a bit of babbling

[Lady_Rose]

ok....i just recently turned 18 (in june) i have known myself that i am bi since i was like 13 or 14,but the only people who know other then me is a friend of mine that i have not seen in years
my girlfriend and now the people here...i have been looking through the posts in this area all night hoping maybe to find a thread already going that would cover all that i am saying but i didnt see one...i may have just missed it though dont know but anyways back to the subject my parents have been expecting me to bring home my "boyfriend" to meet them i dont have a boyfriend...i have a girlfriend i dont know if i should just keep avoiding the subject aound them or if i should just tell them...the options are keep lying to them or face them with the truth...such a hard choice for me either way it will be like jabbing a needle in my eye its like that saying....damned if you do damned if you dont.

what a confusing jumble of mess i have here....hopefully you all understand what i am saying at least to a point

advice...thoughts...or comments on the subject would be highly appretiated

ok done with my bit of babbling for now....thanks for your time

 

[april-wine]

Hello Lady_Rose, it is a confusing and frightening place to be....Baring your youself to people you trust and love, not knowing how they will react....A very good friend once give me some good advice, she used to post here a long time ago....

Look them straight in the eye
Do not waver, state your point
Do not stutter, do not look down
No one should make you feel less for who you love
Your love is good


There is also some good info here, you might have missed....Good luck, and if you need an ear.....


https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=193472

 

[SweetCherry]

Hi Lady_Rose. You should listen to April. She's truly a wise and wonderful woman.

 

[Queersetti]

ok....i just recently turned 18 (in june) i have known myself that i am bi since i was like 13 or 14,but the only people who know other then me is a friend of mine that i have not seen in years
my girlfriend and now the people here...i have been looking through the posts in this area all night hoping maybe to find a thread already going that would cover all that i am saying but i didnt see one...i may have just missed it though dont know but anyways back to the subject my parents have been expecting me to bring home my "boyfriend" to meet them i dont have a boyfriend...i have a girlfriend i dont know if i should just keep avoiding the subject aound them or if i should just tell them...the options are keep lying to them or face them with the truth...such a hard choice for me either way it will be like jabbing a needle in my eye its like that saying....damned if you do damned if you dont.

what a confusing jumble of mess i have here....hopefully you all understand what i am saying at least to a point

advice...thoughts...or comments on the subject would be highly appretiated

ok done with my bit of babbling for now....thanks for your time

There are many people here who understand your situation very well, and will be glad to offer you support and advice. Welcome.

Coming out to family is one of the harder things we can do. I think that if you opt to do it, it should be because it makes your life better, not out of a sense that you "owe them the truth" or for any reason other than your own peace of mind.

Don't do it until you are immune from any economic consequences. If you rely on your parent's for financial support, wait until you are independent. This is not only practical economically, but your parent's will respect your autonomy more, and that may well make it easier to accept what they are hearing.

Also, consider the impact on your relationship with your girlfriend. Be careful what sort of situation you put her through. Dramatic coming out scenes look good in the movies, but in real life, nobody wants to have one.

No one can tell you just how to approach the issue, because that depends on understanding the bonds of affection and respect between your family and yourself. Ultimately, you have to approach the matter on faith and hope for the best.


Good luck!

 

[Queersetti]

Hi Lady_Rose. You should listen to April. She's truly a wise and wonderful woman.

Well, yeah, she picked you, didn't she?

 

[His_sugar]

From age 15-18, I had a pretty wonderful boyfriend. I had always known my fancy for other girls and had a few that I 'played' with up until that point. In college, I dated a wonderful girl who was very open with her family. My family on the other hand was a completely different story. My mother, under the belief that "lesbians" were a product of the devil, would not have dealt well with the situation.

Long story short.. my path was to not tell my parents. I owned my choices, my beliefs and I really didn't feel like I needed their approval. Being bi instead of a lesbian however afforded me the luxury of being able to bring boys around so they were never really suspicious.

I guess what I am saying is only your heart can tell you what to do, who to tell.. I wish you luck and an ear should you ever need one

 

[SweetCherry]

Well, yeah, she picked you, didn't she?

Q, you're a sweet talker. I alsways tell her that just proves she just has questionable taste in women.

 

[Cigan]

Re: Re: a bit of babbling

Don't do it until you are immune from any economic consequences. If you rely on your parent's for financial support, wait until you are independent. This is not only practical economically, but your parent's will respect your autonomy more, and that may well make it easier to accept what they are hearing.

I'm afraid I have to disagree with your Setti. This is based on my experience with my parents who I have to admit are fairly open minded. You did not say exactly what you thougt your parents would do. If you really think that they would leave you high and dry then follow setti's advice. But give it some thought. I know with my parents at least once they were over the shock (which was quite considerable with my mother. The worst my father ever got was expressing his disapointment that I would not be giving him and grandchildred, but I sort of understand that) they were ok with it. Really think about your parents before making this decision, because unless they are going to leave you out to dry financially it is worth it to get everything out in the open soon rather than later.

 

[Queersetti]

Re: Re: Re: a bit of babbling

I'm afraid I have to disagree with your Setti. This is based on my experience with my parents who I have to admit are fairly open minded. You did not say exactly what you thougt your parents would do. If you really think that they would leave you high and dry then follow setti's advice. But give it some thought. I know with my parents at least once they were over the shock (which was quite considerable with my mother. The worst my father ever got was expressing his disapointment that I would not be giving him and grandchildred, but I sort of understand that) they were ok with it. Really think about your parents before making this decision, because unless they are going to leave you out to dry financially it is worth it to get everything out in the open soon rather than later.

