A BDSM "virgins" question

[Beach Boy]

When it comes to BDSM I'm a "virgin". I know very little about the people or lifestyle. I've seen pictures of girls tied up naked, or girls being spanked (bottomless), or spread out in various ways.

So.. does BDSM involve a lot of sex? I would think that if a beautiful girl had her panties down and she were bent over in front of a guy... then the first thing he would want to do would be to fuck her.

Do the submissives often end up having sex, with like all of the guys there?

At these BDSM party things, where a naked girl is chained up, do a lot of guys just have sex with her rather than whipping or anything? I would think that it would be a common desire.

Is there a lot of group sex? Or is there usually only monogomous sex between the master and the submissive?

 

[FurryFury]

I have seen no sex* at the public demos or the play parties I go to. I have seen activities that could be classified as BDSM.

*I'm defining sex in this instance as vaginal, anal or oral penetration and/or masturbation.

Fury

 

[snowy ciara]

It sorta depends on the situation. Some people who do parties, don't have sex at the parties. Some people prefer just pain, or just submission and no sex at all. If Professional Domination is legal in your area, the law may state that it's only of there are no sex acts, because then they call it prostitution which is generally not legal on most places.

Usually, if there's going to be sex with your bdsm, it's discussed with your partner in crime ahead of time.

 

[O'Mac]

It's entirely up to you and your partner as far as I'm concerned. I know with myself, sessions always end up with intercourse because of the nature of my sexuality. Of course, you don't have to have penetration or anything like that if you don't want to, but I find it goes hand-in-hand with intercourse.

Monogamous sex is all I've done (don't like to share my playthings), though there are certainly many out there who like adding multiple partners to the relationship once in a while, or all the time for that matter.

I think it is very important to note that BDSM is a very flexible lifestyle, moreso than many people probably think. Communication is such a key ingredient, especially in the early phases of the relationship as it gets both parties on the same level in wants, needs, and desires.

 

[myinnerslut]

i'd say for me, BDSM involves both the physical pain part (im a submissive) and also the sexuality. it isnt necessary to have both at once all the time though. for example.. im denied sexual release or contact if im not "behaving", but its still very much BDSM

 

[Etoile]

When it comes to BDSM I'm a "virgin". I know very little about the people or lifestyle. I've seen pictures of girls tied up naked, or girls being spanked (bottomless), or spread out in various ways.

So.. does BDSM involve a lot of sex? I would think that if a beautiful girl had her panties down and she were bent over in front of a guy... then the first thing he would want to do would be to fuck her.

Do the submissives often end up having sex, with like all of the guys there?

At these BDSM party things, where a naked girl is chained up, do a lot of guys just have sex with her rather than whipping or anything? I would think that it would be a common desire.

Is there a lot of group sex? Or is there usually only monogomous sex between the master and the submissive?

First things first: BDSM is not universal. It is impossible to say "yes, there is lots of sex" or "no, there is not lots of sex." It's different for every individual, and even from day to day, based on their preferences. So the true answer to most of your questions is: "It varies."

Now then. You mentioned that "the first thing" a guy would want to do when presented with a willing partner is fuck her. That may be true in some cases, and I know I have been on the receiving end of such sentiment from time to time. But very often there is a psychological aspect to it. I would venture that horny teenage boys are the only ones who can't help but stick their dick in the hole immediately. Other than that, there is a lot to be said for teasing and tormenting, and mental interaction, and investigating each other.

Do they often have sex with all the guys there? I assume you're talking about play parties. If you're asking if they are an orgy or a gangbang, the answer is pretty much always no. More often than not play parties include demonstrations of techniques - flogging, waxplay, play piercing - rather than actual sex. There is sometimes "a naked girl chained up" but like I said, it's not a gangbang. I think the swinger's clubs are probably more likely places for gangbangs rather than a BDSM play party. It might seem like a great opportunity for a gangbang, but again - that's more of a horny teenage boy mentality.

