3 questions about quotations. Please help!

[kissingthepink]

I had a story rejected due to dialog punctuation. I read the essay "How to Make Characters Talk" and found it very helpful. It was extremely clear and it answered many of the dialog questions I’ve been struggling with for some time now. I’ve gone back over my story and made the corrections.

I still have three questions remaining.

1.The character hears a snippet of a song over the loudspeaker in a store. Do I put that in quotation marks? And, since it’s only one line from the song, how do I punctuate the end of the sentence?

2.There is an announcement over the loudspeaker announcing the store is closing. Should that be in quotations marks as well?

3.How do you show that a character is thinking something? I know I wouldn’t use quotation marks, but do I separate them out as separate paragraphs the way I would dialog? It is an internal dialog, so I’m thinking I should. Here is an example:

I used to love Santa…she thought wistfully. I haven’t stood on line to climb up onto his lap and snuggle under that snowy white beard since I was six years old. The thought warmed her and made her feel secure and happy. She could see the Jolly Old Elf sitting on his gothic throne inside his cardboard castle. He’s a good one, she mused. The beard looks real... the belly seems solid… hmm. She smiled to herself and thought about going and standing in line. Silly really. Lucy was over thirty years old, but she suddenly had the strong urge to lay her head on his shoulder and tell him all her secrets.

I’m not sure how I should break this up.

Any suggestions?

Thank you in advance,
~ktp

 

[CopyCarver]

I had a story rejected due to dialog punctuation. I read the essay "How to Make Characters Talk" and found it very helpful. It was extremely clear and it answered many of the dialog questions I’ve been struggling with for some time now. I’ve gone back over my story and made the corrections.

I still have three questions remaining.

1.The character hears a snippet of a song over the loudspeaker in a store. Do I put that in quotation marks? And, since it’s only one line from the song, how do I punctuate the end of the sentence?

2.There is an announcement over the loudspeaker announcing the store is closing. Should that be in quotations marks as well?

3.How do you show that a character is thinking something? I know I wouldn’t use quotation marks, but do I separate them out as separate paragraphs the way I would dialog? It is an internal dialog, so I’m thinking I should. Here is an example:

I used to love Santa…she thought wistfully. I haven’t stood on line to climb up onto his lap and snuggle under that snowy white beard since I was six years old. The thought warmed her and made her feel secure and happy. She could see the Jolly Old Elf sitting on his gothic throne inside his cardboard castle. He’s a good one, she mused. The beard looks real... the belly seems solid… hmm. She smiled to herself and thought about going and standing in line. Silly really. Lucy was over thirty years old, but she suddenly had the strong urge to lay her head on his shoulder and tell him all her secrets.

I’m not sure how I should break this up.

Any suggestions?

Thank you in advance,
~ktp

1) Put quotation marks around the song snippet. Since it's an incomplete lyric, end with an ellipsis before the closing quotation mark

2) Yep. Use quotion marks around anything that is a form of communication.

3. Internal dialogue should be in italics.

 

[kissingthepink]

Thank you for your prompt and clear reply!

Let me just make sure I understand (it's me being dense). Regarding question #3. I would not need to seperate the internal dialog out from the main paragraph? I could leave it stand as is and simply italicize. Or, is there no hard and fast rule for that?


Now that I understand this better I've been going over some of my other work on another forum and, lo and behold, I have another question.

4. I have often followed a piece of dialog, not with a regular tag line, (he said/she said), but rather with some kind of action. Here is an example:


“Where’s my pants?” He felt cold. “Hey!Girl! Where are you?” He pulled his covers up around his body. It did nothing to stop his shivering. “You didn’t cut up my boxers did you? I’m gonna be pissed if you did.”


My question is, since the dialog is not preceded or followed by actual tag lines, do I start a new paragraph for the action. Like this:

“Where’s my pants?”

He felt cold.

“Hey!Girl! Where are you?”

He pulled his covers up around his body. It did nothing to stop his shivering.

“You didn’t cut up my boxers did you? I’m gonna be pissed if you did.”


See what I mean?



