50 Shades of Grey

[StarGazer58]

Was talking with some friends and we were trying to figure out what it was about 50 Shades of Grey that was so appealing to women. When I heard at the time that grey ties had sold out in many stores across the country I knew that the book had hit something within women. Just curious what it was?

 

[50ShadesOfFucked]

Personally for me it was about the allure of a dom/sub relationship. Then there's the fact that the guy was extremely rich and attractive that certainly held an appeal and to top it off he was intense and possessive on a whole new level. Then there's his horrible past that he has to over come, which she is the one bring him out of, and some women like the idea of having to save a man. Either from himself or from something else, but I won't deny the book had me hook line and sinker from the start.

 

[lilbittyt1tty]

I think it just appeals to most women for the fact that they enjoy being in a submissive situation sexually.

 

[ElijaRDC]

Dude's rich and hot. The end.

 

[Black13]

Women want to save men emotionally and yet have the man overpower them. The book promotes the social double-standard we all decry yet secretly desire (Mad Men?). We're all hypocrites, and the book banks off of that: stick a dude in a suit, give him a whip and a million dollars and watch the panties drop. Horseshit.

 

[ElijaRDC]

stick a dude in a suit, give him a whip and a million dollars and watch the panties drop. Horseshit.

And why, exactly, is that horseshit? It's just a fucking fantasy, and it's not like there aren't myriad common male fantasies that are equally unrealistic and cheesy. It's not going to happen in my real life, and I wouldn't go for it even if it did, but reading those books made me horny. So what?

 

[ElijaRDC]

This post by a sex-positivity blogger/sex toy reviewer sums up my feelings on Fifty Shades pretty well:

http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/50shadesofgrey/

 

[Black13]

And why, exactly, is that horseshit? It's just a fucking fantasy, and it's not like there aren't myriad common male fantasies that are equally unrealistic and cheesy. It's not going to happen in my real life, and I wouldn't go for it even if it did, but reading those books made me horny. So what?

I can't refute this, but this fantasy still pisses me off. Don't even get me started on male fantasy… they're funnier though. No power struggles, no drama, just an amygdala saying "insert cock," and a cerebrum scrambling for a last-second explanation. That's how porn is made, I guess.

 

[barefootgirl69]

It's not even about WHAT he does in the play room, or his money. Any man in a suit that fits him, looks nice...and most of us like good looking men. The suit portrays authority for me, turns me inside out. What had me wetting my panties is the intense connection they feel...its powerful to be so desired....sigh.

 

[LoversPlayToy]

Dude's rich and hot. The end.

This is basically it. Stupid girl didn't know how lucky she had it. I would have killed to be her lol!!!

 

[ElijaRDC]

I can't refute this, but this fantasy still pisses me off.

Oh for heaven's sake. When I was younger and insecure, plenty of male fantasies that I couldn't fulfill pissed me off. Then I grew up and got over it.

 

[Black13]

Eh, screw it, I'll play.

If this thread were about any of the myriad of sexual fantasies that people take too seriously, you'd see me go off about that. But we're just covering the one, here.
I'm not in any way upset that I can't fulfill this fantasy, for the same reason that I'm not upset that I am unable to inflate the price of AIDS medication to something completely unreasonable for the sake of my own profit: I'm not a (complete) sociopathic asshole. Grey is a complete sociopathic asshole, and Anastasia is a complete dunce, and that's a relationship dynamic I actively despise, and half the reason I love watching Mad Men. "Secretary" did this so much better, because in the end you realize Lee is not an idiot, and she incites Edward because she wants what he gives. There's a willingness and an implicit agreement between the two, which makes it a lot less rape-y.
I'm not gonna judge people's jack-off material. If you wanna rub a few out watching two people take a crap on basic philosophical concepts, have a blast. That's about 90% of the point of this site. It's when people take these fantasies and actively start pursuing them in real life, then wonder why they backfire so hard. This and any other… like guys trying to find babygirls with giant tits that don't have daddy issues. God I wanna punch people.

