41 year old Virgin! Good/Bad/Sad??

[Glamguy7]

I turned 41 recently. Ever seen the movie - The 40 year old virgin?

Yes, I am a male. Indian. Single. Dated two women my whole life. Both were long distance relationships. But both deeply loving ones.

Both of them changed my life . Have went through the pleasure of being in love to broken in love. Yet, it has been my biggest blessing.

Would you date a 40 year old virgin? We live in a world, where at 40 ,still being a virgin is thought of as "capital crime" or perhaps "a very sad thing".

Or are there people like me at LIT? Or am I a dying breed?

**I am really curious! I have always hidden behind my inferiority complex of never having had sex in real. I believed, the one I will have sex with will be the one I would marry. I know it might sound ridiculous. But that is me coming clean before myself and letting myself in the open. Perhaps it is time for me to change?**.

What do you say??

I wonder if there are people here who have found genuine loving connections here, even if they were shortlived??

I am looking for such a connection coming out of the hibernation I have been in. Just want to let myself give full reign.

 

[Booboobear84]

Too many women like the loud assertive sort, and miss a love like you might give them. That said you ought try (as you are now) to put yourself out there. In my selfish self interest, the more good guys women run into the better off all guys are.

Remember what Thoreau said:

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation​

 

[ericalauren]

There's nothing wrong with never having had sex, even in your later years.

 

[LoneMilf]

I have to live up to my tagline of ‘brutally honest’, so..

While I agree that being a virgin at any age isn’t a problem in itself, it would make me wonder why you haven’t had any physically intimate relationships in such a long time. I would wonder if you are capable of starting and nurturing a relationship. It would definitely be a red flag to me - but not a showstopper

 

[Glamguy7]

There's nothing wrong with never having had sex, even in your later years.

Thanks for your feedback @ericalauren .My story is I fell in love with my first girl at age 24, but we never had sexual intercourse. We wanted to marry, but the relationship broke up in a year. My second relationship was at the age of 25, an long distance online relationship with a lady who was in her 40's. She was in the US and I was too broke and between jobs to go visit the US, marry and be together. I was too afraid and procrastinated (strict family pressures & not able to make a decision on where I wanted to be or wanted to do). I only met her once. At 34 that relationship broke, because I kept putting up dates but never was able to get to her. I was struck in my head. That breakup took me through a phase of depression. 3 years of depression. I have not dated anybody since then. Now recovering and wishing to explore. And that is how I came to LIT. A SAD story perhaps? I have been upset and angry at myself for a long time. I wish I was not as stupid and afraid as I was. I wish to change my life, but the heart still feels sad for what I lost.....!

 

[Glamguy7]

I have to live up to my tagline of ‘brutally honest’, so..

While I agree that being a virgin at any age isn’t a problem in itself, it would make me wonder why you haven’t had any physically intimate relationships in such a long time. I would wonder if you are capable of starting and nurturing a relationship. It would definitely be a red flag to me - but not a showstopper

Thanks for the honesty @LoneMilf. I only wanted to have sex with somebody I had feelings for. Both my relationships were long distance, but during the time I was in that relationship, I failed to spend a prolonged time with them. I lived 8-9 long years in my head. Perhaps I have been too conservative in my thoughts. And that is what I am trying to change. My mindset and life. Take more chances. Live a bit more and not let my decisions be affected by too much conservatism or social constructs.

 

[Glamguy7]

Too many women like the loud assertive sort, and miss a love like you might give them. That said you ought try (as you are now) to put yourself out there. In my selfish self interest, the more good guys women run into the better off all guys are.

Remember what Thoreau said:

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation​

Sincerely appreciate your thoughts @Booboobear84

Thoreau is quite an inspiration!

 

[Glamguy7]

Do feel free to share.

 

[TryinToFigureItOut84]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at any point in your life, for whatever reason. If you are holding out for marriage, hold on to that. I do not think you are incapable of being able to have a nurturing relationship just because you’re waiting to have sex. A relationship is more than just sex. Yes, sex can be (and is usually) a big part of a relationship, but a relationship and sex are not the same thing. Look at lots of relationships that started in younger years. Just because they were in a relationship doesn’t mean they were nurturing. There are a lot of toxic relationships, and some people are in them constantly. There are lots of reasons, and respectable ones at that, on why you have chosen not to have sex yet.

I would have more respect for a guy who decided to wait than a guy who banged any body that came in his vision.

Due to my sexuality and other reasons, I just had sex for the first time this year. I turned 40 shortly after. I can say that the hookups I’ve had have been meaningless and unfulfilling. There are people who think attention from the sex they are attracted to equals a good thing, but lack the ability to be nurturing or able to commit.

Do not, for any reason, allow society to dictate what you should or shouldn’t do when it comes to your body. If somebody judges you for not having sex yet, that’s a huge red flag.

 

[Glamguy7]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at any point in your life, for whatever reason. If you are holding out for marriage, hold on to that. I do not think you are incapable of being able to have a nurturing relationship just because you’re waiting to have sex. A relationship is more than just sex. Yes, sex can be (and is usually) a big part of a relationship, but a relationship and sex are not the same thing. Look at lots of relationships that started in younger years. Just because they were in a relationship doesn’t mean they were nurturing. There are a lot of toxic relationships, and some people are in them constantly. There are lots of reasons, and respectable ones at that, on why you have chosen not to have sex yet.

I would have more respect for a guy who decided to wait than a guy who banged any body that came in his vision.

Due to my sexuality and other reasons, I just had sex for the first time this year. I turned 40 shortly after. I can say that the hookups I’ve had have been meaningless and unfulfilling. There are people who think attention from the sex they are attracted to equals a good thing, but lack the ability to be nurturing or able to commit.

Do not, for any reason, allow society to dictate what you should or shouldn’t do when it comes to your body. If somebody judges you for not having sex yet, that’s a huge red flag.

So sweet of you to share your feelings. Thank you for the kind understanding you have willingly shared. And congratulations on your first one, am glad for you . I really loved reading each sentence that you have so thoughtfully scribbled here. Warms my heart!!!

 

[Glamguy7]

Appreciate all your feedback...

 

[Lonestar79]

Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to share your story. I too waited a while to have sex for the first time. I grew up in a very conservative and religious home and was taught to wait until marriage to have sex. I was 38 when I got married and I did wait. There are reasons why I waited so long for marriage but not for here. When we had sex for the first time, it was two people making love who had real feelings for one another. It was a magical, spiritual, emotional connection that made waiting worth it. So I totally understand your desire to wait for that special person in your life and I really hope you find her.

 

[Glamguy7]

Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts @Lonestar79 .That is so so special. The magical, spiritual, emotional connection is quite something out of the world.

 

[Glamguy7]

I wonder if there are people here who have found genuine loving connections here, even if they were shortlived??

I am looking for such a connection coming out of the hibernation I have been in. Just want to let myself give full reign.

 

[TryinToFigureItOut84]

If you’re ready to love again, maybe find a dating app to help foster that idea/want?

 

[Glamguy7]

If you’re ready to love again, maybe find a dating app to help foster that idea/want?

Done that today.

 

[Glamguy7]

Bump