A Celebration of Life

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

that's really cool, scaly. thanks for posting it. :>

ed

 

[EJFan]

wow... there have been so many people who have touched my life in so many different (and entirely positive) ways that i wouldn't know where to begin. i've been very blessed to have the influences i've had and, in all honesty, not as good as i should be in honoring them in memory or in action... at least not enough.

maybe i'll pick them apart, one by one, and post them after i get all my thoughts together on each one.

great thread idea waggles... and fantastic timing.

 

[Eilan]

Good timing on this thread, Scaly. I was going to post in the WFMS thread as a random happy memory, but I think I'll post this here instead.

Last night, as I was trying to go to sleep, this incident involving my (maternal) grandfather just popped into my head. I hadn't thought about it in years and I don't know what triggered it.

When I was in first grade, I took a small stuffed dog to school. During recess, my best friend and I took turns throwing the dog up in the air, and she tossed it on the roof. Our teacher tried to get the janitor to climb up on the roof to retrieve the dog, but he wouldn't do it.

That evening, when my grandpa got home from work and learned about what happened, he went to the school, drove across the playground, and parked his car next to the school. Then he climbed on the hood of the car, and from there, he made it to the roof to rescue my toy.

He died in 1997, 10 weeks before his first great-grandchild was born.

 

[bobsgirl]

I have had so many wonderful souls pass through my life. I've been lucky that way. I'm thinking of my grandmother, and my great-aunt. My grnadmother died when I was too young to appreciate what a special woman she was--a true feminist in an era when women were expected to marry, have babies and stay home. I have a few albums from her classical music collection and I treasure them.

My great-aunt Virginia was her half-sister. She was a woman who would cry with you if you were sad, and laugh with you if you were happy. But she had a fearsome temper and had no problem using her wooden spoon on you. It's from her that I learned the needlearts skills that I love so much.

I'm also thinking of the friends who have come and gone in my life, many of them leaving their mark on my heart.

Okay, now you did it, Wags. I gotta go get a Kleenex now.

 

[privyjo]

A few words about my Mom

My mother died a few days before Christmas this past December. I missed her long before she died as for the last six years of her life she could not walk, talk, or feed herself. She had a major seizure a few days before dying and lost the ability to swallow. She had a living will in place and was not to receive life support of any kind. For the first time in many, many years there was no squabbling among siblings as we waited for her die.

Such a strong woman she was having raised seven rebellious children. I feel her presence with me sometimes and feel comforted in knowing she and I had said everything we had needed to say to one another before she lost the ability to speak. She is the one person who taught me to say everything I need to say to my own son before it is too late and now I try to do this with my siblings (still very, very difficult to do!) and my close friends. Life is so damn unpredictable and moments of opportunity can be lost in the blink of an eye.

There have been and are many special people I can think of to add but my Mom comes to my mind as this week I will celebrate my birthday without her being here, on earth, even if unable to talk.

 

[Cockyfox]

I'd like to share about my dad, but even after nine years its just too tender to go into great depth.

 

[Cathleen]

I am resurrecting a WFMS post I made a few years back about an experience I had when I was visiting my mother's grave. When she died I recall going to have lunch with her. I'd grab a sandwich or something and go sit there, cleaning and watering flowers, etc. it just felt right to me - well, I don't know if 'right' is the best word but...

This week someone will be visiting the area, coming for an annual event that's been a part of our lives since before we were born just about. This person is someone I love, have since I was sixteen. For a few reasons our intimate relationship was cut short but our love for each other has always been with me -- sometimes there is a sadness but it's only occasionally, mostly the love is endearing and enduring. The person I talk about in the post quoted is him.

For the first time I've been uneasy to see him, I know a reason or two why but thru Scaly's thoughts I went back to that post and feel that connection again. ~Long sigh~ It will be an emotional week...

Spending time at my mother's grave, today is the eleventh anniversary of her death. I cleaned up the flowers and sat for a while then moved to the next grave, a woman that was my neighbor growing up, the only one I trusted to really care about me (and she had nine kids of her own). I cleaned the old flowers there too. Then moved to the next grave and did the same. A husband and wife who I worked for as a young girl, who inspired me to go into medicine and even though I changed my mind, they were still happy for what I had accomplished. Then to a man, the husband and father of nine children, also from the neighborhood and had a real laugh at his grave.

I sat there as if it was a neighborhood and in fact it is ~ these were the adults of my childhood and yound adulthood. I loved these people and they mattered to me. I was feeling a bit sad because they are not here for me to see and touch and laugh with anymore. And then a most wonderful thing happened, a friend, the son of one of these people, arrived. We hugged and sat a while. He knew it was the day my mother died and he told me how much she had meant to her.

I know she touched many people and the story he told me had me in tears ~ not because she is gone, but because she meant so much to him and I was lucky to call her mom, he called her mom too - just as his mom was a mom to me. We will forever be connected through these two women and the others I spent time remembering with fondness.

Connections feed my soul everyday whether I am aware of them or not.

Theirs and others hearts still live in mine.

