4 days of prose and no poetry

[WickedEve]

Okay, I've sinned! I've stopped writing poetry, temporarily. I've just completed a story about sex, murder and the South. (It figures, doesn't it?) Well, so I sashayed on over to the author's hangout to beg for someone to check it out for boo boos, but lo and behold I don't know nary a soul over yonder! (I've been immersed in southern country talk so please forgive me.)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, anyone want to read my story and tell me what works, what doesn't, find typos, grammatical catastrophes, etcetera?

I will be forever grateful on my knees -- or standing.

W.E.

 

[Cordelia]

Okay, I've sinned! I've stopped writing poetry, temporarily. I've just completed a story about sex, murder and the South. (It figures, doesn't it?) Well, so I sashayed on over to the author's hangout to beg for someone to check it out for boo boos, but lo and behold I don't know nary a soul over yonder! (I've been immersed in southern country talk so please forgive me.)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, anyone want to read my story and tell me what works, what doesn't, find typos, grammatical catastrophes, etcetera?

I will be forever grateful on my knees -- or standing.

W.E.

I would be happy to edit your story. I am not as experienced as Angeline, but I have done quite a lot of editing. If she is too busy, I would be happy to.

Let me know,


Cordelia

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I too would love to give it a look. I've once been called "the grammatically obsessed editor I've been looking for my whole life" and my story critiques are well renown amongst those who ever got one. There haven't been many, I grant you, but still...

Furthermore, I adore stories of sex and murder. The South I can go without.

 

[WickedEve]

L, I have your email addy... somewhere. I'll send it to you. C, I'll send it to you too... if I find out where to send it to. Anyway, prepare yourself gals for the South -- Wicked Eve style. hee hee
I based some of it on life experiences with country relatives. I remember back in the 70s when the whole family had to go out to my Aunt's to see her new indoor plumbing. What a relief, no more outhouse. Well, come to think of it, they never did get rid of it. I'm not sure what they used it for.

 

[Angeline]

Edit

Hi Eve--forgive my not offering earlier, but I was asleep ; think I caught my son's cold, sniff. If you'd like another set of eyes on it, send your story my way. You've given me so many helpful reviews--I'd love to try to return the favor.

(And ty Cordie, but I happen to know you're a wonderful--and sought after--editor.)

 

[Cordelia]

You're welcome, Ang.

Eve,

Since you hardly know me, you can go ahead and let these two talented (and lovely) ladies have a glance. I was only offering if you couldn't find anyone else.

But if you ever need me, I will be here.


Cordelia.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

On sex and murder

I have to post this:


The Ballad of Robert Moore and Betty Coltrane

There was a thick set man with frog eyes
who was standing by the door
and a little bald man with wing-nut ears
was waiting in the car
Well Robert Moore passed the frog-eyed man
as he walked into the bar,
and Betty Coltrane she jumped under her table.

"What's your pleasure?" asked the barman
he had a face like boiled meat
"There's a girl called Betty Coltrane
that I have come to see"
"But I ain't seen that girl 'round here
for more than a week"
and Betty Coltrane she hid beneath the table.

Well, then in came a sailior with
mermaids tattooed on his arms,
Followed by the man with the wing-nut ears
who was waitin' in the car
Well, Robert Moore sensed trouble,
he'd seen it comin' from afar
and Betty Coltrain she gasped beneath the table.

Well, the sailor said "I'm looking for my wife,
they call her Betty Coltrain!"
The frog-eyed man said "That can't be;
that's my wife's maiden name."
And the man with the wing-nut ears said,
"Hey, I married her back in Spain!"
and Betty Coltrain crossed herself beneath the table.

Well, Robert Moore stepped up and said
"That woman is my wife."
and he drew a silver pistol
and a wicked bowie knife;
And he shot the man with the wing-nut ears
straight between the eyes
and Betty Coltrain, she moaned under the table.

Well the frog-eyed man jumped at Robert Moore,
who stabbed him in the chest
and as Mister Frog-eyes died he said
"Betty, your the girl that I loved best!"
The sailor pulled a razor,
Robert blasted it to bits
"And Betty, I know you're under the table."

"Well have no fear," said Robert Moore,
"I do not want to hurt you!
Never a woman did I love me
Near half as much as you.
You are the blessed sun to me, girl
and you are the sacred moon."
and Betty shot his legs out from under the table!

Well, Robert Moore went down heavy
with a crash upon the floor
and over to his trashin' body
Betty Coltrain she did crawl.
She put the gun to the back of his head
and pulled the trigger once more
and blew his brains out all over the table!

Well Betty stood up and shook her head
and waved the smoke away.
Said, "I'm sorry Mr Barman
to leave your place this way."
As she emptied out their wallets she said,
"I'll collect my severence pay."
and then she winked and threw a dollar on the table.

 

[WickedEve]

You're welcome, Ang.

Eve,

Since you hardly know me, you can go ahead and let these two talented (and lovely) ladies have a glance. I was only offering if you couldn't find anyone else.

But if you ever need me, I will be here.


Cordelia.

Thank you, Cordelia for the offer. I was going to send it to you but I can't find your email addy. I don't know if the story will fit in the literotica thingy if I send it that way.
Ange, I do have your email. So look out for it. It's coming your way.

 

[Angeline]

Ange, I do have your email. So look out for it. It's coming your way.

Ok, I'm gettin me some sweet tea and settlin down with a little southern mayhem.

 

[WickedEve]

Ok, I'm gettin me some sweet tea and settlin down with a little southern mayhem.

Well, there is some mayhem. A few things I wrote made me say, "Oh gracious." I think I got a bit carried away. But the sweet tea should help if you start to swoon.

 

[HomerPindar]

Let me know when it's ready for a read - I disavow any knowledge of the language sufficiant to edit

HomerPindar