Bramblethorn
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2018 Bad Sex Awards
- Thread starter Bramblethorn
- Start date
Do you ever write about bad sex in your stories where things don't go right for comedy purposes?
For example in one of my stories a trashy and bad-tempered trailer park girl jumps into bed with two loser metalheads and they have a threesome which involves double penetration. Unfortunately, the stupider of the two guys with whom she is doing anal gets so over-excited the condom breaks and he ejaculates into her rectum. This infuriates her, and things only get worse when she gets a sudden attack of diarrhea ...
For example in one of my stories a trashy and bad-tempered trailer park girl jumps into bed with two loser metalheads and they have a threesome which involves double penetration. Unfortunately, the stupider of the two guys with whom she is doing anal gets so over-excited the condom breaks and he ejaculates into her rectum. This infuriates her, and things only get worse when she gets a sudden attack of diarrhea ...
SimonDoom
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Great stuff, especially the one you quoted.
someoneyouknow
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James Frey has apparently never heard of any punctuation other than a period. I'm assuming the singular comma was an error in transcription.
ChloeTzang
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Oh yeah. My “Strawberry Loses Face”. Sex and romance gone terribly terribly wrong. So wrong. So losing face. Drinking so much expensive Swiss wine. So unpleasantness. So explosive diarrhea of elephant. Okay that’s a chinese expression.
C
CoffeeWithMonkeys
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I don't think they're all really that horrible. This one for example, I can see where they were going with this. This awkwardness they're trying to convey to the reader.
'He’s almost weightless. When he enters me it hurts and my pain belongs to the subterranean world, primitive as the clay. His body is slacker than I expected, a small paunch begins at his waist and settles in a downward parabola to his groin. His pubic hair is red.
His erect penis is a surprise although I had imagined what they would feel like, read about them, seen them represented on toilet walls and magazines. I didn’t see it before he entered me, but afterwards it is small and sticky and amusing. I want to touch it but I don’t dare. I don’t know the etiquette. He is twenty or more years older than me. This is sex.'
The one Bramble posted though, yeah that's the winner...Or Katerina for the reasons someone posted above.
This from Paper Lovers was an interesting image to try to picture.
'In his mind he pictured her neck, her long neck, her swan’s neck, her Alice in Wonderland neck coiling like a serpent, like a serpent, coiling down on him.'
'He’s almost weightless. When he enters me it hurts and my pain belongs to the subterranean world, primitive as the clay. His body is slacker than I expected, a small paunch begins at his waist and settles in a downward parabola to his groin. His pubic hair is red.
His erect penis is a surprise although I had imagined what they would feel like, read about them, seen them represented on toilet walls and magazines. I didn’t see it before he entered me, but afterwards it is small and sticky and amusing. I want to touch it but I don’t dare. I don’t know the etiquette. He is twenty or more years older than me. This is sex.'
The one Bramble posted though, yeah that's the winner...Or Katerina for the reasons someone posted above.
This from Paper Lovers was an interesting image to try to picture.
'In his mind he pictured her neck, her long neck, her swan’s neck, her Alice in Wonderland neck coiling like a serpent, like a serpent, coiling down on him.'
delicious_man
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Goodness! Some of these are atrocious.
'Katerina' by James Frey is the absolute winner for me. It's truly awful. Not only are the descriptions crude but the prose is like that something written by an eight year old child.
However, special mention must go to this line from 'Kismet' by Luke Tredget: "...and then takes it in her mouth, with the vague idea of cleaning it."
Ugh.
'Katerina' by James Frey is the absolute winner for me. It's truly awful. Not only are the descriptions crude but the prose is like that something written by an eight year old child.
However, special mention must go to this line from 'Kismet' by Luke Tredget: "...and then takes it in her mouth, with the vague idea of cleaning it."
Ugh.
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delicious_man
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I agree. There is an awkward unpleasantness about this one but I think it's consciously done. It's describing 'bad' sex rather than being a bad description of sex.
Bramblethorn
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Sometimes. I have one where Our Heroine's love interest accidentally headbutts her in the nose during sex. And one where the protag gets brutally dismembered but in a comic sort of way.
Yeah, that one I'd classify as "writing about bad sex" rather than "bad writing about sex". Some of the other entries though...
Yeah, I agree.
The bloke sucking on a nipple while thinking about having breastfed as an infant strikes me as a little odd. Do men regularly think about this while sucking on titties?
NotWise
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Maybe Sigmund Freud did. I don't think it's common.
I liked the last one, where the guy was having sex with his sleeping lover. It was odd and over-the-top, but not bad writing.
