26·June·2006 · "The Gentlest Music" · Tristesse2

[The Poets]

The Gentlest Music

Buddy lost his heart that night.
Careless love
he and Jaelin played a gig out at Shell beach
Don't go 'way nobody
they got back, tired and a little drunk.
If you don’t shake, don’t get no cake
Although he wasn't hungry
2.19 took my babe away.
Buddy asked for food to keep them up.
Pepper Rag
Robin smiled some sunshine and made him eggs.
Funky Butt
For four hours they sat
joyce 76
watching him push that food around,
Alligator Rag
at five the Brewitts stood together,
If you don’t like my potatoes why do dig so deep?
said goodnight, went in and softly closed the door.
Make ma a pallet on your floor
It was bitter out but Buddy took his cornet
All the whores like he way I ride-
to the open porch and played the gentlest music
Idaho
making gestures only they could see as they lay together.​

 

[WickedEve]

definitely interesting!

I've read through it a couple of times, and I'm just going to come out and ask this: can you tell me more about it?

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Looks like a story
with something inbetween
I can't make any sense out of it

 

[WickedEve]

song titles/lyrics? lyrics in bold? titles in italics?

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I've read through it a couple of times, and I'm just going to come out and ask this: can you tell me more about it?

song titles/lyrics? lyrics in bold? titles in italics?

Sorry, Eve, I just saw this. It's a bit too late to answer at length tonight. Tomorrow. Promise. Not lyrics but the paler script is the titles of tunes popular in Buddy Bolden's day.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I've read through it a couple of times, and I'm just going to come out and ask this: can you tell me more about it?

Buddy is Buddy Bolden, a cornet player and barber in New Orleans in the late 1880 - 1900s. Not much is known about him and only one picture of him exists. It is known he was thought to be an exceptional musician and that he was committed to a mental institution where he died. Michael Ondaatje embroidered into the fabric of his life with his novella "Coming Through Slaughter".

Jaelin is Jaelin Brewitt, a piano player and sometime band member with Bolden. He and Robin, his wife. took Bolden in and – in Ondaatje’s book – they had a ménage a trios.

The song titles are tunes the two of them probably played. I played with the format and decided I liked this one best.

In writing this poem I tried to give a glimpse into both that affair and the sensuality of the times. I started a series years ago based on Storyville and this was a left over from those poems.


I reccommend Coming Through Slaughter. It's quite slim and it pays to take the time to read it in one sitting. I've read it dozens of times, each time I see something new and am moved by his writing.

 

[WickedEve]

Buddy is Buddy Bolden, a cornet player and barber in New Orleans in the late 1880 - 1900s. Not much is known about him and only one picture of him exists. It is known he was thought to be an exceptional musician and that he was committed to a mental institution where he died. Michael Ondaatje embroidered into the fabric of his life with his novella "Coming Through Slaughter".

Jaelin is Jaelin Brewitt, a piano player and sometime band member with Bolden. He and Robin, his wife. took Bolden in and – in Ondaatje’s book – they had a ménage a trios.

The song titles are tunes the two of them probably played. I played with the format and decided I liked this one best.

In writing this poem I tried to give a glimpse into both that affair and the sensuality of the times. I started a series years ago based on Storyville and this was a left over from those poems.


I reccommend Coming Through Slaughter. It's quite slim and it pays to take the time to read it in one sitting. I've read it dozens of times, each time I see something new and am moved by his writing.

I just replied to a PM before seeing this post. I appreciate the info, and it adds to my enjoyment of the poem.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Buddy is Buddy Bolden, a cornet player and barber in New Orleans in the late 1880 - 1900s. Not much is known about him and only one picture of him exists. It is known he was thought to be an exceptional musician and that he was committed to a mental institution where he died. Michael Ondaatje embroidered into the fabric of his life with his novella "Coming Through Slaughter".

Jaelin is Jaelin Brewitt, a piano player and sometime band member with Bolden. He and Robin, his wife. took Bolden in and – in Ondaatje’s book – they had a ménage a trios.

The song titles are tunes the two of them probably played. I played with the format and decided I liked this one best.

In writing this poem I tried to give a glimpse into both that affair and the sensuality of the times. I started a series years ago based on Storyville and this was a left over from those poems.


I reccommend Coming Through Slaughter. It's quite slim and it pays to take the time to read it in one sitting. I've read it dozens of times, each time I see something new and am moved by his writing.

Give us more of a clue, otherwise it is self contained.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

If only I got 20 emails a day offering a cure for that as I do for the biological equivalent.

Coming Through Slaughter is one of my favourite books, btw, Tristesse. I look forward to reading and responding to this poem once it is up.

*laughing @ first comment.) I adore that book, can you tell? Thanks so much for reading this poem. I look forward to your suggestions.

Give us more of a clue, otherwise it is self contained.

More of a clue? PM on it's way.

 

[TheRainMan]

More of a clue?

i think by self-contained he means it is too esoteric for an audience, so much so that it is written for an audience of one . . . the writer, who is the only reader who can get the full effect ( the intended effect ).

that is also how it reads to me. i think the reader needs a clue at least, best in the title of the poem or in some parenthetical, as to its referrent, when it could be researched a bit before the reading begins (since it's a bad idea to give the reader a reason to stop in the middle of the poem to research),

a clue such as: the musicians' names, or the novelist's, or the novel's actual title.