 

[coacheric]

I know I've commented in other threads about Fifty Shades before.

I didn't read it other than for a small section my wife asked me to. She made it thru the first two books and never finished it. Per her feelings, the book got to much "I love you, NO, I love you" between the two of them and lost something that was there in the first book.
Also, as much as was made about the sex in there, she only asked me about one of the "toys" used in the book, she didn't know what a spreader bar was. Otherwise she felt the sex was hot but not strange or really out of the ordinary. Now that probably says a lot about us really since bondage is a small part of our sex life. SHe just didn't see the big deal in all of it.

AND, no interest in seeing the movie

 

[ElijaRDC]

Eh, screw it, I'll play.

If this thread were about any of the myriad of sexual fantasies that people take too seriously, you'd see me go off about that. But we're just covering the one, here.
I'm not in any way upset that I can't fulfill this fantasy, for the same reason that I'm not upset that I am unable to inflate the price of AIDS medication to something completely unreasonable for the sake of my own profit: I'm not a (complete) sociopathic asshole. Grey is a complete sociopathic asshole, and Anastasia is a complete dunce, and that's a relationship dynamic I actively despise, and half the reason I love watching Mad Men. "Secretary" did this so much better, because in the end you realize Lee is not an idiot, and she incites Edward because she wants what he gives. There's a willingness and an implicit agreement between the two, which makes it a lot less rape-y.
I'm not gonna judge people's jack-off material. If you wanna rub a few out watching two people take a crap on basic philosophical concepts, have a blast. That's about 90% of the point of this site. It's when people take these fantasies and actively start pursuing them in real life, then wonder why they backfire so hard. This and any other… like guys trying to find babygirls with giant tits that don't have daddy issues. God I wanna punch people.

A. This really has nothing to do with anything, but Secretary was literally unwatchably bad. I was so unsettled by the horrific acting and writing that it made me anxious and physically uncomfortable and I asked my boyfriend to turn it off. Had he been unwilling, I'd have vacated the premises. Coming from someone who can see the entertainment value in Fifty Shades, that's REALLY saying something.

B. It might be time to stop being so concerned with what other people fantasize about, even if it does lead them to pursue such things in real life. Most people can differentiate between fantasy and reality, even if it means they had to learn the hard way a couple times. Those who can't have a mental disability entirely apart from whatever it is that prompts them to action, so to speak. In any case, it has nothing to do with you, so maybe let it go and stop wasting mental/emotional energy on it.

 

[curiosus69]

Dude's rich and hot. The end.

Sooo... hypothetically, what you are saying is - if a guy is poor and shoveling manure the whole day,
he doesn't stand a chance, is that what you say?

There was an article... somewhere, in the wastelands of www,
saying that all of us modern humans, are living a distorted perception
of relationships, marriage and everything else that goes between partners,
simply due to the amount of bull crap contained in Hollywood movies we've been conditioned with.

When you think about it, so it is;
unless you're a prince charming,
boy are you in for a tough ride.

Luckily, I am one of those guys http://www.forum.hr/images/smilies/zubo.gif http://www.forum.hr/images/smilies/bliss.gif
http://www.forum.hr/images/smilies/rofl.gif

 

[ElijaRDC]

Sooo... hypothetically, what you are saying is - if a guy is poor and shoveling manure the whole day,
he doesn't stand a chance, is that what you say?

There was an article... somewhere, in the wastelands of www,
saying that all of us modern humans, are living a distorted perception
of relationships, marriage and everything else that goes between partners,
simply due to the amount of bull crap contained in Hollywood movies we've been conditioned with.

When you think about it, so it is;
unless you're a prince charming,
boy are you in for a tough ride.

Luckily, I am one of those guys http://www.forum.hr/images/smilies/zubo.gif http://www.forum.hr/images/smilies/bliss.gif
http://www.forum.hr/images/smilies/rofl.gif

My boyfriend sometimes watches porn featuring women markedly younger and smaller than I... should I be losing sleep at night?