BDSM is not all about play parties, either. Most of it is done between two consenting partners; sometimes there might be one or more people added, and those people may or may not have sex with the bottom. BDSM is a mental pursuit as much as a physical one, so gangbangs and orgies are not that common. There's so much fun to be had without sex, why restrict yourself to just that?

You might also want to read the library in this forum. There's a great wealth of information there.

 

[Jailhouse]

One thing I'd like to point out is that you won't see a lot of "sex" in BDSM porn or public events (like clubs) because in the US there are a laws about having sex with someone while they're bound, and the public demonstration thereof. That's why you always see everything but...

 

[Beach Boy]

Now then. You mentioned that "the first thing" a guy would want to do when presented with a willing partner is fuck her. That may be true in some cases, and I know I have been on the receiving end of such sentiment from time to time. But very often there is a psychological aspect to it. I would venture that horny teenage boys are the only ones who can't help but stick their dick in the hole immediately. Other than that, there is a lot to be said for teasing and tormenting, and mental interaction, and investigating each other.

Perhaps you underestimate the libido of the average hot blooded man, of just about any age.

I ask partly because one of my very first exposures to BDSM was on the internet in 1995. I had just gotten a computer and I was surfing the web for the first time. I was curious to see just how much there was on the web so I was trying wild search phrases. I stumbled on a website by (I can't remember fully) "Suzanne"? or "Susan" in the UK. It was an amateur website, but I still think fantasy, and in it "Susan" tells of moving in with her "uncle" after a divorce. Her "uncle" however had "rules" for her. These rules were that she was not to wear any clothes and she had to sexually service him and his friends whenever they so desired. It had pictures of her in the dungeon on her back on a bed chained with her legs spread and cum dripping from her vagina. It had pictures of her posing bottomless (She had unshaven pubes which I love!). And it strangely had pictures of her "uncles" penis, and the penises of his friends -- which she said that she loved It also had pictures of her being gangbanged.

So I have always sort of wondered if this sort of thing really went on. Or was basically fantasy. And additionally I wondered if it went on with only a few hardcore BDSM groups -- or basically with all of them.

You have to admit. the basic fantasy of these BDSM websites is the sort of thing a teenage boy would dreamup. Definitely not a caring intimate adult relationship.

PS Does anybody know about the website I described. Does it still exist? Does anybody have a link?

 

[Etoile]

Perhaps you underestimate the libido of the average hot blooded man, of just about any age.

Given my sexual orientation, I wouldn't be surprised if you were correct. However...

So I have always sort of wondered if this sort of thing really went on. Or was basically fantasy. And additionally I wondered if it went on with only a few hardcore BDSM groups -- or basically with all of them.

Sure, it really goes on. What you described was classic pornography, but parts of it happen in the "real world" too. Like I said though, gangbangs are generally something the swingers do, rather than the kinksters.

You have to admit. the basic fantasy of these BDSM websites is the sort of thing a teenage boy would dreamup. Definitely not a caring intimate adult relationship.

I will certainly admit that. But are you asking about fantasy, or are you asking about reality? I can understand being inspired by these fantasy websites and wanting to see what it's like in the real world, but you have to realize that the websites are not reality. If you want to know what it's like in the real world, definitely check out the library here, and read current threads, and listen to what others have to say, and interact with them.

 

[WriterDom]

So.. does BDSM involve a lot of sex? I would think that if a beautiful girl had her panties down and she were bent over in front of a guy... then the first thing he would want to do would be to fuck her.

QUOTE]


It wouldn't be the first thing I'd do. Why spoil the fun? So many other options. That's why I usually start with a blow job to relieve my sexual tension. But I'm fairly multible for a guy so there is no rush.

In nilla sex the goal is to get the pussy. One reason why younger guys don't make the best Doms.

 

[Jailhouse]

In nilla sex the goal is to get the pussy. One reason why younger guys don't make the best Doms.

Waiiiit a second...

I'm a huge BDSM fan and those tastes are going to be part of my life for as far as I can see into the future, so no slight on BDSM is gonna come from my lips.

That having been said, if your goal for "nilla" sex is just to get to the pussy then, knock knock? Hello? You're a shitty lay.

