A Crisis of Faith

The_J0k3R

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The hundred or so folks in our church were bouncing and singing along to the music, true believers if ever they existed. Even I was into the music, as I was up on stage, playing guitar in the band. We were rockin’, even if I didn’t believe 90-some percent of what the Preacher would have to say afterwards.

I had noticed a new face in the crowd. A young woman, tagging along with an older woman whom I knew. The younger woman had a couple of kids in tow, pre-teens from the looks of them. There were always a good number of new faces, or randoms; I had only been playing in the band for a couple months now. But this girl stuck out to me. It might have been her curvy body, or a look in her eyes, but whatever it was I was drawn to her.

I just hoped my wife wouldn’t notice!
 
I never thought that I would be back in the town that I grew up in ever again. It seemed to pull me back in when I least expected it. No money, no house, no future, and two mouths to feed will make someone go crawling back in a heartbeat. Of course, my mom took me in because of the kids. However, we all had to play by her rules. Which included church.

The kids and I had never been early risers. Tim bitched the entire time I worked to get him up this morning. He was too tired. Too cranky. Too old to go to church. I finally had to level with him, telling him that it was Grandma who was paying the bills and we had to do what it took to make her happy. He begrudgingly agreed, rolling his green eyes at me as he got dressed in his pair of hand me down khakis and a polo shirt that was a size too big. I will never admit in a million years that he looks like his father. Acts like him too sometimes.

Lizzy was much easier to get to church. Not yet a teen, she was still eager to please. At eleven, she is smarter than I could ever hope to be. A far cry from her father who was so coked out of his mind most of the time that he forgot he had a child. Her grandma had bought her a dress just for church and Lizzy had never looked happier in her life.

Standing there as everyone else around me bounced and sang with the music all I could think about was sneaking outside for a cigarette. Being cheerful was way too hard right now. Not when everything was falling apart around me. It wasn't hard to notice the man with the guitar on stage, glancing in my direction from time to time. He was handsome. He also had a wedding ring. Pity.
 
After going through five different songs, the “praise and worship” half of service was done, and I noticed a handful of the crowd slipping out the side door, presumably for their nicotine fix. The set of music had been fun, challenging and powerful. I definitely needed a cigarette before settling in for the following sermon.

The band always headed out the backdoor after the music was done. I had noticed the new girl, that busty short little curvy brunette, slip out with the smokers, and I made sure I wound my way to that side of church as I lit up my cigarette.

I nearly bumped right into her as I was lighting up. “Hey, sorry,” I said. “I’m Tommy. You’re new here. Welcome.” I did my best to play the part. It was weird for me to be a part of all this, mostly because I constantly questioned everything about it. But the wife wanted some kind of “church life”; I was lucky we had found a church that, at least musically, I had made a connection with.
 
I had slipped out the side door as fast as I could, leaving the kids with my mom to sneak in a cigarette. It was one of the few vices that I had left anymore. There was no booze at her house. I had been clean from drugs since Lizzy's father. Cigarettes might slowly kill me one day, but at least I would die doing something that I loved.

Drawing in a deep breath of nicotine, I was startled when the guitarist nearly ran into me. He was friendly, introducing himself to me as he lit up himself.

"Danny." I said, taking a drag off the cigarette and extending my hand. "Not really new here. Well, not to town anyway. Anne is my mother. I just moved back with my two kids."
 
“Well, nice to meet you, Danny,” I said.

The time it takes to smoke a cigarette, for whatever reason, seems to be the perfect amount of time to have a conversation and get to know somebody new. And I don’t mean know them perfectly and instantly become good friends, just to learn enough about them to decide if you want to share another cigarette and conversation with them.

By the end of that first cigarette, I knew wanted that next cigarette to preferably be post-fucking. Not that anything sexual was said, or implied. It was more her demeanor that got me. We had a simple conversation; I had grown up in this neck of the woods as well, and we had a couple years difference in age, but it didn’t take very long to us discover mutual acquaintances, outside of church, of course. They were all people I hadn’t really thought about in a while, not since cleaning up my act, getting married and having kids and getting a real construction job.

It brought back a lot of fond memories of my wilder days, the crazy nights, getting high and running amok and enjoying parties and just barely avoiding the local authorities.

