24/7 psychology

[pandoravampire]

Hello all,
im looking for D/s information that pertains to power exchange of a 24/7 D/s relationship. How this affects relationships, both positives and negatives. Prior to discovering the power exchange element, id never been able to sub before. I work in psychiatry and find the workings of it all, truly fascinating and wish to learn more.
Perhaps something on progression, as this was to be a play partner originally lol till i fell hook line and sinker for the guy.

I find living with Him a very fullfilling relationship, perhaps the healthiest one ive ever had, but where will it all lead? what can i do that will help, what are the pitfalls. This is my first time subbing in a powerexchange relationship, it simply blows my mind at times. Without a D/s element and im the sort of female that takes over completely, 'castrating' her male until im moaning at how ineffectual they are. Insight is a wonderful thing to learn from, but rarely comes on time rather as a hindsight.

I am not wanting to become a slave, i wish to stop at being a sub. But feel caught between wanting to please, yet wanting my identity too. I apologise to any slave that may feel insulted by that remark, it is just a level of autonomy that i wish to retain for my personal wellbeing and mental health. For others, slavery may be just the ticket, for me it would not.

We are in love with each other, monogamous and very happy.
any suggestions for reading that are not just kinsters porn sites, but rather some well written and thought provoking articles would be grate. And any others that also are living in a D/s relationship, what did you find difficult and how to overcome these difficulties would be gratfully accepted.

I would like to purchase a book. Forget the roses and send me the thorns, was one ive read, but it was all a bit 'beginners guide', and didnt seem to cover much in depth. The practical guide to how to play with each other is also not what i seek.
I should like a 'How to really maximise a 24/7 D/s relationship' sort of thing. Can anyone recommend one?

regards
pandoravampire

 

[TaintedB]

No one's really written such a book that I know of, or if they have it's likely to be as useful as those awful articles in women's magazines that tell you "What Men Like." Every bdsm relationship is different because the personalities, backgrounds, experiences, and attitudes and the way these interact are different. Issues are different. Rules are different, level of power take and ceeded are different. For example, in the many years I was in such a relationship, I never had worries about losing my identity. I have theories about that, one being that I entered the relationship after my adult identity was well- and long-established, but it could have just been because I always had a strong sense of myself. Who knows? My difficulties lay in other areas, such as really hating it when I could not meet my personal ideals of obedience.

Rather than reading stuff written by one person that may or may not apply to you, what does seem to be helpful, is to ask a specific question in a place like this (there are probably thousands of bdsm forums online--if you don't like the style of this one, it's easy enough to find another), read the wide variety of opinions and responses you will get to it, and then apply that which seems most relevant to your situation. There are a few common things that a lot of these relationships go through, but nothing that every last one of them go through, so it is hard to generalize about them and remain within the realm of truth.

 

[Ms_Toy]

Something to think about

Here is a site that might help you. It helped me to understand more about myself and my PYL.

Good luck to you in your journey.

http://www.submissiveloving.com/healthysub.html

 

[serijules]

I am not wanting to become a slave, i wish to stop at being a sub. But feel caught between wanting to please, yet wanting my identity too. I apologise to any slave that may feel insulted by that remark, it is just a level of autonomy that i wish to retain for my personal wellbeing and mental health. For others, slavery may be just the ticket, for me it would not.

One of these days that statement may become those hindsight moments. Just a thought.

And no, I'm not insulted.

 

[cellis]

Here is a site that might help you. It helped me to understand more about myself and my PYL.

Good luck to you in your journey.

http://www.submissiveloving.com/healthysub.html

That is a great site.

 

[pandoravampire]

Thankyou for the suggestions, the website looks promising, i have saved it to look at later.
The point on how i could read a whole heap of info that does not relate to how 'we' like to do things is im sure pertinant. But to read something at least would help. Most of my research reading was done way before i ever became a sub. I had a notion that i should revisit some things, with this perspective head on. So the sight will be useful.
pandoravampire

 

[Rubyb]

I found these two links to be very helpful and hope you do, too.

http://www.cuffs.com/whippingposts.htm
contains lots of articles written by masters & submissives

http://www.cuffs.com/davealexus.htm
this link is articles from a 24/7 couple who are both professionals.

To a successful relationship between you and your partner!

 

[pandoravampire]

Ruby thankyou for those sites.
I found both to be a real breath of fresh air.
Im so tired of trying to find decent D/s literature, that is reality based, rather than the fantasy.
There seemed to be a lack of sites that were for submissives that are not shall we say, submissive in nature. Both of the sites mentioned had many articles from real people, living real D/s lives.
A real D/s life for me, includes days when im reigning bitch supremo, when the kids piss me off, when ive been living in my new house for 6 months with a new leather sofa thats not been christened coz the kids wont all be out at the same time!
For leisure pleasure reading, i can read fantasy, i dont wish to visit a website that seems so far removed from the world i live in, you end up asking yourself if your really submissive. Coz it doesnt happen that way for you?
Im surely not the only one that falls over during sex, who gets cramp in positions, who can brake the rule of no scat unitentionally?, who's automatic response to a 'untimely' call on her submission is 'bugger off'. IM a real person, living a real life, not a fantasy.
thankyou thankyou thankyou
pandora

 

[curiousjen]

I am very curious how you break the rule of no scat unintentionally? There's a story and a half there, i bet.

 

[pandoravampire]

Jen, sometimes, curiosity really does kill the cat you know.
simply: i shit myself, the bed, his cock, his legs, the carpet, it was rather spectacular.
the moral of the story, after a enema, wait longer than half an hour before you play!

 

[curiousjen]

ewwwwwwwwwwww!

*chuckles*

I think owen would die if that happened to us! He's very squeamish about things like that (as are most people who haven't worked in an old peoples home/ nursing etc and even then some still are) Did you both laugh it off or were you mortified?

 

[roosterado9]

newbie/Dom wanna be with?

Ok Can I please have feedback I met a woman -35- online yesterday. I am 49 we are both in Rural Mn 100 miles aprt, After 5 hours of chat we cammed[inocent] she is Very Sub. In fact she has a Pussy Pet she says[ a gay male who will service her orally to please her-when she does not have a Dom]She participates in Erotic hyphnosis I have alway wanted to try a Dom /Sub relationship She says we could meet for a walk today. She seems sincer she smokes pot I do not- and says its posible I my earn her loyalty -by basicly being a good man/dom. I have no experiecne what am I headed for ? just meeting a new friend ? Help I am single very single Ok lookin good job -constrution]