 

[bobsgirl]

My mother died a few days before Christmas this past December. I missed her long before she died as for the last six years of her life she could not walk, talk, or feed herself. She had a major seizure a few days before dying and lost the ability to swallow. She had a living will in place and was not to receive life support of any kind. For the first time in many, many years there was no squabbling among siblings as we waited for her die.

Such a strong woman she was having raised seven rebellious children. I feel her presence with me sometimes and feel comforted in knowing she and I had said everything we had needed to say to one another before she lost the ability to speak. She is the one person who taught me to say everything I need to say to my own son before it is too late and now I try to do this with my siblings (still very, very difficult to do!) and my close friends. Life is so damn unpredictable and moments of opportunity can be lost in the blink of an eye.

There have been and are many special people I can think of to add but my Mom comes to my mind as this week I will celebrate my birthday without her being here, on earth, even if unable to talk.

I'm very touched by this, pj. I hope your memories of your mom during happier times bring you comfort and a smile.

 

[Cathleen]

My mother died a few days before Christmas this past December. I missed her long before she died as for the last six years of her life she could not walk, talk, or feed herself. She had a major seizure a few days before dying and lost the ability to swallow. She had a living will in place and was not to receive life support of any kind. For the first time in many, many years there was no squabbling among siblings as we waited for her die.

Such a strong woman she was having raised seven rebellious children. I feel her presence with me sometimes and feel comforted in knowing she and I had said everything we had needed to say to one another before she lost the ability to speak. She is the one person who taught me to say everything I need to say to my own son before it is too late and now I try to do this with my siblings (still very, very difficult to do!) and my close friends. Life is so damn unpredictable and moments of opportunity can be lost in the blink of an eye.

There have been and are many special people I can think of to add but my Mom comes to my mind as this week I will celebrate my birthday without her being here, on earth, even if unable to talk.

This is lovely, privyjo.

I was fortunate to have been able say all I needed - not wanted but I'll always want another conversation - to my mom too.

 

[privyjo]

I'm very touched by this, pj. I hope your memories of your mom during happier times bring you comfort and a smile.

This is lovely, privyjo.

I was fortunate to have been able say all I needed - not wanted but I'll always want another conversation - to my mom too.

Thank you

Yeah, I don't like that the run-on conversation on life with my Mom has ended and have to admit I still talk to my Mom even though I know she's gone... and I am going to to be 48 this Friday - you would think I would be past needing/wanting that Mom/Daughter heart-to-heart talk but somehow I feel more confused at this time in my life than I did when I was younger!

 

[bobsgirl]

Thank you

Yeah, I don't like that the run-on conversation on life with my Mom has ended and have to admit I still talk to my Mom even though I know she's gone... and I am going to to be 48 this Friday - you would think I would be past needing/wanting that Mom/Daughter heart-to-heart talk but somehow I feel more confused at this time in my life than I did when I was younger!

You never get too old to want to talk to your mom. I'm 52 and I still need my mom to tell me everything will be all right. I'm very blessed to still have her. I would be lost without her.

You keep talking to your mom. You will still hear her wisdom in your heart.

 

[Cathleen]

Thank you

Yeah, I don't like that the run-on conversation on life with my Mom has ended and have to admit I still talk to my Mom even though I know she's gone... and I am going to to be 48 this Friday - you would think I would be past needing/wanting that Mom/Daughter heart-to-heart talk but somehow I feel more confused at this time in my life than I did when I was younger!

Happy Birthday a bit early and welcome to Lit, glad you found us.

I will never out-grow wanting to talk with my mom. She died over 13 years ago and I'm in my mid forties. I don't ever want to out-grow my want to talk with her. I miss the way our conversations grew as I matured, we were intellectually well matched, temperment -- eh, she was more patient. I think it's best described as we were a challenge to one another in a great way.

During her active dying stage we loved, laughed and even fought. I remember a brother or someone saying ''How can you fight with her?" and I said, just because she's dying doesn't mean I become perfect... in fact we had two 'fights' that turned out to be hysterically humorous. It was the same when I moved into my uncle's home (her brother) as he died. The amount of laughter in the house defied the fact why I was there.

I've always been far better at the end of life issues than the beginning -- those infants are beautiful but scary! I just figure it's a most special time in a life, for the one who is dying and those who will live through the death. I am irrevently reverent I suppose.

 

[privyjo]

No. I won't stop talking or wanting to talk to my Mom. And she is the one who helped me deal with my son when he and I did nothing but argue with one another. I can still hear her say, "How do you think he is going to learn to argue if you don't teach him by letting him practice with you?! And remember, the apple doesn't fall too far away from the tree."

I am happy that you still have your mother with you, bobsgirl. And Cathleen, I reread your previous post concerning your visit to your mother's grave - my sister and I still have to spread our mother's ashes. Just nice to know there are women who had and have strong, good relationships with their mothers. I know many women who did and do not and I feel blessed I was able to have one with my mom.

Thanks for the early BD wish and the welcome to lit!

 

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

Part of the letter was visible to read, but I felt it was not my place to do so.

i just have to say that this kind of respect for privacy always makes me smile... more people should be like this.

