly surprised at this sudden surge of assertiveness. She reached up and pulled the showerhead from its base so that she could direct the stream of hot water. She painted her lover's body with heavy strokes, alternating between her back and her front. A pool of quickly cooling water was begining to form between the two lovers' breasts as they pressed their bodies tightly against each other. When Amelia pulled backed, the water fell and made a loud splash against the tiled floor.
Without warning, the redhead knelt before her blonde lover and brought the shower head down with her. She pushed on the inner thighs before her, silently asking that they be spread further apart. As expected, they complied with her wishes. She looked up into her lover's eyes while directing the stream of water to hit her throbbing sex. The blonde's legs quivered as she gave herself over to the concentration of pleasure between her legs.
Amelia decided that it was time to take her technique to the next level. She took her free hand and began circling her finger on the blonde's clit. This earned her vocal gratitude in the form of a long moan. After circling a few more times, she took two of her fingers and spreads her lover's lips apart so that the spray from the shower head could hit directly onto the fleshy bulb. The blonde responded by slowly grinding her hips in the air, wanting to feel more.
"You want me to fuck you?" Amelia asked knowingly. The blonde nodded and looked down at her. Amelia saw the aching need in her eyes and complied by thrusting two fingers into her lover's sex. The blonde gasped and pushed against the walls of the shower to prevent her knees from giving out. Amelia let the blonde choose the speed with her hip movements and let her ride her fingers. Between the pressure of the water stream and the rythm of Amelia's fingers, it wasn't long until the blonde began to feel the eruption of pleasure within.
Amelia watched her lover's facial expressions as she came, thoroughly enjoying the effects of her work. She savored the rush of being in control of someone else's pleasure. Thoughts of all other loved ones were pushed far from her mind during these much cherished moments. All that mattered was that she was in control.
- - - - - - - - - -
Sophia awoke to the jarring, distorted shudder of a single piano note that rang through the entire house. The sound left as suddenly as it had come, causing her head to bolt upright just as quickly. He emerald eyes were wide and attempting to peer sharply into the darkness, but they had not yet adjusted. It took her a moment to realize what had awoken her, a dawning that could be seen on her face through a series of expressions that began with shock and ended with annoyance. She was just about to call out the name of the culprit when the bedroom door opened, flooding the room with artificial light. Sophia used her hand to shield her eyes from the intruding light, able to guess who was at the door.
"Sorry baby," Estelle said sheepishly, "we're experiencing technical difficulties. Namely a cat's wandering paws on my keyboard. I promise it won't happen ag-"
Her words were interrupted by another piercing note; this time in the highest octave still able to heard by human ears. Both Estelle and Sophia cringed.
"Don't worry about it," Sophia tried not very hard to sound forgiving, "just please don't let it happen again. I'm very tired."
Estelle nodded vigorously and overcompensated when shutting the door, causing it to slam unintentionally. Sophia could hear her clumsy-but-well-meaning lover cursing to herself on the other side of the door. She wasn't in the mood to be reassuring at the moment, so she just let it go. Instead, she succumbed to the weight of her eyelids and fell back to sleep. It did not occur to her that the liveliness of Estelle's keyboard was a tell-tale sign as to what time it was, so it came as quite a surprise when her alarm sounded a mere three minutes later. Sophia sighed heavily with defeat before opening her eyes again.
The sleepy woman oozed out of bed reluctantly and stumbled over to the bathroom, where she managed to scald her arm on the searing hot shower water, as well as get shampoo in her eyes. After quickly drying off, she grabbed the brush and ran it through her hair hurriedly. It may have been Sophia's imagination, but her jet black hair seemed to be particularly uncooperative this morning as she tried to brush it. She took a little longer than usual because she knew that her girlfriend would be over-enthusiastic about what a good morning it was. As well as she knew her intention was, it was just too damn early for excessive happiness.
Trying her best to hide her sour mood, Sophia stepped out into the living room and braced for socialization.
"Moin moin!" Estelle belted out the second she saw her lover.
Sophia winced before answering, "...morning...what time is it?
Estelle looked at the clock and answered "almost nine thirty; just about time to go!"
"Yeah, I guess so," Sophia responded not nearly as excited as Estelle. "Where's Amelia?"
Estelle gave a sympathetic frown and answered, "Our baby won't be back until tonight. She called about an hour ago, forgetting about the time difference like the cute-but-absent-minded vixen that she is. I'm surprised the phone didn't wake you."
"I guess it wasn't as ear-piercing as the keyboard. Where's Angelo?"
"In the shower."
"I didn't see her when I was getting ready," Sophia frowned, puzzled. "Oh, you mean in the spare bedroom shower?"
"Yeah, she, uh...didn't want to wake you," Estelle was unable to repress a smile as she said this. Sophia simply rolled her eyes.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Well hello there," Tara said to the unfamiliar red-haired woman who she found digging through the bottom section of her refrigerator, "you must be..." she cued the lady as she held out her hand in a friendly gesture.
The woman, a petite hottie dressed in a purple bra and matching thong, gave a tiny yelp and shot her head up to see who had suddenly addressed her. The lady she saw in front of her was shorter than her semi-deep voice had made her sound. She was sporting a black, fluffy bathrobe and, from the look of the wet, short blonde hair that clung to her face, had just stepped out of the shower.
After recovering, the woman received Tara's small, bony hand and responded "I'm, uh...I'm Kristy. And you are..."
"I'm the roommate," Tara offered, seeing little point in telling her name. She repressed a smirk when she saw a look of relief on Kristy's face, because she knew that her sense of security was false. "So," she continued, "have fun night last night?"
Kristy became flustered, suddenly very self-conscious of her current attire. 'Oh, um...yeah, I was just..." she stumbled over her words. "Jean's really great."
"Yes, she is," Tara agreed. She felt a twinge of guilt at having so much fun at the expense of Jean's latest conquest, but she knew that it wasn't her place to step in with a reality check. "So whatcha doing?"
"I just wanted to surprise Jean with a little breakfast in bed," Kristy replied innocently.
Tara was unable to prevent a chuckle from escaping her.
"Is something wrong?" Kristy asked, beginning to sound a little skeptical.
"No, nothing," Tara said while backing away slowly. "I have to just...go take care of a...thing," she half-heartedly offered before leaving the kitchen. 'This was going to be priceless,' she thought to herself while grinning from ear to ear. She couldn't wait to watch this morning's events unfold.
- - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - -
Ok, the other main thing that I'm concerned about is that I want it to be clear that Amelia, Estelle and Sophia are in a three-way relationship together, but Amelia is cheating on them. Did you get that from this chapter? If not, what could I do to it to make it more obvious?
