A Cautionary Tale For BDSMers Especially The Younger Ones..

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Some advice: If you're young and thinking about telling your parents about your D/s relationship or that you are into BDSM...DON'T! Or at least wait until you move out and they can no longer control you.

Now onto my story. I am 25 years old and my little girl is 19. We met here on Lit four months ago and instantly fell for each other. We have a LDR and have never met but I was planning on visiting her next month. We love each other deeply and fit each perfectly. We talk everyday on the phone or by text or by e-mail or on here. Both of our family and friends know about us. Because of her living situation she must use her father's computer, which for some reason has a black box hooked up to it to that records any activity on it.

She has already had one fight with her dad because of this when he changed her myspace password cause he didn't want her going on it. He promised to respect her privacy after that.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago when I checked her e-mail because she was not responding to my texts or calls and I find all of our e-mails in the trash along with most of them forwarded to his e-mail address.

So now he knows all about our Master/Daddy/Sir and slave/little girl/slut relationship.

My heart and stomach sank when I saw it. He took her cell phone away and turned it off and also is not allowing her on the computer. So I have no way of communicating with her.

I don't know exactly what happened or if I will ever get to speak to her again.

It's just so scary to know I might have lost the love of my life over some bullshit.

I don't know what to do or what's going to happen. My life sucks. I feel so bad because I feel like I ruined her life.

I don't want to lose her. I can't. I'm going to wait for her for as long as it takes. I just feel horrible for what she is going through. I can't eat or sleep and my stomach is tied in knots. God only knows what she is going through.

*sigh*

Why us?

All cause we are into BDSM and D/s.

 

[Betticus]

That really sucks. Do you know the email addresses of any of her friends that you could contact?

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Ouch! How awful for you both, maybe she'll be able to get to an internet cafe or some such?

Yup, dads can be like that. I'm late 30's and I wouldn't let him anywhere near my pc, even now, nor would I risk doing anything of a personal nature on his.

Hope you get this sorted soon.

 

[LittleJade]

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you... that's terrible.

 

[Betticus]

She will find a way to contact you, don't worry too much.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

That really sucks. Do you know the email addresses of any of her friends that you could contact?

Yea I was thinking of trying something like that.

Ouch! How awful for you both, maybe she'll be able to get to an internet cafe or some such?

Yup, dads can be like that. I'm late 30's and I wouldn't let him anywhere near my pc, even now, nor would I risk doing anything of a personal nature on his.

Hope you get this sorted soon.

I don't know (excuse the wording) how tight of a leash he has her on.

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you... that's terrible.

Yup.

And the funny thing is that she told me that he liked me. We had a fight awhile back and her dad noticed how upset she was and told her she should try to make up with me because he's never seen her as happy as she has been the past couple months with me.

Guess that doesn't mean squat now.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

She will find a way to contact you, don't worry too much.

I know. But I'm a worrier. It's what I do best.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

... Because of her living situation she must use her father's computer, which for some reason has a black box hooked up to it to that records any activity on it.

This, to me, is a red flag that would have told me not to do *anything* on that computer that I didn't want the world to know about. I'm a bit surprised that the two of you didn't work out some way for her to have access to you without using his computer. The lack of trust on his part to have that "black box hooked up" -- didn't you two ever think that there was a *reason* he has that on there?

... She has already had one fight with her dad because of this when he changed her myspace password cause he didn't want her going on it. He promised to respect her privacy after that.

Well, now you know how much his promises are worth: Nothing.

... Fast forward to a couple of days ago when I checked her e-mail because she was not responding to my texts or calls and I find all of our e-mails in the trash along with most of them forwarded to his e-mail address.

So now he knows all about our Master/Daddy/Sir and slave/little girl/slut relationship.

My heart and stomach sank when I saw it. He took her cell phone away and turned it off and also is not allowing her on the computer. So I have no way of communicating with her.

Okay, his house, his computer - he *does* have the right to control who uses it, and how. The cell phone, however, may be a different story, depending on whose name it's in, and who pays for it. If the contract for the phone is in her name, and she pays the bill, then he has no legal right to take it away or otherwise control it, since she is not a minor. Of course, to point this out in any legal forum could/would likely lead to her getting kicked out of his house. A very tough situation.