EDIT: I would just like to point out how awesomely and absolutely ironic your implications are given my boyfriend's house, car, wardrobe, body, and on and on and on. He's fat, bald, and broke, and I love him SO MUCH.

 

[curiosus69]

My boyfriend sometimes watches porn featuring women markedly younger and smaller than I... should I be losing sleep at night?

Touché!

Good point.

But still, I firmly believe that all this young_rich_kinky_successful thing
is a pile of bull crap

a) If you're young and rich - you're working hard, you're stressed out,
and closest what you'll get to the Mr. Grey is the rolemodel of Di Caprio in
'W. of Wall Street' role. Drugs, fetishism and some more drugs, followed by jail.

b) If you're not rich, well, then you're not satisfying all the requisites, and you're
not interesting that much.

c) If, however, you're rich, not working, not stressed, then you're most
probably an old goat, retired, with a beer belly and a pacemaker and again,
as such, not exactly an ideal Mr. Grey.


I know I'm hair splitting, but an important matter of proving point was at stake

P.S.

Oh, and - never read Shades of gray and firmly believe it is
an top of the class trash lit

 

[Arielsdream]

The only good thing to come from Fifty Shades is the awesome soundtrack featuring Annie Lennox. Oh and more sex toys for me to select from.

***did not see or read movie/books.

 

[ElijaRDC]

Touché!

Good point.

But still, I firmly believe that all this young_rich_kinky_successful thing
is a pile of bull crap

a) If you're young and rich - you're working hard, you're stressed out,
and closest what you'll get to the Mr. Grey is the rolemodel of Di Caprio in
'W. of Wall Street' role. Drugs, fetishism and some more drugs, followed by jail.

b) If you're not rich, well, then you're not satisfying all the requisites, and you're
not interesting that much.

c) If, however, you're rich, not working, not stressed, then you're most
probably an old goat, retired, with a beer belly and a pacemaker and again,
as such, not exactly an ideal Mr. Grey.


I know I'm hair splitting, but an important matter of proving point was at stake

P.S.

Oh, and - never read Shades of gray and firmly believe it is
an top of the class trash lit

It's just a sexual fantasy... let it go.

 

[ElijaRDC]

The only good thing to come from Fifty Shades is the awesome soundtrack featuring Annie Lennox. Oh and more sex toys for me to select from.

***did not see or read movie/books.

It made a lot of people horny. Horny people have sex. Sex makes you feel good. But you're totally right, only good thing to come of it was the soundtrack and some unremarkable sex toys, for sure.

EDIT: I will say that the sex toys appear to be pretty good, a lot better than they have to be. They're not groundbreaking, but they are made, largely, of body-safe materials such as silicone and ABS plastic, and I'm firmly behind anything that will increase awareness of that.

 

[Black13]

Yes, Maggie Gyllenhaal is a terrible actress, and it was a campy-ass movie, but that's entirely beside the point. But I'm not talking about the quality of the production, or the entertainment value of the movie, I'm talking about the feasibility of their relationship in reality. It's still a stretch, but it doesn't involve mutually exclusive conditions. Plus, it's also clearly not rape. The consent level in 50 Shades is essentially, "well, he's gonna do it anyway, so I might as well go along with it." So says the man who drops the soap…
Speaking of which, I also love how 50 Shades demonstrates capitalism as a means by which the wealthy can get away with more than the poor simply by having the power to put a spin on their actions. "Oh no, I'm not abusive and creepy! She's fascinated with my appearance and status. The apprehension she has is just her being cautious about her curiosity, but it's up to me to coax her through her fear. That's my story, your honor and I'm sticking to it." That argument would hold up in court if you could afford an expensive lawyer. Seriously, if Grey weren't money, he'd be a rapist or a pervert. If the author had used that spin in the story, I might have paid more attention.
People fantasize about the women and men who will destroy them. Shit, I do it all the time, but I also avoid those people like the plague in real life. Don't feed chocolate to the dog.

