40+ year olds in midlife crisis?

[sweetjen35]

Just curious who my fellow 40-somethings are who feel life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this stage. For me, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. Marriage and career are both temporary until my kids are older. But sometimes I think wow, do I really want to waste another 10 years on a mediocre life? In 10 years I'll be 55... Just 9 years younger than my mom was when she died... Depressing!

Enough about me... Who else can relate to life not being like you planned and not what you are willing to settle for. Maybe we can get a group and run away!

 

[quietlylooking]

Just curious who my fellow 40-somethings are who feel life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this stage. For me, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. Marriage and career are both temporary until my kids are older. But sometimes I think wow, do I really want to waste another 10 years on a mediocre life? In 10 years I'll be 55... Just 9 years younger than my mom was when she died... Depressing!

Enough about me... Who else can relate to life not being like you planned and not what you are willing to settle for. Maybe we can get a group and run away!

I'm 51, and when I was about your age, I felt very much like you did. I did some crazy things which I don't regret, although very few people know about that episode in my life. It took a few years to get to a point where I realized... my life was really pretty fucking good, and it could be even better if I really worked at it. I made some changes and eventually things got better.

Still, I do struggle with the mid-life angst late at night when I cannot sleep...

 

[BiGuyMN]

An interesting thread idea. I do have a "story".

 

[Calliesdad2010]

I can totally relate about being in your 40's and having a midlife crisis

 

[ab724u]

Just curious who my fellow 40-somethings are who feel life isn't quite what you expected it to be at this stage. For me, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. Marriage and career are both temporary until my kids are older. But sometimes I think wow, do I really want to waste another 10 years on a mediocre life? In 10 years I'll be 55... Just 9 years younger than my mom was when she died... Depressing!

Enough about me... Who else can relate to life not being like you planned and not what you are willing to settle for. Maybe we can get a group and run away!

45 and wondering is this it?
As good as it gets?
Very successful...but what does that really mean?
Many questions, but too busy to dwell which is a problem in and of itself...

 

[Lit19899]

.....

xxxxx

 

[Devlishone4fun]

Easy enough to relate to it. In my 50's now. I like the idea we run away. I can see the headline now Adult 40+ Runaways On Lose!

 

[Seamus44]

........

.......

 

[novicev]

Hope

I'm 51, and when I was about your age, I felt very much like you did. I did some crazy things which I don't regret, although very few people know about that episode in my life. It took a few years to get to a point where I realized... my life was really pretty fucking good, and it could be even better if I really worked at it. I made some changes and eventually things got better.

Still, I do struggle with the mid-life angst late at night when I cannot sleep...

This gives hope. Deciding to accept and work hard at being happy is tough at any age, when the self is in the way! Thanks for sharing your experience

 

[Tommybowler]

This is not the midlife crisis I had hoped for. I wanted mine to be spent when I had a rewarding well paid carrier. To have my roots firmly settled. 15 years ago I owned my own house. Nothing special but it was all mine. Fast forward to now. Fighting depression. Living hand to mouth. Renting a place with no running water.


On the positive side I'm out of a relationship that was dead for years and neither party would admit it. The place I live in is basic but I like it. I have a job that is both wonderful and terrible in equal measure. I teach English as a foreign language in Central Europe to children. My two kids love me and tell me I'm the best. I am in a relationship that is pretty good. Not sure if it will last but at my age you learn you never really know what is round the corner.

I would love to live my dream of a small holding on land I own and making a living that way. Instead I have two hens who rush to greet me like two dogs when I get home. All the modern music I like is from the 90s but I'm getting comfortable with that. I could go on but posting on a smart phone is not the best when it is this small

 

[Britishguy1]

This is not the midlife crisis I had hoped for. I wanted mine to be spent when I had a rewarding well paid carrier. To have my roots firmly settled. 15 years ago I owned my own house. Nothing special but it was all mine. Fast forward to now. Fighting depression. Living hand to mouth. Renting a place with no running water.


On the positive side I'm out of a relationship that was dead for years and neither party would admit it. The place I live in is basic but I like it. I have a job that is both wonderful and terrible in equal measure. I teach English as a foreign language in Central Europe to children. My two kids love me and tell me I'm the best. I am in a relationship that is pretty good. Not sure if it will last but at my age you learn you never really know what is round the corner.

I would love to live my dream of a small holding on land I own and making a living that way. Instead I have two hens who rush to greet me like two dogs when I get home. All the modern music I like is from the 90s but I'm getting comfortable with that. I could go on but posting on a smart phone is not the best when it is this small

If you want a small holding, I know that Bulgaria has a lot of places with land for very cheap.

