4 Seasons

[Alt]

Embedded by the grip of cold darkness,
she sleeps
Drawn by the touch of warm light,
she rises
Soothed by the caress of shimmering ecstasy,
she blooms
Whipped by the slap of frenzied winds,
she collapses

 

[Guest]

Embedded by the grip of cold darkness,
she sleeps
Drawn by the touch of warm light,
she arises
Soothed by the caress of shimmering ecstasy,
she blooms
Whipped by the slap of frenzied winds,
she collapses

I like this Alt. The only change I'd make is to change "arises" to "rises".

 

[Alt]

I like this Alt. The only change I'd make is to change "arises" to "rises".

Thank you, was thinking that as well.

 

[OceanGoddess]

 

[cward2]

Excellent poem

 

[bogusbrig]

Embedded by the grip of cold darkness,
she sleeps wouldn't she hibernate rather than sleep through the cold darkness?
Drawn by the touch of warm light,
she rises
Soothed by the caress of shimmering ecstasy,
she blooms shimering ectasy is a little cliched and isn't soothed a rather somnambulent adjective rather than a description of blooming?
Whipped by the slap of frenzied winds,
she collapses

just a thought

 

[OceanGoddess]

Dormant in the isolated waiting of winter
he sleeps
Inspired by the searing warmth of reflected desire
he rises
Calmed by the steely strength of erotic connection
he blooms
Set out to sea, voluptuous waves mercilessly crashing
he collapses


Or maybe this is better?

Dormant in the isolated waiting of winter
he sleeps
Fueled by the searing warmth of reflected desire
he rises
Fed by the steely strength of erotic connection
he blooms
Tumbled on shore, voluptuous waves washing over him
he collapses

Suggestions? Thanks.

 

[Guest]

Dormant in the isolated waiting of winter
he sleeps
Inspired by the searing warmth of reflected desire
he rises
Calmed by the steely strength of erotic connection
he blooms
Set out to sea, voluptuous waves mercilessly crashing
he collapses


Or maybe this is better?

Dormant in the isolated waiting of winter
he sleeps
Fueled by the searing warmth of reflected desire
he rises
Fed by the steely strength of erotic connection
he blooms
Tumbled on shore, voluptuous waves washing over him
he collapses

Suggestions? Thanks.

I can tell Alt's poem inspred you but try taking a different angle - yours is a bit too close to what he wrote for you. Something like -

He sleeps through Winter's isolation
gathering fuel and rising to the warmth
of a reflected desire that feeds
a strong connection to flowering
beauty tumbled ashore
as voluptuous waves
wash over him
he collapses​

 

[OceanGoddess]

Thanks Tess, that's beautiful.

I intentionally mirrored his poem, but I think I like yours better. I love your work. I read your recent additions with great delight.