 

[Tzara]

This is an interesting experiment, Tess, but I don't think it works. Or, to be more accurate, it doesn't work for me.

I find the interleaved lines to be distracting. I would have guessed that they were song titles, but I don't recognize any of the songs and wouldn't associate them with Buddy Bolden (at least in part because I had never heard of him before). Also the song titles seem to fight the poem's title and general mood. Granted, I don't know the songs, but something titled "Funky Butt" hardly seems likely to be the gentlest music. Nor do they seem to comment on the poem—they just seem arbitrarily chosen.

The poem (i.e., without the song titles) seems to stand fine on its own. I don't need to know who these people are beyond what is given in the poem itself.

As I said, though, an interesting experiment.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

TRM and Tzara, thank you both. Since posting it up there I've realised it's unfinished.

I do wonder, though, at the need to "clue" the reader in. Shouldn't a good poem please the reader even if the subject is obscure? Many of the subjects of my poems both here and elsewhere must be a mystery to the reader but they still get favourable comments.

What say you all - remove it - work on it - perhaps return later?

 

[TheRainMan]

TRM and Tzara, thank you both. Since posting it up there I've realised it's unfinished.

I do wonder, though, at the need to "clue" the reader in. Shouldn't a good poem please the reader even if the subject is obscure? Many of the subjects of my poems both here and elsewhere must be a mystery to the reader but they still get favourable comments.

What say you all - remove it - work on it - perhaps return later?

tess - i was basing my suggestion that you "clue" the reader in on your remark to Eve, when you said:

Buddy is Buddy Bolden.....

Michael Ondaatje embroidered into the fabric of his life with his novella "Coming Through Slaughter".

Jaelin is Jaelin Brewitt, a piano player and sometime band member with Bolden...

....In writing this poem I tried to give a glimpse into both that affair and the sensuality of the times.

from that, i assumed you wanted the reader to know who they were.

of course, you don't have to clue a reader in.

but if your intended effect is to "give a glimpse into their affair and the sensuality of the times," you have to clue them in somehow, for that to happen.




P.S. - i think you should work on it, but abandon the format you were using.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

tess - i was basing my suggestion that you "clue" the reader in on your remark to Eve, when you said:



from that, i assumed you wanted the reader to know who they were.

of course, you don't have to clue a reader in.

but if your intended effect is to "give a glimpse into their affair and the sensuality of the times," you have to clue them in somehow, for that to happen.




P.S. - i think you should work on it, but abandon the format you were using.

I agree, I will withdraw to the drawing board for further tinkering. Thank you.

 

[Cockyfox]

I happen to like this poem.

I know nothing of Buddy, but i don't think you have to know about him or his music to enjoy this poem. There is still a scene and an impression that comes across without the background info. Especially with the last line, it made me visualize my own meaning.


Example:
a mouth like curdled milk

What could that mean? Does it mean seperated or rotten/foul? I don't need to know exactly what the author meant or the original context.

 

[flyguy69]

I wouldn't be so quick to discard the format, T2. Tzara's and TRM's thoughtful opinions withstanding, I like it. I like the notion of twin routes to a common conclusion: a technique successful and popular in prose and film. There is no reason it can't work here.

To be successful, however, both routes have to lead somewhere, and right now the second one is simply a list. Make that one another trail, one that parallels or follows the first, and I think this could be very interesting.

Something that immediately strikes me is your use of dimmed font. That got me thinking of shadows, and made me want the second trail to thematically shadow the first. Rather than use song titles, song lyrics evocative of the sensuality of the time (especially of they were from a single song of Bolden's era) might work. Or, since the story of the poem involves more than one character, you might tell it from another character's perspective.

Since Ondaatje's account is sheer speculation, you might consider alternating between known facts (though I'm led to believe they are precious few) and the embellishment. Or even propose your own alternative tale.

There are a lot of options, but I agree with the others that you are onto something interesting here. Take it out onto your porch some night and press it to your lips. I expect beautiful music.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Thanks to you all - RainMan, Tzara, MNS, and fly - for all your comments. I'll step back and let someone else take this particuler pool of light. May I return with the revisions?

 

[cherries_on_snow]

Excellent suggestions, Fly and Rainman. I'd maybe think of putting something in the title, though the poem clued me in with names and with the 2:19 at the beginning of a song title. Could the song titles be linked very specifically to what is happening in the action lines?

I wouldn't be so quick to discard the format, T2. Tzara's and TRM's thoughtful opinions withstanding, I like it. I like the notion of twin routes to a common conclusion: a technique successful and popular in prose and film. There is no reason it can't work here.

To be successful, however, both routes have to lead somewhere, and right now the second one is simply a list. Make that one another trail, one that parallels or follows the first, and I think this could be very interesting.

Something that immediately strikes me is your use of dimmed font. That got me thinking of shadows, and made me want the second trail to thematically shadow the first. Rather than use song titles, song lyrics evocative of the sensuality of the time (especially of they were from a single song of Bolden's era) might work. Or, since the story of the poem involves more than one character, you might tell it from another character's perspective.

Since Ondaatje's account is sheer speculation, you might consider alternating between known facts (though I'm led to believe they are precious few) and the embellishment. Or even propose your own alternative tale.

There are a lot of options, but I agree with the others that you are onto something interesting here. Take it out onto your porch some night and press it to your lips. I expect beautiful music.