I snuffed the cigarette out in the ashtray on a picnic table. “Probably shouldn’t miss too much of the sermon,” I said with a little smirk.
 
"I wouldn't mind missing all of it." I said as Tommy mentioned the sermon.

Pulling another cigarette out of my pack, I placed it between my lips and glanced towards him, motioning for a light. There was something about Tommy that reminded me of my wilder days, days that I desperately wanted to relive again. Since having kids, the weight of responsibility was on my shoulders, especially since their dads weren't in the picture. I had to be everything for them. However, now that we were back in town, perhaps it would be easier to relax a little bit.

"Church has never really been my thing. More my mom insisting that I come with the kids. Her house, her rules." I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
 
I looked around. We were the only ones left outside. No one inside could see us. My wife knew I had a habit of socializing a bit before coming inside after music. And if she wasn’t worried about her mom…

I lit another cigarette. “C’mon, let me show you around then, if you’re gonna be coming here more often,” I said to her, offering her my hand. I didn’t bother to hide the blatant way I checked her out, my eyes crawling up and down her curvy body before returning to her eyes.
 
"Sure." I said as I watched his eyes slowly travel up and down my body in a way that many men had before. "It's probably a lot more interesting than what's going on in there."

Picking up my pack of cigarettes, I placed them in the back pocket of my jeans and allowed Tommy to lead the way. He had a wife and children, but still had a roving eye. Perhaps things wouldn't be as boring as I thought that they would.

As we walked around the church building, I noticed the way he would stare. It made me laugh to myself that he was so enamored with me. Was he not getting something from his wife? Was that why he was looking her way?

"If you stare at me any more, I'll think that you have a crush or something." I murmured, taking a long draw of my cigarette as we stood next to the brand new playground that had been built next to the building.
 
I smirked as we leaned against the playground. “You can’t tell me you don’t like it,” I said. I had seen the way she was smiling.

I took a drag on my cigarette, let the smoke out. I looked at her, and then looked around. It was a beautiful day, sunny and seventy-five. We were alone, but somebody could come around and see us at any point.

“Hey, you gotta check this out,” I said, an idea forming as I looked in my cigarette pack, mentally counting down how many I had left. “So the church owns a few acres of land back here, and a lot of it is wooded, so last summer we cut a trail through it and made this silly ‘prayer path’ but it’s really a nice walk,” I gave her a little wink, and then showed her the contents of my cigarette pack.

Contained inside was seven regular cigarettes, and one obviously hand-rolled joint.
 
Glancing inside his pack, I knew in an instant why he was wanting me to go into the woods with him. Looking towards him with a grin, I nodded and told him to lead the way. It was interesting to think that a church going family man would be offering me a joint just moments after meeting him, but Tommy seemed like a nice enough guy. Not that I had excellent taste in men, but he certainly was one of the nicer people I had met since coming back to town.

"So, is this how you greet all of the new people at church?" I asked with a laugh as we entered the woods, my gaze trailing towards him as he continued to stare at me. "Because I might have to come up with a way to thank you for this nice welcome."

"Tell you what...a nice long hit on the joint and I'll let you see my tits." I said casually, grinning at him as we paused in the middle of the trail. "$50 and I'll let you touch my tits."

I was completely joking, but it was interesting to see how far this might go. I hadn't had this much fun in a long, long time.
 
“You’re the first, actually…” I confessed. There had certainly been a number of attractive women come and go through the little church, but she was the first I found myself really getting sucked into.

I smirked at her as I held the joint between my lips and struck my lighter, firing it up. I got it smoking, with a bit of a cough, but got a nice hit before offering it to her.

“I’m afraid I don’t have fifty bucks on me,” I said, with a little chuckle. “At least, not right now.” This seemed like a fun little game.

“But what if I spent, say… A hundred bucks on you?”
 
"Well, you won't fuck me for $100." I said as he offered me the joint, laughing as he joined in on the little game. "Maybe a handjob. I'd make it a good one."

Placing the joint between my lips, I inhaled and held it for a moment before blowing out the smoke with a long sigh. Damn, it had been a long time, I thought to myself. Too long. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed a good hit from a bong or a joint. The nice mellow that spread through my brain and body was definitely welcome.

"I thought you had a wife. Why are you wanting to look at another woman's tits if you have someone you can look at all of the time?" I asked, curious as to why this man was wanting to start anything with me. "Take her home, put the kids outside, lock the door, and fuck her brains out."
 