... I don't know exactly what happened or if I will ever get to speak to her again.

It's just so scary to know I might have lost the love of my life over some bullshit.

I don't know what to do or what's going to happen. My life sucks. I feel so bad because I feel like I ruined her life.

I don't want to lose her. I can't. I'm going to wait for her for as long as it takes. I just feel horrible for what she is going through. I can't eat or sleep and my stomach is tied in knots. God only knows what she is going through.

*sigh*

Why us?

This particular time of her life might be well fucked, but I doubt that her entire life has been ruined. And don't take all the heat on yourself for fouling things up for her. As I pointed out above, she's not a minor, and is capable of making her own decisions, at least in some areas. She was a "co-conspirator" (so to speak) in whatever y'all did.

... All cause we are into BDSM and D/s.

Not necessarily, though likely. It is also possible that he's just such a controlling SOB that he simply is not willing to surrender any degree of control over her to anyone else. In either case, however, she won't be free of his control/manipulation until she's out from under his thumb, and that means out of his house, earning her own living and paying her own bills, or living with someone who can/will do those things for her.

I would agree with Bett, though, that she will - when she can - find a way to get in touch with you, so try to be patient and controlled within yourself, so that you can pass that on to her when she does. The best of luck to you both.

 

[Ladythunder]

keep your hopes up, somehow she will get in touch.

I used to have issues with my internet service (mostly due to how remote my location is) and had a heck of a time staying in contact with people.

With perseverance, it worked out though, most libraries these days have internet hookup, even if she cant come to lit due to the censoring library computers are famous for, she should be able to send you a message there.

If she is smart, she will create a new email (like off gmail or yahoo) to contact you from a source outside her home to prevent her dad opening her messages.

There again (and I know its unreasonable to assume she could do it at the drop of a hat) she should tell her dad to f off and get her own place

I really detest parents that feel they can and should have that amount of control over their grown children.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

This, to me, is a red flag that would have told me not to do *anything* on that computer that I didn't want the world to know about. I'm a bit surprised that the two of you didn't work out some way for her to have access to you without using his computer. The lack of trust on his part to have that "black box hooked up" -- didn't you two ever think that there was a *reason* he has that on there?
Well, now you know how much his promises are worth: Nothing.

I know. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Okay, his house, his computer - he *does* have the right to control who uses it, and how. The cell phone, however, may be a different story, depending on whose name it's in, and who pays for it. If the contract for the phone is in her name, and she pays the bill, then he has no legal right to take it away or otherwise control it, since she is not a minor. Of course, to point this out in any legal forum could/would likely lead to her getting kicked out of his house. A very tough situation.

Nope the cell phone is a family plan under his name. I understand the legal aspect but I wish he would have just respected his daughter's privacy.

This particular time of her life might be well fucked, but I doubt that her entire life has been ruined. And don't take all the heat on yourself for fouling things up for her. As I pointed out above, she's not a minor, and is capable of making her own decisions, at least in some areas. She was a "co-conspirator" (so to speak) in whatever y'all did.

I know and she would say the same thing. I never forced her to do anything and she more than willing went along with it. I just feel so bad about what she is going through.

Not necessarily, though likely. It is also possible that he's just such a controlling SOB that he simply is not willing to surrender any degree of control over her to anyone else. In either case, however, she won't be free of his control/manipulation until she's out from under his thumb, and that means out of his house, earning her own living and paying her own bills, or living with someone who can/will do those things for her.

I would agree with Bett, though, that she will - when she can - find a way to get in touch with you, so try to be patient and controlled within yourself, so that you can pass that on to her when she does. The best of luck to you both.

Thanks. She is just starting college this fall that is part of the reason she lives there and her father is going to help out financially with that so she will be under his thumb for probably 4 more years unless she can save some money and move out before then.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

keep your hopes up, somehow she will get in touch.

I used to have issues with my internet service (mostly due to how remote my location is) and had a heck of a time staying in contact with people.

With perseverance, it worked out though, most libraries these days have internet hookup, even if she cant come to lit due to the censoring library computers are famous for, she should be able to send you a message there.

If she is smart, she will create a new email (like off gmail or yahoo) to contact you from a source outside her home to prevent her dad opening her messages.

