20 Years In The Making - Help Wanted

[LadyHarriet]

Dear All,

I've been working on an erotic vampire novel for over 20 years. I've used several editors here and on Fiverr to get me this far. What's needed is the occasional editor as a sounding board to comment on specific chapters. Each submitted chapter will have a list of questions I'd like your opinion on. It could be pacing, overuse of adjectives, tone, length etc. No chapter will be in excess of 3000 words, many will be less.

Anyone interested in helping me get this opus across the line?

Lady Harriet

 

[AlinaX]

Depends. Are we talking lesbian vampires, or studly male vampires? Is there actual drinking of blood from the veins, or just mysteriously sourced hospital blood?

 

[LadyHarriet]

AlinaX, thanks for replying with very good questions. I am pitching it as literary erotic horror fiction, with a plot, storyline and hopefully strong interesting characters.

There are gay, heterosexual, and lesbian vampires in my novel, but no necrophilia or bestiality.

Vampires live in the world of humans, shying away from light and pale skin and fangs are myths made for books. Their teeth only descend when aroused. The older vampires prefer taking blood from other vampires. Turning humans into vampires is a crime and frowned upon, but like there are bad humans, there are bad vampires. The more recent vampires take 'bloodies', a blood substitute created by vampire scientists.

When Vlad Tepes was alive (15th century), the Catholic Church told a group of Vampire Elders that they had to kill Tepes, his family and Gregor his warlord because of the carnage they were causing in Europe. They did so.

In 2024, a group of vampires are trying to find Tepes's and Gregor's body to reincarnate them. An ancient human secret society of vampire killers is out to stop them.

In the middle of this is Monique Dubois, a vampire countess. We follow her throughout the story. Here's the prologue.


Prologue - Bucharest, December 1476

Steaming breath rose inside the icy crypt as two lines of cloaked men sat opposite each other trading accusations, threats, and insults. Above them sat a hooded figure, hunched on a stone sarcophagus, listening. Only his long, ring-encrusted fingers were visible beneath his purple raiment.

“Enough!” Thundered his voice inside the mausoleum with a volume and authority that belied his small, crooked body. He stood and stretched out a bony finger and jabbed it at the Count and his squabbling cabal. “Agree to what we ask, or we will annihilate you and your wretched race! You will all die here today.”

The Count glared back, his fists white, his face pale and sweaty.

The hooded figure lowered his hand. He scratched his angular chin and cleared his throat. “We have tolerated your kind for hundreds of years, but the Church will not allow the carnage Vlad Dracul has wrought on Wallachia to continue. You and your cohorts must agree — today — to destroy him and all his offspring.”

The hooded figure’s hawkish eyes moved from face to face as the Count and his men seethed. Wearily, the Count unfurled his cloak and looked at his colleagues, exhausted by hours of fruitless recriminations. Drawing an ornate, dragon-shaped stiletto from his belt, the Count sliced the palm of his hand and slammed it onto the sarcophagus. “I give you our blood and my word as the leader of the Ancients. We will do as you ask.”

“Good,” rasped the hooded figure. “It is settled.” Like a murder of angry crows dissatisfied with their meagre carrion, the Count’s men lingered. The Count cursed, pulled his cloak tight about his neck, and bowed.

The hooded figure rose slowly to his feet. A sardonic smile lit up his face as he returned the bow before shuffling stiffly from the crypt, flanked by his Cardinals.

 

[AlinaX]

Any relation to That Scoundrel Émile Dubois?

n/m

Could be interesting. I like my vampires mixed with history. Do you use Google Docs?

 

[AlinaX]

Wasn't Tepeş pretty focussed on slaughtering the Ottomans? Why would the Catholic Church desire to stop that?

 

[LadyHarriet]

Wasn't Tepeş pretty focussed on slaughtering the Ottomans? Why would the Catholic Church desire to stop that?

Yes, but the fear after so many Ottoman deaths, was that he would move onto killing his own people including catholics.

Any relation to That Scoundrel Émile Dubois?

n/m

Could be interesting. I like my vampires mixed with history. Do you use Google Docs?

Yes, I have used Google docs. I use Scrivener for writing and create files for review etc

 

[VerbalAbuse]

Tepeş's own people were not catholics, but orthodox. It's difficult to imagine how Tepeş could have come in conflict with the vatican, though he had a complex relation with the hungarian king, who was catholic. Tepeş had been imprisoned by the latter for a number of years, then released and helped to reclaim his domain. If anything, Tepeş would have looked for (financial) support from the vatican in his struggle against the turks.

I do understand that this is a work of fiction, and does not need to be historically accurate.

 

[LadyHarriet]

Thanks. My view for the book is that Tepes had a certain usefulness for the Church, but his spat with the Hungarians was getting out of control and the Church stepped in. The fear that the mad man would slaughter people closer to home was enough for the Church to intervene.

As you say, it is a work of fiction.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

what's the total length of your novel?

 

[LadyHarriet]

110,000 words. 40 chapters

 

[StillStunned]

Tepeş's own people were not catholics, but orthodox. It's difficult to imagine how Tepeş could have come in conflict with the vatican, though he had a complex relation with the hungarian king, who was catholic. Tepeş had been imprisoned by the latter for a number of years, then released and helped to reclaim his domain. If anything, Tepeş would have looked for (financial) support from the vatican in his struggle against the turks.

I do understand that this is a work of fiction, and does not need to be historically accurate.

I know nothing of this slice of history, but I know enough of European history in general to know that loyalty to any particular religion or temporal ruler was rarely enough to stop people from forging alliances with anyone who offered them power, freedom, cash or territory.

 

[AlinaX]

I think Vlad had a personal grudge against the Ottomans. ("Let me show y'all what a pole up the arse feels like...") The Bathory family makes for far more interesting reading.

 

[LadyHarriet]

Ah yes Elisabeth Bathory, serial killer. She plays a part in my book.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

What about viktor orban, the well known vampire of the early XXI century?

 

[AlinaX]

Ah yes Elisabeth Bathory, serial killer. She plays a part in my book.

She's just one of them. The Bathori were Transylvanian warlords, and one became King of Poland in 1575.

I do have a fondness, so to speak, for Elizabeth, not least because of Delphine Seyrig's portrayal of her in Daughters of Darkness.