I smirked at her handjob suggestion, taking the joint back from her and getting a good hit off it as we walked along. This was really a terrible idea, but I was enjoying every second of it.

Then she was asking me why I didn’t just go bang my wife. I gave her a little conspiratorial wink. “Oh I probably will,” I said. I handed the smoking joint back to her. “She’s a true believer. And she’s very into that whole women obey your husbands thing.”

I stopped. “But I’ll definitely be giving it to her good after you show me those knockers,” I smirked. “Understand… she just doesn’t get this side of me.”
 
"I see. A nice little wife to keep the home, warm your bed, and raise your children. Then, you get your kicks with someone on the side." I said, taking the joint and enjoying another hit. "Well, I'll tell you that I've been someone's side piece before. I didn't exactly like it, but he didn't treat me well. Dropped me the moment that he found out I was having Tim. Now he's the sheriff and I'm left with a son that's angry and confused."

Glancing towards Tommy as he mentioned seeing my breasts, I had to chuckle. Men were predictable. Give them a little show and they would do what I wanted. It was how it had always been. Handing the joint back, I reached down and pulled up my blouse, showing him the black laced bra that held my tits in place. A quick flick of my fingers and the bra was pulled down, showing him my breasts with incredibly hard nipples. They were long, dusky pink, and perfect for sucking on.

"She had a pair like these?" I asked, tilting my head to the side with a grin.
 
I shook my head. “Not even close,” I said, leaning back as I puffed on the joint, enjoying the view and the buzz. Her tits were to die for. Full and firm and thick and my cock was already getting hard, almost painfully so in my jeans. My wife was skinny, almost too skinny, really, and I had paid for her boob job a couple years prior, after it was decided we wouldn’t be having any more kids.

Her ex being the sheriff raised some alarm bells though. That was the kind of trouble I definitely didn’t want to get mixed up in. But the sight of her tits, swirling around my stoned mind, helped me forget all that.

For now, at least. I took a puff on the joint again, buzzing my head even further, and then handed it back to her. “I bet tits like those bounce real nice…” I said.
 
"They most certainly do, but that would cost you." I say, pulling my bra and shirt back into place as he handed over the joint one more time. "And you said you didn't have the money on you right now. I'm not a stupid lady."

Taking another hit, I had a nice little buzz going as we casually stood there in the middle of the woods, watching one another. "I'm not a whore, either. Just someone in a bad spot who knows what I want and need."
 
I chuckled, taking the smoldering joint back, puffing on what little remained of it, and then dropped it and snuffed it out under my shoe. From what she had told me, I knew she was in a rough spot. I felt bad; not because I had done anything wrong by her, just that she had gotten screwed over so much.

We were coming to the end of the winding trail. I hadn’t been stoned like this in ages; the joint itself had been a gift from a friend, and I hadn’t even told the wife about it’s existence. It had lived in that cigarette pack in my car for nearly a month. I was quite happy I had shared it with her.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill and slid it into her hand. “I know it’s not much,” I said, “but maybe you can take the kids out for fast food or something. Or go get yourself a couple drinks,” I suggested with a wink. “We all deserve a Sunday Funday sometimes, right?”
 
"It's not charity." I said, looking down at the twenty that he had placed in my hand. "But the kids would enjoy a dinner out. It's been a while since the three of us have gone to a restaurant to have a family meal. Thanks."

Glancing towards Tommy, I could see that he was buzzing just as much as I was. It was a nice, mellow high that I hadn't experienced in a long time. Maybe moving back to town wasn't going to be such a bad thing after all.

"You better scram before your wife and kids come looking for you. Don't want you to get in too much trouble." I said with a smirk his direction.
 
I nodded. “You’re probably right,” I said, scratching my head and smiling at her. “Enjoy.”

I started to walk away, but then stopped and turned and looked at her. I couldn’t help but let my eyes roam her curves once more. She was thick in all the right places, and I knew I wanted to see a lot more of her. “Thanks for walking with me. I needed that little buzz,” I said with a smirk. I stepped towards her, wanting to give her a hug (mostly just to feel those tits press into my chest). “Maybe next week I’ll have a little more of the good stuff for us,” I gave her a little wink.
 
