A Book for "The Talk?" -- A question for parents

[Weird Harold]

I got an e-mail from my elder daughter asking for a book recommendation for my elder granddaughter.

I gave **** a choice between a sex talk, or a sex book. Of course she chose the book. I need something along the lines of her Care and Keeping of You book that covered puberty and body changes, but the next level of information up from that. Something age appropriate, but not dumbed down.

The elder granddaughter is is 12, going on 21, and a seventh grader.

Anyone know of a book that will fit the need?

 

[SensualCealy]

There are some pretty good ones out there, I got one for my daughter, but cant remember the name of it. I will get her to find it for me so I can pass it on to you.

One thing I did get for her though that had alot of personal info in it was, Tampax has a 'getting started' kit (not sure what the actual name of it is but if you go on their site they may show it.

It has a booklet for Mom (how to talk to your daughter) a booklet for daughter (what the hell is going on with me) and a book that both can read on general information.

My daughter was so excited to read all three books, I made sure she read the one for moms too so she would know what info I was given.
Very informative and not dumbed down.

My daughter just turned 13 on the 8th and I have always been open with her. When she asks questions I tell her the truth. The truth doesnt have to be completely explicit, specially when she asks what is an orgasm!

( after taking a good gulp of air and telling her, its a woman or mans body's way of reacting when they are at their sexual peek during sex)

If they want to know, why not tell them, maybe just then they wont want to try it out to find out for themselves. I sure hope! lol

If you dont hear back from me in a couple days and still want the info- buzz me and remind me, the ol'brain isnt as good as it use to be.

All the best, Cealy

 

[amicus]

Hello, you, 'opinionated old fart' (I resemble that remark!), I read and passed on this thread...not once, but twice in my wanderings this evening...raising hell elsewhere and awaiting results...but I came back...and here are my conclusions...based on...well...raising five daughters and now dealing with puberty aged grand daughters and sons...and sons are important also....

There is no book, nor should there be, nor could there be...there is no 'talk', nor should there be or could there be...to answer your question(s).

Little boys and little girls, maybe while still in the womb, are fondling their genitals and will continue to do so in their death beds...we are a sexy species.

By the time these young lives approach puberty, they have already acquired a concept (fuzzy perhaps, perverted perhaps) of da birds and da bees...influenced of course by genetic tendencies and environment, that becomes pretty well hard-wired into their persona.

There are probably a million books and pamplets on hygiene and sexual development that may either help or hinder and I assure you, they do both; and 'sex education' is probably the worst offender of all...as it becomes a public spectacle and demeans and commonizes the entire concept, (imagine a class room demonstration of placing a condom on a banana, how rude)

It comes down to what it always comes down to, mutual respect for the individual rights and privacy of others. If we teach our children those basic absolute truths about each other, they will have all the tools they need to deal with that very intimate aspect of their own individual lives.

I would like to envision...and I do write about...young people discovering the joys of intimacy with total innocence and no pre ordained expectations or limitations...or cultural or religious dogmatic precepts...I suppose that is my 'idealistic' or 'romantic' view of existence...but then...thas the way I be...

for what it's worth...


amicus...

(Y'know, I'm gonna edit this, almost the moment I posted it as I realized that part of my comments were very recent....coming about following a reading of the first chapter of a book my son recommended: "Rhapsody" by Elizabeth Haydon, a fantasy novel, with a front cover blurb by Anne McCaffrey...the very first chapter was a chance encounter between a 14 year old boy and a 13 year old girl...that so very gently developed that it surprised me and made me smile and think more so than I have for a long time about first experiences....)

 

[Weird Harold]

One thing I did get for her though that had a lot of personal info in it was, Tampax has a 'getting started' kit (not sure what the actual name of it is but if you go on their site they may show it.

I'm pretty sure they're past that "talk" I think they're working on the "now that you're filling out, boys will be interested in just one thing" part of the "Talk."

There is no book, nor should there be, nor could there be...there is no 'talk', nor should there be or could there be...to answer your question(s).

In the abstract, I agree with you -- "sex education" is just a small part of learning to deal with interpersonal relationships and is something that should be covered in a continuing communication between parent and child -- BUT...

In the real world, the "Talk" exists and there are some good books by some well qualified authors to help parents communicate with their children in a way the children will not reject as just another arbitrary "parental restriction."

 

[amicus]

If you say so...so be it....I happen to think otherwise and can only suggest that the best you can do is to 'be there' if and when they have problems...not questions, as they will not ask....

amicus...

 

[Weird Harold]

bumpity?

