a controversial one!

aussie_101

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Jan 15, 2005
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Hi all,

I indulged myself in a confessional-type 'loving wives' story, based on true events, about going too far with a friend's wife. It's only been up a week or so, but it's already attracted more views than other stories I've had up for three years (must be a popular category...)

I've had a few 'nicely written' comments, and one 'i hope you die a slow and painful death you [expletive deleted]' anon feedback. Which is a hell of a lot more feedback than I usually get! So I thought I'd seek some more - as you do.

Please check the story out and let me know what you reckon, what your reaction is, etc. It's to be found here. It's not a short story, but I've tried to maintain interest by building slowly to a very heavy conclusion - so hopefully there's a reward for the committed reader.

Cheers.
 
Yeah, those LW fans are a noisy and responsive lot. The same thing happened with my "The Round-Up . . . is Over". Got more response, both pos and neg, than the other four combined. As MBJ has pointed out, that category needs to be split into three: Cheating Wives, Wimpy Cuckholds and Loving (faithful) Wives. Some folk just seem to get off either drooling over the sins of others or pointing them out in the crudest possible manner. Why a Social Conservative would frequent a site devoted to the erotic and tittilating I can't fathom.
 
Some folk just seem to get off either drooling over the sins of others or pointing them out in the crudest possible manner. Why a Social Conservative would frequent a site devoted to the erotic and tittilating I can't fathom.


Perhaps the verbal assault is their way of massaging their guilt over actually visiting the site (repeatedly,) reading the story, and discovering that they were actually turned on by it? Instant confession, forgiveness, and redemption, without all of that penitence stuff to get in the way of a good time...


Then again, maybe they're just assholes...
 
. As MBJ has pointed out
MJL please. ;) or even just MJ.
Perhaps the verbal assault is their way of massaging their guilt over actually visiting the site (repeatedly,) reading the story, and discovering that they were actually turned on by it? Instant confession, forgiveness, and redemption, without all of that penitence stuff to get in the way of a good time...


Then again, maybe they're just assholes...

I think your final thought is probably the most accurate.

MJL
 
Sorry, man, my utter inability to get names right is legendary. :D I even end up calling my students by their wrong names clear into June. It's pathetic when the teacher has to say "Hey you, the one that's not him!"
 
Sorry, man, my utter inability to get names right is legendary. :D I even end up calling my students by their wrong names clear into June. It's pathetic when the teacher has to say "Hey you, the one that's not him!"

I'm doing well when I put a name to a face. Usually, I know one or the other, but not both. I thought my neighbors name was Jack and called him that for three years. One day out of the blue he said, "MJ, my name's Jim. Thought you'd like to know." Yep, just a little red in the face. :rolleyes:

MJL
 
You know you're in trouble when you can't remember the names you gave - I'm hopeles with my kids, even!

Back to the original topic:

G'day aussie! I started reading the story, but haven't got real far yet - school holidays, y'know. So far I love it - the pure Aussieness of it is delightful. Wonder if the Yanks even understand it ;)
I'll get back to it later when kidless and try to give more meaningful feedback than "fwowr" later.
I love your description of Gwen - I've known girls like that.
 
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OK, I'm back. I've read it. I voted, and commented. The Loving Wives arseholes are bound to crucify you, it's what they do. So don't worry about the score.

Personally I loved it. It was gritty and real, without being self indulgent at all.

I'm hoping some of the others from around here will have a look and comment, I'd be really interested in their take on it.
 
Hey, thanks all for the feedback - much appreciated :D

Extra thanks to you, Starrkers :) I do stop and wonder sometimes when writing: will it be understood by non-australians? Perhaps we should put up a Strine-English translationary or something.

Interesting points about the raving loons with their unkind feedback. It does smack of one who read it all and got right off on it, and then tried to deflect the self-hate or shame that arose from whatever pious upbringing they suffered. This particular one seems to have stuck it out right to the end before deciding to hate-mail me. Now there's a committed troll!

Thanks again.
 
I read it. I'll comment on two areas, story line and construction.

I liked the story line and the premise. If it wasn't real, it seemed like it should have been. This is the first story I read here on lit that claimed to be true, that I could believe is true. You developed the two main characters very well. Knowing what was coming and having to wait for it, having to read on until it happened was an excellent device.

