A Bonfire of Insanities

[Gary Chambers]

Well, worse thngs could pop into one's head, that's for sure. The mianstream porn grafters hold conventions every year, usually in Vegas I think, but I'm told it gets very trashy. Trashy would be fun but only if it's genuine, not staged to boost magazine and Web site sales. Other venues that spring to mind include Savannah, GA.; Eureka, CA (there's a fine old restored hotel there, but apart from that it's a bit like a big truck stop); New Orleans or the old Spanish colonial city of Merida in the Yucatan. It would take some doing, however, and three of us are not about to pull it off tonight, especially since one is six sheets to the wind and another is actually offline.

 

[cantdog]

gauche is across the world, asleep if he's lucky. I have nearly 2 am on my clock, so I'm headed to bed. It's an idea. I never want to see Vegas, myself. No interest. If I have a veto, I'd use it on Vegas. It's actually cheaper, from here, to book a flight to England than to go to Chicago or Santa Fe. We should give this some thought.

Sometime when we can think again.

 

[Guest]

Mr. C., I'm just right, thanks much. I'm wrapped in one flannel sheet, there's only a slight breeze, and am about to retire.

I'll meet anywhere but Ohio.

ta, Perdita

(Glad you came back.)

 

[Seattle Zack]

I've stayed at that hotel in Eureka, my sister went to Humboldt State. Just up the road from Garberville, where my dope dealer grew his magic. It's actually quite a nice place ... the hotel, that is, not Eureka.

 

[Gary Chambers]

God knows how Cant and Perdita found this. I must check my meds. First I try to reply to the Elvis thread and end up creating a whole new one instead, then when that thread takes on a life of its own, I suddenly vanish through a wall and end up in yet another room. I guess it's been a while. I've forgotten which buttons do what.

 

[Gary Chambers]

I've stayed at that hotel in Eureka, my sister went to Humboldt State. Just up the road from Garberville, where my dope dealer grew his magic. It's actually quite a nice place ... the hotel, that is, not Eureka.

Yes, Zack, I know what you mean. When I drove south down the I5 I used to look forward to Eureka, just so I could stop and sip something cool in that hotel. One night I got there and found a grand ball of some sort going on, with all the guests dressed in formal Spanish tuxedos and evening gowns. It was quite a sight. Then I walked back out into Eureka and the dream ended. That was probably twenty years ago, maybe more. Perhaps they've fixed the place up a bit since then.

 

[Gary Chambers]

...I'm headed to bed. It's an idea. I never want to see Vegas, myself. No interest...Sometime when we can think again.

I saw Vegas. Ended up married. I did put up a fight, but eventually got wrestled to the altar. In the end I gave up. I thought, hell it's Las Vegas. I can get married tonight and divorced in the morning. Oh yeah, dream on. Hell, you can. You can get married on your way from the airport to the hotel, but you have to hang around pulling slot handles for weeks to get divorced. Divorce came two long years later in another jurisdiction.

 

[cantdog]

A tale of woe, for certain. My life has never been that interesting, thank goodness.

 

[shereads]

God knows how Cant and Perdita found this. I must check my meds. First I try to reply to the Elvis thread and end up creating a whole new one instead, then when that thread takes on a life of its own, I suddenly vanish through a wall and end up in yet another room. I guess it's been a while. I've forgotten which buttons do what.

When all else fails, start an Elvis thread and we'll find you.

 

[shereads]

I saw Vegas. Ended up married. I did put up a fight, but eventually got wrestled to the altar. In the end I gave up. I thought, hell it's Las Vegas. I can get married tonight and divorced in the morning. Oh yeah, dream on. Hell, you can. You can get married on your way from the airport to the hotel, but you have to hang around pulling slot handles for weeks to get divorced. Divorce came two long years later in another jurisdiction.