~ktp

 

[CopyCarver]

Q&A

I wouldn't separate internal dialog unless it's very lengthy--which is generally not the best idea to begin with. Short to medium internal dialog belongs in the same graph.

Using action verbs in place of "saids" doesn't necessitate a new paragraph so long as neither the speaker nor the topic of the dialog changes drastically. Your example, for instance, belongs in a single graph.

If another speaker responds, that needs a new graph.

Same with action-if your protagonist abruptly stops looking for his pants and blasts his TV with a shotgun, then you’d need a new graph.

If line after line begins to fill the screen, find a way to break off the ongoing paragraph and start a new one. Faulkneresque paragraphs really work only for Faulkner--and even he probably couldn't have pulled it off in e-publishing, which needs shorter graphs than print media.

Other than these exceptions, one graph is fine.

 

[jadefirefly]

Also, only the actual internal thoughts need be italicized. Don't italicize the stuff between the inner monologue thoughts. An example:

I hate pigeons, she thought, trudging down the street. Always flapping around, begging for food, and making messes everywhere.

No making fun of my example! NyQuil makes my head do funny things.

 

[kissingthepink]

Thank you both! You've been most helpful.


~ktp

PS.
jadefirefly - I wouldn't make fun of your example. I hate dem doity boids!

 

[jadefirefly]

I hate pigeons... especially the ones here in Phoenix, they can't make up their minds if they're wimps or all in-your-face! Stupid birds...

 

[spyro1123]

Same with action-if your protagonist abruptly stops looking for his pants and blasts his TV with a shotgun, then you’d need a new graph.

If line after line begins to fill the screen, find a way to break off the ongoing paragraph and start a new one. Faulkneresque paragraphs really work only for Faulkner--and even he probably couldn't have pulled it off in e-publishing, which needs shorter graphs than print media.

Other than these exceptions, one graph is fine.

This made me laugh, real honest laughs. Loved the bit about faulkner

 

[THE_TRUE_GOD]

I dont think that slopy writing is the only way to show thoughts. Some writers use "two quotes" if its aloud and 'one quotes' if its a thought. Some use 'one quotes' for alous and sloped if its a thought.

The french use a single - at the start of a line for spoken and the reader has to guess where it stops!

 

[CopyCarver]

Ghoti

I dont think that slopy writing is the only way to show thoughts. Some writers use "two quotes" if its aloud and 'one quotes' if its a thought. Some use 'one quotes' for alous and sloped if its a thought.

The french use a single - at the start of a line for spoken and the reader has to guess where it stops!

True: some writers do. As George Bernard Shaw once pointed out, you COULD spell fish "ghoti." It's just a matter of whether or not the writer wants the reader to understand the story or wants to confuse the issue.

 

[Pvidal]

It's about clarity

I think it's good and helpful to really understand the conventions of things like quote/speech marks, because they can help to keep the communication between you and your reader clear. Use conventions the way most people are used to and your story will make sense to them. Get them wrong and it's like putting unnecessary obstacles in your narrative that just interrupt the flow. However, it's also worth noting that conventions aren't iron Rules, and they can be broken - if you are a good enough writer and you know what you are doing and why.

One of my favorite authors is Cormac McCarthy. He writes rivetting dialog in his gripping stories and you can search through any of his books and you won't find a single quote mark separating speech/dialog from exposition - but you are never in any doubt about which is which. McCarthy only uses 'he said' or 'said x' when he absolutely has to for clarity. He never tells you whats going on inside his character's heads, the whole story is told more like a movie, you have to learn what people think only through what they do and what they say (yes, I know, the French make movies with thought tracks, but most English language filmmakers don't).

Sometimes you can learn more about the conventions of grammar and punctuation and syntax by carefully studying the work of someone like McCarthy who is able to break all the rules and get away with it. The last 50 pages of James Joyce's 'Ulysses' has no punctuation of any kind, and it's a wonderful read - but Joyce was a special case.

 

[cloudy]

Some use 'one quotes' for alous and sloped if its a thought.

That's called "italics," not "sloped."