My friend, you need an editor. Badly I'm afraid. Had the story line not been so interesting, I'd have left it. You have long paragraphs. You have incredibly long sentences, some with two semicolons. The reading left me exhausted.

Overall. For a first person story that claims to be true, I'd say you nailed it. Other than the longish paragraphs and the many, very long sentences, this was very well done.

Nice Job.

MJL
 
Hi MJL. Cheers for your constructive comments :)

I agree that there are a few long sentences and paragraphs in there. It’s a technique or a device that I like to use sometimes, especially in erotica and especially when the action picks up. I find that a long-flowing sentence matches the confessional, conversational tone that I was working to achieve: if you’re sitting face-to-face with someone and talking about something exciting, I reckon you’ll be making use of a lot more colons, semi-colons, hyphens and such in your conversation than you would periods and paragraph-breaks. (I agree that more than one semi-colon in a sentence is usually a cardinal sin – only in this situation would I dare make an exception.)

It’s true to say, though, that excessive use of this technique runs the risk of making the narrative clang in the mind of the reader. It depends a lot on your inner-narrator, I suppose: if you’re able to read it through at a pace akin to natural speech, rather than maybe rushing through or picking back and forth slowly and carefully, it might sound better. But I am aware that the one story can sound completely different in the minds of different readers, so I try to use this little device sparingly, and usually only at the climax of a tale.

I am glad you were able to make it to the end, MJL, and I’m very glad that you enjoyed the storyline. Thank you again – I appreciate the opportunity to discuss the writer’s craft, and things like structure versus technique; I rarely have any other chance to talk of such things as my friends are readers, not writers. More’s the pity.

Cheers! :)
 
Hi all,

...I've had a few 'nicely written' comments, and one 'i hope you die a slow and painful death you [expletive deleted]' anon feedback. Which is a hell of a lot more feedback than I usually get! So I thought I'd seek some more - as you do.

My friend, I know how you feel. My last submission was in the Loving Wives categories and it is my most voted on and commented on story. I also received a lot of very positive and very negative feedback. I don't know what to make of it as it's my first foray into LW.

VM said it best that LW needs three categories: Cheating Wives, Wimpy Cuckold, and Faithful Wives. Maybe then the fans of LW could stick to their preferred subject matter.

I'll give your story a read and let you know what I think.

Cheers,
-lgreenwood
 
It's interesting. My most commented on and highest scoring story is in LW. I did get a couple of really ignorant comments but to my surprise, other responders took them to task. They don't seem to like each other any more than they like our stories, I guess. I don't know whether to post my current project there or under non-consent. It has a little of both but also will include some group. I dunno, guys, this classification system really needs revision but if Laural and Manu are content with it, all we can do is cope.
 
OK, I read it.

Overall, I liked it a lot and gave you a 5.

There were a few things that bothered me:

- As mjl wrote before some of the sentences and paragraphs are too long. The paragraph issue comes into play because of the formatting on the webpage. Don't be afraid to break up paragraphs even if you're continuing the same thought. This works fine for Literotica submissions.

- In some of the dialog between two people, you have one character say the other character's name. This seldom happens in real life except when in the throes of passion, in which case it's okay. But for everyday conversations between two people, I'd drop the names.

I don't think you need an editor, just a little more self-discipline at keeping paragraphs shorter. I think you have a lot of talent and I like your descriptive language. Even though I'm American, I wasn't put off by the Aussie turn of phrase - in fact, I quite enjoyed it as I was down in your part of the world last month.

-lgreenwood
 
It's interesting. My most commented on and highest scoring story is in LW. I did get a couple of really ignorant comments but to my surprise, other responders took them to task. They don't seem to like each other any more than they like our stories, I guess. I don't know whether to post my current project there or under non-consent. It has a little of both but also will include some group. I dunno, guys, this classification system really needs revision but if Laural and Manu are content with it, all we can do is cope.

I've never submitted in non-consent so I have no idea what the crowd is like there. Some of my stories can fall into several categories. Usually they end up in what I submitted for but one ended up in group sex because of one scene. It was actually an Erotic Couplings story but was recategorized when accepted. If I wanted to read Group Sex and stumbled across my story, I'd feel a little gypped at the lack of group sex.

-lgreenwood
 
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