39yo PTA mom

[PTAMother]

Hubby and I met 3 black men the other night and had them to our house. THey are local.

The sex was intense...i only had 3 lovers in my life including hubby prior to Monday.

They are local so a tad nervous now about my reputation. Am I being silly?

 

[vibes]

They are local so a tad nervous now about my reputation. Am I being silly?

Depending on what you want it to be

 

[PTAMother]

Someone talked

A friend of mine saw me...looked at me and said SLUT and hasnt' said a word since

 

[vibes]

A friend of mine saw me...looked at me and said SLUT and hasnt' said a word since

As I said: if it's the first time you act as described your reputation has indeed changed.

Now your question: being silly because you feel nervous about this depends on how you want your reputation to be.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi PTAMother,

I am happy that you enjoyed your experience but it does seem that you have damaged you reputation. If it were just you and your hubby getting called names that would be one thing but if you have kids you should be more discreet IMO. It's not a huge leap from your friend yelling 'slut' to her kid telling your kid that mom is the local bike.

If your 'friend' has called you a slut then the cat is definitely out of the bag.

My advice would be to behave yourself until the fuss dies down and then next time travel further away and spring for a hotel room. You don't have to do this kind of thing on your doorstep.

I assume you practised safe sex at all times?

I'm sorry to be negative but I don't know of a town where you can invite 3 men round for sex and have the neighbours applaud you the next day. If you want to try this kind of play again then that's your own business but I'd take it as a lesson learned and keep it private by going somewhere else.

 

[Davross]

I would not worry too much about your friend, she will probably be asking you more questions in a much more interested tone soon. You will have a different initial reaction, or you may end up with a bunch of much more fun loving friends, neither should be considered a bad thing. If it was good for you and your husband, everyone else does not really matter all that much.

 

[subwannabe]

Just out of curiousity - I'm not really sure exactly why your friend jumped to the conclusion that you are a "slut". Maybe your husband and you just invited 3 men over to the house for a business transaction and they just happened to be black. How does your friend know that sex was involved, or were they there all night?

 

[bailadora]

If it was good for you and your husband, everyone else does not really matter all that much.

I disagree that everyone else doesn't matter. While I'm not saying it's right - people do love to gossip and pass judgment on others. Unfortunately, in many areas; a woman who has multiple partners is still considered "loose" and it can have damaging consequences. As pointed out in an earlier post - it can not only affect her, but also her kids (from name calling to unexplained loss of friends). And I'm probably going to be delivered a verbal smackdown for this statement: but if this happened in an area with a history of racial tension - then things can get REALLY ugly . It's happened before over more trivial things.

So - PTAM - I don't think you are being silly at all. IMO you are justifiably concerned. Please don't think that I'm in anyway judging you, as that is not the case. I'm simply being honest about the different things you may have to put up with. I'm sure that you will use more discretion if you and your spouse continue to pursue this lifestyle. I hope that it all blows over quickly and with minimal damage. *hugs*

 

[Curvybeauty]

How did anyone know you had sex with them?

You should be more discreet for your kids.

 

[SweetErika]

How did anyone know you had sex with them?

You should be more discreet for your kids.

Maybe the three men have been talking. Word can spread fast in a smaller community.

You took a lot of risks most of us wouldn't take, PTAMom. Lessons learned though, right? If you do anything like this again, find people who aren't in your town and are likely to be discreet, and NEVER have them to your house before trust is established. Three strange men to a man and a woman? They likely could have easily overpowered you and your husband, and things could have gone very, very wrong.

If you enjoy sex with others, you might want to consider looking into the swinging community. Swingers are usually more discreet because they don't want to be exposed any more than you do, and there's usually a basic level of respect and safety involved. That doesn't mean they're safe or you don't have to worry about STD's and the like, but there's a greater chance it'll be a safer environment in which you and your husband can express yourselves. As with anything, there's still a risk of others finding out and persecution, but it's reduced with people who understand discretion is important.

Again, all you can say to yourself is that you didn't do anything wrong as adults and you gained a lot of valuable knowledge for the future from this experience. If anyone implies they know or mention it outright, hold your head high and refuse to confirm their suspicions or discuss it. What you and your spouse decide to do behind closed doors is none of their business.