 

[wicked woman]

Thank you Scaly for the chuckles at remembering the picnics my Mom and Dad used to take me to...and later my sons...to the family cemetery. Most of my Mom's relatives were buried there...a lane way going through the cemetery into a great uncle's home. That side of the family is of Irish descent and we're big on having wakes that celebrate the life of the deceased. We just carried it over into a party in the cemetary.

I too have been very fortunate to have had a number of people touch me during my life. *no, no not that kind of 'touching' *

The most important though, as others have stated, was my Mom. As I sit here she is with me....her urn high in my bookcase. Morbid for some perhaps, but it comforts me.

I wrote this eulogy for my Mom's memorial service. Names have been omitted...it's the internet after all...but I think the sentiment comes through. Thanks for letting me share. For you Mom....

EULOGY FOR WW's MOM, SEPTEMBER 3, 1999

I’d like to share a few thoughts with you about my Mom. When she was planning this service, Dad told her that the word eulogy meant “praise”. She liked that idea – so I know she would have loved today.

<snip>

A number of years ago, I made Mom a pillow for Mother’s Day. I cross-stitched a Mommy bunny holding a little girl bunny with the saying “As is the Mother, so is the Daughter.” During her final months, she used that pillow to give her comfort.

In the hospital she kept it close – one of the X-ray technicians didn’t remember Mom, but remembered her pillow. At one point she said she needed to put a little more love into it, so the pillow would comfort me later. It does.

“As is the Mother, so is the Daughter.” I hope...just a little.

 

[bobsgirl]

As is the Mother, so is the Daughter.

Knowing you now as I do, I can only say, your mom must have been one hell of a woman.

 

[privyjo]

As is the Mother, so is the Daughter.

Knowing you now as I do, I can only say, your mom must have been one hell of a woman.

Agree with BG though I do not know you, wicked woman, but the eulogy says a lot about who you are.

 

[NaughtyLil1]

My grandmother and I were always close. From the time I was a little girl, into my adult life, we shared a special bond; a closeness I'm not sure I can even explain. It was only fitting that I care for her in the end and I'm grateful I had the ability to do it.

She had the most beautiful tea set and once a week we would have a tea party. We would sip our tea out of these beautiful cups and she would tell me a story about her younger years, how she met my grandpa or other events in her life. Sometimes I was so caught up in her stories, I'd forget to drink and then she'd fuss at me for letting my tea cool. Even as I got older, we'd get together and have our tea. It was a special moment together, where my grandma, with her and her never ending wisdom helped me make sense of my crazy life.

She continued on with these parties when I had my girls. I would drop them off for the afternoon and this became their special event. They were always excited to go and hated to leave. It warmed my heart knowing that they were able to experience this closeness with their great grandma.

At the end, her decline became rapid, but before it got too bad I wanted one last party. So, with my sister, my niece and my girls, we had a farewell tea party. We all gathered around her bed and shared one last cup. She passed away two days after.

I have the tea set now. When life gets tough and I need to remember better days, I take it off the shelf and enjoy a cup.

I never thought it possible to miss someone so much but I do. I always keep her close in thought.

 

[bobsgirl]

My grandmother and I were always close. From the time I was a little girl, into my adult life, we shared a special bond; a closeness I'm not sure I can even explain. It was only fitting that I care for her in the end and I'm grateful I had the ability to do it.

She had the most beautiful tea set and once a week we would have a tea party. We would sip our tea out of these beautiful cups and she would tell me a story about her younger years, how she met my grandpa or other events in her life. Sometimes I was so caught up in her stories, I'd forget to drink and then she'd fuss at me for letting my tea cool. Even as I got older, we'd get together and have our tea. It was a special moment together, where my grandma, with her and her never ending wisdom helped me make sense of my crazy life.

She continued on with these parties when I had my girls. I would drop them off for the afternoon and this became their special event. They were always excited to go and hated to leave. It warmed my heart knowing that they were able to experience this closeness with their great grandma.

At the end, her decline became rapid, but before it got too bad I wanted one last party. So, with my sister, my niece and my girls, we had a farewell tea party. We all gathered around her bed and shared one last cup. She passed away two days after.

I have the tea set now. When life gets tough and I need to remember better days, I take it off the shelf and enjoy a cup.

I never thought it possible to miss someone so much but I do. I always keep her close in thought.

How special that your daughters got the benefit and love of a great-grandma! Your story makes me smile.

 

[Guest]

 

[privyjo]

Wow. there are some really touching stories here.

I've been trying to think of one myself, but nothing comes to mind. I'm not sure why....maybe I'm not paying attention to the people around me.

Maybe that's why the things I see go on in the cemetery intrigue me.

Scalywag, just a thank you for creating the thread. I am finding it - don't know the word to use - but peaceful, reassuring, a way to connect to others - these words come to mind - take your pick - it is all good.

 

[Guest]

 

[E's Toy]

Mother

3 years ago my mother passed away after a short fight with cancer (19 days), the night before she died I was in the hospital and we watched tv (tennis). At that time we knew that this was the end, I could have asked so many things, but for that moment, silence was the right thing.