"A little more of the good stuff might make all of this church stuff worth my time." I said with a grin as he suddenly took a step back towards me, winking as it looked like he wanted to give me a hug.

Men were all the same. They wanted to feel a warm, soft body pressed against them, no matter if they were married or not. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. What was the harm? He'd shared his weed with me and giving me $20. All for a quick flash of my tits. A hug was really the least that I could off Tommy.
 
The hug she gave me was delightful, in all the ways it inspired depraved thoughts in my stoned-out mind. We parted ways and headed back into church; I joined my wife and kids, she entered a few minutes later and sat with her mom and kids.

We were in a bit of a hurry after service; one of the boys had a baseball game that we needed to get to, and so I didn’t have a chance to say anything more to Danny as we wrangled the children and loaded up the minivan.

Late that night, however, once life had calmed down a bit, the kids were in bed, and the wife was watching some brainless comedy on the TV, I was able to do just a little Facebook searching and quickly found Danny. I was already “friends” with her mother. I sent her a friend request and shot her a message: “Awesome meeting you today :)
 
I had taken the kids out for a treat after church, letting Mom go off with her women's group for a prayer meeting or something. Tim and Lizzy were over the moon as they sat in McDonald's, feasting on the $20 that Tommy had give me. It had been a long time since I had the chance to just sit and enjoy my kids. The money had been easy, a quick flash of the tits and Tommy was handing over the money.

That evening at home, I was relaxing on the front porch with a glass of wine and my cigarettes. Tim was watching something on TV, hoping that maybe his dad would call him. If he called, it was always on Sunday nights. He hadn't called in months. Lizzy was already asleep in her room and Mom was off again with some group or another. It was a nice little night, which was broken when I heard my phone buzzing.

A Facebook message showed up on the screen and a friend request from Tommy. I laughed slightly, picking up my phone and accepting his friend request.

"Nice meeting you too." I wrote back, sending it as I thought for a moment about what we had done together. "Kids enjoyed a meal out after church. Might have to show you my tits more often."
 
My phone beeped when Danny messaged me back. “Who’s that?” the Wife asked.

“Just someone from church,” I replied. “I’m gonna watch the ball game downstairs,” I said to her, and she barely seemed to notice as I left the room, eager to continue the conversation with Danny. I had managed to slip away for a bit earlier, between the afternoon baseball games, and had hit the ATM as well as meeting up with an old friend.

As I got comfortable in the basement “man-cave,” I smirked as I got a bit of inspiration. I pulled out my three newly-acquired joints from my friend. I grabbed my wallet and opened it up, fanning out a half-dozen twenty-dollar-bills, and placed the joints in the middle in front of them. I snapped a picture and sent it to Danny…
 
When my phone beeped again, I saw that it was Tommy and laughed. It seemed that he had it bad after a single meeting. That really wasn't unusual in my life, I thought as I opened the message and nearly bugged out. He had more money and weed. That was certainly not what I was expecting.

"Looks like you're ready to party. The wife going to celebrate with you?" I asked, knowing that his wife had probably never even touched the stuff in her life. "I imagine she gets pretty wild in the sack. Church ladies always seem to be prim and proper in the pews and animals in the bedroom."

"Hey, Mom?" Tim asked as he stepped out onto the porch and I glanced his direction.

"Yeah, babe?" I asked as he scuffed his shoe against the porch.

"I'm going to bed. If the phone rings and it's Dad, would you wake me up?" He asked, trying so hard to be an adult over the fact that his fucking father didn't want him.

"Yeah, babe. I'll get you if he calls." I said, watching as he nodded and said goodnight, heading off to bed.

"How much to go slash my ex's tires? I think I'd really like that about now." I messaged back, anger burning in my chest over the way that my son was being treated by his own flesh and blood.
 
Her message back was talking all about the Wife. I had to chuckle at the thought of her getting high. I was about to message back, but then I got her next message about slashing her ex’s tires.

Of course, all my “crazy bitch” alarm bells went off. Surely she must be joking, right? And then I remembered bits and pieces of what she had told me, and yeah, it made sense. Of course, I hadn’t known her that long.

At the same time, I was no stranger to slashing some tires every now and then, either. After all, sometimes on a big construction job, if somebody got out of line or did some ratty shit… we had to send a message.

Where can I find him? I messaged back to her.
 
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