A confused straight man

[DevilSyndrom]

Hi... ok, I have this "issue" that I thought I'd bring up here and see if people have any thoughts or advice or similar notions that could help me... first I want to make it clear that I have -nothing- what so ever against gay people [not homophobic or anything]... for a very long time in my youth I thought I was gay, and I still find shemales extremely attractive. So ok, your asking yours self whats the confusion about...

I had a few options to be with men in sexual situations... i.e. group sex, and invites... I found myself although curious... not physically attracted. I.e. I had/have no problem in doing anything with them, but i simply would not initiate it or/and find them sexually attractive.

BUT... i have noticed (and I think this is something that has been going on for quiet a while... although I think i was automatically numbing it) sometimes when I am talking to men, even though I am not sexually attracted to them (it can be any man) i want to kiss them... touch them... its bizzare, hence my confusion....

i am a person that would have no problem what so ever if I was bi or gay... heck, i'd kiss a guy for the hell of it. So why on one hand I am -not- attracted to them physically but in the same breath, I want to do those things? :\ confused.....

[at least with guys who are attractive it makes sense to me....]

anyway, thanks for listening/reading...
DS.

 

[human_male]

Yup, you'd be amazed how many men on here would say the same thing. Me included. I'm not attracted to men but for some reason I have fantasies about sucking cock and getting fucked. I can't explain it but since I've been on the Lit boards and have found that many women seem to find bi guys a real turn on it's something I've come to see as a good and sexy thing.

Although I'm sure many gay men would assume guys like you and me are in fact gay and just in denial but I'm too attracted to women and obsessed with breasts to be gay. Although sometimes I wish I was.

Anyway, just feel happy to be yourself and remember it's way common.

 

[geishaGirl]

I would tend to think it may have alot to do with social or cultural conditioning...? Maybe it is like the numbness you were talking about - that on a subconscious level you just don't find a man appealing in that way because you've been "trained" not to.

 

[DevilSyndrom]

I would tend to think it may have alot to do with social or cultural conditioning...? Maybe it is like the numbness you were talking about - that on a subconscious level you just don't find a man appealing in that way because you've been "trained" not to.

but thats the thing... from very early on I had bisexual and gay friends (both male and female) who were very sexually active (and used to tell m everything) and my parents were sexual educative and told to my in my young about homosexuality and how they are fine with it. So I don't think it is social conditioning....

maybe it is just curiosity?....

 

[DevilSyndrom]

Yup, you'd be amazed how many men on here would say the same thing. Me included. I'm not attracted to men but for some reason I have fantasies about sucking cock and getting fucked. I can't explain it but since I've been on the Lit boards and have found that many women seem to find bi guys a real turn on it's something I've come to see as a good and sexy thing.

Although I'm sure many gay men would assume guys like you and me are in fact gay and just in denial but I'm too attracted to women and obsessed with breasts to be gay. Although sometimes I wish I was.

Anyway, just feel happy to be yourself and remember it's way common.

Thanks that does ease on the ears =]

 

[sigsauerprinces]

BUT... i have noticed (and I think this is something that has been going on for quiet a while... although I think i was automatically numbing it) sometimes when I am talking to men, even though I am not sexually attracted to them (it can be any man) i want to kiss them... touch them... its bizzare, hence my confusion....

isnt the desire to kiss and touch someone a sign of being sexually attracted to them? i mean thats what sexual attraction is, isnt it, wanting to do sexual (and sexual can mean anything from holding hands to kissing and touching to fucking) things with another person? i think maybe you're overanylizing it.if you're talking to someone and have the urge to kiss and touch them-you're attracted to them. its possible to want to kiss and touch but not want to fuck them-its still sexual attraction.

why dont you experiment a bit...put yourself in places where there are lots of gay/bi men, and talk to them, and next time you're talking to one and feel the urge to kiss and touch-flirt with him and see if anything comes of it. if you end up alone kissing and touching him-see how you feel about it. once you're doing it you might have the urge to do more

all this is from a straight female (with some bi tendencies, whatever that means) so i'm not claiming its the best advice-tis just what i thought after reading your thread.