There again (and I know its unreasonable to assume she could do it at the drop of a hat) she should tell her dad to f off and get her own place

I really detest parents that feel they can and should have that amount of control over their grown children.

Thanks.

It's just so hard not to be able to talk to her when we have talked everyday for the past four months.

 

[HottieMama]

If you can contact one of her friends...preferably a girl she is close with, you could always get the friends address and mail her a prepaid phone card to pass on to your little girl. That way, your girl could call you at any point that she gets out of the house or has any degree of privacy in her own home. Prepaid phone cards are untraceable, and the call would not show up on a landline telephone bill and can be used from any pay phone.

Just a thought...

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

If you can contact one of her friends...preferably a girl she is close with, you could always get the friends address and mail her a prepaid phone card to pass on to your little girl. That way, your girl could call you at any point that she gets out of the house or has any degree of privacy in her own home. Prepaid phone cards are untraceable, and the call would not show up on a landline telephone bill and can be used from any pay phone.

Just a thought...

Thanks but she doesn't have any friends where she lives. She just moved there a couple months ago after living with her mother and step dad in another state.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Thanks everyone for their suggestions. We're both determined people so I'm sure either her or I will eventually succeed in getting in contact with the other.

Just wish my stomach would unknot so I could eat something.

 

[myinnerslut]

i really feel for you both. she is 19... is she in school? is there a library or a computer lab she can get to?

 

[intothewoods]

I totally agree with Sir W's post. If you don't want these issues, date someone who doesn't live with their parents. Her father may be a giant asshole. I have no idea. But from his perspective, all he knows is you're some 25 year old dude who his daughter knows from the internet, and that you consider her your "little girl" and "slave" and "slut." I'm not surprised he's pissed.

If this were her post, I would say, look, if you want your dad's financial support, you need to play by his rules. When I was 19, I didn't get to do whatever I wanted either. My parents were paying for college.

If you really want this to work, especially for the long term, you need to work within those rules as well. I do not agree with trying to go behind his back, unless you don't mind him hating you forever, and tearing her from her family, or losing her. My advice would be to contact him, and try and make peace.

 

[incubus'_sub]

just a thought, but as you've never met how can you be sure that she is actually 19.

this sort of parental control is common for parents trying to protect wayward daughters in their early teens.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

While I doubt that "Dad" and "daughter" are the same person, I wouldn't rule it out either. I can remember at least 3 or 4 cases over the years I've been online where someone I knew and chatted with OL was in a relationship with someone else, and said person either A - faked an illness or non-access to internet or phone, or they B - faked their demise, in order to get out of the relationship.

For all we know, she got tired of the relationship and figured blaming "Daddy" was the easy way out.

Since none of us is on site at your girl's home, we (and you) have no way of knowing what has actually occured.

This is a painful time for you, you've invested a lot of time and energy and emotion into this relationship and you are suddenly cut off. Maybe the situation is exactly as described. Maybe not. Perhaps she will find a way to get back in touch with you.

Now here's a thought. Write her a snail mail letter. Send it Certified, require HER signature to make sure SHE got it. Once you establish that mail will reach her, correspond that way. Sure it's old fashioned, but you know what? IT WORKS. Long Distance Relationships were around a LONG time before the internet or even the telephone.

And good luck to you both.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

i really feel for you both. she is 19... is she in school? is there a library or a computer lab she can get to?

She doesn't start school until the fall.

I totally agree with Sir W's post. If you don't want these issues, date someone who doesn't live with their parents. Her father may be a giant asshole. I have no idea. But from his perspective, all he knows is you're some 25 year old dude who his daughter knows from the internet, and that you consider her your "little girl" and "slave" and "slut." I'm not surprised he's pissed.

If this were her post, I would say, look, if you want your dad's financial support, you need to play by his rules. When I was 19, I didn't get to do whatever I wanted either. My parents were paying for college.

If you really want this to work, especially for the long term, you need to work within those rules as well. I do not agree with trying to go behind his back, unless you don't mind him hating you forever, and tearing her from her family, or losing her. My advice would be to contact him, and try and make peace.

I'm not saying her father is wrong for feeling the way he does. I can understand it. It just sucks is all.

And you can't help falling in love with the person you do. I'm sure my brother never thought he would fall in love and marry a girl from Ireland growing up.

