30 July 2001: Summer's Day by Katerina Val-Kyrie

[Weird Harold]

This week's story is an author's nomination in the romance category:

Summer's Day
by Katerina Val-Kyrie

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=5602

Please refrain from commenting until 0800 GMT Monday 30 July.

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Dear Ladies and Gents, what can I say about Summer's Day before you share your opinions with the world of Literotica. Let me think. I know -- a few things come to mind.

First of all, I nominated this tale of romance in hopes of acquiring some knowledge in areas I am weak in. The best way to learn is through the critique of other readers and any input is valuable. I truly appreciate all who read my story and take the time to comment positively or constructively.

You will find this story as well as my other works are written more in thought than dialogue. Well some may not like this particular style, some may. I don't know why I picked this style of writing for my first stories, but I did. I do however, understand the concept of dialogue very well and my newest story still in the works, is loaded with it. So, if there is anyone thinking, say, this girl doesn't know what dialogue is, rest assured, I do. Also, I do jump around abit with my pov, but it's a weak spot I tend to have. I am working on that through the help of an awesome writer on this site. I can only hope to succeed in becoming better in this area with time.

A few more things: I am an ultimate romantic, perhaps too much so. My writings thus far have not had much for conflict, only love, lust and passion. This can be a good thing for those who just want an enjoyable story that warms their heart and perhaps warms a whole lot more.

I do like to be graphic and really let the readers feel that they are there. I like to describe the lovemaking with such detail that one can only wish they were the characters in my story. I do hope I have succeeded.

As for character development, plotline, and conflict, well, I'm always working on improving in those areas. I know jumping into my fourth story, some may think the character development is weak, but I suppose those who have read my previous three may think otherwise. We all have our own opinions and it's interesting to hear each one. I also know most people love a good conflict story and yes, Summer's could have had conflict. There was a perfect opportunity to introduce it, but I chose to develop it differently. I hope even without it, the story will be enjoyed.

There is always so much to learn and I have to say, since writing these stories I have learned an amazing amount. I submitted my first three in /99 and Summer's in /2000. Now, in /2001, I'm still writing. I can honestly say, I have grown in my ability to become a better writer and I will always strive to be the best I can be. I look forward to any comments those on Literotica would be willing to give to help me achieve my goals of obtaining and capturing an audience of dedicated readers.

Thank you, Katerina

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

self critique

Katarina critiques her own story better than anyone else. I enjoyed reading it, and would recommend it.

Other than things she mentions, I would add only the following:

1) Format the characters' thoughts in italics

2) Avoid use of ... to indicate a pause

3) I personally don't like things like Oh baby... aaaaahhhhhhhh...Dezerae... . I think good writing will find a way to describe passion grammatically.

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Sonia, its funny you mentioned that oh baby, aaahhh...Dezerae, thing. I was going to myself, but refrained from doing so. I thought I had already said enough You are so right, every good writer should be able to let the passion come through without verbalizing it. Realistically, who says I'm cumming in the throes of a wondrous orgasm. I don't. *Grins* Any climatic moments in the future will be portrayed much differently. *LOL*

The reason I shared some of my downfalls with the board is because I have learned so much since writing this story and am now more aware of past mistakes. Even though we learn so much on our own, we still need constructive criticism because there is so much we overlook. We become too close to our work and we need to see things in a differerent light. Any comments are always helpful and most definately appreciated.

Hugs Katerina

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

a good example

The first erotica I ever read in English was Fanny Hill. I still think this is one of the best pieces of erotic writing, and Cleland never resorts to coarse words in any of his descriptions. So anytime I asm tempted to type "ahhhhhh ohhhhhhh" I think of Fanny.

 

[Gary1]

Without being a snit ...

Without being a snit ... I enjoy a good "..." in the right place to signify a pause or a so on and so worth sequence. It can be boring to see, "and he/she paused in mid-sentence to ponder what was to take place." I like an author that allows me, the reader, to take a little initiative and be creative in the story plot in my minds view.

As to the oooo's and ahhhh's that may take place in a story, if there is foundation for such, it may be appropriate. I have known a few ladies, in the throes of passion, who were more than just a little bit vocal. So much so that I have had the local cops respond to see what mayhem was taking place. Personally, I am uncomfortable with someone who is extremely vocal, I prefer a more sedate experience. But, far be it for me to interfere with a womans jocular expressions admidst a tryst.