 

[DevilSyndrom]

Re: Re: A confused straight man

isnt the desire to kiss and touch someone a sign of being sexually attracted to them? i mean thats what sexual attraction is, isnt it, wanting to do sexual (and sexual can mean anything from holding hands to kissing and touching to fucking) things with another person? i think maybe you're overanylizing it.if you're talking to someone and have the urge to kiss and touch them-you're attracted to them. its possible to want to kiss and touch but not want to fuck them-its still sexual attraction.

why dont you experiment a bit...put yourself in places where there are lots of gay/bi men, and talk to them, and next time you're talking to one and feel the urge to kiss and touch-flirt with him and see if anything comes of it. if you end up alone kissing and touching him-see how you feel about it. once you're doing it you might have the urge to do more

all this is from a straight female (with some bi tendencies, whatever that means) so i'm not claiming its the best advice-tis just what i thought after reading your thread.

I hear ya I was thinking about as well.... I'll give you an example, I was sitting for a coffee with a colleague... he is many years older then me, and not really attractive (I have seen men that I'd say - he is hot) and while he was talking I Just wanted to kiss him.... just a moments urge....

but i think you are right, maybe I should experiment i mean... "never say no, before trying...."

Thanks

 

[Flight420]

Re: Re: Re: A confused straight man

I hear ya I was thinking about as well.... I'll give you an example, I was sitting for a coffee with a colleague... he is many years older then me, and not really attractive (I have seen men that I'd say - he is hot) and while he was talking I Just wanted to kiss him.... just a moments urge....

but i think you are right, maybe I should experiment i mean... "never say no, before trying...."

Thanks

I would say that you're just slutty.... j/k!

IMHO, sexual orientation is most strongly determined by
which sex you imagine yourself "nesting" down with
at some point in your life.. I know a few guys who
enjoy Men every now and then but cannot imagine
having a long term male lover. Again, this is just
derived from my personal observations viewed thru
rose-tinted sex goggles.

 

[DevilSyndrom]

Re: Re: Re: Re: A confused straight man

I would say that you're just slutty.... j/k!

IMHO, sexual orientation is most strongly determined by
which sex you imagine yourself "nesting" down with
at some point in your life.. I know a few guys who
enjoy Men every now and then but cannot imagine
having a long term male lover. Again, this is just
derived from my personal observations viewed thru
rose-tinted sex goggles.

lol... I know I am slutty! - but thx.

 

[Flight420]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: A confused straight man

lol... I know I am slutty! - but thx.

well alrighty then, if you ever find yourself on this side of "the pond" and in Dallas,TX, ring me up and I'll let you stick it on up
into my pie hole! hehehe

 

[DevilSyndrom]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: A confused straight man

well alrighty then, if you ever find yourself on this side of "the pond" and in Dallas,TX, ring me up and I'll let you stick it on up
into my pie hole! hehehe

ummm.... for sure!

 

[davidrgrs]

I also masturbate to men pics on the net a lot, but unless I see a real hunk live, I cant even imagine having sex with him. I do have a feeling though that if I saw a less than hunk guy naked and hard I might still get turned on. I am very open-minded and have no problem with other peoples preferences, so I think that might be why I fantasize about sucking a guy or have him suck me.

 

[DevilSyndrom]

I also masturbate to men pics on the net a lot, but unless I see a real hunk live, I cant even imagine having sex with him. I do have a feeling though that if I saw a less than hunk guy naked and hard I might still get turned on. I am very open-minded and have no problem with other peoples preferences, so I think that might be why I fantasize about sucking a guy or have him suck me.

I personally masturbate alot to shemales, I find shemales with females extremely erotic....