 

[ElijaRDC]

The consent level in 50 Shades is essentially, "well, he's gonna do it anyway, so I might as well go along with it." So says the man who drops the soap…
Speaking of which, I also love how 50 Shades demonstrates capitalism as a means by which the wealthy can get away with more than the poor simply by having the power to put a spin on their actions. "Oh no, I'm not abusive and creepy! She's fascinated with my appearance and status. The apprehension she has is just her being cautious about her curiosity, but it's up to me to coax her through her fear. That's my story, your honor and I'm sticking to it." That argument would hold up in court if you could afford an expensive lawyer. Seriously, if Grey weren't money, he'd be a rapist or a pervert.

You still don't seem to be getting the point. It's. A. Fantasy. A work of fiction. It has about as much bearing on reality as Daenerys Targaryen's dragons, provided you're a mentally stable person of even average intelligence, as the majority of people are. I could put as much thought into decrying the stupidly disproportionate bodies of female anime characters, but what's the point?

 

[Black13]

It's just a sexual fantasy... let it go.

It's not the fact that it's a sexual fantasy I'm concerned with. It's the fact that it's a sexual fantasy that, apparently, 75% of American women have. I think this is what completely baffles men, this whole "treat me like an equal, but also wear a power suit and tie me up and stalk me." Well… which one?
A 2-girl/2-guy fantasy is easy to explain: we like to put our dicks in things, you like vaginal stimulation. The end. The young girl/young man fantasy is somewhat easy to explain: we're getting old and miss our virility and we yearn to feel relevant to the oncoming generation. Those fantasies exist as a manifestation of our own insecurities, and we jerk off to porn as a way of vicariously living out those fantasies without destroying other people's lives.
The premise of those fantasies is relatively easy to understand, and shared between the genders to some extent. This fantasy, I think most socially well-adjusted men can't wrap their heads around. The lack of concrete consent involved makes it a fantasy that no one can fulfill without being a horrible person as well. What shared insecurity and dissatisfaction among women is being manifested in this apparently incredibly socially relevant fantasy? What aren't you all getting out of life?

 

[Black13]

You still don't seem to be getting the point. It's. A. Fantasy. A work of fiction. It has about as much bearing on reality as Daenerys Targaryen's dragons, provided you're a mentally stable person of even average intelligence, as the majority of people are. I could put as much thought into the stupidly disproportionate bodies of female anime characters, but what's the point?

I have qualms with people who take hentai seriously. Umemaro is hilarious, though.

Seriously, please do put some thought into why the Japanese blow so much out of proportion. I wonder if that's truly how they see us.

 

[ElijaRDC]

It's not the fact that it's a sexual fantasy I'm concerned with. It's the fact that it's a sexual fantasy that, apparently, 75% of American women have. I think this is what completely baffles men, this whole "treat me like an equal, but also wear a power suit and tie me up and stalk me." Well… which one?
A 2-girl/2-guy fantasy is easy to explain: we like to put our dicks in things, you like vaginal stimulation. The end. The young girl/young man fantasy is somewhat easy to explain: we're getting old and miss our virility and we yearn to feel relevant to the oncoming generation. Those fantasies exist as a manifestation of our own insecurities, and we jerk off to porn as a way of vicariously living out those fantasies without destroying other people's lives.
The premise of those fantasies is relatively easy to understand, and shared between the genders to some extent. This fantasy, I think most socially well-adjusted men can't wrap their heads around. The lack of concrete consent involved makes it a fantasy that no one can fulfill without being a horrible person as well. What shared insecurity and dissatisfaction among women is being manifested in this apparently incredibly socially relevant fantasy? What aren't you all getting out of life?

That a particular fantasy turns a person on sexually doesn't necessarily mean it's something they want in real life. Plain and simple. It doesn't necessarily reflect an insecurity and/or a dissatisfaction. Sometimes things are just hot. I suppose it's reasonable to see it as some manifestation of a deep down desire to be helpless, but that's certainly not unique to Fifty Shades or to women.