60 things NOT to say to a naked guy.

Bindii

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Jan 9, 2002
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60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
 
Three little words that strikes terror in every man...
































"Is it in?" :eek:
 
I've told this story before, but it's worth repeating.

A friend of mine actually said, "I want you to fuck me now" to a new lover after some foreplay.

He replied, "I am."

Ouch.
 
Following the words of the late great Sam Kinison:


Ladies, the best form of contraception is [(giggle and point)].
 
30 Things Not To Say To A Naked Woman


  • Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
  • How many storage boxes can you fit in there?!?
  • You must be very experienced.
  • Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?
  • Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.
  • I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.
  • Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt.
  • Would you mind rolling around in this flour.
  • I heard carpenters dream about you.
  • So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
  • Look.. I can get my whole arm in.
  • It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
  • Is that an optical illusion?
  • If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.
  • Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
  • Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?
  • Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish?
  • I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
  • Have you ever thought of working in a side-show?
  • I've been wondering all night what that smell was.
  • Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.
  • You know they have surgery to fix that.
  • Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
  • Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away
  • Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
  • I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.
  • You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.
  • You're not 'that' fat.
  • I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.
  • Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does.
 
InnocentAngel81 said:
what is wrong with 7 and 9?
Yah! *smiley face, full costume, cardboard stage with a hole cut in the middle* :D If only you could teach it to sing.
 
One time:

"I don't want to go all the way yet..."

<Looks down>

"Oops."

:eek:
 
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