ishtat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2004
- Posts
- 5,755
My late father, an easy going man most of the time, expressed the opinion on a number of occasions that the best collective noun for any group of two or more women was a 'Conspiracy.'
I put it down to the fact that he was the eldest and only brother of four sisters, and later, the father of three daughters, and he enjoyed an argument - then I thought very little more about it.
Until very recently. We had a family get together at Christmas and were only missing Daughters number1 ( D1 ) who left Boston for a couple of weeks to visit her sister (D3) in Milan.
D2 was visiting us from LA as was our only son and his wife and the worlds very best granddaughter(WVBG) from Tokyo. D's 4 and 5, twins and the youngest at 20, are still at home. So 5 sisters their mother and sister in law in the mix.
Much of the conversation at lunch concerned the upcoming nuptials of D1. Undoubtably interesting and I had already noticed a fair number of 'massed' skype calls to the two sisters in Milan. My son and I didn't have much to contribute to the conversation, but I do recollect saying that "I would like to give something personal as a gift to the female members of the Bridal party." One or two murmurs of assent but no greater reaction.
My son and I realized we were pretty superfluous so went out to the terrace and quietly enjoyed the remains of a Penfolds Cab Sav.(707) and strove to ignore each other as males sometimes do. After dozing for half an hour or so I felt a tug on my arm. It was WVBG, I picked her up, she settled down for a cuddle. Life was good.
Some time later two of the girls turned up, D2 and D5. "Daaad" - the interrogative but persuasive opening, "you know you said you 'd like to give something to members of the bridal party - well we've just been talking to D1 and D3 again and they have a suggestion, if you don't mind that is."
"No no, not at all" I replied "what is it?"
"Shoes," replied D2 succinctly.
"Italian hand made leather shoes." added D5 in a dreamy tone that I should perhaps have picked up on. "We have seen them on the net"
"They are beautiful," confirmed D2, "and would make the very best gift."
"Sounds good then, do I have to do anything?" thanking my lucky stars that I wouldn't have to go shopping.
"No just pay for them" they laughed, "You're so generous." They left, closely followed by their niece who had switched allegiance.
My son and I were silent for a few moments, then he repeated their last words "You're so generous, what did they mean by that?"
"I dunno, a couple of hundred bucks for two or three pairs of shoes is no big deal."
"Well" he replied with total lack of sympathy, "Italian hand made leather - I reckon you're looking at least $450 - $500 a pair.
"You are kidding." He shook his head slowly, "and another thing, Mum will reckon she's part of the deal too. Mother of the Bride and all that stuff."
"Hmm hadn't thought of that, you would definitely be right - about your mum that is."
We said no more and it was not until the following afternoon that my private Jonah - my son spoke to me again, and again with barely disguised mirth.
"Dad, I've been thinking about your 'generous offer. Do you realize what you have done?"
"No why?"
You have offered D1 the bride and D2 the bridesmaid these shoes - and incidentally, WVBG as flower girl."
"Yes so?"
" You haven't worked it out have you. You have offered to buy half the women in the family these fancy shoes and you think you have left the other three out.
"Oh, reckon I should say something ?"
He grinned unkindly, "Well if you think it will do any good."
Within 24 hours I knew how matters lay. "We are going to the podiatrist today, that girl Suzy who went to school with D1. She is going to take casts of our feet for the shoemaker. D1 and D3 of course will get themselves fitted in Italy."
It was when Mum, three daughters, grandaughter, and the previously uncounted daughter-in-law trooped through the door that I realized the full tithe on my 'generosity.'
My son found it impossible to control his laughter - the lack of filial respect was wearing a bit thin!
Thankfully that was the last I heard about shoes for a couple of weeks. Then I received an email acknowledging the order and payment.
" Hey those shoes weren't as much as I thought they would be - but hang on it says here if my Italian is correct that there are eleven pairs. Eleven, for seven women and a toddler.
My wife with the speed and decision of the Wehrmacht on opening day replied. "No it is right, one pair for each woman plus a pair for Suzie instead of paying her usual fee for the casts. That was quite a saving on her usual fee. And then I had to resolve a small problem."
"Which was what ? " I enquired sweetly.
"Well when the girls saw the boots, three of them really preferred them to the shoes - but they were a little bit more - well more than a little bit, and they had a bad conscience about it, they thought they might be taking advantage - So I resolved the problem.
"Pray tell me how," I asked stoically.
She explained. "I suggested that D1 as the bride should have 2 pairs. and as Mother of the bride I would do the same. Problem solved, no more bad consciences."
Even after 30 years the logic of this woman's mind rarely fails to amaze me.
I have the joy of having a very happy family for a while at least, and a certain grim satisfaction for my efforts to repair the Italian national debt.
There are two conclusions:
1. Mebbe Dad was right in his Conspiracy thesis.
2. Standing between one woman and a pair of hand crafted Italian shoes is a hazardous undertaking. Increase the women to half a dozen or so and capitulation is the only option.