 

[EctoJohn]

Pfft, I'm only 34 and already feel that way.
My life stalled and it never really got anywhere to begin with.
I should have a good career, married, and at least a kid by now.

 

[timmyid2]

I was lucky. I hit my midlife crises when I got divorced at 33. Bought a sports car. Hit the bars whenever my kids were at their mom's house. Not much else.

Looking back from the lofty perch of 60, I can see that (with a few exceptions) every year has been mostly good. Sure, there were bad spots, and bad relationships, but on the whole, life can be as good as you believe it to be.

My last wife* and I joke that my mid life crisis was to buy a Prius at 45. LOL


timmy
* I'm happy in my marriage. She's the last one.

 

[Tommybowler]

If you want a small holding, I know that Bulgaria has a lot of places with land for very cheap.

This know but first any money I have is tied up in a business that provides care first and almost never any profit. Plus my kids live where I am now and I may have left their mother and the family house, with a broken coffee machine and a car with 300000 km on the clock but I'm not leaving them. It's a choice I make I know. I'm pretty happy overall despite the depression.

 

[BurningMonkey]

45 and wondering is this it?
As good as it gets?

In a word: Yes. This is as good as it gets.
You were expecting maybe bells and whistles and continuous explosive orgasms?

Like Dennis Leary says: "Happiness comes in small doses: one cigarette, one chocolate chip cookie, one five-second orgasm. You cum, eat the cookie, smoke the cigarette, and in the morning you get up and go to work. End of list."

 

[vacharles]

Folks, I'm a MWM, 64 yo and you may want to act on your wants/needs. I didn't and I really regret it, don't get me wrong I have a wonderful life, but there were times in my 40's/50's that the opportunity was there, and now I wish I acted on it and believe they would have increased my life experience. But like they say, " hindsight is 100%". Enjoy life to the fullest while you can.
Take care/be safe

 

[Tommybowler]

Folks, I'm a MWM, 64 yo and you may want to act on your wants/needs. I didn't and I really regret it, don't get me wrong I have a wonderful life, but there were times in my 40's/50's that the opportunity was there, and now I wish I acted on it and believe they would have increased my life experience. But like they say, " hindsight is 100%". Enjoy life to the fullest while you can.
Take care/be safe

What she said, I am lucky in the last three years i have done this to a degree, some of it was sexuall and I don't regret it for a second. If there is an oppertunity to travel, try something new, do someone new take it do it. If there isn't make it happen.

 

[BurningMonkey]

What she said, I am lucky in the last three years i have done this to a degree, some of it was sexuall and I don't regret it for a second. If there is an oppertunity to travel, try something new, do someone new take it do it. If there isn't make it happen.

You mean dump the spouse of 15+ years?
Easier said than done.

 

[Tommybowler]

You mean dump the spouse of 15+ years?
Easier said than done.

The hardest thing I have ever done was separate from the mother of my kids, it took an attempted suicide to make me see what was making both of us so unhappy. It was years in the making, don't rush into it but also don't stay and make your life her life and any kids caught up in it lives unbearable. Me and the ex actually get along now, it can de done without messing every one up but it still hurts for a while after.

 

[happyplayer]

Mid Life

Everybody takes stock of their lives at different stages. The vast vast majority of us know we will never be millionaires and be able to buy happiness. Therefore it is very much up to ourselves not to over analyse our lives and make ourselves even more miserable. Life is what you make it! I know that is a bit of a cliche but if you have to analyse things then analyse that statement.

We are all probably married to great people but we are looking for more! It's just being human. Our partners are probably doing the same to us!!

We should try harder to enjoy the beautiful simple things we have in our lives all around us and smell the roses. Learn to accept what we have and slowly enhance things and increase the happiness in our close circle. Get a smile on our faces and spread the smile. Smiles are contagious and intoxicating!

And of course the occasional hour, or two, on Lit helps so much !!

 

[sweetjen35]

Easy enough to relate to it. In my 50's now. I like the idea we run away. I can see the headline now Adult 40+ Runaways On Lose!

Maybe we can get a party bus and fill it up!

 

[ratherabsurd1]

you are not the only one in this place for sure

 

[sweetjen35]

You mean dump the spouse of 15+ years?
Easier said than done.

Agree. It's a BIG step. And probably easier if you are totally miserable in your marriage, but when you are in a mediocre marriage - it's harder. I admit to being jealous of some of my friends who have divorced and remarried and are now head over heals in love and having great sex and emotionally connected and ENJOYING their spouse... but I just can't imagine shifting my kids back and forth....

 

[sweetjen35]

you are not the only one in this place for sure

I definitely know I'm not (if this was directed at me) - that's why I started the thread. It's always nice to know there are others who feel the same way.

 

[ratherabsurd1]

I just wish there was a good answer or solution