4 Evil_Geoff and all the newbie sub's as me

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I saw this post you made on sexycaz22 thread and i must comment this. It will be a long reply so i made a new thread for it.

Talk to many. Build friendships over time. If the magic is there, it will occur, if it isn't you still have friends! Always a good thing.

I would say talk to many Dom's is quite hard? I tryed that when i was looking for my Dom, but once they heard i talk with some Dom already they wanted me to decide if i wanna talk with him or with the another. I didn't want too submit to someone i knew one day, but those peeps i spoke with just didn't gave me another option. They usualy wanted me as their sub straight away or they back off and not talk with me anymore when they heard i talk with more Dom's.

Hard to find out who will suit you when you are not fukin alowed to talk to more than just with one + not much Dom's talk to a sub who talk to another Dom, at least thats what Dom's have teach me - those with who i spoke when i was looking for my Dom. I get to know all those Dom's on this webby.

When i start looking for a Dom i get to know a few with who i was connected for a while, one by one, untill i found out it's not what i expected from it.

I had a Dom who wanted me to sexchat with as many men as possible and then email it all to him so he could read it. He asked me for my email passwords and my Lit account password....i gave it to him yes.

He was reading all my emails, he was posting on Lit webby by my name just so he could chat with girl's and let them think he was a girl as well.... I dunno why the hell i let him do that? i just did...

When i was looking for a Dom i thought i gota do anything i am told too and i did, now i am shy for it.

I had a Dom who wanted me to perform on webcam for anyone who was intrested. He made a post on Lit by my name saying i do webcam and openly invite anyone to watch me...i did it and perform for few men at the same time. Only thing that was important to me was he was pleased and i thought it's all about it, do anything to keep the Dom pleased. I forgot to use my brain as well.... :/

I shared all possible things about myself. Starting with my pic's, vid's, email passwords, phone number or my adress. Anything actualy. I really have a hard time to see the bad in peeps, what kinda makes me the most naive nerdy sub ever.

I had a Dom's who wanted just only one thing - see me naked on webcam doing anything they wanted, i did. I thought it's just like things should be + i wanted my Dom too bad. I needed one, i misssed the feeling of belong to someone. So i did many crazy things to entertain those people "Dom's", just to keep them intrested, in someone like me.

I spoke with a Dom who wanted meet me after a week he knew me and he was more than intrested to do a knife play and breath control play with me. I liked him and i was more than willing to even meet him, untill he said what he dream to do with me.

He was maried and i was free that time, so it wouldn't be a prob for me to meet him and try all those things we spoke about and for a while i even wanted, untill he told me about the way he fuck his wife and doing a breath control on her untill she colaps, every time. He was so excited to do that to me, can't say i felt the same way about it tho. Once he told me about it he just scared the shit outta me. I couldn't even talk with him then, so i just dissapeared. He seemed to me as a good guy on the begining and maybe he even was, but talk to me about how bad he wanna play with his knife on my body and about the breath control wasn't really smart, not after a week i knew him.

I wouldn't mind to do this things with my curent Master, but it took us months to build this level of trust so i could think about him doing such things to me and do not be afraid he would kill me while it lol.

I had a Dom who loved me on webcam, so once when i moved back to my exhusband and wasn't able to perform for him anymore he told me "you won't see me online sooner than you move ur comp to another room where you could perform for me as u used to. we wont talk sooner". Well this thime i was really sick of this kind of Dom's so i just block/deleted him from my MSN account while i told to myself "fuck you and fuck off you idiot!". I was mad cuz i really liked him, it was hard to accept the only thing he wanted was me naked on the webcam.

I had a Dom who wanted me to have sex with my man and let him watch it on webcam LOL. I didn't do that, just block deleted this nerd as well.

When i was looking for my online Dom i made it clear i am looking only for a Dom, online one, nuthing less nuthing more. I like BDSM and all about it, but i would never leave my man cuz of my likes. He's a man i wanted live with since i was 14 i am more than happy we are back together. But i was missing things in my life and i know u know that feeling as i saw ur post where u said you was in vanilla relationship and just felt bad u couldn't be what u really are.

Well i have this feelings too, i am into BDSM too much, but i live with man i love, with dad of our lil daughter + we expecting one more, so theres no way i would leave him, he would have to leave me. I still missed things in my life tho. I found out about online Dom's and decied to give it a chance in hope it will satisfy my needs.