I've never wanted to go to Vegas. Yes, I wanted the bright lights. And who wouldn't want to wander among the world's largest concentration of Elvises and other grade-B lounge acts? But you Canucks had to install Celine Dion there on a semi-permanent basis. Sheesh.

Now I'm torn. My religion, which is in the formative stages as I research the tax code and the implications of faith-based charitable subsidies, requires a pilgrimage to pray before the $22,000 Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Sandwich.

I hope the Pope will intervene and call the Sandwich to Rome, or maybe Zurich.

 

[Gary Chambers]

...My religion, which is in the formative stages as I research the tax code and the implications of faith-based charitable subsidies, requires a pilgrimage to pray before the $22,000 Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Sandwich.

I hope the Pope will intervene and call the Sandwich to Rome, or maybe Zurich.

“We’re out of bread F.U.”

It took Oscar Madison half an hour to figure out that F.U. stood for Felix Unger, which is one of the reasons Neil Simon had him kick Felix out of his bachelor pad.

I had one of those moments when I read the above quote. I could think of a few ways to relate cheese to a virgin’s sex organ, but they were all far too crude to have come from someone as refined as Shereads. So I took a sojourn in Rumple Foreskin’s thread about naming his new muse, and spent that time thinking about the $22,000 Virgin Mary Cheeseburger. Then it hit me. I suddenly remembered that someone recently paid a huge sum for a burger with an image of the Virgin Mary on the meat pattie. Now I realise madam was not being tasteless, merely blasphemous as usual. The universe is unfolding as it should. My faith in our literary goddess is restored, and I wish to suggest that if she is really bent on starting yet another religion, something we hardly need, it would have a much greater chance of winning a following if she agrees to become the prayer icon herself, rather than delegating the task to a greasy cheeseburger. By the way, I'm still puzzled as to why the Pope would call the sandwich to Zurich. Does it have anything to do with the Swiss Guard? What am I missing here? Are we out of bread? What?

EDIT: Sorry, you're right of course, it was a grilled cheese sandwich not a burger. The Madona appeared on the toasted bread.

 

[Seattle Zack]

I fucking love Vegas.

Whenever you get on the plane, everyone's full of piss and vinegar. (Even though we all had to remove our shoes and most of our clothing for the Department of Homeland Security.)

On the flight home, it's a different story. Sullen degenerates all slumped in their coach seats wondering how they'll get the damn car out of the lot.

I hear Jello Biafra in the parking lot so without further ado....

Twilight City gonna set my soul
It's gonna set my soul on fire
Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn
So get those stakes up high

There's a thousand pretty women waiting out there
They're all waiting, they'll never make air
And I'm just the devil with a lung to spare, so

Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas

How I wish that there were more
Than the 24 hours in the day
Even if I ran out of speed, boy
I wouldn't sleep a minute of it away

Oh that blackjack and poker and the roulette wheel
I'll poach your money lost on every deal
All you need is sonar and nerves of steel, so

Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas
Where the neon signs flash your name
The one-arm bandits cash in
All hope's down the drain

Viva Las Vegas
Turning day into nighttime
Turning night into daytime
If you see it once
You'll never be the same again

Gotta keep on running
Gonna have me some money
If it costs me my very last dime
If I wind up broke
Then I'll always remember that
I had a swingin' time

Oh, I'm gonna give it everything I've got
Lady Luck's with me, the dice stay hot
Got coke up my nose to dry away the snot, so

Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva, Viva Las Vegas!!!!!

 

[shereads]

EDIT: Sorry, you're right of course, it was a grilled cheese sandwich not a burger. The Madona appeared on the toasted bread.

Several people in the AH pointed out that the Sandwich looked a lot like Marlena Deitrich.

What a blow to people of every faith, if the image on the Sandwich turned out to be a manifestation of the late Marlena Deitrich, passed off as one of the Virgin Mary. All for the sake of a few extra dollars.



Uh-oh. Now I have a craving for cheese. Carbs at this hour go right to the hips.