 

[WriterDom]

That having been said, if your goal for "nilla" sex is just to get to the pussy then, knock knock? Hello? You're a shitty lay.

I didn't say it was my goal. It was his stated goal.

So.. does BDSM involve a lot of sex? I would think that if a beautiful girl had her panties down and she were bent over in front of a guy... then the first thing he would want to do would be to fuck her.

?

That being said, there is a lot of shitty sex going on with married couples who get past the honeymoon stage. Slam bam thank you ma'am, roll over and go to sleep. Repeat once a week. Ask the divorced women. Or the married living out their life on lit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

That being said, there is a lot of shitty sex going on with married couples who get past the honeymoon stage. Slam bam thank you ma'am, roll over and go to sleep. Repeat once a week. Ask the divorced women. Or the married living out their life on lit.

LOL, or just read how many men and women get to their 30's and 40's thinking they have been having fairly adventurous sex all their adult life and yet have yet to try anal, for some oral, and a variety of positions outside the ever popular missionary and doggie.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

LOL, or just read how many men and women get to their 30's and 40's thinking they have been having fairly adventurous sex all their adult life and yet have yet to try anal, for some oral, and a variety of positions outside the ever popular missionary and doggie.

Catalina

I kinda believe that people lie about what is going on in the bedroom. People can be a lot more adventurous that they claim to be and vice versa. It is all there in the bell curve.

Eb

 

[Jailhouse]

I didn't say it was my goal. It was his stated goal.

You said "In nilla sex the goal is to get the pussy." And I was stepping up to say I didn't agree that was how it had to be. That's all.

 

[FurryFury]

I kinda believe that people lie about what is going on in the bedroom. People can be a lot more adventurous that they claim to be and vice versa. It is all there in the bell curve.

Eb

I agree. I suspect some people do a lot more than they want to admit.

As for me, I've never been after pussy.

I may have to look at that and change my goals?

LOL.

Fury

 

[DVS]

I agree. I suspect some people do a lot more than they want to admit.

As for me, I've never been after pussy.

I may have to look at that and change my goals?

LOL.

Fury

Eb said "and visa versa". I agree that this often happens. It's the male ego. Especially when talking in a group. I think you will sometimes hear a trumpted up version from "one of the guys" to another. To say their sex life is bad would be like saying they aren't manly enough. So, men will tend to say sex with the wife is great, and leave the rest to his friend's imagination. You never really know if sex is really that good, so why even ask the question?

I was once asked by a vanilla guy of 30 how my sex life was. I'm thinking he thought I didn't have much sex, because I was in my early 50s. Imagine that? LOL

At the time, I was having great BDSM sex with two different women, and I told him women came to my house for sex. I said I didn't "date" that much, but did have my share of sex. I didn't go into detail as to why they always came to my house, though. I guess he thought that I was some kind of stud, if these women would always come to my house for sex. Maybe he invisioned them lined up at the door, waiting their turn. I wish!

The real reason they always came to my house, and that part I didn't explain, was that my toys are too numerous to carry very far. LOL. A man in a BDSM marriage or relationship, talking to a vanilla friend might answer just like a vanilla guy would..."sex with the wife is great" and leave it at that. But, he would probably leave out the bondage gear, the violet wand, oh...and the dungeon in the basement.

How do women answer that question, I wonder. No egos?

 

[BiBunny]

Not too long ago, I'd have said, "My scenes had damn well better involve sex." Now, I say, "They'll involve whatever Master wants them to involve." (Haha, the Bunny evolution saga.) So, in other words, I have nothing constructive to add other than to second what others have said: Scenes involve whatever the participants want. (Lucky for me, I have yet to have a scene with B. that didn't have sex in there somewhere. )

 

[DVS]

When it comes to BDSM I'm a "virgin". I know very little about the people or lifestyle. I've seen pictures of girls tied up naked, or girls being spanked (bottomless), or spread out in various ways.

So.. does BDSM involve a lot of sex? I would think that if a beautiful girl had her panties down and she were bent over in front of a guy... then the first thing he would want to do would be to fuck her.