I was always submissive, even before i knew what being "submissive" really mean. I wanted my Dom, yet knowing my man won't understand me in this. He knows i am submissive, but his reaction on this was "i hope you will not want me to spank you now?!!". Kinda told me he see such people as deficient.

So i found me some online Dom's and i was more than willing to do anything to keep them satisfied, to keep them want me as a sub, to keep them talk to me. Geez it was all so damn exciting to me, it still is in many ways, so i was more than easy to catch up with the wrong ones, with those who just abusing the Dom lable to get a silly women like me on her knees, strip her and make her do things for them. And i must say if my curent Master didn't message me and show me how much different true D/s relationship is i would be prolly still this naive online webcam sub letting those wannabe Dom's using me as their fucktoy.

Theres alot of Dom's on Lit webby, lots of them don't post at all, they just PM silly sub's like me and see if how they react. See if they could use them. I was too easy to to be used and draged thro something what have nuthing to do with a real D/s relationship......I am glad my Master gave me a chance and get me outta this shits.

I think start with this lifestyle is very hard for a new inexperienced sub's and i am thankful to everyone who's willing to give a good advice or a helping hand to make it easier for us.

I wish every sub had someone like my curent Master, or like you, or like a RJMaster's, WriterDom or Chris_Xavier and some more about who i am sure they are very nice Dom's. And i really wish it was easier for new sub's to find them a proper Dom straight on the begining, without geting know all the fake Dom's who i get to know when i was looking for my Master.

You said talk to many and i say AMEN. New sub's do need talk to alots of Dom's before they find out the one with who they mesh well and can submit. If i was looking for a Dom now and someone tell me "if you wanna talk you gota submit to me and you are not alowed to talk to any other Dom except me" i would tell him just FUCK OFF!!

Nobody should want from a sub to submit to him before she get to know him a little. Ask a sub to submit to you the first day you chat is so idiotic!!! OMG i don't understand why i let them treat me that way, i was even thankful to them for their care? As one of my friends saying, part of my brain prolly missing lol :/

Talk to Dom's is nice, i think one can learn alot from them and build a good friendship's. As you said "Talk to many. Build friendships over time. If the magic is there, it will occur, if it isn't you still have friends! Always a good thing."

Have a friends is important cuz if you put all your trust into one person once they are gone you have nuthing left. I did this once in my life and won't do that again. Put all your hope into one person ain't really smart and it fucked up my life for a long time. I am glad it's kinda behind me now, but still sometimes the way i act, talk or think is very colored by things i went thro.

Everyone have to learn, i obviously have to learn the hard way. But it makes me appreciate my curent Dom very much. I cherish the moments we spend together. Talking, sharing, doing aynthing really, it feeds my soul as nuting else. I might never have a Dom IRL and as long as i have my Master i don't mind. I wanted at least a little bit of BDSM in my life. What i am geting from my Master is so much more than i have ever hope or dream for, i will never stop thank him for what he does for me.

He fulfilled a big void in my life, something i thought just wasn't possible cuz i am a taken woman in a serious relationship. I am glad i was wrong and that i can still get mine without going out and cheat on my man. I could never do that.

This online D/s is something what keep my needs met and at the same time it can't really hurt the man i live with. He knows i chat with my Master, he just dunno how i call him and what we talk about. He chat with female friends i chat with my Dom, like to think it's ok.

There are times when i REALLY long and wish to experience all the things i talk about with my Master in real life as well. But i will prolly always only dream of a real spanking or a flogger on my body. Wondering how it feels like and lusting desperately........ guess it's my destiny.


Kate

 

[Betticus]

Damn!

There is nothing in any kind of relationship that has to start off with the sex or instant submission.

I'd just have to say that if it seems odd or feels wrong then just trust your feelings. If a dom demands something from you that in real life takes time and lots of trust right at the start you may just want to block him and don't look back.

Just my thoughts.

 

[northwoods_sub]

What you have described in Doms sounds like those that are referred to as HNG or horny net geeks or control freaks. Neither of which is a real Dom. I am sorry that you have had such a hard time meeting good people.

I can't agree with Betticus enough though, if it feels wrong, or like you are being rushed, walk away. Your physical and emotional health are more important than that.

 

[Chicklet]

okay.

i've written three responses in 20 minutes. i can't make it nice. i'm sorry.

so, i'm not gonna say anything = )

i agree with geoff. whenever i have a PYL, he's also going to be a boyfriend, and my partner. and i personally would NEVER settle for someone that wouldn't allow me to be friends with or communicate with other dominants. that's a deal breaker for me, baby.

good luck.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I have a good Master now, real one. Nice and caring. Something so different from what i get from all those wannabe's hiding behind the Dom label.