I put it down to the fact that he was the eldest and only brother of four sisters, and later, the father of three daughters, and he enjoyed an argument - then I thought very little more about it.
Until very recently. We had a family get together at Christmas and were only missing Daughters number1 ( D1 ) who left Boston for a couple of weeks to visit her sister (D3) in Milan.
D2 was visiting us from LA as was our only son and his wife and the worlds very best granddaughter(WVBG) from Tokyo. D's 4 and 5, twins and the youngest at 20, are still at home. So 5 sisters their mother and sister in law in the mix.
Much of the conversation at lunch concerned the upcoming nuptials of D1. Undoubtably interesting and I had already noticed a fair number of 'massed' skype calls to the two sisters in Milan. My son and I didn't have much to contribute to the conversation, but I do recollect saying that "I would like to give something personal as a gift to the female members of the Bridal party." One or two murmurs of assent but no greater reaction.
My son and I realized we were pretty superfluous so went out to the terrace and quietly enjoyed the remains of a Penfolds Cab Sav.(707) and strove to ignore each other as males sometimes do. After dozing for half an hour or so I felt a tug on my arm. It was WVBG, I picked her up, she settled down for a cuddle. Life was good.
Some time later two of the girls turned up, D2 and D5. "Daaad" - the interrogative but persuasive opening, "you know you said you 'd like to give something to members of the bridal party - well we've just been talking to D1 and D3 again and they have a suggestion, if you don't mind that is."
"No no, not at all" I replied "what is it?"
"Shoes," replied D2 succinctly.
"Italian hand made leather shoes." added D5 in a dreamy tone that I should perhaps have picked up on. "We have seen them on the net"
"They are beautiful," confirmed D2, "and would make the very best gift."
"Sounds good then, do I have to do anything?" thanking my lucky stars that I wouldn't have to go shopping.
"No just pay for them" they laughed, "You're so generous." They left, closely followed by their niece who had switched allegiance.
My son and I were silent for a few moments, then he repeated their last words "You're so generous, what did they mean by that?"
"I dunno, a couple of hundred bucks for two or three pairs of shoes is no big deal."
"Well" he replied with total lack of sympathy, "Italian hand made leather - I reckon you're looking at least $450 - $500 a pair.
"You are kidding." He shook his head slowly, "and another thing, Mum will reckon she's part of the deal too. Mother of the Bride and all that stuff."
"Hmm hadn't thought of that, you would definitely be right - about your mum that is."
We said no more and it was not until the following afternoon that my private Jonah - my son spoke to me again, and again with barely disguised mirth.
"Dad, I've been thinking about your 'generous offer. Do you realize what you have done?"
"No why?"
You have offered D1 the bride and D2 the bridesmaid these shoes - and incidentally, WVBG as flower girl."
"Yes so?"
" You haven't worked it out have you. You have offered to buy half the women in the family these fancy shoes and you think you have left the other three out.
"Oh, reckon I should say something ?"
He grinned unkindly, "Well if you think it will do any good."
Within 24 hours I knew how matters lay. "We are going to the podiatrist today, that girl Suzy who went to school with D1. She is going to take casts of our feet for the shoemaker. D1 and D3 of course will get themselves fitted in Italy."
It was when Mum, three daughters, grandaughter, and the previously uncounted daughter-in-law trooped through the door that I realized the full tithe on my 'generosity.'
My son found it impossible to control his laughter - the lack of filial respect was wearing a bit thin!
Thankfully that was the last I heard about shoes for a couple of weeks. Then I received an email acknowledging the order and payment.
" Hey those shoes weren't as much as I thought they would be - but hang on it says here if my Italian is correct that there are eleven pairs. Eleven, for seven women and a toddler.
My wife with the speed and decision of the Wehrmacht on opening day replied. "No it is right, one pair for each woman plus a pair for Suzie instead of paying her usual fee for the casts. That was quite a saving on her usual fee. And then I had to resolve a small problem."
"Which was what ? " I enquired sweetly.
"Well when the girls saw the boots, three of them really preferred them to the shoes - but they were a little bit more - well more than a little bit, and they had a bad conscience about it, they thought they might be taking advantage - So I resolved the problem.
"Pray tell me how," I asked stoically.
She explained. "I suggested that D1 as the bride should have 2 pairs. and as Mother of the bride I would do the same. Problem solved, no more bad consciences."
Even after 30 years the logic of this woman's mind rarely fails to amaze me.
I have the joy of having a very happy family for a while at least, and a certain grim satisfaction for my efforts to repair the Italian national debt.
There are two conclusions:
1. Mebbe Dad was right in his Conspiracy thesis.
2. Standing between one woman and a pair of hand crafted Italian shoes is a hazardous undertaking. Increase the women to half a dozen or so and capitulation is the only option.