 

[glynndah]

If you're still looking for a book, try Your Body. I think that's the title. There's a version for boys and girls. It is written at a level for preteens to understand. There are some pictures in it - black and white drawings, as I recall. My son referred to his copy often. I think it's still in his room somewhere.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

D-ed! I know a perfect book, written in perfect tone, with cool and funny drawings, and it doesn't only cover the physical development but also deals with things like friends, lovers, love, attraction, sex, rumours, and even homosexuality.

The only problem is that t's no been translated from Swedish yet...

 

[glynndah]

I think the name of that book was What's Happening to my Body. It was not very favorably reviewed on Amazon.com, but my son took it with him when he left for college, so maybe it's better for older adolescents. Two other ones to try are (for younger children and their embarassed parents) Where Did I Come From?and What's Happening to Me? both by Peter Mayle who also wrote A Year in Provence.

 

[Weird Harold]

D-ed! I know a perfect book, written in perfect tone, with cool and funny drawings, and it doesn't only cover the physical development but also deals with things like friends, lovers, love, attraction, sex, rumours, and even homosexuality.

The only problem is that t's no been translated from Swedish yet...

Let me have a link anyway -- knowing my granddaughter, she might learn Swedish just to read that book.

I think the name of that book was What's Happening to my Body. It was not very favorably reviewed on Amazon.com, but my son took it with him when he left for college, so maybe it's better for older adolescents. Two other ones to try are (for younger children and their embarassed parents) Where Did I Come From?and What's Happening to Me? both by Peter Mayle who also wrote A Year in Provence.

I think What's Happening to Me? is the one she's already got, but I'll pass on the recommendations.

 

[angelicminx]

I got an e-mail from my elder daughter asking for a book recommendation for my elder granddaughter.



The elder granddaughter is is 12, going on 21, and a seventh grader.

Anyone know of a book that will fit the need?

"The Period Book" is the best one I've found. It covers everything imaginable in simple, easy to understand language and has appropriate illustrations.


ETA: I found this wonderful book when my daughter was just a baby, but it came in handy when my cousins came to me (instead of their mother) with questions. My daughter is 11 now, but we covered the first couple of chapters when she was about 9 and she started asking questions.

 

[Aurora Black]

D-ed! I know a perfect book, written in perfect tone, with cool and funny drawings, and it doesn't only cover the physical development but also deals with things like friends, lovers, love, attraction, sex, rumours, and even homosexuality.

The only problem is that t's no been translated from Swedish yet...

The Guide to Getting it On?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Guide_to_Getting_it_On

 

[arienette]

The Guide to Getting it On?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Guide_to_Getting_it_On

Once my sister started asking me questions we went to the bookstore and I handed her that book. We went every few days because I didn't have any money and we just sat around and read. I did get a few weird stares from people walking by and seeing a 12 year old girl reading The Guide to Getting It On. But hey, she isn't dumb and shouldn't be treated like so and funny enough, she thanked me because she found out answers to questions she was too embarassed to ask me.

As for when she got her period (at 11!!!) I handed her The Period Book and The Care and Keeping of You. Also, given the age group she probably likes to read and some appropriate short fiction that covers things such as body growth and development along with periods is Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret

Hope those links help you!

 

[Weird Harold]

Once my sister started asking me questions we went to the bookstore and I handed her that book. We went every few days because I didn't have any money and we just sat around and read. I did get a few weird stares from people walking by and seeing a 12 year old girl reading The Guide to Getting It On. But hey, she isn't dumb and shouldn't be treated like so and funny enough, she thanked me because she found out answers to questions she was too embarassed to ask me.

As for when she got her period (at 11!!!) I handed her The Period Book and The Care and Keeping of You. Also, given the age group she probably likes to read and some appropriate short fiction that covers things such as body growth and development along with periods is Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret

Hope those links help you!

I'm not sure the giude to getting it on fits the "age appropriate" requirement, but it does cover the subject matter -- probably a bit more of the subject matter than Mom wants to get into just yet.

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret sounds more like what she's looking for as far as "age approrpiate" but I will pass on all of the suggestions.

 

[Antfarmer77]

I'm "self taught" and used the JC Penny's lingerie catalog as a point of reference

 

[Weird Harold]

I'm "self taught" and used the JC Penny's lingerie catalog as a point of reference

That's pretty much the kind of sex education my daughter is trying to avoid.

 

[Oblimo]

There's always the Little Red Schoolbook if you can find it. That's what my mom gave me when I was twelve. Adults are paper tigers, indeed. My Dad got me the Joy of Sex, for some reason. My grandfather gave me The Male Body: An Owners' Manual, but then my grandfather was an engineer and probably got a kick out of the complicated grid that showed which male sexual positions were compatible with which female positions (rather than showing how two partners actually interfaced, there was a row of naked men in various positions on one side of the page, a row of naked women in various positions on the other, and grid lines running from both, with dots at the intersection of lines from positions that supposedly worked together without breaking something). I've heard that The Female Body edition is actually condescending in parts.