Do the submissives often end up having sex, with like all of the guys there?

At these BDSM party things, where a naked girl is chained up, do a lot of guys just have sex with her rather than whipping or anything? I would think that it would be a common desire.

Is there a lot of group sex? Or is there usually only monogomous sex between the master and the submissive?

Oh, to answer the question of the thread...No play party I ve been to was ever a gang bang. Don't watch too many videos or read stories and think they are all real. Yes, I'm sure some of this goes on, but I wonder if the woman you speak of "Suzanne"? or "Susan" was real, or if it was just someone's idea to get your attention. Situations are sometimes created just for that purpose. For the record, I never cared much for gang bangs. Too messy.

Now, seeing a naked woman waving her ass in front of me, I'd want to fuck her, yes. But, that will not be the first thing on my mind. I have quite a few devious ideas that would be running through my mind before the fucking ideas get there. But yes, fucking her would be on the agenda.

 

[Ebonyfire]

How do women answer that question, I wonder. No egos?

Women rarely ask. And I refer to my slave as my SO to strangers so that they have a frame of reference that is useful to them.

I just smile and say my sex life is fine. I never go into detail because they would never understand anyway.

I am a middle aged woman, who looks very much like an ordinary church going sistah. I doubt if many younger women would believe my capacity and/or opportunity to get laid. No ego, just fact.

Good Dommes are more rare than girlfriends. No play party I have ever been to became a sex party either. I do not really think of my submissives as sex partners. slave is another story.

Eb

 

[MechaBlade]

I would think that if a beautiful girl had her panties down and she were bent over in front of a guy... then the first thing he would want to do would be to fuck her.

The first thing I want to do is spank her.

Actually the first thing is I want to make her wait to make her anxious.

 

[FurryFury]

The first thing I want to do is spank her.

Actually the first thing is I want to make her wait to make her anxious.

*chuckles*

Good.

Fury

 

[DVS]

Women rarely ask. And I refer to my slave as my SO to strangers so that they have a frame of reference that is useful to them.

I just smile and say my sex life is fine. I never go into detail because they would never understand anyway.

I am a middle aged woman, who looks very much like an ordinary church going sistah. I doubt if many younger women would believe my capacity and/or opportunity to get laid. No ego, just fact.

Good Dommes are more rare than girlfriends. No play party I have ever been to became a sex party either. I do not really think of my submissives as sex partners. slave is another story.

Eb

I've had girlfriends that talk to their friends about our sex life. I'm glad it's always been to say it's good sex, but I would guess they also talk when the sex ISN'T good? Is that normal gossip, or does that follow under something else?

I remember seeing one of her friends at the grocery store one day (this is years ago, by the way), and anytime before, this friend would just stop and say a quick "hi, how you doing?" and "tell S*** 'hi' for me", but this time, she stopped, talked a while, and even touched my arm a few times during our talk. Right there, in front of the produce section! I've often thought about that talk and wonder if she had been in any of the conversations about our sex life. As I recall, her husband was a bit of a whimp.

 

[graceanne]

I've had girlfriends that talk to their friends about our sex life. I'm glad it's always been to say it's good sex, but I would guess they also talk when the sex ISN'T good? Is that normal gossip, or does that follow under something else?

I remember seeing one of her friends at the grocery store one day (this is years ago, by the way), and anytime before, this friend would just stop and say a quick "hi, how you doing?" and "tell S*** 'hi' for me", but this time, she stopped, talked a while, and even touched my arm a few times during our talk. Right there, in front of the produce section! I've often thought about that talk and wonder if she had been in any of the conversations about our sex life. As I recall, her husband was a bit of a whimp.

Women don't ask. They'll share with friends, but someone isn't gonna just say 'so how's your sex life'? I generally know what's going on in my friends life, including their sex lives. They don't ask me mostly cause they don't want to know. They know I'm kinky, just not how kinky I am.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Women don't ask. They'll share with friends, but someone isn't gonna just say 'so how's your sex life'?

LOL I have more than once (in vanilla days), and last time I checked I was a woman!!

Catalina