a bit of a moral dilemma

[Silverlily]

My ex-husband called me this evening. He has applied for a government job that requires a security clearance and he wanted to let me know I may be contacted. He asked if I would mind answering any questions they may have.

Here is the problem. The marriage ended ten years ago because he was a sexually abusive drunk. Within the past three years, he has stayed sober and out of trouble, but still contact has been extremely limited and under the strictest rules (and only because we have a daughter). While I commend his progress, what happened, happened.

Now, do I tell the truth and cost him this job? Or do I go against my own ethics and lie for him? I owe him nothing, but to deliberately screw him over feels too much like revenge.

For the record, I did tell him I need to sleep on it.

 

[It'sasecret]

Wow thats a tough one. If I were in your shoes I would only speak up about his abuse only if it would be something that could interfere with his job.

 

[koalabear]

Simple, tell the truth.

 

[Siren]

 

[sunstruck]

Just answer the questions they ask you as honestly and fairly as you can. That isn't revenge. Besides, if the courts were involved then there's a record of the abuse anyway right?

 

[DustyWolfe]

Yes, tell the truth. Especially if those things could affect his job. It wouldn't be right to put someone else in the situation you were in. Believe me, I've been there. And if you ever need someone to talk to, please pm me.

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Your dilema stems from the fact that you assume the truth will cost his job. He never asked you to lie, just tell it like it is.

 

[Problem Child]

M

Now, do I tell the truth and cost him this job? Or do I go against my own ethics and lie for him? I owe him nothing, but to deliberately screw him over feels too much like revenge.

Tell the truth. It's not your fault he was a drunk, and it wouldn't be revenge.

 

[Cheyenne]

You don't know what questions they will ask you. Maybe you can answer all questions truthfully without the topic coming up at all, maybe not. But be honest if a question does address that part of his past.

 

[xanadu]

Answer the questions they ask, and answer them honestly. Don't embellish, just simply answer the questions asked of you. If the behavior he displayed all those years ago is something that will affect his ability to do the job he's applying for, you can be sure the government will have a question designed to illicit that information from you.

 

[Silverlily]

The truth may very well cost him the job, he was an alcoholic with a serious self control issue. When we divorced, I wanted him gone as quickly as possible, so there were no charges pressed, no court involvement outside of the minimum necessary.

I do think I will tell him I intend to be honest and leave it up to him to decide how much information he gives.

 

[Wrong Element]

I'm curious: does he intend to lie too? Because if so, I'd certainly prefer that he not have a security clearance. I would tell the truth; that does not qualify as "screwing him over", and if he's truly gotten his act together it may not be a disqualification.

 

[xanadu]

damn...amazing how many people can say the same thing you're thinking in the time it takes you to find the words to type it...jeesh!

 

[morninggirl5]

Answer the questions honestly. If it's a thorough background check they know about his past problems already.

 

[Guest]

Do what you'd be proud of. And, I think, that means the truth.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Very simple. Tell them the truth. To not tell the truth would be perjury. You will not be the only person they speak with and it's not likely that they will believe that to the best of your knowledge he was a sweet man.

Think about this as well. Do you honestly want this man involved with national security? Anything requiring a clearance is involved with national security. Will you sleep better at night knowing that he is involved with state secrets?

 

[Silverlily]

I'm curious: does he intend to lie too? Because if so, I'd certainly prefer that he not have a security clearance. I wo

I have no idea, we don't talk, and I don't really know what the job is for.

He is no longer a part of my life outside of being my daughter's father. I think the only reason I am even involved is because there is a public record of the marriage.

To be quite frank, I don't want to be involved at all.