What is her reading level? There's Our Bodies, Our Selves if you don't mind the politics, and The New Harvard Guide to Women's Health if you are looking for a more neutral tone.

When I was given the books to be spared (most) of the talks, I was given large reference manuals like these rather than books on a specific subject, because that can still feel like a lecture. With a wide-ranging reference book, I could look up what I wanted know about and my parent's didn't immediately know what I was reading. I liked that

 

[rachlou]

I got an e-mail from my elder daughter asking for a book recommendation for my elder granddaughter.



The elder granddaughter is is 12, going on 21, and a seventh grader.

Anyone know of a book that will fit the need?

My eldest daughter is 13 going on 20 and I have had many chats wih her, as she hit puberty at 11. She just needed to be told the basics on that and was happy knowing that she could ask me anything she wanted without embarrassment. As for sex, that has arisen too unfortunately as kids these days grow up so fast. We have talked about issues such as contraception and she knows that if she has any questions, all she has to do is ask me.
They get taught the biology at school - i think a parents job is to advise them of the emotional aspects of growing up and the consequences of trying things they might not be ready for. And if you have a daughter, they need to be aware that boys will say ANYTHING to get laid!

Books are great for the facts but you still have to be open to discussion about every aspect. My mum gave me a book and walked away, prefering not to talk about it. That was ok but in all honesty it wasn't terribly helpful. I would rather she had actually sat down and talked about stuff. But she wasn't like that unfortunately.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Let me have a link anyway -- knowing my granddaughter, she might learn Swedish just to read that book.

It IS a good book. It's called Love & 6. Here's one link: http://barnboken.nu/cgi/kort/9100579181.shtml

I'll translate the text on the page for you:

Love & 6 isn't for the protective parents, the curious older brothers, or the school psychologist; it's only for you, a girl at the beginning of everything that's exciting, wonderful, frustrating, horny, sad, sweaty, loving and tingling. For you who may have had your first kiss, but haven't made out yet. Like. It's your lovelife, your sexlife, we're talking about. So that you can have the power, the courage, and the answers to everything you want to know about, everything you worry about, and everything you can hardly wait to experience.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Oh, and by the way, the author is Emma Hamberg. The Swedish state council of culture recommends this book:

The author talks about love and sex from the beginning. She writes about love, passion, masturbation, kisses, boys, girls, loneliness, horniness, petting and the significance of looks. She does so in an honest and direct way, without any sugarcoating, and she directs her writing to all girls.

 

[glynndah]

This thread reminds me of how my school handled sex ed. back in the olden days. On the first day of the class, held in a locked auditorium so we couldn't run screaming into the light and the boys couldn't storm the barricades, the gym teacher, the stereotypical unmarried butch woman, held up a piece of notebook paper, shoved a pencil violently through it and said, "That's all you need to know, girls." She then went on to the slide show about the horrors of VD.

 

[Weird Harold]

What is her reading level? There's Our Bodies, Our Selves if you don't mind the politics, and The New Harvard Guide to Women's Health if you are looking for a more neutral tone.

I don't know specifically what her reading level is, but I wouldn't be surprised if she maxed out the standardized reading asessement tests, so call it grade twelve or so.

The "politics" is a problem and I suspect that "politics" is the reason there is such a sparse selection of books for her age level that go beyond the simple biology.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

This thread reminds me of how my school handled sex ed. back in the olden days. On the first day of the class, held in a locked auditorium so we couldn't run screaming into the light and the boys couldn't storm the barricades, the gym teacher, the stereotypical unmarried butch woman, held up a piece of notebook paper, shoved a pencil violently through it and said, "That's all you need to know, girls." She then went on to the slide show about the horrors of VD.

If the woman had been any smart, she would have stabbed a baloon filled with pig's blood, to show you how messy and painful it would be, too.

 

[glynndah]

If the woman had been any smart, she would have stabbed a baloon filled with pig's blood, to show you how messy and painful it would be, too.

The most common reaction was laughter. A sarcastic HA HA from the sexually active girls in the class who knew better and a nervous titter from those who thought that she just might be right. The rest of us sat in stunned silence, hoping that she was somehow mistaken. (I learned later that she was.)

 

[Oblimo]

The most common reaction was laughter. A sarcastic HA HA from the sexually active girls in the class who knew better and a nervous titter from those who thought that she just might be right. The rest of us sat in stunned silence, hoping that she was somehow mistaken. (I learned later that she was.)

Yeah, but the boys were hauled to the auditorium, where the football coach dropped a blood sausage into a bear trap, screamed "Vagina dentata!" and read passages from Ulysses at them until they cried.