30 Things to Say When Stressed!

[champagne1982]

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!"
2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing."
3. "Well, this day was a total waste of make-up."
4. "Well, aren't we a fuckin' ray of sunshine?"
5. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
6. "EXCUSE ME...Do I look like a people person?"
7. "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting!"
8. "I started out with nothing and still have most of it left."
9. "Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap - you choose."
10. "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?"
11. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 50 years."
12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
13. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
14. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
15. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet."
16. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
17. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
18. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
19. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
20. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
21. "Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done."
22. "Ambivalent? Well, yes and no."
23. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
24. "Earth is full. Go home."
25. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
26. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
27. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
28. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
29. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!"
30. "Jeez!!! Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

 

[TheEarl]

31. What the hell did you out-evolve?
32. Exhibit A - why cousins shouldn't marry.
33. Please don't annoy me anymore, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

The Earl

 

[pop_54]

34. Is that your brain or are you testing it for a moron.
35. If brains were Dynamite you would't have enough to part your fucking hair.
36. That's about as much use as a chocolate fire screen.

 

[Vincent E]

37. I'd slap you, but shit splatters.
38. It's amazing how much stupid can fit in a normal sized skull.
39. Every time you think you weaken the nation. Moe Howard
40. When I want your opinion I'll slap it out of you.

 

[Guest]

41. Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.
42. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
43. You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
44. Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?
45. I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.


Lou

 

[Svenskaflicka]

46. This is an Usi. This is an Usi on full auto. Any questions?

 

[TheEarl]

47. How can I star missing you if you won't go away?

And my personal favourite:

48. (look to the heavens). Why God? What did I do, to deserve him?

The Earl

 

[Guest]

48. (look to the heavens). Why God? What did I do, to deserve him?

And who would the 'him' be, Earl?

Lou

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Earl, maybe lesbian tendencies isn't the expression you're looking for..?

 

[TheEarl]

Him would be whoever's standing there annoying me. No sniggering at the back please.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

"Annoying"? Interesting euphemism, lad.

Pear

 

[Guest]

We're on a roll . . .

49. Do I look like a fucking people person?

50. This isn't an office - it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

51. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

52. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

53. And your crybaby-whiny-assed-opinion would be . . .?

 

[Guest]

out of character....

54. And I would care because?

55. I am low on estrogen and I have a gun.

56. You have just found my last nerve.

57. Do you practice being this annoying or are you gifted?

I have never used these, but I have heard them somewhere.

b

 

[Vincent E]

58. Do I look like I care?
59. Go take a long walk off a short pier.
60. I'd get into a battle of wits with you, but I find it unfair to attack an unarmed man.

 

[Medieval-Man]

61. I never argue with idiots like you, you drag me to your level and beat me with years of experience

62: I like talking to tree's more than people like you, I can kill a tree if I wanted...

63: If I throw a (Insert: Fish, Bone, Carcass, ect... based on level of insult) Will you go away?

64: I've talked to rocks that were smarter

65: I'm situationally bisexual, in this situation, I'd say I'm gay, because you are so stupid, I'd rather scare you off.

66: Grenades are not suppositories, but please, pull the pin.

67: Do you model? I could swear I saw you on a poster that said "Birth control, we wish this was prevented."

(not all of them are good 62 and 66 I made up)