 

[kalalau]

I really have enjoyed this thread. I agree with "geishagirl" that this probably has to do with conditioning. We are all conditioned that homosexual sex is very undesirable, particularly for men. I think that part of this conditioning includes that real attraction and romantic feelings towards the same sex (especially men towards men) is even less OK than than purely sexual urges like desiring to suck cock, get fucked, etc. Perhaps thats why we often hear bisexual people saying things like "I'd really like to make out with a guy or suck his cock, but I'm really not attracted to men". Just the other day I told someone that I was really attracted more to men sexually, but felt more comfortable in relationships with women. If I wasn't conditioned to feel more comfortable with women in relationships, or if I could let go of that conditioning, maybe I would feel just as comfortable with men that way. What do you think?

 

[JennyRocks]

From your first post

BUT... i have noticed (and I think this is something that has been going on for quiet a while... although I think i was automatically numbing it) sometimes when I am talking to men, even though I am not sexually attracted to them (it can be any man) i want to kiss them... touch them... its bizzare, hence my confusion....

It's funny that you'd write that because that is exactly how I started to realize that I was attracted to women when I was younger.

I'd be chatting with a cashier or discussing clothes with my friends and I'd get this weird urge to lay a kiss on them and it even got so bad that I'd lose my concentration in conversation and get some funny looks.

 

[DevilSyndrom]

I really have enjoyed this thread. I agree with "geishagirl" that this probably has to do with conditioning. We are all conditioned that homosexual sex is very undesirable, particularly for men. I think that part of this conditioning includes that real attraction and romantic feelings towards the same sex (especially men towards men) is even less OK than than purely sexual urges like desiring to suck cock, get fucked, etc. Perhaps thats why we often hear bisexual people saying things like "I'd really like to make out with a guy or suck his cock, but I'm really not attracted to men". Just the other day I told someone that I was really attracted more to men sexually, but felt more comfortable in relationships with women. If I wasn't conditioned to feel more comfortable with women in relationships, or if I could let go of that conditioning, maybe I would feel just as comfortable with men that way. What do you think?

Its funny, I always have had relationships with women, and with all the problems understanding them - love them to bits. Though I was always sure I'd better get a long in a relationship with a man.... :j

Maybe with all our attempts in keeping an open mind both relationship/sexuality - it is a blame we can lay on "society" and conditioning... though I am not that quick to pull the trigger ...

same thing about being monogamous... is that truly our nature or that of societies understanding?

 

[DevilSyndrom]

From your first post

It's funny that you'd write that because that is exactly how I started to realize that I was attracted to women when I was younger.

I'd be chatting with a cashier or discussing clothes with my friends and I'd get this weird urge to lay a kiss on them and it even got so bad that I'd lose my concentration in conversation and get some funny looks.

The more and more, I think that the next FMM i will be in, I'll try and get the other M to be bi-sexual... that way I wont feel too uncomfortable with trying things.

It really been happen more and more often... memory flash man!, I Just remembered when I was in the army, there was one really good friend of mine (man I miss him) .... i really wanted him! very much so!.... but he was really good looking....

yes.... maybe these are bi feelings emerging after coughs..... some sort of maturity? lol

 

[nipers]

KISS

For me i don't want to kiss men.I do think about sucking cock.I have never done it before but i have to try.Hope to get there soon.

 

[davidrgrs]

the thing is, I am also not gay, but am open minded and want to see what I'm missing. I definitely want to know what it feels like to have a cock in my mouth, just like I want to be sucked by a guy. I love my wife but need to see the other side. Hell its just sex after all.

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

I've met some people who are just very kiss-oriented. They just feel like kissing people that they feel any kind of attachment to (whether romantic, sexual or just friendly).

You can try kissing a guy, if you think he would be willing. You might find that you want to go further or you might find that you only wanted the kiss. If you don't feel like exploring things sexually, let him know that you just had a sudden urge and that you find him attractive anyway. Basically, try not to hurt someone while you're figuring out what you want.

 

[Trajal]

Ok a lot of people will think this is crap information but trust me on this please.