I posted this for all the new sub's who checking this site, so they wouldn't do the same mistakes as i did. I did a lot of things i am not really prode of, but i have changed. My Master molds me the right way now, all i can say is just "thank you" for picking me

There were times when i was so thankful to anyone who was willing to bother with me and talk with me. Now i am very picky with who i talk cuz i deffo wont talk with no more abusive freaks. Guess everyone have to learn things somehow, i deffo did.

thank you for comments northwoods_sub and Betticus

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

okay.

i've written three responses in 20 minutes. i can't make it nice. i'm sorry.

so, i'm not gonna say anything = )

i agree with geoff. whenever i have a PYL, he's also going to be a boyfriend, and my partner. and i personally would NEVER settle for someone that wouldn't allow me to be friends with or communicate with other dominants. that's a deal breaker for me, baby.

good luck.

I agree with Evil_Geoff as well, just wanted share my experiences. I agree with you as well Chicklet, i think friends and talk to other dominants is okay. I must say i didnt think this way some time ago tho. Well i did, but they made it impossible, Dom's with who i spoke.

Well my bad i alowed it, i know.

 

[Chicklet]

Well my bad i alowed it, i know.

actually, i think every newbie needs the part of their life where they allow this shit to happen. it's the learning period, when you're discovering the difference between the bullshit and the reality.

sometimes i forget that i ever went through that phase, because it was 13 years ago, lol...

at least you're on lit, which can only be a help

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... sometimes i forget that i ever went through that phase, because it was 13 years ago, lol...

Dadgum, Chicklet! You got more time in Scene than I do...

 

[Evil_Geoff]

...
Everyone have to learn, i obviously have to learn the hard way. But it makes me appreciate my curent Dom very much. I cherish the moments we spend together. Talking, sharing, doing aynthing really, it feeds my soul as nuting else. I might never have a Dom IRL and as long as i have my Master i don't mind. I wanted at least a little bit of BDSM in my life. What i am geting from my Master is so much more than i have ever hope or dream for, i will never stop thank him for what he does for me.

He fulfilled a big void in my life, something i thought just wasn't possible cuz i am a taken woman in a serious relationship. I am glad i was wrong and that i can still get mine without going out and cheat on my man. I could never do that.

This online D/s is something what keep my needs met and at the same time it can't really hurt the man i live with. He knows i chat with my Master, he just dunno how i call him and what we talk about. He chat with female friends i chat with my Dom, like to think it's ok.

There are times when i REALLY long and wish to experience all the things i talk about with my Master in real life as well. But i will prolly always only dream of a real spanking or a flogger on my body. Wondering how it feels like and lusting desperately........ guess it's my destiny...

It really touches my heart when someone shares something like this. Your story is a difficult one, and difficult to tell because English is not your native language. But you still show much of your heart. I hope you continue to find happiness and to grow within your heart.

{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

 

[Chicklet]

Dadgum, Chicklet! You got more time in Scene than I do...

private, not public. i think that's important to note.

 

[sexycaz22]

Kate, I do feel for you and understand what you went through.

When I first started out in the BDSM a couple of years ago, I was going through a "phase" (to me!) where I was naive enough to enter an online D/s relationship with a couple of Doms, where I did things on the webcam with them. This was when I was not posting as much as on Literotica, and did not even come by the BDSM forums, I did not even think of doing any research etc. So, yes, I admit that I was stupid and very naive....

Then after a short while, I realised that something was missing and I felt so very depressed and I lied to everyone, including my good friends about what I was doing and things like that, so I left the BDSM after a month or a couple, and never came back, in fact I vowed I would never do that, and I even went far as throwing out a riding crop and a few other things (now, of course I regret throwing these things out!! DAMMIT!)

Until..........a few months ago, where I joined a chat program, and I found there were a huge BDSM community there, so I thought, why not just go and have a look and chat with a few ones. There, I found a good friend and then I observed a conversation between him and his sub, and that was when I realised that I was a submissive, but I wasn't sure how to go on about it, so I decided to do some research, came on this BDSM forums, and lurked a little bit, then posted and then with some advice, I signed up with some BDSM dating sites. I was going to rush into things, with a Dom, but luckily, I decided to ask a question on Lit and quite a lot of people have given me some sound advice and made me put a handbrake on things and do some MORE research, go to munches etc.