I have thought about sending him an e-mail. I'm going to wait a week or two to let him calm down before I do.

just a thought, but as you've never met how can you be sure that she is actually 19.

this sort of parental control is common for parents trying to protect wayward daughters in their early teens.

While I can not say I am 100% sure she is 19. I can say I am 99.9% sure.

While I doubt that "Dad" and "daughter" are the same person, I wouldn't rule it out either. I can remember at least 3 or 4 cases over the years I've been online where someone I knew and chatted with OL was in a relationship with someone else, and said person either A - faked an illness or non-access to internet or phone, or they B - faked their demise, in order to get out of the relationship.

For all we know, she got tired of the relationship and figured blaming "Daddy" was the easy way out.

Since none of us is on site at your girl's home, we (and you) have no way of knowing what has actually occured.

This is a painful time for you, you've invested a lot of time and energy and emotion into this relationship and you are suddenly cut off. Maybe the situation is exactly as described. Maybe not. Perhaps she will find a way to get back in touch with you.

Now here's a thought. Write her a snail mail letter. Send it Certified, require HER signature to make sure SHE got it. Once you establish that mail will reach her, correspond that way. Sure it's old fashioned, but you know what? IT WORKS. Long Distance Relationships were around a LONG time before the internet or even the telephone.

And good luck to you both.

I don't believe this is a cop out or a fake. If it is then I am the biggest sucker on the planet and I would be devastated. I really hope its not. I couldn't handle that.

I have thought about sending her a letter but I do not want her father to rip it up and throw it out when it gets there.

 

[00Syd]

Thats terrible! I'm so sorry about your situation. Hopefully it will all work out in the end.

I'm glad I have open-minded parents...

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I have thought about sending her a letter but I do not want her father to rip it up and throw it out when it gets there.

That's why you send a CERTIFIED Letter. It's hand delivered by a mail carrier or picked up at the post office and signed for. And you know who signed for it.

Best of luck!

 

[myinnerslut]

what about a public library?

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

That's why you send a CERTIFIED Letter. It's hand delivered by a mail carrier or picked up at the post office and signed for. And you know who signed for it.

Best of luck!

Thanks. I might try that.

what about a public library?

I don't know. At this point it is up to her to find a way. Hopefully she can.

 

[LilyBart]

I totally agree with Sir W's post. If you don't want these issues, date someone who doesn't live with their parents. Her father may be a giant asshole. I have no idea. But from his perspective, all he knows is you're some 25 year old dude who his daughter knows from the internet, and that you consider her your "little girl" and "slave" and "slut." I'm not surprised he's pissed.

If this were her post, I would say, look, if you want your dad's financial support, you need to play by his rules. When I was 19, I didn't get to do whatever I wanted either. My parents were paying for college.

If you really want this to work, especially for the long term, you need to work within those rules as well. I do not agree with trying to go behind his back, unless you don't mind him hating you forever, and tearing her from her family, or losing her. My advice would be to contact him, and try and make peace.

I'm all into the bolded portion above, its quite valid. Frankly, although I post here and have my own perversions, having a 20 YO daughter, I might react in a manner not seeming to be understandable to anyone here. We don't manage our daughter's private life quite the way your lil' girl's does (we, unfortunately, are an in your face "you mean what?!!" kind of family....but it does foster really honest communication between all family members). However, while we don't (and at this age, wouldn't) patrol her emails, IF I came across a a series of BDSM exchanges I would seriously have to take a deep breath. While I get the lifestyle, I'm in the minority among the average parent of a 20 YO. But I'd still close ranks, honestly. I wouldn't kill email or cellphone (that is, IMO, a bit control freak to me), but I sure as hell would be having a sit down, in your face conversation with her.


Now, on the other hand. I hope you do know for sure that she is 19. Because in the average family, I think, her father's behavior is fairly extreme for a 19 year old. But not at all extreme for a 16 year old. (Anyone else, please feel free to call me out if I'm wrong.)

And finally, if it was meant to be, she will find a way to contact you. As romantic as it might sound, none of us needs or wants another Romeo and Juliet or West Side Story.

If it was meant to be, it will be.

 

[Homburg]

You have my sympathies, brother.

It will work out, if she is serious enough.

Good luck.