Get yourself to some safe-ish mainstream gay club. Just look normal and wait to get hit on, you'll probably look like a straight guy. Expect to chat to a guy for a while and then if you feel you want to kiss them, try it. They will probably reciprocate and you'll discover whether or not it does something for you.

I did this years and years ago and it resolved a lot of questions for me (i.e. I'm straight). The guy was a great kisser and decent enough looking but it just didn't push my buttons in the same way that a snog with a pretty girl does.

Assuming you aren't physically repulsive and at least take a vague bath and wear clean clothing this is hardly difficult to achieve and will hopefully answer all your questions.

I'm prepared to be flamed, but seriously believe that you can't know until you've given it something of a go. This seems to be the safest and simplest way.

 

[sunandshadow]

unless I see a real hunk live, I cant even imagine having sex with him.

As a mostly-straight female, I feel the same way - even though nominally I am attracted to men, the ones I am actually interested in having sex with are a tiny fraction of the population (pretty much only thin guys with long hair, and even then I have to like their mind and personality too...). Yet, there's lots of people I like to hug or lean on or cuddle in a non-sexual way - anyone I really consider to be a friend, or maybe someone whose mind I admire and wish they would become my friend.

 

[Shankara20]

Ok a lot of people will think this is crap information but trust me on this please.

Get yourself to some safe-ish mainstream gay club. Just look normal and wait to get hit on, you'll probably look like a straight guy. Expect to chat to a guy for a while and then if you feel you want to kiss them, try it. They will probably reciprocate and you'll discover whether or not it does something for you.

I did this years and years ago and it resolved a lot of questions for me (i.e. I'm straight). The guy was a great kisser and decent enough looking but it just didn't push my buttons in the same way that a snog with a pretty girl does.

Assuming you aren't physically repulsive and at least take a vague bath and wear clean clothing this is hardly difficult to achieve and will hopefully answer all your questions.

I'm prepared to be flamed, but seriously believe that you can't know until you've given it something of a go. This seems to be the safest and simplest way.

I agree with your advice that is exactly how I found out I really really like men. The first night I could not make eye contact, could not talk to anyone and left in less then 1/2 an hour. But I was drawn back a week later. BINGO! When I moved from the gay bar to a gay sex club and saw all that naked male energy I was, and am, hooked - this after 25 years of marrage to females and having children and still enjoying females, I am a lover of men.

 

[Mistress K]

Personally I think the only way you will resolve your issues is to kiss a guy. I agree with Trajal about going to a reputable gay club and talking to the guy first. As long as you are open about what you are after I am sure you will find someone willing to kiss you

I know it worked for me. I used to feel like kissing almost every hot girl that walked past me, but once I had my first kiss from a girl I felt a whole lot relieved about my sexuality (I'm bisexual but more interested in women) and I didn't feel a need to kiss every girl just to see what it felt like.

 

[NJ_TGurlX]

i think its funny

Recently I found myself attracted to cock, but at the same time I do not on any level find men attractive. On top of every other issue i found that I like t-girls and women at the same time. I Have no desire to be with a man, but on the other hand if that man looks like a woman, I have no problem with it.

Maybe you should try looking at trans porn. I LOVE women and the feminine and despise the male physicality. I guess this would make me a T-Girl lesbian. (I want to be a T-girl at least).

Lucklily I've made a friend who can help me with my issues (She was the one who told me I'm a T-girl lesbian, and shes a t-girl herself). It's fine that youre not attracted to men. There is a whole world out there that involves (in what is called in India The Third Sex) men who are not men and are quite friendly to those who are curious but do not want a man, but are looking for something more.

Lit is just as friendly. You should have a look around GLBT fourms and find something you are comfy with. I myself found a friend (and mentor) on yahoo before they shut down the user rooms more than a year ago.

You should try to find someone you can talk to and work at things one step at a time. If youre in a hetro relationship, you should always be honest with your other. She might be interested. Strap-ons are fun. If she (just an assumption) is into you and loves you, she just might be willing to try new and fun things with you.

This is just my opinion, take it for what you will.