Now, I am pretty happy where I am at and one of my really good friends knows who the true ME is, and everyone knows that I am seeing someone and that it isn't serious, but they doesn't know it involves doing kinky things!

So, to the people who are new to the BDSM, I agree with EG and other people who have commented so far;

Originally Posted by Evil_Geoff:
Talk to many. Build friendships over time. If the magic is there, it will occur, if it isn't you still have friends! Always a good thing.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

actually, i think every newbie needs the part of their life where they allow this shit to happen. it's the learning period, when you're discovering the difference between the bullshit and the reality.

sometimes i forget that i ever went through that phase, because it was 13 years ago, lol...

at least you're on lit, which can only be a help

Yeh i think so too, actualy those things i went thro was worth it cuz it really made me appreciate things i am getting now and it really makes me cherish and respect the man who i call my Master now.

To your 13 years of being in this lifestyle a can say just WOW!! Hopefuly in 13 years i wont be such a newbie anymore. And yes being on Lit deffo helps, i am not posting much, but i read alot.

thank you for your comment's Chicklet
Kate

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

It really touches my heart when someone shares something like this. Your story is a difficult one, and difficult to tell because English is not your native language. But you still show much of your heart. I hope you continue to find happiness and to grow within your heart.

{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

Thank you very much for those kind words Geoff!

I know my english ain't that good, but i know you get what i wanted to say. Thank you you took the time to understand what i wanted share with you and with the other inexperienced sub's.

Kate

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Kate, I do feel for you and understand what you went through.

When I first started out in the BDSM a couple of years ago, I was going through a "phase" (to me!) where I was naive enough to enter an online D/s relationship with a couple of Doms, where I did things on the webcam with them. This was when I was not posting as much as on Literotica, and did not even come by the BDSM forums, I did not even think of doing any research etc. So, yes, I admit that I was stupid and very naive....

Then after a short while, I realised that something was missing and I felt so very depressed and I lied to everyone, including my good friends about what I was doing and things like that, so I left the BDSM after a month or a couple, and never came back, in fact I vowed I would never do that, and I even went far as throwing out a riding crop and a few other things (now, of course I regret throwing these things out!! DAMMIT!)

Until..........a few months ago, where I joined a chat program, and I found there were a huge BDSM community there, so I thought, why not just go and have a look and chat with a few ones. There, I found a good friend and then I observed a conversation between him and his sub, and that was when I realised that I was a submissive, but I wasn't sure how to go on about it, so I decided to do some research, came on this BDSM forums, and lurked a little bit, then posted and then with some advice, I signed up with some BDSM dating sites. I was going to rush into things, with a Dom, but luckily, I decided to ask a question on Lit and quite a lot of people have given me some sound advice and made me put a handbrake on things and do some MORE research, go to munches etc.

Now, I am pretty happy where I am at and one of my really good friends knows who the true ME is, and everyone knows that I am seeing someone and that it isn't serious, but they doesn't know it involves doing kinky things!

So, to the people who are new to the BDSM, I agree with EG and other people who have commented so far;

Originally Posted by Evil_Geoff:
Talk to many. Build friendships over time. If the magic is there, it will occur, if it isn't you still have friends! Always a good thing.

Thank you cazz, nice to know i wasn't so naive alone. But do not feel sorry for me, as my Master sying people wont treat you worst than you alowe them. I alowed them too much and yes it made me feel shit and uber depressed relationship with my man and with those wannabe Dom's as well.

I was always the kind of person who let people treat me abusive way, but i am changing. My Master works hard on this with me, so i wouldn't let anyone abuse me anymore. He deffo molds me into a nicer person, you don't have a clue how thankful i am to him for that.

Can't say i was so bad, i was just so silly and too easy to folow the wrong peeps. I was too easy to let the wrong people get me down by hurting my feelings over and over again and still keep on loving them while i should run away from them.

Theres things my Master sees in me, nice things i cannot see at all atm, but with all the love, care and patience he giving me there will come day when i will see myself the way as he sees me, that would be nice.

I tryed met kinky man once, when i wanted experience this in real, but it didnt went well for me and i ended in the night on a lonely place with him. Well lets just say it wasnt what i wanted. He scared me to death and guess it will take time untill i will be able to meet another kinky person like you do.

I am happy it all goes so well for you and i am jelaous of the spanking you getting. Nice to see you having fun!! *smiles*

thank you for your comment
Kate