22 Ways To Be A Good Democrat

[DevilishTexan]

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites,and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."


Ready to vote???

 

[CicatrixESP]

So, are you a good democrat. Or a bad one?

 

[DevilishTexan]

So, are you a good democrat. Or a bad one?

I hunt Democrats.




Ok, so I only hunt the real wacko ones. Like Hillary.

 

[MechaBlade]

1 way to be a good Republican

1. You have to believe whatever Fox News tells you.

 

[DevilishTexan]

1. You have to believe whatever Fox News tells you.

If you believe anything mainstream media tells you you're a fucking idiot.

 

[MechaBlade]

If you believe anything mainstream media tells you you're a fucking idiot.

Then what's with the list?

 

[DevilishTexan]

Then what's with the list?

It didn't come from Fox Sparky.


It's kinda the truth whether you want to face facts or not.

 

[Arafura]

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

I'd rather a sexy liar than a dumbass fuck-up...whose fuck-ups happen to cost thousands of lives, rather than a few navy dress dry-cleaning bills.

 

[EndCredits]

It's kinda the truth whether you want to face facts or not.

Because nothing is more true than a list of generalities.

 

[DevilishTexan]

I'd rather a sexy liar than a dumbass fuck-up...whose fuck-ups happen to cost thousands of lives, rather than a few navy dress dry-cleaning bills.

Oh sure, his not taking any responsibility whatsoever didn't eventually cost any lives did it. Go toss your tv into the dumpster.

 

[DevilishTexan]

Because nothing is more true than a list of generalities.

Yeah, keep thinking that. Go take another hit of acid braugh.

 

[EndCredits]

Yeah, keep thinking that. Go take another hit of acid braugh.

Tell me about all the pride parades involving bestiality. Don't worry about me, I'll wait. *grabs crossword puzzle*

 

[breakwall]

Because nothing compounds useless and retarded rhetoric like MORE useless and retarded rhetoric...

Here's 25 Ways to be a Good Republican.

And no, I haven't read them because they're probably just as stupid as that shit up there.


1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are
millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and
needs our prayers for your recovery.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our
highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives
but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong
gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that
Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it
to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is
to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can
only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because
we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's
and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism
personified.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk
science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in
Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers
named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and
censoring the internet.

21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the
adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private
matter.

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages
from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what
locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital
national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and
irrelevant.

25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is
communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.

 

[MechaBlade]

It didn't come from Fox Sparky.


It's kinda the truth whether you want to face facts or not.

It's not nearly kinda the truth. I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who believes in almost any of these, Dem or not.

 

[DevilishTexan]

It's not nearly kinda the truth. I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who believes in almost any of these, Dem or not.

Well obviously the Democrat politicians would have you believe it. And you still vote Democrat so who are you trying to fool?

 

[MechaBlade]

Well obviously the Democrat politicians would have you believe it. And you still vote Democrat so who are you trying to fool?

Politicians say a lot of things. But for most of these, none of them believe the statements or even imply that they do.

I vote for the best candidate.

 

[DevilishTexan]

Because nothing compounds useless and retarded rhetoric like MORE useless and retarded rhetoric...

Here's 25 Ways to be a Good Republican.

And no, I haven't read them because they're probably just as stupid as that shit up there.


1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are
millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and
needs our prayers for your recovery.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our
highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives
but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong
gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that
Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it
to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is
to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can
only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because
we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's
and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism
personified.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk
science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in
Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers
named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and
censoring the internet.

21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the
adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private
matter.

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages
from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what
locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital
national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and
irrelevant.

25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is
communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.

Great points and I'd agree with almost all of them. Which is why I despise both parties equally. Same agenda, different tactics.

 

[Wyldfire]

Sorry to go off topic here but I DO think the U.S. needs to leave the U.N.. We pay 22% of the U.N.'s tab just to host our enemies? Who the hell in their right mind would do that? The U.S, that's who. We ought to throw their asses out of the country, charge them back rent for the use of our land as well as reparations for all of the dirty work the U.S. did for them over the years.

 

[DevilishTexan]

Politicians say a lot of things. But for most of these, none of them believe the statements or even imply that they do.

I vote for the best candidate.

As well you should but you mean best Democrat candidate don't you?

 

[MechaBlade]

Because nothing compounds useless and retarded rhetoric like MORE useless and retarded rhetoric...

Here's 25 Ways to be a Good Republican.

And no, I haven't read them because they're probably just as stupid as that shit up there.


1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are
millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and
needs our prayers for your recovery.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our
highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives
but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong
gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that
Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it
to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is
to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can
only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because
we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's
and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism
personified.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk
science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in
Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers
named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and
censoring the internet.

21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the
adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private
matter.

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages
from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what
locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital
national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and
irrelevant.

25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is
communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.

Some of these made me laugh, and then I realized it was the exact same list that DT posted, so I feel bad for getting so upset.

 

[Wok]

There was a report somewhere regarding the religious right dumping the GOP and looking at supporting a third party. Who it was exactly I do not remember ...

 

[DevilishTexan]

Sorry to go off topic here but I DO think the U.S. needs to leave the U.N.. We pay 22% of the U.N.'s tab just to host our enemies? Who the hell in their right mind would do that? The U.S, that's who. We ought to throw their asses out of the country, charge them back rent for the use of our land as well as reparations for all of the dirty work the U.S. did for them over the years.

Thank you. The UN is a bloated, bureaucratic sac that needs to be punctured soon as possible.

 

[MechaBlade]

As well you should but you mean best Democrat candidate don't you?

No. That last election (State), I voted for a couple of Green party people.

I'd vote for a Republican president if he agreed with me on the core issues.

 

[Arafura]

Oh sure, his not taking any responsibility whatsoever didn't eventually cost any lives did it. Go toss your tv into the dumpster.

I've never owned one.

Care to list those deaths and we'll do a side-by-side comparison? Bet mine's longer than yours...

 

[impetuous]

Great points and I'd agree with almost all of them. Which is why I despise both parties equally. Same agenda, different tactics.

If you despise both parties equally, why did your list focus only on Democrats?