Okay, so like, people told me they don't like where I put this and it should be somewhere else, so I'm moving this to its own thread. I mean, like, when I told my my xbf to move his thing and put it somewhere else, he was always like, "God Jamie! You're such a pervert!" but I'm really not, I'm just healthy, and so maybe I like variety.
Ok, the "72 virgins" thing, that's a complete mixup.
Mahomet the Last Prophet of God (blessed be He, Mahomet, not God) was writing in the Kuran one day. He was drinking some Turkish coffee and he spilled some on the parchment. He had just written "a nice gift basket of six dozen, extra-virgin olives," but after the spill, it looked like "72 virgins."
Well, after the ink dried, it was like, totally against the law to ever change so much as a jot or tittle of something which came directly and verbatim from the Mouth of God through His Last Prophet (Blessed be He, His Last Prophet, not God), no matter how obvious and stupid the error was, so it stayed "72 virgins."
Then Allakta Al Bombem blows himself up with this IUD he stole from a total NON-virgin, the illegitimate daughter of Sheik Dommit Al-Fuckam. Al Bombem spends his last night before blowing himself up jerking off to pix of Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. He beats the bishop bloody, he's like, "With 72 of them up there, there are BOUND to be a few look-alikes, praise Allah."
So Al Bombem gets to the Pearly Gates. He is surprised to meet up with St. Pete. Last he heard, Pete was an Infidel. Whatever. So Pete hands Al Bombem his gift basket from Sunnyland Farms (sunnylandfarms.com). Al Bombem is like, "Hey, sweet, but where are the chix?"
So Pete is like, totally puzzled by this. He's like, "Chix? Chix? Ain' no chix up here, son, just grapes!"
Moral #1: If you encounter a total non-virgin with an IUD, leave it the hell alone! Those things are DANGEROUS.
Moral #2: If you spill Turkish coffee on the parchment, clean it the fuck up before it DRIES!
Moral #3: Don't believe everything someone tells you comes directly and verbatim from the Mouth of God.
Love,
Jamie
PS: "Jamie? Don't you mean an iEd?"
"iEd? Don't be stupid. What would Sheik Dommit Al-Fuckam's daughter be doing with an IED up her cunt? Get with the program! Where's your Willing Suspension of Disbelief?"
Ok, the "72 virgins" thing, that's a complete mixup.
Mahomet the Last Prophet of God (blessed be He, Mahomet, not God) was writing in the Kuran one day. He was drinking some Turkish coffee and he spilled some on the parchment. He had just written "a nice gift basket of six dozen, extra-virgin olives," but after the spill, it looked like "72 virgins."
Well, after the ink dried, it was like, totally against the law to ever change so much as a jot or tittle of something which came directly and verbatim from the Mouth of God through His Last Prophet (Blessed be He, His Last Prophet, not God), no matter how obvious and stupid the error was, so it stayed "72 virgins."
Then Allakta Al Bombem blows himself up with this IUD he stole from a total NON-virgin, the illegitimate daughter of Sheik Dommit Al-Fuckam. Al Bombem spends his last night before blowing himself up jerking off to pix of Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. He beats the bishop bloody, he's like, "With 72 of them up there, there are BOUND to be a few look-alikes, praise Allah."
So Al Bombem gets to the Pearly Gates. He is surprised to meet up with St. Pete. Last he heard, Pete was an Infidel. Whatever. So Pete hands Al Bombem his gift basket from Sunnyland Farms (sunnylandfarms.com). Al Bombem is like, "Hey, sweet, but where are the chix?"
So Pete is like, totally puzzled by this. He's like, "Chix? Chix? Ain' no chix up here, son, just grapes!"
Moral #1: If you encounter a total non-virgin with an IUD, leave it the hell alone! Those things are DANGEROUS.
Moral #2: If you spill Turkish coffee on the parchment, clean it the fuck up before it DRIES!
Moral #3: Don't believe everything someone tells you comes directly and verbatim from the Mouth of God.
Love,
Jamie
PS: "Jamie? Don't you mean an iEd?"
"iEd? Don't be stupid. What would Sheik Dommit Al-Fuckam's daughter be doing with an IED up her cunt? Get with the program! Where's your Willing Suspension of Disbelief?"
