23 July 2001: My Darling Gail Ch. 1 By Salteena

[Weird Harold]

This week's story is a random pick from the top 500 stories in the incest category.

My Darling Gail Ch. 1
by Salteena

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=532
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=533
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=3658

The random number picked Chapter One so discussion should center there, however, all three chapters are linked to provide a cwhole story context.

As always, please wait until 0800 GMT Monday before beginning the discussion to allow the author time to respond to notification.

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

Well written, but...

This author has 25 stories on lit, so he probably doesn't need advice from me. This one was submitted in September 2000 and hence has been up for quite some time. Unfortunately the author page doesn't show the dates of the stories, so it's very difficult to know whether these are late or early works.

The positive aspects for me: There are no spelling or punctuation problems I saw, which I think is a positive for anyone. The device of using Gail's thoughts interleaved with the narration is effective.

Some things that bothered me:

1) There were several minor grammar errors. e.g., You haven’t taken up with anyone else for fear of upsetting Maxine and I.

2) He couldn't resist the old 8" penis. Everytime I see this I cringe.

3) I would have liked to know more about the setting. If one doesn't read the author profile or know what "All Blacks" are, you wouldn't know that this is set in New Zealand. What kind of farm is it?

4) Daddy uses only the words penis and vagina for sex organs. This can be a bit boring after a while and sounds clinical. Gail refers to her pussy, so perhaps Daddy might as well.

5) It is totally unbelievable that Gail has never had an orgasm before or even put a finger or a tampon in herself. She never went to a gynecologist? She never masturbated? And then she has 6 orgasms during her first intercourse? Male fantasy!

I also read the other two chapters. Ch. 2 lacks the tension of Ch. 1 because we know all of the facts, and it's just more sex between the same two people.

Ch. 3 is more male fantasy. First, I found it incredible that Gail and Daddy would want to tell Maxine about their affair after such a short time. Second, Maxine starts out by calling them PERVERTS and then shortly afterwards joins in. Third, Gail rejects a lesbian advance in Ch. 2 but then is happy to have a relationship with her sister. I think all this could have been made more believable with a different approach.

 

[JUDO]

Covered...

Salt -

Sonia pretty much covered it. I found the dialog to be rather unbelievable like the situation. Pretty much a "Roger Cormen-esqe" fantasy, although updated for down-under.

The telling wasn't bad. Perhaps Salteena creates more believability with other stories or subjects.

- Judo

 

[Salteena]

Enjoyed reading the cogent critique from Sonia...the MDG series was only my second posting to the Lit site.

Yep, a bit more scene setting would have improved things. Aren't the All Blacks world famous? Having spent a couple of hundred million $$$ buying and promoting the brand the Adidas marketing dept would be choking on thier vodka martinis to read that comment.

Sorry Sonia, not 'male fantasy' - reader fantasy...male and female. Yeah, six orgasms first time out is over the top when we all know that one is a small miracle. Size at certain levels of erotic writing is also important (question: why do women always buy 12 inch dildos to masturbate with if there isn't a fantasy element about them?). And isn't fantasy what the Lit site is all about? So, 8 inches is 'valid' (along with 36C cups, thong bikinis, neatly trimmed pubic hair and guys that all have bodies like Arnold S. - all the things that send me into shut-down mode when I encounter them and I have to force myself to read on to see if there is any redeeming merit later in the story). If size is mentioned in any of my subsequent stories it is there to poke fun than produce an 'ooooh' reaction, so that makes me feel good.

The father's genital dialogue is entirely consistent with his character...age, upbringing, occupation. Also farmers tend to think of their animals' reproductive organs by their 'proper' names. Maybe I didn't express it all that well, but Gail has actively kept herself 'pure' for her own reasons. And yes, it is feasible that a young woman has never 'put her finger in' or used a tampon, or even been to a gynaecologist. And as far as I know it is possible for anyone to masturbate without taking it all the way to orgasm. Frustrating to be sure and I can't imagine why anyone would do it but...

Last of all I didn't want to write MDG3. But I got so many requests for 'what happens when Maxine comes home?' I wrote it. Feasible it ain't...fantasy it is. I still get the occasional request for more along the lines of pregnancy and discovery, but as far as I'm concerned the series is finished.

But honestly, the comments have been useful.