I think you make a very valid argument. The only disagreement I believe we have is that I don't see coming out to family as being as imperative as you seem to imply.

My point is only that if you are going to come out, it should be done under circumstances as favorable to making it a positive experience as possible.

When one is fiscally independent, I think all of your decisions carry more weight with others, and that's one reason why I think it's important. You want your family to consider your announcement a serious matter, not a "phase" and the more grounded you are in your everyday life, the more likely they will see it that way.

But, I think we can agree that these matters are so personal that there is no one size fits all methodology that works for everyone.

 

[His_sugar]

Re: Re: Re: Re: a bit of babbling

I think you make a very valid argument. The only disagreement I believe we have is that I don't see coming out to family as being as imperative as you seem to imply.

My point is only that if you are going to come out, it should be done under circumstances as favorable to making it a positive experience as possible.

When one is fiscally independent, I think all of your decisions carry more weight with others, and that's one reason why I think it's important. You want your family to consider your announcement a serious matter, not a "phase" and the more grounded you are in your everyday life, the more likely they will see it that way.

But, I think we can agree that these matters are so personal that there is no one size fits all methodology that works for everyone.

Have I told you lately that I think you are awfully special?

 

[Queersetti]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: a bit of babbling

Have I told you lately that I think you are awfully special?

Aw, thank you darling, you're pretty darn fabulous yourself.

 

[Lady_Rose]

thank you all for your thoughts and advice i am happy to finally have a place i can talk about this and have people understand what i am saying and not making me feel that the way i feel is wrong. i am trying to consider all sides of this....i decided not to tell my parents anything yet...i might never tell them i dont know they are pretty set in their ways and this is the exact oposite of things that they believe would cause a huge scene witch is not something mandy or i want to have right now our relationship is important to me so i am going to just keep avoiding the subject when it is brought up...i guess if need be i'll have a male friend of mine come meet my parents...not my "boyfriend" but he is a boy and he is my friend just to make things cool off a bit.

 

[SweetCherry]

L_R, if your parents start to pressure you about a "boyfriend", just tell them that right now, you're not LOOKING for a boyfriend because there are more important things in your life. That should suffice. Bringing home a male friend to pose would just make things more difficult.

 

[Lady_Rose]

L_R, if your parents start to pressure you about a "boyfriend", just tell them that right now, you're not LOOKING for a boyfriend because there are more important things in your life. That should suffice. Bringing home a male friend to pose would just make things more difficult.

your right that was a bad idea...

 

[ExistentialLuv]

L_R this is one of the hardest things you will have to do in your life. Not trying to scare you but let you know it is not easy. I came out to my mom a long time ago before anyone else. I was afraid she would not love me and judge me for my choices, but finally got enough courage to tell her. Come to find out she already new even though I had dated guys. Her love for me is unconditional(as a mothers should be) she told me. A few months ago came out to the rest of the family, I was tired of living a lie. To my surprise they all understand and support me 100%.

A bit of advice though, do not just show up with the girlfriend and announce it for her sake. My girlfriend recently came out to her parents. Mom is ok with it but her dad has dis-owned her. I myself am not hurt by the fact I am not welcome but how hurt PJ is by all of it. I hope you have a very understanding and loving girlfriend who will stand by you and help you through this time in your life. Support and understanding is what you are going to need from her.
The EX

 

[Lady_Rose]

L_R this is one of the hardest things you will have to do in your life. Not trying to scare you but let you know it is not easy. I came out to my mom a long time ago before anyone else. I was afraid she would not love me and judge me for my choices, but finally got enough courage to tell her. Come to find out she already new even though I had dated guys. Her love for me is unconditional(as a mothers should be) she told me. A few months ago came out to the rest of the family, I was tired of living a lie. To my surprise they all understand and support me 100%.

A bit of advice though, do not just show up with the girlfriend and announce it for her sake. My girlfriend recently came out to her parents. Mom is ok with it but her dad has dis-owned her. I myself am not hurt by the fact I am not welcome but how hurt PJ is by all of it. I hope you have a very understanding and loving girlfriend who will stand by you and help you through this time in your life. Support and understanding is what you are going to need from her.
The EX

i know this will be a hard thing to do....as for scaring me i dont think you can scare me much more then i already am,what you said about being afriad that your mom wouldnt love you any more or that she would judge you for your choices...those are some of my fears and others too...i am going to wait untill i get into my own place since,still living with them now,if my worst fears come true...then at least i'm supporting myself and will have a place to go when it is all over.


as for my girlfriend...she is very supportive,she told her family not to long ago so i guess she understands what i am going through, we have talked about it a few times now.

thanks for the advice

 

[ExistentialLuv]

i know this will be a hard thing to do....as for scaring me i dont think you can scare me much more then i already am,what you said about being afriad that your mom wouldnt love you any more or that she would judge you for your choices...those are some of my fears and others too...i am going to wait untill i get into my own place since,still living with them now,if my worst fears come true...then at least i'm supporting myself and will have a place to go when it is all over.


as for my girlfriend...she is very supportive,she told her family not to long ago so i guess she understands what i am going through, we have talked about it a few times now.

thanks for the advice

Your welcome, anytime I can help just pm me. When you do go through with coming out and need people to chat with, drop in and you have a large support group here. You at least have a plan, that is good. Glad to hear you have a supportive GF too, you are going to need her to stand by you. Keep the lines of communication open between you and you will get through anything together.

 

[Lady_Rose]

ok ExistentialLuv, thanks again ....thanks again to everyone else too