I do agree wholeheartedly with the assessment of this juicy erotic short tale — it is a darn good story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I have a preference for detail. I have been known to get lost in particulars. I love to be able to see in my mind the actions that take place. This tale certainly meets that criteria. This Val-Kyrie has definitely taken me to Valhalla with her writing syntax. I thoroughly enjoyed the story. And, I would like to express my appreciation to her and the other great writers of Literotica for providing numerous hours of provocative delight. Thank you Katerina, and thank you other writers, for sharing your stories, fantasies, and tales. gn

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Without being a snit ...

Without being a snit ... I enjoy a good "..." in the right place to signify a pause or a so on and so worth sequence. It can be boring to see, "and he/she paused in mid-sentence to ponder what was to take place." I like an author that allows me, the reader, to take a little initiative and be creative in the story plot in my minds view.

The only problem with using an ellipsis to indicate a pause is that an ellipsis means "words have been left out." A semicolon, or long dash is a more appropriate punctuation where ellipses are often misused.

As to the oooo's and ahhhh's that may take place in a story, if there is foundation for such, it may be appropriate.

Writing "sound effects" and punctuating the often incoherent utterances made during good, noisy sex is difficult. There are no "standard" spellings for the hundreds of different types of moans, or how some sounds are drawn out or emphasized verbally. The cliched "oooo"s, "aaaaah"s and "OOOOH MY GOD!"s are an attempt to portray the sounds of sex accurately. Unfortunately, they are so often badly done and overdone that they have become a "hallmark" of bad porn -- much like the "y'all ain't going to believe this" Penthouse letters style of "true story" is justly reviled and laughed at.

with a womans jocular expressions admidst a tryst.

Jocular? Spell checker have trouble finding vocal? (Jocular means "humorous" or "funny" which doesn't fit with what I think you meant.)

 

[Siren]

Summers day is a great story

 

[Mickie]

Hi, Kat! Summer's Day was one of the first stories I critiqued here at Lit. The biggest strength here is the sweetness (as mentioned already. Your writing style is descriptive and passionate, which, combined with the sweetness, makes it a good read.

Pauses in speech can be indicated, not only with dashes, but like this:

"I..." he said, then paused, searching for the courage to say the next word. "...love you."

That isn't done a whole lot. I think it's because that nasty fix-it thing on the word processors try to capitalize the L in love. (it follows a period) But, that would include your little ellipsis, and give a good reason for it.

Writing about sounds is difficult for most writers. Instead of writing 'aaaaahhhhh', how about:

She emitted a long, drawn out sigh.

Description is your strength here, and I think it should be used in full.

POV-- consistency in pov makes it easier for a reader to identify with the characters. Looking out from a single character's eyes puts the reader in the driver's seat. Otherwise, they're just a passenger in an overloaded car.

All in all, Kat, as I've told you before, you have the beginnings of being a good writer here. You just need a little focus. And a little conflict is always good.

Mickie

 

[Laurel]

Re: Re: Without being a snit ...

Writing "sound effects" and punctuating the often incoherent utterances made during good, noisy sex is difficult. There are no "standard" spellings for the hundreds of different types of moans, or how some sounds are drawn out or emphasized verbally. The cliched "oooo"s, "aaaaah"s and "OOOOH MY GOD!"s are an attempt to portray the sounds of sex accurately. Unfortunately, they are so often badly done and overdone that they have become a "hallmark" of bad porn -- much like the "y'all ain't going to believe this" Penthouse letters style of "true story" is justly reviled and laughed at.

My biggest problem with attempts at writing sexy sounds phonetically is that they don't come off as realistic. I've never uttered a long monotone "ooooooh" during sex, and if I heard that uttered by my partner I'd probably LOL. I can't think of a way that I've seen that properly phonetically describes pants and moans.

I think this is one of those rare occasions where description rather than dialogue works better. Describing how her breathing quickened or how she gasped with pleasure works better for me as a reader than a string of, "Oooohh, Ahhhh, Ohhhh..." 's. This isn't a comment on Katerina's story, as I don't think she overdoes this in this story. However, this does bug me. I think taking the extra time to describe the noises rather than plug in a string of vowels can make a big difference in how believable and enjoyable the story is.